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 » Ladies in Waiting
»  » I guess I don't understand
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| Pages: 1 of 2: [1] 2 > |
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I guess I don't understand |
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| P: 10/7/2008 11:06:24 PM | |
fuzzers Cut Rock Total Posts: 230 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 7/15/2008 |
First of all, congrats to everyone who got engaged recently.  And an early congrats to you LIWs who are so close! (It will be a while for me, it seems) Anyway, to my question. What is the point of "keeping a ring hostage"? After a ring is bought, isn't it customary to propose with it pretty darn soon? Is it anymore of a surprise 6 months down the line than it is the next weekend after the ring is bought? I dunno, this is a new trend I've not been aware of until I joined this site! Please enlighten me. 
LIW List 11/20/09 - #20! 11/19/08 - #130 |
| Posted: 10/7/2008 11:06:24 PM | |
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There are 52 replies to this message. There are 30 replies on this page. |
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| P: 10/7/2008 11:19:28 PM | |
Octavia Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,477 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 10/29/2007 |
I don't really understand it either, unless the guy is proposing in a way that requires a lot of advance planning. I'm just glad that my FI didn't do this -- he got the ring in the afternoon and proposed that night . If he'd been keeping the ring hostage and I knew about it, I wouldn't have been very happy about it.
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| Posted: 10/7/2008 11:19:28 PM | |
| P: 10/7/2008 11:26:30 PM | |
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fuzzers Cut Rock Total Posts: 230 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 7/15/2008 |
I wouldn't be happy either! (just my personal opinion...) I read about a proposal in the parking lot outside of the jewelry store where a couple just bought their ring. I thought it was sweet. I want my guy to feel he can't wait to marry me! LIW List |
| Posted: 10/7/2008 11:26:30 PM | |
| P: 10/7/2008 11:46:36 PM | |
Namaste Ideal Rock Total Posts: 853 Last Post: 11/2/2009 Member Since: 8/1/2008 |
EXACTLY! I feel the same totally. I wasn't aware of this until I went on PS either. I mentioned this in another thread. I think it's almost mean to hold onto the ring for like 6 months (or however long) ESPECIALLY if she knows about it. I mean, what's the point??? I can understand waiting like a month TOPS - to wait for the right moment or set up a romantic surprise or whatever. But seriously - 4, 5, 6 months with the ring just sitting in the house, taunting the woman - I just don't get it. You can claim that it's because he wants her to be surprised, but as you said she's probably gonna be just as surprised if you wait a week - waiting months and months for a proposal when you KNOW the ring is in the house I'd be getting kinda pissed with him. Like you said, it's much more romantic when you feel like he just can't WAIT to get that ring on your finger and marry you. Hehe maybe it's good I've got no clue if my man has the ring cause if i knew he'd been sitting on it for months i'd be questioning him on what the heck he's waiting for... wondering if he's having second thoughts?? But hey, whatever works for people.. I gotta hand it to some of these gals for being so patient!
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| Posted: 10/7/2008 11:46:36 PM | |
| P: 10/8/2008 12:19:26 AM | |
Cynd33 Rough Rock Total Posts: 81 Last Post: 10/8/2009 Member Since: 8/19/2008 |
I think that everyone has their own reasons. I know that when we first went shopping for our ring that financially we were ready for the purchase and we were lucky enough to find the perfect stone and setting – we thought the process would take much longer and I don’t think my BF expected it all to be completed in such a short time frame. I had mentioned to my SO that I felt things had been done a little backwards and I felt as though ring shopping was meant to be done after a proposal (little did I know before I found PriceScope how common this was!) BF responded by saying that he really wanted me to be part of the process as at the end of the day I would be the one wearing it and he wanted me to love every detail... Since the ring has been picked up we’ve had things booked in every week including birthdays, friends engagement parties, parents visiting and every other thing you can imagine under the sun and whilst the wait is not easy I know how important it is for my BF to pop the question when things are more focused on us rather than just rushing to do it just because we’ve got the ring. Also, I think he wants to ‘create a memorable moment’ which is what he tells me that I can cherish for the rest of my life. Although I think the carpark is sweet and romantic I think there is no harm in putting some thought and planning into dinner or scrabble boards etc!!
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| Posted: 10/8/2008 12:19:26 AM | |
| P: 10/8/2008 12:31:08 AM | |
sunnyd Ideal Rock Total Posts: 4,579 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 11/5/2007 |
It's either a) because he already has a plan in place or b) because he thinks you'll "forget" about it and be surprised by the proposal...boys... 
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| Posted: 10/8/2008 12:31:08 AM | |
| P: 10/8/2008 12:53:29 AM | |
bootsiekin Cut Rock Total Posts: 188 Last Post: 7/20/2009 Member Since: 7/24/2008 |
My FI proposed to me exactly one week after buying the ring..of course I didnt know he had gone ring shopping at all and even rode around in the car sitting on it as it was under the passengers seat for several days! If I had known he had bought it I dont know how I could handle waiting! The funny thing is that he bought it on our 2 year anniversary which was when apparently everyone thought he might propose, but then he waited a week to do it when we were on vacation at the beach.
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| Posted: 10/8/2008 12:53:29 AM | |
| P: 10/8/2008 1:18:22 AM | |
trillionaire Ideal Rock Total Posts: 3,133 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 4/19/2008 |
I haven't a clue. I know I wouldn't be able to wait if I was propoosing, but I am a blurter by nature. SO got my ring in June? July? I don't even remember anymore. I've basically convinced myself that he doesn't have it. I guess he doesn't feel rushed though, because he has no idea that I know  I keep telling him that women know everything. One day he will believe me...
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| Posted: 10/8/2008 1:18:22 AM | |
| P: 10/8/2008 5:32:59 AM | |
Dannielle Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,198 Last Post: 10/22/2009 Member Since: 7/8/2008 |
My FI had my ring for 6 months before he proposed, I didn't know about the ring but if I did I don't think he would of held on to it for so long. I would of tried to find it and wear it around the house when he wasn't home!!!
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| Posted: 10/8/2008 5:32:59 AM | |
| P: 10/8/2008 6:31:21 AM | |
Blackpaw Ideal Rock Total Posts: 831 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 6/26/2008 |
Its a blasted pain thats what it is fuzzers  My SO and I have decided that we'll pick the ring together, then he'll propose. Last night we're talking about it and he mentions he'll be hanging onto it for sometime and that he wants A YEAR to propose with it  Apparently he needs planning time or something. A year is pushing the friendship doesnt everyone think?But then maybe he's having a laugh on me and will actually propose sooner than that - kinda thing he'ld do...
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| Posted: 10/8/2008 6:31:21 AM | |
| P: 10/8/2008 6:34:19 AM | |
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Blackpaw Ideal Rock Total Posts: 831 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 6/26/2008 |
sunnyd Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,437 It's either Soooooo funny and sooooo true and very misguided
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| Posted: 10/8/2008 6:34:19 AM | |
| P: 10/8/2008 6:34:52 AM | |
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Blackpaw Ideal Rock Total Posts: 831 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 6/26/2008 |
Ach clearly i dont know how to quote text. Forgive me!
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| Posted: 10/8/2008 6:34:52 AM | |
| P: 10/8/2008 7:45:04 AM | |
Sapphire_Cutie Ideal Rock Total Posts: 513 Last Post: 10/6/2009 Member Since: 1/18/2008 |
Fuzzers, I have NO idea why guys do that lol. Mine particularly wanted EVERYTHING to be a supprise. I had already kniwn what the ring was cuz it was a one of a kind and I fell in love with it and he bought it for me. He put a payment on it on April 5th and had it picked it up by the middle or one week left in August. I think it was like the 18th or 24th. Something like that. Now...atm SO doesnt drive, so I take him everywhere. Id offer to take him to make his ring payments etc and he wouldnt have it cuz he didnt feel right with me being there while he was putting money down ect. Said he didnt want me knowing HOW much he was putting down on that particular payment...YET HE'D END UP TELLING ME LATER!!!! I JUST DIDNT GET IT! Then my ONLY major request was to PLEASE get it sized IMEDIATLY after he had it in his posession. Cuz FFI is VERY forgetful at times and one thing I did NOT want was for him to forget ti size it and propose and then me have to give the ring back up again once it was FINALLY MINE lol. But he didn't and I got SOOOOO frustrated. He finally dropped it off the end of Sept and it took like 10 days. He took it on a Sat and it was DOne on Tues, It was picked up on Sat Oct 4th. SO knew my ring size, but after a while I was getting scared that it wouldn't fit cuz my fingers have been fluctuating so much lately. So when SO picked up the ring I txtd him and asked him if I closed my eyes, could he try it on to make SURE that it fit right. So that if it didnt we still had time to correct it before the proposal. But NOPE! He made a BIG stink about it and I dont get why. A: I already know what the ring looks like and B: I offered to keep my eyes closed this way there would still be a suprise element when he did ask me. Cuz Im sure the ring is bound to look WAY differant when its sized propperly then when its TWO sizes too big lol. But he IS A BOY (no offense guys) lol. Then the next day after the ring came home, he had to leave for a buisness trip. He comes home Fri nite and then leaves again for a week at the end of Oct. Then goes away for the 1st THREE weeks of Nov.... So with all this crappy travel he has goin on...I have a feelin I'll have to wait til the end of Nov or End of Dec. He did say by the end of the year tho. I personally DONT see the point in waiting unles syou have a VERY SPECIFFIC plan to propose. But SO doesnt have anything planned yet. And to me...NOW isnt the time to plan...THAT shoulda been done the 5mos that it took to pay off the ring ect. ::sigh:: I didnt mind at 1st but now its starting to get to me lol
1st time Mama...Due Sept 9th! |
| Posted: 10/8/2008 7:45:04 AM | |
| P: 10/8/2008 8:41:48 AM | |
zilaras Rough Rock Total Posts: 52 Last Post: 10/12/2008 Member Since: 1/11/2008 |
Oh, I love this thread! I am a 6 month ring in the house lady. I know my FF has his reasons: he wanted to ask my Dad first, he wanted make sure it was special. Personally, it is driving me crazy to the point of thinking ( as someone has pointed out) that maybe he was having second thoughts. I never honestly thought that but on the more difficult days it would cross my mind.We did have a wonderful heart to heart last night though. Where I basically told him that it's starting to get a little riddiculous now that he was asked my Dad over 2 months ago... So last night he realized that it was ridiculous ( YAY). He pinky promised me (stick a needle in his eye even) that he WILL propose in greater than a week but less than a month ( so somewhere between October the 14th and November the 7th). He realized that making it special for me, would at this point, mean asking me. So in response to why do guys do it...I think it is usually good intentioned. He wants it to be special and put effort into it....but I think that for some guys as time passes it becomes easier for them to let more time pass.
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| Posted: 10/8/2008 8:41:48 AM | |
| P: 10/8/2008 8:45:40 AM | |
gladyskristen Ideal Rock Total Posts: 783 Last Post: 3/8/2009 Member Since: 10/24/2006 |
Yup, I TOTALLY CAN'T UNDERSTAND THIS HOSTAGE SITUATION!!!! Sorry, I'm kinda upset seeing this topic, cos it reminds me of the situation I'm in, and it's so sad that others are facing the same thing. I'm currently in Sydney, so obviously he can't propose 'til I'm back, but I have a very big feeling that I'm gonna be waiting and waiting and waiting... When I mentioned about it, he just said that he doesn't like to "feel pushed into it", so he wanna take his time! Boys r such boogerfaces... 
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| Posted: 10/8/2008 8:45:40 AM | |
| P: 10/8/2008 9:34:57 AM | |
rob09 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 640 Last Post: 10/26/2009 Member Since: 2/6/2008 |
OK - here is one real-life example and specific reason for waiting: my GF does not want to get engaged with less than a year of dating. By the time I propose (in April 09) it will have been 1 year and 6 months and I will have had the ring in my possession for one year. I could just not wait to get a ring, but she has no clue (hopefully) that I already have it. Now I could propose in November theoretically but since we are going to Paris in April I'd rather wait until then. But if my GF knew that I had it and I knew that she could not wait to get engaged - I would do it in a heartbeat. Guys are a bit strange when it comes to commitment sometimes. But I guess I am preaching to the choir here ...
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| Posted: 10/8/2008 9:34:57 AM | |
| P: 10/8/2008 10:25:25 AM | |
debzy103 Cut Rock Total Posts: 150 Last Post: 12/29/2008 Member Since: 8/21/2008 |
I can understand waiting a week, 2 weeks, maybe 3 weeks. 6 months I simply cannot understand. Who wants to spend thousands of $$s on something just so it can sit in a box in a house or a safe or wherever? The guys who hide the e-rings in a car are just crazy (asking for it to be stolen?!?!). It might take a few weeks to sets up the romantic proposal, but it does not take a half a year! I definitely appreciate that my bf is going to propose in special and memorable way. I wouldn't want him to just give me the ring as we walked out of the store or the second he walks in the door with it...that's not a great story to tell, is it? I picked out the setting with my bf but left him to find the diamond and have the ring custom made. So this way, although I have a general idea the proposal will be in the next month or so, I have no idea exactly when it will be. That's the exciting and romantic part to me!  Side note: In our case, it will take a few weeks/months for the ring to be custom made, so I'm assuming my bf is using this "waiting" time to do all the planning. I'd kill him if he held on to the ring for longer than 1-2 weeks! Hahaha.
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| Posted: 10/8/2008 10:25:25 AM | |
| P: 10/8/2008 10:35:41 AM | |
katamari Ideal Rock Total Posts: 2,106 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 5/18/2008 |
I actually talked to my FI about it, since we just got engaged. He and many of our friends kept the ring for awhile, and he said it really was about the pressure that they felt to have "the perfect proposal." He said they all were very worried about letting their SOs down or seeming like like of an SO because they don't meet expectations. Even I thought he would do it in Europe because of how romantic it seemed, and in retrospect, I realize how non-us it would have been. In the end, he decided on a "perfect for us" proposal, but he really struggled with it. My FI is very shy, and he said he knew that everyone would ask for the proposal story and it made him feel really self-conscious and unsure of himself. He said he felt he would be judged if he just opened the fexed box and popped the question.
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| Posted: 10/8/2008 10:35:41 AM | |
| P: 10/8/2008 10:50:54 AM | |
Dreamgirl Ideal Rock Total Posts: 5,023 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 3/25/2008 |
That is a good question. I guess it depends on the couple and their situations. I guess it would make sense if FF buys the ring and keeps it hostage without the girl knowing it. But when the girl knows.....well, it would KILL me to KNOW he has a ring and hasn't given it to me. I feel bad for the LIW's who know FF has the ring hostage........
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away. Dreaming of the Osaka sun...  |
| Posted: 10/8/2008 10:50:54 AM | |
| P: 10/8/2008 10:52:17 AM | |
SailorsSweet<3 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 712 Last Post: 4/8/2009 Member Since: 9/10/2008 |
Just playing devils advocate.. if the SO had wanted to plan something that takes time to see out.. 1) like a vacation (or even a weekend away) 2) a reservation at a popular restaurant 3) booking a special weekend with a lake house or a boat or anything that may be booked by others 4) waiting for a certain time of year that they remember us LIWs saying was our favorite season 5) waiting for a certain time to propose because LIWs have said they want to get married x months from the engagement and they want a summer/fall/winter wedding 6) I'll put six here just to steal Sunnyd's reason.. because they're hoping us LIW will forget and it'll be more of a surprise Personally, I'd go crazy knowing that my SO had the ring and having the months pile on waiting. I sympathize with all you girls out there who are put in that position.. but at least in the end you know its going to happen I think holding it for a year (or more, sheesh!) when you live together already or aren't waiting for a certain point like a graduation or a career switch or a home purchase, etc etc, is a little bit of overkill. I can see how that would cause fights and resentment and aggravation 
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| Posted: 10/8/2008 10:52:17 AM | |
| P: 10/8/2008 11:22:43 AM | |
dcgator Cut Rock Total Posts: 344 Last Post: 8/31/2009 Member Since: 8/15/2008 |
I seriously hope that I will not have a hostage situation with the ring but there is a possibility there will be one. I "ruined" the surprise of him getting the diamond, and now he is telling me that he is going to make me wait longer to get my ring since I ruined his suprise. I REALLY hope he doesn't do that and that he is just trying to throw me off, but we will see. If he does do it though, all logical reasoning aside, I will go CRAZY . Plus, we are shooting for a May/June wedding and I need some time to at least pick a place and get my dress made, and with a proposal in Oct/Nov, there is not much room for error...ahhh...Let's just hope he is trying to throw me off, for his sake, lol
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| Posted: 10/8/2008 11:22:43 AM | |
| P: 10/8/2008 11:42:42 AM | |
fiery Ideal Rock Total Posts: 4,139 Last Post: 11/25/2009 Member Since: 5/18/2008 |
My guy held on to it for about two months before proposing. For him, he felt the surprise was ruined because I knew about the ring, was there when he bought it, and found out later where it was hidden. He wanted to wait until it wasn't so fresh in my mind and until I forgot what it looked like (as if that would happen) to propose. I think guys have their own way of how they want to handle the engagement process. It has become a trend for girls to be part of the ring buying experience and not all men are ok with this but go through it anyway because that's what their lady wants. So proposing right after doesn't feel right.
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| Posted: 10/8/2008 11:42:42 AM | |
| P: 10/8/2008 12:19:43 PM | |
tessari Cut Rock Total Posts: 166 Last Post: 10/18/2009 Member Since: 6/27/2008 |
I too did not know about this trend until I got on pricescope. And like most of you, I don't care if he buys it early and holds on to it IF I don't know that he has it...BUT if I know he has it and where it is and he takes over a month to hand it over--unless he makes it sound like there are big big plans in the works--I would be going nuts. It's all I would think about. I am very impatient and I can't even imagine how I would be in that situation. Esp since I don't want to do anything wedding related until I am engaged...
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| Posted: 10/8/2008 12:19:43 PM | |
| P: 10/8/2008 12:42:11 PM | |
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rob09 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 640 Last Post: 10/26/2009 Member Since: 2/6/2008 |
I can totally imagine other men coming up with a line of "well, you know what it looks, like, you know that it is in the house, so now you can get off my back and relax. And I will eventually think about asking. At some point. If I don't forget". Don't you women ever send them to read pricescope stuff? That may help ... (or not) 
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| Posted: 10/8/2008 12:42:11 PM | |
| P: 10/8/2008 1:02:50 PM | |
gwendolyn Ideal Rock Total Posts: 6,544 Last Post: 11/12/2009 Member Since: 8/4/2007 |
Hmm, guess I am in the minority here then. If I like the idea of a more 'traditional' proposal (in which the guy proposes to me rather than vice versa, which I do), then I feel I also need to allow him the freedom to do it how he likes, when he likes. Especially if it is a gift! I wouldn't consider hanging on to a great Christmas present for someone until December 25th to be holding something 'hostage' from them because that's the day that gift is waiting to be given. How is an engagement ring any different if the husband-to-be has a specific date in mind to propose? In my situation, J and I will be both be paying for the ring and I am still fine with him taking the time to do it in his way because I know in my heart that he'd only draw out the process to make it as wonderful and memorable for me as possible. I have no doubt it's difficult to wait when you know what happiness is just around the corner, but if he wants to try to make my most romantic dreams come true, why would I want to rush him through a couple of weeks or months that, in the long run, will amount to essentially nil? I know the proposal is coming; I know he isn't going to change his mind about wanting to marry me. I'll have decades of my life to wear that ring and be his wife. I want to allow him the freedom to do it in his own way, without me breathing down his neck to hurry up. He gets enough of that in relation to the chores. 
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| Posted: 10/8/2008 1:02:50 PM | |
| P: 10/8/2008 1:12:27 PM | |
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Namaste Ideal Rock Total Posts: 853 Last Post: 11/2/2009 Member Since: 8/1/2008 |
Date: 10/8/2008 12:42:11 PM Author: rob09 I can totally imagine other men coming up with a line of 'well, you know what it looks, like, you know that it is in the house, so now you can get off my back and relax. And I will eventually think about asking. At some point. If I don't forget'. Don't you women ever send them to read pricescope stuff? That may help ... (or not) Oh geeez, that's HILARIOUS only because that is totally what my guy would say. I'd have to PAY him to sit down and read PS posts... he gets enough crazy LIW rants from me - i doubt his sanity could handle all these other LsIW too!  (no offense ladies  )
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| Posted: 10/8/2008 1:12:27 PM | |
| P: 10/8/2008 1:32:14 PM | |
mariewest Cut Rock Total Posts: 100 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 9/20/2008 |
Who says you can't plan the proposal before you get the ring? Buying it and then planning it? Why waste the time? I would be very upset if I knew my SO had my ring for months before he popped the question, weeks are okay, but not months. Hopefully he knows better than that, because I'm getting pretty discouraged recently about his lack of effort. If you want to propose, why prolong it?
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| Posted: 10/8/2008 1:32:14 PM | |
| P: 10/8/2008 1:35:03 PM | |
goodfun7580 Cut Rock Total Posts: 119 Last Post: 3/9/2009 Member Since: 8/9/2007 |
My ring is currently being held hostage. He's had it in his possesion since the beginning of June, which I think makes it around the 4 month mark. Had I known he was going to hang on to it for this long, I would have prefered he not even bought it when he did or involve me at all. The poor thing is sitting in a dresser all by itself, not even being enjoyed by anyone. I do understand his reasons for not proposing. He is generally nervous about the whole thing, plus telling his mom is going to be a really big deal (based on her reaction when he moved out, her reaction to us getting engaged most likely won't be pretty). I'll be surprised if we get engaged by the end of the year, just because it seems like my wait will never end.
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| Posted: 10/8/2008 1:35:03 PM | |
| P: 10/8/2008 1:41:35 PM | |
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rob09 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 640 Last Post: 10/26/2009 Member Since: 2/6/2008 |
I guess all of this poses the question as to whether some men just buy the ring without "really" being ready ... and/or to "escape" constant nagging?? Even if it is done together and even if they say that they are ready? Hm.
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| Posted: 10/8/2008 1:41:35 PM | |
| P: 10/8/2008 1:46:18 PM | |
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goodfun7580 Cut Rock Total Posts: 119 Last Post: 3/9/2009 Member Since: 8/9/2007 |
Good point Rob09. I'm pretty sure my SO bought the ring to #1 buy some time, #2 show me his is serious (but obviously not serious enough), but its becoming very clear he is not ready yet. Its kind of a stupid thing to do, because obviously, at this point I'm realizing his motives behind it, and if he doesn't become ready soon, he wasted a good amount of money for nothing.
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| Posted: 10/8/2008 1:46:18 PM | |
| P: 10/8/2008 2:17:11 PM | |
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Dreamgirl Ideal Rock Total Posts: 5,023 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 3/25/2008 |
Date: 10/8/2008 1:02:50 PM That is a VERY good point Gwen! I can actually picture my guy doing this and holding onto it until the day he wants to pop the question. Im not sure how far in advance he would purchase it though. One month, three maybe? I couldn't picture him buying it 6 months to a year before. Then again who knows! He sure does like to plan far in advance for things...But he would NEVER let me know he had it regardless. That's just how he is. And he is good at keeping a surprise "under wraps" if you will. Plus, he knows how I am. And Im BAD when it comes to knowing he has a surprise for me. So in my case, I would never even know he had it (if he did).........
Author: gwendolyn I wouldn't consider hanging on to a great Christmas present for someone until December 25th to be holding something 'hostage' from them because that's the day that gift is waiting to be given. How is an engagement ring any different if the husband-to-be has a specific date in mind to propose? Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away. Dreaming of the Osaka sun... |
| Posted: 10/8/2008 2:17:11 PM | |
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