Need PS help with my jumbled thoughts and issues with redesign

[Weeivy73]

I'm at a stand still about what to do with my current engagement ring. It's a ruby and diamond double cluster set in yellow gold. The ruby is a 1.5ct oval with alot of character (Not great quality but I do like it) and there is 0.60tcw of very poor cut, colour and clarity diamonds. The diamonds are basically brown and heavily included. I knew that as soon as he surprised me with it and then the setting became compromised while it was being sized and it just pains me.
I have tried to talk to my DH about a redesign and while he admits he didn't get the quality right he is extremely apprehensive about a redesign (even reusing the ruby, not forgoing the whole ring) and has just said that he doesn't really want me to do it.
I don't really want to just source better diamonds and re set them as the setting is a tad wonky and I feel like it will be throwing good money at a bad situation.
Please understand that my hubby is actually very generous with the purchase of jewellery for me, he actually spent more on a pair of earrings while we were holidaying in London than he did on my engagement ring and is amazingly thoughtful and not stingy as such. I think he is just more sentimentally attached to my engagement ring than I am. So in saying that I have started to feel bad for wanting an upgrade/ different ring and that is really my dilemma.

I will very much welcome any thoughts and insight into how to move forward through this. I am a very sentimental person also, but the quality of my ring is just doing my head in, I even said to him that I would happily forgo any more purchases for how long he deems necessary to acquire something very special (ANYTHING from Lang's is high on that list!) I would love to not have to whine and hassle him to want this too. I really value everyone's input and advice here. Sorry for the novel.

 

[Ally T]

This is the Devil on your shoulder talking rather than the Angel, but could your ring be ‘accidentally’ broken if the setting is already compromised? I know that’s sounds TOTALLY bad, but would a good, hard accidental bash be out of the question?

Sorry if this suggestion offends anyone & makes you gasp in horror. Please don’t hate me!

 

[Weeivy73]

This is the Devil on your shoulder talking rather than the Angel, but could your ring be ‘accidentally’ broken if the setting is already compromised? I know that’s sounds TOTALLY bad, but would a good, hard accidental bash be out of the question?

Sorry if this suggestion offends anyone & makes you gasp in horror. Please don’t hate me!

Actually some of the claw work is so shonky I don't think it will be long before this happens even with normal wear!

 

[bludiva]

Since it's fragile and sentimental is it possible to buy a new ring for daily wear and save this one for occasional use?

 

[strawrose]

If it’s been years since the wedding, maybe just keep it and get an anniversary ring?

 

[Weeivy73]

Since it's fragile and sentimental is it possible to buy a new ring for daily wear and save this one for occasional use?

Yes, if I eventually manage to get hubby on board I would like to have a brand new wearable engagement ring and at some point I would probably reset my current ruby into a right hand ring, maybe like an art Deco dinner ring style.

 

[Weeivy73]

If it’s been years since the wedding, maybe just keep it and get an anniversary ring?

It's only been 3 years since we got married!

 

[GliderPoss]

It's only been 3 years since we got married!

PLENTY of time has passed to get an upgrade!

I think explaining the redesign is for structural reasons, ie. so you don't lose the ruby!

 

[strawrose]

It's only been 3 years since we got married!

5 year anniversary present?

 

[Weeivy73]

I sincerely appreciate the few comments and suggestions you have made, I was worried that I'd be slammed for sounding like an ungrateful brat. I have seen a couple of gorgeous ruby and diamond cluster rings on Lang's website so I may just start squirreling some savings away so I am working towards something. Then I obsessively check the website to make sure the rings I like are still there!!! Lol I sound like a basketcase, I'm really quite sane

 

[leukolenos]

I sincerely appreciate the few comments and suggestions you have made, I was worried that I'd be slammed for sounding like an ungrateful brat. I have seen a couple of gorgeous ruby and diamond cluster rings on Lang's website so I may just start squirreling some savings away so I am working towards something. Then I obsessively check the website to make sure the rings I like are still there!!! Lol I sound like a basketcase, I'm really quite sane

You are totally sane! The stone is important to both of you. Why not reset it? I imagine he would be even more devastated if the stone were lost or damaged because of the current setting.

I reset my grandmother’s ruby into an antique cluster style and I LOVE it. I really struggled with doing it because it isn’t a “ps quality” ruby, but it had so much emotional value I decided to go for it. Zero regrets.

 

[Weeivy73]

At the risk of feeling embarrassed here is a photo of my ring. I don't know if it's just my ocd or what but ever since it came back from the initial sizing (it had to come down quite alot) it looks like the north and south set of diamonds have shifted position and don't look uniform?

 

[Weeivy73]

 

[Weeivy73]

 

[strawrose]

Don’t be embarrassed at all. I think the anniversary ring in two years is best, because it considers his feelings about the matter.

My mom received a cheap coral ring for an engagement ring many moons ago. It sits in the safety deposit box while she wears a one carat diamond as a replacement. Her other favorite ring is the 16th anniversary emerald/diamond band. An engagement ring doesn’t have to be the end-all.

How about a straight wedding band in the meanwhile? That way, you can have something to wear normally without risking a break in the engagement ring.

 

[MeowMeow]

I sincerely appreciate the few comments and suggestions you have made, I was worried that I'd be slammed for sounding like an ungrateful brat. I have seen a couple of gorgeous ruby and diamond cluster rings on Lang's website so I may just start squirreling some savings away so I am working towards something. Then I obsessively check the website to make sure the rings I like are still there!!! Lol I sound like a basketcase, I'm really quite sane

Haha girl this is pricescope. We rarely tell anybody they are an ungrateful brat here just because they want an upgrade lol. I know another place where it's sometimes insinuated but that isn't here.

 

[Weeivy73]

Don’t be embarrassed at all. I think the anniversary ring in two years is best, because it considers his feelings about the matter.

My mom received a cheap coral ring for an engagement ring many moons ago. It sits in the safety deposit box while she wears a one carat diamond as a replacement. Her other favorite ring is the 16th anniversary emerald/diamond band. An engagement ring doesn’t have to be the end-all.

How about a straight wedding band in the meanwhile? That way, you can have something to wear normally without risking a break in the engagement ring.

Thanks strawrose this is really thoughtful advice. I'm really wanting to avoid hurting my husband, he's a wonderful man and after the hell of my first marriage being abused, my husband is my darling saviour in many ways so that's why I feel quite torn about being upset about my ring.

 

[strawrose]

Thanks strawrose this is really thoughtful advice. I'm really wanting to avoid hurting my husband, he's a wonderful man and after the hell of my first marriage being abused, my husband is my darling saviour in many ways so that's why I feel quite torn about being upset about my ring.

I am really sorry of what you went through. It’s wonderful that you found a loving and thoughtful man.

 

[Bron357]

It’s tricky, especially if he places great sentimental value on the ring. And I understand that.
The fact is however that the ring is in need of restoration, that continuing to wear it, as is, is likely to result in the loss of diamonds / ruby.
A compromise using these facts might be in order. You could suggest that the ring be converted to a pendant so that the setting is not subject to anymore knocks that could see it permanently damaged and/or precious gems lost. That way you’ll have it safe and closer to your heart (true) forever.
And then, sooner or later, you get another ring to wear on your ring finger.

 

[Weeivy73]

It’s tricky, especially if he places great sentimental value on the ring. And I understand that.
The fact is however that the ring is in need of restoration, that continuing to wear it, as is, is likely to result in the loss of diamonds / ruby.
A compromise using these facts might be in order. You could suggest that the ring be converted to a pendant so that the setting is not subject to anymore knocks that could see it permanently damaged and/or precious gems lost. That way you’ll have it safe and closer to your heart (true) forever.
And then, sooner or later, you get another ring to wear on your ring finger.

Bron357 thank you for your lovely idea, I honestly had never thought of the pendant conversion idea. I really appreciate all the support to help me work through this, it's helped alot today.

 

[MeowMeow]

@Weeivy73 I think Bron's pendant idea is lovely. I hope that one is easier for your husband to accept.

 

[Ally T]

Another vote for the pendant idea. Forget the new ring suggestions for now, let them drift from his mind so that it doesn’t look like you have an agenda. Tell him you’re worried about the safety of the setting & you’ve had it checked over, with the suggestion being you either stop wearing it or convert it into a lovely pendant.

Then...... in a couple of years, where you have worn the pendant lots & dropped the ring suggestion so for a bit, hit him with a gentle suggestion for a new one.

 

[leukolenos]

Bron357 thank you for your lovely idea, I honestly had never thought of the pendant conversion idea. I really appreciate all the support to help me work through this, it's helped alot today.

I also really like the idea of a pendant. In the meantime echoing some of the other's ideas you could hunt for a band- maybe even one with rubies!- to wear until you both can decide on something more substantial.

 

[bludiva]

ooh! if you do decide to look for a band, OP, the Tiffany Schlumberger w/ rubies could work both with your existing ring and on its own. The pendant idea is nice too.

Hopefully you can gently help your husband understand that no matter what, the ring is too fragile for daily wear as-is and you will have to do something to preserve it in some way shape or form before pieces start breaking.

 

[violet3]

This is the Devil on your shoulder talking rather than the Angel, but could your ring be ‘accidentally’ broken if the setting is already compromised? I know that’s sounds TOTALLY bad, but would a good, hard accidental bash be out of the question?

Sorry if this suggestion offends anyone & makes you gasp in horror. Please don’t hate me!

OMG, this had me laughing out loud @Alex T .

It's hard when the man is sentimental about the ring, which I understand. I'm sentimental about my own ring, and even though I'd like something larger, I wouldn't trade mine in because I think my hubby would get upset too.

I agree with the others about telling him that it needs to be reworked due to the fragile nature of the ring. I'm not sure how he could argue with that - he'd probably be unhappy if you started losing diamonds or the ruby from it.

You're sweet to think of his feelings - sounds like you got a good one this time! (and they're hard to come by)

 

[Diamond_Hawk]

You could suggest that the ring be converted to a pendant so that the setting is not subject to anymore knocks that could see it permanently damaged and/or precious gems lost. That way you’ll have it safe and closer to your heart (true) forever.
And then, sooner or later, you get another ring to wear on your ring finger.

What a great idea!

@Weeivy73 with all these suggestions, I'm curious to see which direction you'll go. Keep us posted. Would love to see the reset.

 

[Weeivy73]

Thank you all for taking the time to talk me through this. I actually feel so much clearer and less upset now. I will definitely keep everyone posted on my future upgrade or pendant redesign. This is such a wonderful step forward, one I'm positive my lovely sentimental man will embrace at some point.

 

[MamaBee]

This is the Devil on your shoulder talking rather than the Angel, but could your ring be ‘accidentally’ broken if the setting is already compromised? I know that’s sounds TOTALLY bad, but would a good, hard accidental bash be out of the question?

@Alex T I almost choked out my water!

 

[MamaBee]

I really like the suggestion of making it into a pendant..telling him you’re afraid of the setting getting damaged...You could have the diamonds taken out and replaced with higher quality ones. You could even do this a few at a time and he would never know..so it wouldn’t hurt his feelings..

 

[the_mother_thing]

You’ve gotten a lot of great advice already, so nothing to add there. I will note though that one of the prongs over your ruby appears to not be in contact with the stone. If you have a loupe (or a jeweler you trust), please have this looked at so you don’t risk losing the stone since it appears to have sentimental value to you both. Or ... perhaps use this as the catalyst for a very honest conversation with hubby. “Honey, I’ve noticed another issue with my ring, whereby the prong isn’t even making contact with the stone. I don’t want to risk losing the stone, but I also don’t want to keep sinking money into ongoing repairs with this one. ...” (You get the drift).