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Nothing going as planned ; ( |
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| P: 11/15/2008 10:29:16 AM | |
redrose229 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,337 Last Post: 10/29/2009 Member Since: 1/23/2008 |
So, as some of your ladies, it's up in the air if my half sisters are able to be at my wedding because my adopted parents are super controling. The ages of them are 15 and 11, and I have already NOT invited my bio. family to my wedding just for the hope that my sister's will be able to share my special day. I was also hoping that they could be in the wedding, but, I don't even know yet if they are allowed to COME let alone be in my speical day. Well, that leads to issue #2. I had 3 bridesmaids picked out. My MOH was really the only one I was "FOR SURE" about. I've been friends with her forever. She graduates law school in May, right before my wedding, and she was really excited about the whole ordeal. I didn't expect or ask anything of her except that she shows up. My other 2 BM I was a little worried about because I knew $$$ wasn't there for a wedding and traveling. I personally can't afford it, and so when I had ANOTHER BM want to be in my wedding (sister in law to be), I expressed this to the other 2, and they both agreed that I should have her in it instead because they had to travel, their own wedding, etc. I was okay with this, and they seemed relieved. So, now I'm a BM short. I was keeping my fingers crossed that my 15yr old sister could be in the wedding, and my 11 yr old as a FG. Get up this morning, and my MOH is so busy, I shot her an email saying I need her sizing for the dress in the next month, and I have a new voicemail. I'm thinking it's my adopted mom getting back to me. WRONG! It's my MOH. She backed out of the wedding  . She's going to move that weekend, so, not only can she not be in my wedding, she can't make it to the wedding . She said she's sorry and she's been struggling with this FOR MONTHS! I sent her an emailing asking why she didn't tell me before, I know 6 months before is still plenty of time, but she knows about all the other issues...I'm stunned.I just wanted ONE PERSON that I cared about besides my FH there to share my speical day with me. ONE. I knew the chances that my sister are going to be there are slim. But, my MOH backing out? I don't understand why she didn't express anything before, or why she can't move a different weekend. I know that I shouldn't be upset because everyone has their own lives and issues and I'm not mad at her but I can't help but be upset. What am I going to do? Sorry for the long post 
Stephanie |
| Posted: 11/15/2008 10:29:16 AM | |
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There are 31 replies to this message. There are 30 replies on this page. |
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| P: 11/15/2008 11:05:58 AM | |
gwendolyn Ideal Rock Total Posts: 6,544 Last Post: 11/12/2009 Member Since: 8/4/2007 |
So sorry this is happening. If the wedding isn't turning out how you'd like it, can you adjust anything to make it work out better for you? Maybe downscale what happens that day (am guessing you have put down deposits so that day is set?), and have a party at some point later where your would-be MOH and your half sisters might be able to attend? I know I'm not much help, but I just wanted to let you know that I feel for you. 
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| Posted: 11/15/2008 11:05:58 AM | |
| P: 11/15/2008 11:11:36 AM | |
Nocturnius Cut Rock Total Posts: 219 Last Post: 1/19/2009 Member Since: 8/23/2008 |
I'm afraid I can't be of much help, but I wanted to say I really feel for you, and you certainly have every right to be upset. It's your wedding, and you want to spend it with those people who you love and care about, and it's looking like that isn't going to happen. I am so sorry things aren't turning out the way you wanted. I really hope things work out for the best in the end. <3 - |
| Posted: 11/15/2008 11:11:36 AM | |
| P: 11/15/2008 11:41:54 AM | |
neatfreak Ideal Rock Total Posts: 13,476 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 2/17/2007 |
I'm so sorry this is happening, it sucks. Unfortunately weddings sometimes bring out the worst in people. My MOH bailed on my wedding 3 WEEKS before. It also happened to another good friend of mine AND my MIL. So you aren't the only one... Can you maybe sit down with the parenst of your half sisters and have an adult conversation about how much it would mean for them to be included? And is there a reason why you aren't inviting their parents? Weddings can be a good time to mend relationships and an invite to their parents might go a long way toward getting them there...
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| Posted: 11/15/2008 11:41:54 AM | |
| P: 11/15/2008 11:50:00 AM | |
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redrose229 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,337 Last Post: 10/29/2009 Member Since: 1/23/2008 |
Date: 11/15/2008 11:41:54 AM Author: neatfreak I'm so sorry this is happening, it sucks. Unfortunately weddings sometimes bring out the worst in people. My MOH bailed on my wedding 3 WEEKS before. It also happened to another good friend of mine AND my MIL. So you aren't the only one... Can you maybe sit down with the parenst of your half sisters and have an adult conversation about how much it would mean for them to be included? And is there a reason why you aren't inviting their parents? Weddings can be a good time to mend relationships and an invite to their parents might go a long way toward getting them there... My adopted parents are invited to the wedding, but they may not be bringing my sisters, which IMO is messed up. I don't really get along that great with them, but we do get along. If my sisters aren't going to be at the wedding though, I don't see any reason for my adopted parents to attend. The relationship is as mended as it can get unfortuanlly. I've done everything in my power, everything else is on their end. The major issue with them is that they HAVE TO HAVE CONTROL. They no longer can control me...so they aren't happy is the best way to put it. They try to use my sisters to get me to do what they want, or just to have some power over me. Immature and dumb I know, but there isn't anything I can do about it. Thanks gals for feeling for me. It makes me feel better 
Stephanie |
| Posted: 11/15/2008 11:50:00 AM | |
| P: 11/15/2008 11:55:47 AM | |
2babycarrots Cut Rock Total Posts: 113 Last Post: 1/30/2009 Member Since: 11/14/2008 |
Hi Stephanie, I'm so sorry that you are having to go through all of this. So stressful! Here's a little bit of advice (I can't remember if you actually asked for advice or are just venting... either way here's what I think...) 1. This is a special day for YOU and YOUR FIANCE. This is about your wants and needs. No one else's. 2. Invite whomever you choose. Tell all that are invited that this is your wedding and that you hope they can respect your thoughts and wishes. You are not inviting people out of malice... only love and goodness. If they choose not to come, then that is their choice. 3. There's nothing you can do about your MOH bailing out. It's terrible. It's sad. It's inconvenient and rude! but it's done. I would not try to fill her space with a filler friend. Surround yourself with love on your wedding! I wish you the best of luck. Hang in there! Everything will fall into place but one warning: something wacky usually occurs (your hair is a little poofy, your fiance will have a big pimple on the end of his nose, the cake will have little green flowers all over it, etc). Just remember that the little things don't matter. You will laugh about it if you handle it with ease. Don't lose it over the little things and they are all little things. Oh yeah, and remember... there are people all over the world (and on this board) that are wishing you the best. Don't forget to breathe.
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| Posted: 11/15/2008 11:55:47 AM | |
| P: 11/15/2008 12:06:09 PM | |
pjean Ideal Rock Total Posts: 866 Last Post: 11/18/2009 Member Since: 11/27/2007 |
Wow. That's really difficult. I'm so sorry! I'm a little confused about your MOH - is there some circumstance that makes it imperative that she move THAT weekend, and that she be there for the move? 'Cause if not, I think I would talk to her about ways to work around it. I know one's wedding isn't nearly as important to everyone else as it is to them, etc., blah blah, but as a good friend, knowing the stress you're already under with regard to your family, I would certainly be there. {{{hugs}}}
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| Posted: 11/15/2008 12:06:09 PM | |
| P: 11/15/2008 12:49:18 PM | |
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neatfreak Ideal Rock Total Posts: 13,476 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 2/17/2007 |
Date: 11/15/2008 11:50:00 AM Author: redrose229 Date: 11/15/2008 11:41:54 AM Author: neatfreak I'm so sorry this is happening, it sucks. Unfortunately weddings sometimes bring out the worst in people. My MOH bailed on my wedding 3 WEEKS before. It also happened to another good friend of mine AND my MIL. So you aren't the only one... Can you maybe sit down with the parenst of your half sisters and have an adult conversation about how much it would mean for them to be included? And is there a reason why you aren't inviting their parents? Weddings can be a good time to mend relationships and an invite to their parents might go a long way toward getting them there... My adopted parents are invited to the wedding, but they may not be bringing my sisters, which IMO is messed up. I don't really get along that great with them, but we do get along. If my sisters aren't going to be at the wedding though, I don't see any reason for my adopted parents to attend. The relationship is as mended as it can get unfortuanlly. I've done everything in my power, everything else is on their end. The major issue with them is that they HAVE TO HAVE CONTROL. They no longer can control me...so they aren't happy is the best way to put it. They try to use my sisters to get me to do what they want, or just to have some power over me. Immature and dumb I know, but there isn't anything I can do about it. Thanks gals for feeling for me. It makes me feel better That is really weird! Sorry, I was under the impression that they weren't invited. I wonder why they won't bring the girls then? Do you think it's a financial thing maybe? Or is it close by?
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| Posted: 11/15/2008 12:49:18 PM | |
| P: 11/15/2008 3:02:09 PM | |
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redrose229 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,337 Last Post: 10/29/2009 Member Since: 1/23/2008 |
Date: 11/15/2008 12:49:18 PM Author: neatfreak That is really weird! Sorry, I was under the impression that they weren't invited. I wonder why they won't bring the girls then? Do you think it's a financial thing maybe? Or is it close by? Money is not an issue. I am not saying that they are rich, but my adopted mother just flew to Eroupe to visit her bio. daughter who was studying abroad. They can afford it, and even if they coudln't, I would offer to pay for my sisters to fly out there, their dresses, everything. But point blank...they just don't want to let them go. They say they are thinking about it, etc. but whatever. They think my bio. family is just going to "show up" at the wedding. Which, 1) my bio. family respects me and my day and completley understand and wouldn't do that. 2) my bio. mom doesn't drive, and the wedding is 6 hrs away from where the wedding is. My bio. dad (which isn't either of my sisters dad) can't drive because he isn't in physical or mental condition to. 3) Neither of them can afford to go. 4) Neither of my sisters fathers know where the wedding is, and they would have to drive to get there as well. 5) The wedding is in the middle of BFE. I'm going to have to give a map AND THEN have arrow signs all over town to get people to the correct location. NO ONE can find it unless they've been there...and so, therefore, even IF my bio. family went crazy, found money, a car, etc. they woulnd't be able to find the wedding. They think its in Omaha, which the reception is in omaha, not the wedding. The wedding is NEAR omaha. But whatever! I spoke with my adopted mom today and she said "We're still discussing it. We will let you know after christmas." It's been a year and their deadline they gave me for the answer is right around the corner. Wish me luck! 2babycarrots: Thanks! I know it's our day, it's just hard when things come along and try and squash it! LOL! pjean: I thought of that too, but off the top of my head....the answer would be no. My wedding is May 23, 09 and she graduates law school 2 weeks or so before that. She owns her house and has so many roommates that she doesn't even pay anything towards her morgage, just the other bills, which she still splits. My FH says that there is no excuse for her to move that day. She can do it before, or after. She just got a job at the AG office in that same area, and so she can't be moving far. I think there is something else going on...but I'm not sure what yet. She does know all about the adopted family thing, that's how I met her. Long story short, I was adopted when I was 12, and I didn't it to well. My adopted parents and I didnt' get along, and she was working though college, and worked at a groupe home I ended up at. She isn't much older than me...5 yrs or so. I was 15 at the time, and she was 21??? So we ended up really close and she knows about all the drama. That's why I'm so shocked. There must be a better reason, and it worries me she doesn't feel she can tell me the truth. Stephanie |
| Posted: 11/15/2008 3:02:09 PM | |
| P: 11/15/2008 3:32:56 PM | |
Italiahaircolor Ideal Rock Total Posts: 4,342 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 12/17/2007 |
I hate to be the one to suggest this...but prehaps you should just give yourself a break, and elope? Yes, big weddings are wonderful events...but, not when they're over shadowed with issues. ____________________________ |
| Posted: 11/15/2008 3:32:56 PM | |
| P: 11/15/2008 4:55:48 PM | |
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redrose229 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,337 Last Post: 10/29/2009 Member Since: 1/23/2008 |
Date: 11/15/2008 3:32:56 PM Author: Italiahaircolor I hate to be the one to suggest this...but prehaps you should just give yourself a break, and elope? Yes, big weddings are wonderful events...but, not when they're over shadowed with issues. We had planned on doing it in Jamaica, but Brad expressed great interest in having his grandparents there. I wouldn't even enterain the idea of a wedding because of all this until I saw how important it was to him to have his grandparents there. We've already paid a lot of deposits and our reception venue makes you paid I think 1500.00 (another 1k) if you don't even use it because you broke the contract. Eh. our wedding isn't to terribly expensive to begin with, and we have a large sum paid so we wouldn't get anything back I almost wish we had eloped, but I know my day will be speical no matter what. I just have to relax and breath. But I agree...this is not so much now. And even IF my adopted parents allow my sisters to attend....I can only imagine the things that will come out of their mouth. My FH even asked me today if we should "Say something" to them about keeping their mouthes shut.  On the upside, you ladies are great and I love you all! Thanks so much! I feel a lot better even though nothings changed! Stephanie |
| Posted: 11/15/2008 4:55:48 PM | |
| P: 11/15/2008 5:05:58 PM | |
SarahLovesJS Ideal Rock Total Posts: 4,973 Last Post: 11/21/2009 Member Since: 2/3/2008 |
Just sending some  and ((Hugs)) your way girl..I am sorry everything is falling apart so bad.
Mrs. S<3JS |
| Posted: 11/15/2008 5:05:58 PM | |
| P: 11/15/2008 9:40:24 PM | |
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pjean Ideal Rock Total Posts: 866 Last Post: 11/18/2009 Member Since: 11/27/2007 |
Oh, sweetie. This is so not good. Definitely I'm sending PS dust that your adopted parents will quit with the drama and make the right decision. Dust! Dust! As for your friend, I think you should call her. As you say, if there's something else going on, she should be able to tell you the truth. She might think she's sparing you somehow, but if that's her logic... FAIL (to quote my FI). I hate that kind of confrontation myself and I think there'd be at least 2 glasses of wine in me first, but whatever it takes, ya know? Lastly, I just wanted to point out how many PSers have had horrible weird family-ness, often resulting in people not showing up on their wedding day, and they've had wonderful, memorable, special days anyway. I think you're absolutely right that your day will be special no matter what. This bit truly sucks, no question. But really, how great is it going to be when you say "I do"? And then you turn around for the first time as a married couple and you're smiling out at everybody and they're smiling back at you, and it's like this huge feedback loop of happiness, all for you and your new husband? PRETTY DARN GREAT. 
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| Posted: 11/15/2008 9:40:24 PM | |
| P: 11/15/2008 9:50:20 PM | |
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redrose229 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,337 Last Post: 10/29/2009 Member Since: 1/23/2008 |
Date: 11/15/2008 5:05:58 PM Author: SarahLovesJS Just sending some and ((Hugs)) your way girl..I am sorry everything is falling apart so bad. Thanks guys! I knew that I'd get love from you! Even if it's virtual! 
Stephanie |
| Posted: 11/15/2008 9:50:20 PM | |
| P: 11/15/2008 9:55:00 PM | |
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redrose229 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,337 Last Post: 10/29/2009 Member Since: 1/23/2008 |
Date: 11/15/2008 9:40:24 PM Author: pjean Oh, sweetie. This is so not good. Definitely I'm sending PS dust that your adopted parents will quit with the drama and make the right decision. Dust! Dust! As for your friend, I think you should call her. As you say, if there's something else going on, she should be able to tell you the truth. She might think she's sparing you somehow, but if that's her logic... FAIL (to quote my FI). I hate that kind of confrontation myself and I think there'd be at least 2 glasses of wine in me first, but whatever it takes, ya know? Lastly, I just wanted to point out how many PSers have had horrible weird family-ness, often resulting in people not showing up on their wedding day, and they've had wonderful, memorable, special days anyway. I think you're absolutely right that your day will be special no matter what. This bit truly sucks, no question. But really, how great is it going to be when you say 'I do'? And then you turn around for the first time as a married couple and you're smiling out at everybody and they're smiling back at you, and it's like this huge feedback loop of happiness, all for you and your new husband? PRETTY DARN GREAT. Your so right! I did leave her a voicemail ealier today. It sounded so much better in my head, and I think I said something like "Umm...got your message. I get you have to move. Um...whatever. There isn't another day that you can move? Alright, well, I know that moving is important and all, but I am getting the vibe that there may be more to this than your telling me. So...yeah...call me." Not sure if I said it like that, but you get the idea. I also called another mutal friend of ours that knows here better than me and told him (he's the guy thats like a father to me, who's giving me away at my wedding) He said that sounded fishy to him to, and that it doesn't sound like her at all, and the fact she chopped her hair off (which is fine with me, but it REALLY unlike her to do something darastic like this, etc. Thanks gals! Stephanie |
| Posted: 11/15/2008 9:55:00 PM | |
| P: 11/15/2008 9:59:13 PM | |
kittybean Ideal Rock Total Posts: 3,071 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 5/2/2008 |
Ugh, this just sounds so awful and complicated for you. (I am still trying to wrap my mind around all the things you wrote about!) I just wanted to wish you the best, and I hope that your wedding day will be wonderful and happy and stress-free. It sounds like you are dealing with the adversity as reasonably as you can, which is all you can really do. Keep up the good work, and enjoy your special time. Hugs to you!
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| Posted: 11/15/2008 9:59:13 PM | |
| P: 11/15/2008 10:51:42 PM | |
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redrose229 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,337 Last Post: 10/29/2009 Member Since: 1/23/2008 |
Date: 11/15/2008 9:59:13 PM Author: kittybean Ugh, this just sounds so awful and complicated for you. (I am still trying to wrap my mind around all the things you wrote about!) I just wanted to wish you the best, and I hope that your wedding day will be wonderful and happy and stress-free. It sounds like you are dealing with the adversity as reasonably as you can, which is all you can really do. Keep up the good work, and enjoy your special time. Hugs to you! Thanks! I'll take all the hugs I can get! I'm more worried about my FH. When I woke up earily, I checked my voicemail and ran into the bedroom crying. My FH hates things that make me cry and still isn't pleased with my ex MOH. I wish I could calm him down, but he's the enemy of things that hurt me. He'll get over it, but he's really displeased with Jess (my ex MOH) Stephanie |
| Posted: 11/15/2008 10:51:42 PM | |
| P: 11/16/2008 1:21:09 AM | |
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Italiahaircolor Ideal Rock Total Posts: 4,342 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 12/17/2007 |
Maybe, you could not have BM's or GM's at all? Rather than feel all this "stress" or disappointment because other people aren't good at living up to their commitments...maybe you could make your "in town" ceremony feel like an elopement? Make it totally sentimental and beautiful and meaningful...forget what you think you're supposed to do, and just follow the path you're wedding is naturally taking? Given some time to think, I'm sure everyone on this site could contribute some really amazing ideas to make Jamacia come to you... I hate the thought of any bride losing money...so, forget that...but prehaps scaling it back, and turning into exactly what you both would be a happy solution? Weddings are supposed to be fun. And yes, there will always be a certain amount of stress attached to throwing a party of this degree. But really, within the first hour of the event, the most important part is over...and the rest is just "wedding cake". So try to smile, and if its to much right now...put it down and walk away...your wedding will be there when you're feeling ready to deal with it again. ____________________________ |
| Posted: 11/16/2008 1:21:09 AM | |
| P: 11/16/2008 7:11:03 AM | |
bee* Ideal Rock Total Posts: 11,105 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 5/14/2006 |
I'm really sorry to hear that and that sucks that your MOH backed out. Sending hugs and I hope that everything gets sorted out for you.
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| Posted: 11/16/2008 7:11:03 AM | |
| P: 11/16/2008 8:57:47 AM | |
arjunajane Ideal Rock Total Posts: 7,787 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 1/18/2008 |
I'm sorry to say this Steph, but I can't really think of a situation where someone can't change moving to another time if they really want to...I'm guessing your wedding is on sat, she can't move on sunday? Or the week before, or after? You get my drift.. Not trying to be rude, and I'm genuinely sorry you are having these troubles. But perhaps you need to have a proper talk with your friend to see whats really up..?  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "And let today embrace the past with remembrance and the future with longing." Kahlil Gibran |
| Posted: 11/16/2008 8:57:47 AM | |
| P: 11/16/2008 10:00:16 AM | |
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redrose229 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,337 Last Post: 10/29/2009 Member Since: 1/23/2008 |
Date: 11/16/2008 8:57:47 AM Author: arjunajane I'm sorry to say this Steph, but I can't really think of a situation where someone can't change moving to another time if they really want to...I'm guessing your wedding is on sat, she can't move on sunday? Or the week before, or after? You get my drift.. Not trying to be rude, and I'm genuinely sorry you are having these troubles. But perhaps you need to have a proper talk with your friend to see whats really up..? I thought of that too  . Either she has some other issues she doesn't want to discuss...or she isn't as close of a friend as I thought she was. Either way, it's not good!
Stephanie |
| Posted: 11/16/2008 10:00:16 AM | |
| P: 11/16/2008 10:05:37 AM | |
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redrose229 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,337 Last Post: 10/29/2009 Member Since: 1/23/2008 |
Date: 11/16/2008 1:21:09 AM Author: Italiahaircolor Maybe, you could not have BM's or GM's at all? Rather than feel all this 'stress' or disappointment because other people aren't good at living up to their commitments...maybe you could make your 'in town' ceremony feel like an elopement? Make it totally sentimental and beautiful and meaningful...forget what you think you're supposed to do, and just follow the path you're wedding is naturally taking? Given some time to think, I'm sure everyone on this site could contribute some really amazing ideas to make Jamacia come to you... I hate the thought of any bride losing money...so, forget that...but prehaps scaling it back, and turning into exactly what you both would be a happy solution? Weddings are supposed to be fun. And yes, there will always be a certain amount of stress attached to throwing a party of this degree. But really, within the first hour of the event, the most important part is over...and the rest is just 'wedding cake'. So try to smile, and if its to much right now...put it down and walk away...your wedding will be there when you're feeling ready to deal with it again. I never thought of that option! I'm glad that you gave me that out if I need it! It actually is a very good idea! Saves everyone $$$ and I could just have a FG and a RB. Wow, what an idea! The only "issue" I can see is that our ceremony is going to be very short already...so now it's going to be SUPER short if we go that route. I'll toss that idea to my FH. Bee: Thanks hun! You guys make me feel speical! 
Stephanie |
| Posted: 11/16/2008 10:05:37 AM | |
| P: 11/17/2008 12:25:01 AM | |
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Italiahaircolor Ideal Rock Total Posts: 4,342 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 12/17/2007 |
Date: 11/16/2008 10:05:37 AM People actually tend to *enjoy* short ceremonies. It's not that people don't enjoy seeing a couple exchange vows...but, they really come for the party (lets be honest). And, why do weddings need to be long? There is only point of a wedding ceremony, and it honestly takes all of 30 seconds ... everything else is fluff anyway and always varies. Author: redrose229 Date: 11/16/2008 1:21:09 AM Author: Italiahaircolor Maybe, you could not have BM's or GM's at all? Rather than feel all this 'stress' or disappointment because other people aren't good at living up to their commitments...maybe you could make your 'in town' ceremony feel like an elopement? Make it totally sentimental and beautiful and meaningful...forget what you think you're supposed to do, and just follow the path you're wedding is naturally taking? Given some time to think, I'm sure everyone on this site could contribute some really amazing ideas to make Jamacia come to you... I hate the thought of any bride losing money...so, forget that...but prehaps scaling it back, and turning into exactly what you both would be a happy solution? Weddings are supposed to be fun. And yes, there will always be a certain amount of stress attached to throwing a party of this degree. But really, within the first hour of the event, the most important part is over...and the rest is just 'wedding cake'. So try to smile, and if its to much right now...put it down and walk away...your wedding will be there when you're feeling ready to deal with it again. I never thought of that option! I'm glad that you gave me that out if I need it! It actually is a very good idea! Saves everyone $$$ and I could just have a FG and a RB. Wow, what an idea! The only 'issue' I can see is that our ceremony is going to be very short already...so now it's going to be SUPER short if we go that route. I'll toss that idea to my FH. Bee: Thanks hun! You guys make me feel speical! If you do feel like you need a stretch...prehaps, in addition to vows, ask a friend/family member to do a reading...that isn't religious, or "expected"...but speaks of you as a couple... For my wedding, we had my friend read the Carrie Bradshaw wedding poem she wrote for her friend during one episdoe of SATC...yes, it only added about a minute...but, the wedding was well rounded...and we were married. ____________________________ |
| Posted: 11/17/2008 12:25:01 AM | |
| P: 11/17/2008 8:41:19 AM | |
swimmer Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,955 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 11/9/2007 |
Hugs to you RedRose. I hope you figure out a way to be surrounded by those who love you most. My fortune cookie the other day said: "Stick with people who give you strength, banish those who take it away." Not sure what to do with that bit of wisdom, but it seemed right for you.
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| Posted: 11/17/2008 8:41:19 AM | |
| P: 11/18/2008 7:53:34 AM | |
girlie-girl Ideal Rock Total Posts: 819 Last Post: 6/5/2009 Member Since: 5/29/2008 |
I second the advice of skipping out on having BMs and GMs. You're already standing next to your best friend, I assume, so why would you need anyone else to stand there with you?  I'm not understanding the whole adoptive parents/half sisters deal. Why don't they want them to attend? I hope you're able to get things resolved quickly and I wish you all the best!
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| Posted: 11/18/2008 7:53:34 AM | |
| P: 11/18/2008 8:48:35 AM | |
cammy85 Cut Rock Total Posts: 401 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 2/28/2008 |
((hugs)) and sorry to hear you're dealing with this. Unfortunately, as much as we care about some people, weddings tend to not bring out their best side. When my friend got married, she had a huge falling out with a bridesmaid right before the wedding, and the bridesmaid subsequently dropped out. In the long run, it was good, because she has all the memories and all the pictures and no reminders of the 'other girl.' For my own wedding, I had someone who felt they were doing me this HUUUUGE favor by agreeing to be in the wedding. But then talked about how terrible it's going to be for her and gave the whole 'i'm gonna do it but I'm not gonna like it.' So in the end, I relieved her of her duties. Which I think she wanted but didn't want to do herself. Sorry for the ramble, but I believe that both scenarios I experienced made (or will make, in my case) the wedding day go much better and much more relaxed. I know you are bummd and upset, and rightly so, but there has to be a point where you can take a deep breath, let it go, and just remember that you are going to have an amazingly wonderful day, no matter what. If you are so inclined, you can even have a get together with those people who couldn't make it at a later date to 'celebrate' in a low key way. Sorry for the ramble. Still finishing my coffee.
~*~ Invest in the human soul. Who knows, it might be a diamond in the rough. ~*~ |
| Posted: 11/18/2008 8:48:35 AM | |
| P: 11/18/2008 1:51:07 PM | |
kama_s Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,692 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 7/12/2008 |
I'm sorry you're going through this Redrose I really do like the suggestion of not having a WP. I'm not having a WP, except for my brother being my man of honour and my FI's brother being his best man. Before I walk down the aisle, I'm going to have his family and my family enter first (my brother escorts my mother, his brother escorts sister-in-law, and his father escorts his mum). Could you have your family and his family walk down the aisle before you? That would give you another 4-5 minutes. Our ceremony will be short as well, max of 20 minutes. But I think short and sweet is the way to go. It's more about the intimacy and closeness than about the length of the ceremony. Just my opinion. Hope things work out.
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| Posted: 11/18/2008 1:51:07 PM | |
| P: 11/18/2008 10:57:41 PM | |
redfaerythinker Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,259 Last Post: 11/19/2009 Member Since: 6/7/2007 |
I don't have any advice but I wanted to give you a virtual *HUG*.
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| Posted: 11/18/2008 10:57:41 PM | |
| P: 11/23/2008 5:37:11 AM | |
MishB Cut Rock Total Posts: 485 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 8/17/2008 |
All you're stressing about is 'attendants', they won't make or break the wedding, I agree with the previous posts. Maybe you should just let your girlfriend deal with her issues, she obviously has some things going on. You said your fiance is very concerned about having his grandparents there, why don't you ask them to stand up as your witnesses? Granddad can walk you down the aisle or be the best man, and grandma can be your 'MOH', I think that would be lovely.
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| Posted: 11/23/2008 5:37:11 AM | |
| P: 11/23/2008 12:39:54 PM | |
thing2of2 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 7,672 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 1/1/2007 |
Sorry to hear about all this, redrose. I can't believe your MOH would bail on you like that. Wow...that's really terrible, especially considering that she knows about all the other issues you're having. As for your adoptive parents not letting your half sisters come, that's also just terrible. It's really shocking how cruel some people can be. I hope everything works out and your sisters are able to come. But no matter what, you're getting married! To a great guy who loves and supports you. And I'm sure your day will be special whether you have BM's, GM's, FG's, RB's, whatever!
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| Posted: 11/23/2008 12:39:54 PM | |
| P: 11/23/2008 2:40:42 PM | |
sweetjettagirl04 Cut Rock Total Posts: 463 Last Post: 7/21/2009 Member Since: 11/20/2007 |
awww, date twin, I'm sorry that this is happening. I can't really give much advice other than to surround yourselves with people who truly love you on that day. That's the most important thing. Whether it's the family you were raised with, or the family you created with your friends, make sure you don't have regrets the day of. It's about celebrating you and Brad and your new life together, so you wish everyone would see it that way, but unfortunately, people tend to forget that and focus on their own issues they may have that day. big hugs to you, i hope things have improved... 
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| Posted: 11/23/2008 2:40:42 PM | |
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