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Weight

Calliecake

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One of the most beautiful women I have ever known was 300 pounds. Everyone who was lucky enough to know her, loved her.
 

AprilBaby

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Gaining weight doesn't mean you are not attractive. I have gained a lot of weight in 37 years and I get hit on all the time. And not by fat men. I dress nice and have an attractive personality, I'm very kind to people, I think I have a nicer face than when I got married. I'm very happy with myself as I am.
 

Jambalaya

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Thanks, Calliecake and AprilBaby. The way you talk is the way everyone should be, whether 100 pounds or 400 pounds - i.e. happy with oneself and receiving respect and acceptance from others unless character or behaviour disqualifies them.

My friends' experiences have been a real eye-opener into how SOME people view people who are overweight. It's really sad and depressing!

I heard from two of my friends. Guess what? Their husbands aren't sorry at all. They actually think their actions were justified.

??????!!!!!!!!
 

AGBF

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I watched a series on TV that was called something like "The First Lady Detective Agency". It takes place in Africa and the characters are black. The main character is a rather heavy set woman who never lacks attention from some men. Her character is a delight, and while I found the attentions of these men to feel unusual to me, as the series progressed this became less of an issue for me.

Bit of a threadjack here. I haven't seen the series yet myself, but I bought it for myself and for one of my nieces a year or so ago. I had bought the series of books for my younger niece, but my older niece had less time to read so I just bought her the BBC series. They all ended up watching the DVDs, with my brother and his wife, and loved them. I will have to look for my set. Alexander McCall Smith is still turning out books in the series!

Deb :wavey:
 

smitcompton

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Hi,

Deb, I hope you do watch it. When life gets tough, this series is a wonderful diversion. Its full of good things. Life looks better.

Annette
 

cmd2014

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I heard from two of my friends. Guess what? Their husbands aren't sorry at all. They actually think their actions were justified.

??????!!!!!!!!

I think this speaks more to their character than just about their views on weight. I feel sorry for the kids, if I'm being honest. I'm sad that someone's daddy implies through action that women are only worth something based on physical appearance and that sexual gratification trumps all other family responsibilities. Those are great messages to give your kids on top of the trauma that all of this has inflicted on their kids' lives. But I guess just being a parent doesn't make you not a jerk.
 

Jambalaya

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God, I know, CMD, I know. It's just terrible. What messages are those children absorbing? The boys, that it's OK to treat women badly, the girls, that their looks matter above all else. I dread to think of the future effects of all this. As one friend said, none of their lives will ever be the same again because of what her husband did. My friends can find better partners, but you only get one childhood. Yep, being a parent doesn't make you not a jerk. Couldn't agree more.
 

YadaYadaYada

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Just wanted to share that I have bee on a total bender for the past couple of weeks. My husband ironically has completely cleaned up his diet and is exercising regularly. Now I know well and good how to eat and what I should be doing but I just can't get there.

Anyone else have these periods of totally falling off the wagon?
 

missy

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It's ok Stephanie. Everyone goes through temporary setbacks and it's a part of the process. Don't let it get you down. Just brush yourself off and start again. You can do it!!!:appl:
 
P

PierreBear

Guest
Yes! Keep it up Stephanie! I have to remind myself that as a woman, my body will fluctuate and retain water depending on the "wrong time of month" or even when having too much salt in my body. Yesterday, I was terrible with the sweets. Couple of bites of ice cream but then still polished off two cookies. Will just have to work out harder today. Good luck!
 

Gussie

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I am so sorry for anyone that is left over something like weight.

I am sure this has been mentioned but I haven't read the entire thread so apologize if this is redundant. There is so much emphasis on looks today that I think it is dangerous. And most of the junk we see isn't even real! When I was growing up and even in my 20s (40s now), I don't remember so much pressure to look perfect. Seems as though lots of people live their lives just to post the pics these days! I think lots of people fall for unrealistic expectations of aging. It's so sad! I worry about my girls growing up in this superficial youth crazed world.
 

YadaYadaYada

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Thanks Pierre, Missy and CEG! It is just so easy to overdo it unfortunately. I have to say though that I did have an amazing raspberry scone yesterday from this bakery downtown. I mean if you are going to do it might as well make it worth it right?
 

mrs-b

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Well, I'm just gonna put it all out there....

According to Weight Watchers and the BMI thingy, I'm about 50 lbs overweight. So those guys who left their wives would have been out the door if they'd been married to me as fast as their little legs could carry them, all the time looking over their shoulders screaming "Oh my God - she's FAAAAAAAT!"

But y'know what? I LOVE the way I look. Not because I look beautiful, in my opinion, but because I look substantial and strong. I work out a lot, I eat well - and I eat a lot - and I have a sensual joie de vivre that puts a smile on my face every day. As it turns out, a lot of men find that quite attractive. But here's the thing;

I don't really care.

I had an epiphany some years ago: it's not a case of 'do you like me?' It's a case of 'do I like YOU?' And I can tell you for nuthin', if I had even the slightest HINT that my being thinner was important to some guy, he would have had ZERO chance with me. I'm not trying to look perfect - it's too hard, too time consuming, and wrong-focussed in my opinion. I'm trying to look what I consider to be 'good enough'. What *I* consider to be good enough. Not anybody else. I value things like grooming, good taste, intelligence, education, manners, kindness, laughter, strength of character and honor. Oh - and good teeth. I like good teeth. :D (see?)

I have an interesting body, and it's a good friend of mine. I actually love being substantial. I'm not really fat as such, I'm more...just...large? The attached photo is me post gym, and I've worked hard to be healthy while still carrying extra weight. I know I'm lying down in this photo (which I posted before in the boob shots for Pinto!) - but you can see my ribs protruding a little and my hips also. My stomach is flat, my breasts are round, and, despite being large, I consider myself to be lush.

Some agree with me. Others don't. Who cares? Just be careful not to marry one of the ones that doesn't. And as for leaving someone to whom you've made a lifetime commitment because they put some fat on their bodies? Oh pahlease - who are you?? Although I suppose at that point, we know exactly who you are.

There was a cartoon pinup girl in the 1950's known as Hilda. She is my inspiration. :) Here's an article with a few of her drawings; she's always full of life and having a go at new things. I love her.

http://www.messynessychic.com/2016/08/02/americas-forgotten-pin-up-girl/

Post gym_a.jpg
 

Gussie

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Well, I'm just gonna put it all out there....

According to Weight Watchers and the BMI thingy, I'm about 50 lbs overweight. So those guys who left their wives would have been out the door if they'd been married to me as fast as their little legs could carry them, all the time looking over their shoulders screaming "Oh my God - she's FAAAAAAAT!"

But y'know what? I LOVE the way I look. Not because I look beautiful, in my opinion, but because I look substantial and strong. I work out a lot, I eat well - and I eat a lot - and I have a sensual joie de vivre that puts a smile on my face every day. As it turns out, a lot of men find that quite attractive. But here's the thing;

I don't really care.

I had an epiphany some years ago: it's not a case of 'do you like me?' It's a case of 'do I like YOU?' And I can tell you for nuthin', if I had even the slightest HINT that my being thinner was important to some guy, he would have had ZERO chance with me. I'm not trying to look perfect - it's too hard, too time consuming, and wrong-focussed in my opinion. I'm trying to look what I consider to be 'good enough'. What *I* consider to be good enough. Not anybody else. I value things like grooming, good taste, intelligence, education, manners, kindness, laughter, strength of character and honor. Oh - and good teeth. I like good teeth. :D

Post gym_a.jpg

You are awesome! LOVE THIS! !!!!!!!!!
 

Arkteia

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OK, here goes: Calliecake, thank you for that explanation.

I've lost my long post now, due to computer patch!

Long story short: I have three friends whose husbands have LEFT THEM over their weight. None are morbidly obese; all are under 200 pounds - mostly, well under. Two are in the five feet three/five feet four range, and one is five six. Weights are about 160 and 180, but the latter was about 160 for most of her marriage, and the third one, the tallest, I'm not sure as I haven't seen her since she had her kids - she lives across the country.

I have another friend who had real issues with this in the past. Her husband was mean to her about her weight for eight months before deciding he wanted to be with her as she was, after all. She's five five and weighed about 170 at her heaviest.

I have another two friends who are slim but whose husbands watch their weight like a hawk. One of them can't have a second slice of pizza without getting a comment.

Two of the friends who have been left have two children each. Their worlds are all shattered.

I have no idea how to comfort my friends. Internet research is useless on this topic- full of trolls.

Do people really divorce for a weight gain of 40-60 lbs over quite a few years of marriage? People talk about it on the internet and who say that yes, it is ground for divorce, seem to hurriedly justify themselves by saying "Oh, if someone is 300-400 lbs" etc. The friends I know who have marriage problems because of weight are not as heavy as that.

Just because someone gets chubby, they're the same person, you know? But a frighteningly high number of people seem to think the weight is a reason to divorce, even if the person is not morbidly obese. It's sad, and I don't know how to comfort my friends.

I also have another friend who is five feet and weighs almost 170, and her husband is kind to her about it and would never leave her, although he HAS asked her to lose weight.

My poor friends. They're such wonderful women, too. I feel they are being undervalued by their husbands, but it seems a lot of people think weight gain IS grounds for divorce.

"Over quite a few years of marriage" says it all. I think that with about 50% of American marriages ending up in a divorce, it is not about weight per se, but rather, about another woman, or just midlife crisis. Or maybe they are too ashamed to say, "lack of intimacy", so they say, "she has gained weight". I have heard different reasons for which men leave women, weight, lack of personal growth, too much personal growth, growing apart, bad character, you name it. Usually there is some other woman in sight (often not the one to become the second wife). So I think it is almost never about "weight" alone.

I don't know if it makes sense to comfort your friends. Men who left them are not the same people who married them. (I could write a lot about nasty divorces and how it affects kids, but everyone knows it). Try to support your friends, help them with makeover, go to the gym with them, give them advices about dating, if they choose to. Women in general have better ability to self-repair, emotionally as well. I wish your friends well.

It is very unfair... after all, I yet have to meet a woman who'd say "love is gone because he has gone bald, you know". We accept their aging, their snoring, their bellies, and may other things. But there is a theory according to which tribal men who were not able to procreate were killed or left behind, so perhaps there is something about this "midlife crisis" that is vested in biology.
 

Arkteia

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They probably just want a different new DNA unit to use to pass on their DNA ... IOW out with the old and in with a new sex partner.

How many men are going to admit THAT to their wife? ... or even be honest with themselves that this is what they want?

These days many people aren't very fond of taking responsibility for their actions.

They are not thinking about passing DNA, they are thinking of crossingover ;-)

However, it makes total sense. They say that the first tribe that left Africa thousands of years ago was 1200 people. Given the fact that the average lifespan of a human male in that time was 20 years, we would have died out were it not for the drive of those men to have sex with many different women. And it also provided gene diversity that allowed to avoid consequences of certain inbreeding, expected in such a small group. The fact that tribal men lived less than women perhaps explains a strange dichotomy - male's genital prime is around 18, and women's one is around mid- to late 20-es.
Monogamy which is "expected" today is driven by the social need, but not the instinct. The trick is not to be upset when they "check out" pretty women or say atrociously weird things. Just whisper to yourself, "gene diversity, gene diversity..." :)

P.S. My own uncle left his family with two (already adult) daughters and married a woman two years younger than me. He had his child with her when he was 58. My father called him "demented" at that moment. But, he had many years of very happy life with that woman, and the kid is amazingly handsome, and pretty nice, too. Uncle's two daughters have their own children and families, and the irony is, his first wife is saying she is much happier now, when there is no one around her. Uncle even achieved much more with this second woman, professionally, because he was driven. But I remember the time when he courted his second wife... he is a fantastically smart man, but at that time he became childish and goofy. Behaviorally, it was very strange to observe.
 
Last edited:

missy

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Well, I'm just gonna put it all out there....

According to Weight Watchers and the BMI thingy, I'm about 50 lbs overweight. So those guys who left their wives would have been out the door if they'd been married to me as fast as their little legs could carry them, all the time looking over their shoulders screaming "Oh my God - she's FAAAAAAAT!"

But y'know what? I LOVE the way I look. Not because I look beautiful, in my opinion, but because I look substantial and strong. I work out a lot, I eat well - and I eat a lot - and I have a sensual joie de vivre that puts a smile on my face every day. As it turns out, a lot of men find that quite attractive. But here's the thing;

I don't really care.

I had an epiphany some years ago: it's not a case of 'do you like me?' It's a case of 'do I like YOU?' And I can tell you for nuthin', if I had even the slightest HINT that my being thinner was important to some guy, he would have had ZERO chance with me. I'm not trying to look perfect - it's too hard, too time consuming, and wrong-focussed in my opinion. I'm trying to look what I consider to be 'good enough'. What *I* consider to be good enough. Not anybody else. I value things like grooming, good taste, intelligence, education, manners, kindness, laughter, strength of character and honor. Oh - and good teeth. I like good teeth. :D (see?)

I have an interesting body, and it's a good friend of mine. I actually love being substantial. I'm not really fat as such, I'm more...just...large? The attached photo is me post gym, and I've worked hard to be healthy while still carrying extra weight. I know I'm lying down in this photo (which I posted before in the boob shots for Pinto!) - but you can see my ribs protruding a little and my hips also. My stomach is flat, my breasts are round, and, despite being large, I consider myself to be lush.

Some agree with me. Others don't. Who cares? Just be careful not to marry one of the ones that doesn't. And as for leaving someone to whom you've made a lifetime commitment because they put some fat on their bodies? Oh pahlease - who are you?? Although I suppose at that point, we know exactly who you are.

There was a cartoon pinup girl in the 1950's known as Hilda. She is my inspiration. :) Here's an article with a few of her drawings; she's always full of life and having a go at new things. I love her.

http://www.messynessychic.com/2016/08/02/americas-forgotten-pin-up-girl/

Post gym_a.jpg


Yaaasss!!!! I agree with ceg. You are awesome mrs-b!
 

mrs-b

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Thanks, Missy and ceg! I dont think I qualify as awesome, but it never hurt anyone to be told that they are! :wavey:
 

Austina

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You look damn fine @mrs-b! :D
 

Jambalaya

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Mrs-B, you look amazing. I am much bigger than you!

One of my friends is divorcing her husband. He cheated a lot, walked out, blamed her for "letting herself go" and isn't sorry. She feels he left her no choice. I'm sure he will live to regret the way he's treated her, but it will be far too late.
 

elle_71125

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Jan 29, 2012
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6,194
Well, I'm just gonna put it all out there....

According to Weight Watchers and the BMI thingy, I'm about 50 lbs overweight. So those guys who left their wives would have been out the door if they'd been married to me as fast as their little legs could carry them, all the time looking over their shoulders screaming "Oh my God - she's FAAAAAAAT!"

But y'know what? I LOVE the way I look. Not because I look beautiful, in my opinion, but because I look substantial and strong. I work out a lot, I eat well - and I eat a lot - and I have a sensual joie de vivre that puts a smile on my face every day. As it turns out, a lot of men find that quite attractive. But here's the thing;

I don't really care.

I had an epiphany some years ago: it's not a case of 'do you like me?' It's a case of 'do I like YOU?' And I can tell you for nuthin', if I had even the slightest HINT that my being thinner was important to some guy, he would have had ZERO chance with me. I'm not trying to look perfect - it's too hard, too time consuming, and wrong-focussed in my opinion. I'm trying to look what I consider to be 'good enough'. What *I* consider to be good enough. Not anybody else. I value things like grooming, good taste, intelligence, education, manners, kindness, laughter, strength of character and honor. Oh - and good teeth. I like good teeth. :D (see?)

I have an interesting body, and it's a good friend of mine. I actually love being substantial. I'm not really fat as such, I'm more...just...large? The attached photo is me post gym, and I've worked hard to be healthy while still carrying extra weight. I know I'm lying down in this photo (which I posted before in the boob shots for Pinto!) - but you can see my ribs protruding a little and my hips also. My stomach is flat, my breasts are round, and, despite being large, I consider myself to be lush.

Some agree with me. Others don't. Who cares? Just be careful not to marry one of the ones that doesn't. And as for leaving someone to whom you've made a lifetime commitment because they put some fat on their bodies? Oh pahlease - who are you?? Although I suppose at that point, we know exactly who you are.

There was a cartoon pinup girl in the 1950's known as Hilda. She is my inspiration. :) Here's an article with a few of her drawings; she's always full of life and having a go at new things. I love her.

http://www.messynessychic.com/2016/08/02/americas-forgotten-pin-up-girl/

Post gym_a.jpg

You are awesome Mrs-B!
Reading this made me so happy. It's posts like these that make you realize loving yourself is the best thing you can do for everyone. It's your confidence in yourself that draws in others. I think people (myself included) can forget that.
I checked out the Hilda pics. She is so stunning and her joy of life leaps off the page! :kiss:
 
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