shape
carat
color
clarity

I'm a widow

gemgirl

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 8, 2003
Messages
5,565
My brain hurt reading that. HUGS

My brain hurts from *everything* you've had to do in the last week or two, and the ongoing saga of "how the world turns" in your in-laws universe is just sickening. They collectively need a good kick in the posterior maximus! Sincerely sweetie, just deal with them when you absolutely have to to, for as long as you have to and then forget you ever knew them.
 

yennyfire

Ideal_Rock
Trade
Joined
Jun 6, 2010
Messages
6,872
My brain hurt reading that. HUGS
This. PB, I'm wiped out reading about your daily interactions with the asshats. I can't even imagine having to live through it and maintain my composure as you've done. I'm so glad that you have an internment date for Michael's ashes. At least there will be some closure on that end and hopefully, you won't ever have to deal with his family again. I hope that your good news is on the job front? Did I miss that? And as far as the insurance/DMV/police precinct go, GOOD GRIEF people, get your acts together!!! I want to yell and scream on your behalf! I hope that you have a peaceful weekend of snuggling with your kitties planned, snacking on chocolate croissants and a good movie or book. Sending tons of hugs and calming vibes your way!
 

PintoBean

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 27, 2011
Messages
6,589
I got a text from Mike's aunt saying that she's coming to NY for the week. It's not random. I remembered that the interment is next Friday.

I just checked with my dad if the in laws called to notify them that the interment is on Friday. Nope. I can't... my stomach is in knots. When they talk about family they only mean theirs.

How about when my parents fronted us money for things, or took Mike in for 3 weeks to try to help him dry up? Or when they'd bring over food for him just bc they were thinking of him over the years?

So much ****ing bullshit.

I told my dad he should go (it's a soft suggestion he does what he wants), and he sounded receptive to going anyways. I told him I'm not going. He asked why. I answered bc I don't know if I can stop myself from arguing with the out-laws (especially in an emotional situation).
 

luv2sparkle

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 3, 2008
Messages
7,950
Oh Pinto, all I can say is that I am so sorry for all the things these people have done to make a very hard time in your life even harder. Hugs.
 

marcy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 27, 2007
Messages
26,275
PB, what a circus and run around you are getting trying to finally finish up everything on the car. Good luck with that.

That's good the outlaws have an interment set up; hopefully you won't have to see them anymore.

I've been thinking about you. Take care. I am sending tons of hugs your way
Marcy
 

ringo865

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 14, 2014
Messages
2,897
And closely read whatever they want you to sign. I can see them hoping your grief will blind you into giving up some right or property or something. Grr.

(((((Bean hugs))))))
 

Puppmom

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 25, 2007
Messages
3,160
Pintobean, I'm so sorry. I'm sure your benefit of the doubt has long run out. I'm sorry this has turned into such a sh!t show. Losing your spouse is plenty difficult without all this added nonsense.
 

lovedogs

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 31, 2014
Messages
18,023
I'm so sorry Pinto. These people are the worst.
 

Karl_K

Super_Ideal_Rock
Trade
Joined
Aug 4, 2008
Messages
14,632
so sorry that they are still causing you so much heartache.
thoughts and prayers outgoing
 

valeria101

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 29, 2003
Messages
15,809
I told him I'm not going.

That'd be a Gesture !

I couldn't imagine the ex-laws might try to get in touch again (perhaps just once, for moral heroics ?) - which, I would count as no small achievment.

Just a thought ...
 

december-fire

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Sep 3, 2013
Messages
2,385
Geez, forget about grieving or finding your footing with all this craziness going on. :nono: :(sad

Just sent you an invisability cloak with blinged-up lining (because a blingy outer fabric would defeat the purpose).
Have fun wearing it and whispering whatever you want near certain people.
They'll hear you but won't see you.
Could be fun.

All the insanity with which you're dealing pales in comparison to the overwhelming PS love, gentle hugs, comforting thoughts and prayers sent your way each and every day.

You have a wonderful future awaiting you when you get through this muck.
Have no doubt, you will get through this.
 

MissGotRocks

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 23, 2005
Messages
16,269
I would go. I would want to be there because it was my husband. There is no need to have conversation with them if you don't want to. A simple 'I'm not up for conversation today' if someone tries to talk to you would suffice. When it is done, go get in your car and leave. I would not be doing it for them but rather for him - and yourself. Some times we have to do hard things because it is for our own greater good.
 

PintoBean

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 27, 2011
Messages
6,589
My dad told me I should go Bc he's my husband. But I pretty much said good bye when I touched his cold hand, eyed his strangely dyed orange beard and hair, shrugged and said to myself "that's not him."

If one of you wants to go with me I'll consider it. I don't want to be touched, hugged, kissed by those phony ****ers. I'm tired of doing this all by myself and getting ****ed up the goat ass when I delegate. Do I want to see the priest bless the niche? No. Do I hope to trip and fall into a freshly dug hole? Yes. I have a migraine and I want my period to start so I feel better and it's pretty bullshit that this has been such a ridiculously stupidly drama ridden ride.

I just don't feel great. I have the interment then our 5 year anniversary then a HS reunion that I don't feel confident attending (unless someone can get me Dermot Mulroney as a date). I also signed myself up to take my first work related exam on August 31. I fear I will always have unrequited love and my vagina will fossilize into a cavern and grow stalactites and stalagmites. I also hate that I'm still up after 2 AM.
 

arkieb1

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
May 11, 2012
Messages
9,786
I'm so sorry his family are continuing A-holes. I wish I lived there we could go the night before and deck out the whole internment wall with pin oaks or whatever else we could find and then go to it and watch them trip over them, or go what the? Just for the joy of giving them a big F-you......
 

valeria101

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 29, 2003
Messages
15,809
I pretty much said good bye when ...

I feel the same about my father ...

Already wrote that I would not brave the odd event - in PROTEST.

I would join you for the 5 year annyversary, if you can make the obstructing ocean, continent & visa provisions go away. I'd tell you of my dead, you'd tell me of yours !

That blasted reunion sounds perfect for job hunting. Widows do not need dates - not sure how long this mantra holds, but you are well within the no-date slot, IHMO.

EXAM !!! Death is nicer ...
 

MissGotRocks

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 23, 2005
Messages
16,269
By all means do what is right for you. If your Dad thinks you should go, does that mean he and your mother can't attend with you? There are plenty here - including myself - that would certainly go with you but time and space won't allow that.
You have done nothing wrong here and are simply the victim of a tragic circumstance. His family has not done all it could to help you for sure but I personally would not be intimidated by them. However, we are all different and our attitude and approach to such things is different as well. If you don't feel the need or desire to go on a personal level, then that's fine. My point is just not to let that decision be based on them.
A work related exam is a good step - a high school reunion is not a must. They will do it again in five years anyway. Most of my reunions were not attended by spouses anyway; no one opted to spend the money for the spouse to go only to have them sit and be miserable for a few hours. It could be an opportunity to network with some folks though - you never know what might come of it.

The sun will shine again in your life even though you don't believe one word of that now. Life is cyclical; the good nor the bad ever last forever. It is constantly changing and realigning and you will not remain glued in the place that you are in right now. It is important I've found to just focus on the here and now and what needs to be done today. If you look too far ahead, panic sets in because you feel like you are not in control. Just keep faith in yourself and keep moving forward. You have come a long way in this ordeal already so give yourself some credit where it is due.
 

TooPatient

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Sep 1, 2009
Messages
10,295
PB -- it sounds like you should just skip it. You had your goodbye and that is that. If you don't want to go, there is NO reason why you should. (If you do want to go, I know several here who are near you and will be there if you need while the rest of us are with you from a distance.)

Enjoy the work exam. If it works out, it is a good step for you. If it doesn't? Eh. No big deal. You will still be fine and you are still amazing and brave for trying.

Nothing else matters! Go to the reunion or not. No big thing at the end of the day. If it makes you happy or connects you with opportunities you may not be expecting, great. If it is just stress, then forget it and go to a different one if you want later.

Sending you hugs.
 

lyra

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 13, 2007
Messages
5,249
If you already have full closure on your own terms, then do as you want, that's fine. I would probably go just to spite the nasty **laws. I would not communicate. I would just stand there as a physical reminder. But that's me, and I can be a b*tch sometimes because I'm a lot older and am used to just doing what I want these days. YMMV.
 

mtsapphirelovingannie

Shiny_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jan 27, 2015
Messages
360
PB – First, you have my condolences for the loss of your husband.

We’ve never met or talked but I have been following your thread every day. My advice to you is to do what feels right for you. Stay home and snuggle with your kitties if that brings you happiness and comfort.

Please know that people you don’t even know are reading your story and thinking about you and wishing you the best.
 

freezing_in_MO

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 1, 2013
Messages
210
:?:PB, I think part of your sanity is due to the fact that you have decoupled your husband's existence from what remains of him.

Given that you have already reached the closure that some find after internment, you are under no obligation to go. Your respect for your husband is evident to anyone with a brain, whether you attend this event or not.

Is the venue somewhere you can go the day before or earlier on the day of the event? I apologize for my ignorance. I am familiar only with burials.

If you can go earlier, a nice thorn in the eye of your in-laws would be to take some flowers. Or maybe send some and make sure that they arrive just beforehand? That way your presence is felt, but you don't have to interact with jackasses.

I can't for the life of me understand high school reunions, which most people dread but attend regardless. I don't have any suggestions for that function, especially since you don't seem to be up for my fantasy widow's outfit of black lace suit and veil. Don't forget your gloves if you go that route!
 

yennyfire

Ideal_Rock
Trade
Joined
Jun 6, 2010
Messages
6,872
You've been given good advice by everyone already, but I guess if it were me, I'd ask myself if there was the itty bittiest thought that I might have regrets about attending the internment? If there's 1/100th of a chance, then I'd go and if any of the outlaws approach you, just say that you'd like to grieve privately and turn away.
Yeah for moving forward on the job front. You have nothing to lose and a lot to possibly gain right?
As for a fossilized vajayjay, let me assure you it won't happen (how I know is a story for another time). If you're worried, there are plenty of *ahem* devices to keep you company...

Hugs to you PB...you'll be in my thoughts this week (as always!)
 

whitewave

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 29, 2012
Messages
12,331
Dress dramatically in black and hire a hot twentyfive year old stud to go with you, just for shits and giggles.
 

tina sparkle

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 21, 2005
Messages
171
I don't post on here often, but I have been reading your thread. Please accept my condolences on the loss of your husband, I cannot imagine how awful it must be for you. The loss you've suffered is considerate and life changing. As far as the internment goes, I would encourage you to go for a few reasons, 1) for closure, you're husband's remains will be put in their final resting place which is the end to that chapter of your life and the beginning of another, and 2) you will be the bigger person, much bigger than the in-laws, for attending, after all the sh*t they've put you through. If you don't go they will take the high moral ground, which is not their's to take, it is rightfully yours.
 

nala

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Oct 23, 2011
Messages
7,045
You loved him. That matters more than they do. Go.
 

december-fire

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Sep 3, 2013
Messages
2,385
Pinto,

I'd ask myself the following:

If the in-laws weren't going to be at the internment, would I go?

If 'yes', then hold your head high and go.

Pick one of the patent statements suggested above by the wise ladies, and calmly recite it if someone tries to engage you in a conversation you'd rather not have.

May I add a very gentle, well-intended suggestion?
You might wish to consider writing something to be read by the Priest, your parents or someone else (reading it yourself might prove to be too difficult at the time).
Just some final thoughts or words to your husband.
Not necessary, but just something you might want to consider doing.

As much as possible, try to deal with one thing at a time, one day at a time.
The Reunion is later. Your decision to go or not go can wait until after the Internment.

Sending you tons of PS Dust, gentle hugs, and wishes for inner peace and strength.
 

PintoBean

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 27, 2011
Messages
6,589
I'd go if I didn't have to go alone. My mom is out of town and my dad won't say much and I feel vulnerable.

My 10 year reunion only 3 people showed up so the 20 year is at a local restaurant with a bar on the beach. I see that 13 people have rsvpd yes through FB so far.
 
Be a part of the community Get 3 HCA Results
Top