Please help me decide what to do about my wedding band.

P: 7/13/2008 2:09:08 AM

Gypsy

Ideal Rock
Total Posts: 14,306
Last Post: 11/20/2009
Member Since: 8/9/2005

Okay, so we've had some big unexpected expenses come up (all THREE cats were ill at once, car had issues, etc.) and it's eaten into our funds. Plus I forgot a $500 line item expense in my wedding budget when I recalculated it for the new venue.

SO, I'm looking at our wedding band options and I don't want to skimp on John's band. He's a one band for the rest of his life type guy. So I want to get him the one he really wants.

I, on the other hand fully admit that I'm gonna be playing footsie with bands.

So I REALLY want the memoire 11 stone .33 carat petite prong in platinum and almost placed my order for it last week (now I'm really glad I didn't). I don't want to compromise on that and get a different shared prong. I love this band and its the only one that's ever really made me happy with my e-ring. I can get it for our first Christmas as a married couple, if I don't get it for the wedding.

So that leaves me without a wedding band. I thought about getting an inexpensive plain platinum band for like 300. About getting an inexpensive 14k or 18K shared prong half eternity band for around 400 (costco has one).

But then I remembered that John's mom had, a few years ago given me her baguette eternity band. Now it needs repair as half the baguettes are broken, and because of the way the diamonds are set into the band its a bit labor intensive so I haven't gotten it done yet. It wouldn't cost me much more than 400 to have it repaired.

Now his mom's wedding band is special to us because his parents were very devoted, and honestly I would be blessed to have such a strong enduring union as they did. So I love the symbolism.

But I'm not crazy about the way the band looks with my new setting. It was actually the ONLY band I liked with my old setting... but it just looks okay with the current one (don't have pics, band is at the bank, can get it and post pics later)... but I'm wondering how much that matters short term. It might sit better against my current setting if I can have the inside shaved down a little, which I need to do anyway to take it up a 1/4 size as it is a little snug.

What would you do?

Posted: 7/13/2008 2:09:08 AM

There are 27 replies to this message. There are 27 replies on this page.

P: 7/13/2008 2:39:28 AM
Gypsy Ideal Rock Total Posts: 14,306 Last Post: 11/20/2009 Member Since: 8/9/2005	Won't let me edit. But I forgot to include some important information: 1. E-ring is platinum and shank is 2.1 mm rounded. 2. FMIL's band is white gold, but is a vintage ring with a palladium alloy so it doesn't yellow. It's about 2.3 mm Also FMIL's band is not set in a way that protects the baguettes, so even in the few months I wear it until I get the memoire for Christmas... I could bust a few of the baguettes. It is a possibility, I was told by a trusted jeweler.
Posted: 7/13/2008 2:39:28 AM

P: 7/13/2008 5:45:11 AM
Dani Ideal Rock Total Posts: 4,603 Last Post: 11/21/2009 Member Since: 11/12/2004	Hi Gypsy, I would go with the plain plat band. Only b/c I like wearing just my plain band once in a while...its a really pretty, classic look. So you cant go wrong having one of those. It would be nice to fix your FMIL's band and use that, but it seems like a big expense, and you plan on getting a new band within the next few months anyway, you know? What's nice too is that you have alot of options with the plain band....e.g. you can wear it alone, or stacked with your new Memoire band once you get it....Its just a great ring to have in general. So, Im pretty sure that's what I would do. Good luck!!!
Posted: 7/13/2008 5:45:11 AM

P: 7/13/2008 8:46:14 AM
waterlilly Cut Rock Total Posts: 239 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 3/31/2007	I would definitely go with the plain band. Such a classic look and will be a ring that will last forever needing NO repairs, the ring you had at the actual ceremony that can be worn 24/7 for the rest of your life if you chose to. Save the bling for your 1yr. anniversary, or xmas. The plain band paired with the memoir band will look fantastic too! You will probably get a ton of use out of a plain band mixing and matching it with your ering and the other bands you collect over time. And again, you'll never have to be ringless when your other ones are "in the shop" so to speak.
Posted: 7/13/2008 8:46:14 AM

P: 7/13/2008 10:00:49 AM
pocahontas Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,294 Last Post: 11/18/2009 Member Since: 8/14/2003	Hi Gypsy, I also voted for the plain platinum band. I agree with Dani and Waterlily that it's a classic choice that will look great on its own and can be easily used as a stacking band in the future.
Posted: 7/13/2008 10:00:49 AM

P: 7/13/2008 10:37:42 AM
decodelighted Ideal Rock Total Posts: 8,625 Last Post: 11/16/2009 Member Since: 7/27/2005	Going against all common sense ... I say, charge the one you want. You have a good job. You've been through so much. Just get the one you really want & know that you had that on the day you FINALLY got married . No "temp" band ... no "for a little while" band -- but A FOREVER BAND (maybe not THE only forever band) but A forever band. After all, you're planning to buy it ANYWAY .. in just a few months (Xmas). You think you'll have the $$ then ... heck, tell yourself its an early Xmas pressie if it makes you feel better about it. Or cut somewhere else. But, Gypsy - its important. Realize it is and avoid the feelings of disappointment and "what if". Okay!
Posted: 7/13/2008 10:37:42 AM

P: 7/13/2008 10:42:32 AM
sumbride Ideal Rock Total Posts: 3,867 Last Post: 1/21/2009 Member Since: 2/17/2006	Date: 7/13/2008 10:37:42 AM Author: decodelighted Going against all common sense ... I say, charge the one you want. You have a good job. You've been through so much. Just get the one you really want & know that you had that on the day you FINALLY got married . No 'temp' band ... no 'for a little while' band -- but A FOREVER BAND (maybe not THE only forever band) but A forever band. After all, you're planning to buy it ANYWAY .. in just a few months (Xmas). You think you'll have the $$ then ... heck, tell yourself its an early Xmas pressie if it makes you feel better about it. Or cut somewhere else. But, Gypsy - its important. Realize it is and avoid the feelings of disappointment and 'what if'. Okay! Ditto! Don't spend the money on something you don't really want... get the one you want!
Posted: 7/13/2008 10:42:32 AM

P: 7/13/2008 10:49:54 AM
Ellen Ideal Rock Total Posts: 22,894 Last Post: 11/6/2009 Member Since: 1/13/2006	Date: 7/13/2008 10:42:32 AM Author: sumbride Date: 7/13/2008 10:37:42 AM Author: decodelighted Going against all common sense ... I say, charge the one you want. You have a good job. You've been through so much. Just get the one you really want & know that you had that on the day you FINALLY got married . No 'temp' band ... no 'for a little while' band -- but A FOREVER BAND (maybe not THE only forever band) but A forever band. After all, you're planning to buy it ANYWAY .. in just a few months (Xmas). You think you'll have the $$ then ... heck, tell yourself its an early Xmas pressie if it makes you feel better about it. Or cut somewhere else. But, Gypsy - its important. Realize it is and avoid the feelings of disappointment and 'what if'. Okay! Ditto! Don't spend the money on something you don't really want... get the one you want! Thritto. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "It is also important for the State to inculcate in its subjects an aversion to any 'conspiracy theory of history' for a search for 'conspiracies' means a search for motives and an attribution of responsibility for historical misdeeds." -Murray N. Rothbard, in The Anatomy of the State John Swinton [1829-1901] Chief Editorial Writer of the New York Times (Considered "the Dean of his Profession" by his peers), when asked to toast an 'Independent Press' in a gathering at the National Press Club, circa 1880 "There is no such thing in America as an independent press unless it is in the country towns. You know it, and I know it. There is not one of you who dare express an honest opinion. If you express it you know beforehand that it would never appear in print. I am paid... for keeping my honest opinions out of the paper I am connected with. Others of you are paid similar salaries for doing similar things.... The business of the New York journalist is to distort the truth, to lie outright, to pervert, to vilify, to fawn at the feet of Mammon, and sell his country and race for his daily bread, or for what is about the same thing, his salary. You know this, and I know it and what foolery to be toasting an 'independent press.' We are tools, and the vassals of rich men behind the scenes. We are jumping-jacks. They pull the strings and we dance. Our time, our talents, our lives, our possibilities, all are the property of other men. We are intellectual prostitutes."
Posted: 7/13/2008 10:49:54 AM

P: 7/13/2008 10:58:21 AM
newbie124 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 584 Last Post: 5/24/2009 Member Since: 8/23/2007	Hi Gypsy, OK, I have a different opinion from all the above I would fix up your FMIL's band and consider wearing that. Since it has sentimental value for you guys, I think it would be nice to fix it up (probably something you'd eventually want to do anyway, right?), and I'm kind of a sucker for anything that has extra meaning. Would you be open to wearing your band and e-ring on separate hands until you get the one that matches? If you're planning on getting your ideal band in a few months, I don't know that I'd spend money on a new ring now. I'd take the one you already have from your FMIL, fix it up, and wear it temporarily until you're ready to purchase the other one. Personally, I'm not a fan of purchasing something on credit that I can't pay off right away.
Posted: 7/13/2008 10:58:21 AM

P: 7/13/2008 11:23:18 AM
isaku5 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 2,281 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 8/15/2005	Like newbie, I'm not a fan of buying something on credit that you can't pay off when the bill comes, BUT I have to double ditto what Deco and the others said on this. This isn't blowing money on a whim, it's the band you've loved for some time now. Buy the memoire now as it will always be the one you wore on the day you married the one you love.
Posted: 7/13/2008 11:23:18 AM

P: 7/13/2008 12:02:55 PM
risingsun Ideal Rock Total Posts: 3,418 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 12/19/2006	Date: 7/13/2008 10:37:42 AM Author: decodelighted Going against all common sense ... I say, charge the one you want. You have a good job. You've been through so much. Just get the one you really want & know that you had that on the day you FINALLY got married . No 'temp' band ... no 'for a little while' band -- but A FOREVER BAND (maybe not THE only forever band) but A forever band. After all, you're planning to buy it ANYWAY .. in just a few months (Xmas). You think you'll have the $$ then ... heck, tell yourself its an early Xmas pressie if it makes you feel better about it. Or cut somewhere else. But, Gypsy - its important. Realize it is and avoid the feelings of disappointment and 'what if'. Okay! Quadritto!! You deserve this band and you can pay it off over time. If it's ok with Deco, it's ok with me ~Marian ______________________________________ "It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that bling..."
Posted: 7/13/2008 12:02:55 PM

P: 7/13/2008 12:13:06 PM
Lorelei Ideal Rock Total Posts: 34,228 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 4/30/2005	Date: 7/13/2008 12:02:55 PM Author: risingsun Date: 7/13/2008 10:37:42 AM Author: decodelighted Going against all common sense ... I say, charge the one you want. You have a good job. You've been through so much. Just get the one you really want & know that you had that on the day you FINALLY got married . No 'temp' band ... no 'for a little while' band -- but A FOREVER BAND (maybe not THE only forever band) but A forever band. After all, you're planning to buy it ANYWAY .. in just a few months (Xmas). You think you'll have the $$ then ... heck, tell yourself its an early Xmas pressie if it makes you feel better about it. Or cut somewhere else. But, Gypsy - its important. Realize it is and avoid the feelings of disappointment and 'what if'. Okay! Quadritto!! You deserve this band and you can pay it off over time. If it's ok with Deco, it's ok with me Quinditto! Get the one you love Gypsy! Nothing is more sacred as the bond between horse and rider...no other creature can ever become so emotionally close to a human as a horse. When a horse dies, the memory lives on because an enormous part of his owner's heart, soul, very existence dies also...but that can never be laid to rest, it is not meant to be... - Stephanie M Thorn
Posted: 7/13/2008 12:13:06 PM

P: 7/13/2008 12:16:57 PM
musey Ideal Rock Total Posts: 11,162 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 9/30/2006	Date: 7/13/2008 10:37:42 AM Author: decodelighted Going against all common sense ... I say, charge the one you want. You have a good job. You've been through so much. Just get the one you really want & know that you had that on the day you FINALLY got married . No 'temp' band ... no 'for a little while' band -- but A FOREVER BAND (maybe not THE only forever band) but A forever band. After all, you're planning to buy it ANYWAY .. in just a few months (Xmas). You think you'll have the $$ then ... heck, tell yourself its an early Xmas pressie if it makes you feel better about it. Or cut somewhere else. But, Gypsy - its important. Realize it is and avoid the feelings of disappointment and 'what if'. Okay! Another ditto here. Additionally because I wouldn't want an "Eh, erm, it's okaaaaaay..." band in my wedding pics. In my opinion, if it's EVER okay to charge jewelry, the wedding band is IT. Especially in your case, IMHO. My second choice would be the plain band, because you'll probably end up wanting one eventually, anyway. If you got it now it would be the practical choice, fo sho ETA: FWIW, I would have chosen the MIL band option, except that you don't like it with your ring. Again, wedding pics. UNLESS you were to wear your e-ring on your right hand for the day, and the MIL band alone for at least all the pics. Hmm, liking it more with that consideration...
Posted: 7/13/2008 12:16:57 PM

P: 7/13/2008 1:18:43 PM
EBree Ideal Rock Total Posts: 6,653 Last Post: 11/20/2009 Member Since: 8/31/2005	I voted plain platinum, but I agree with the others- get the Memoire.
Posted: 7/13/2008 1:18:43 PM

P: 7/13/2008 1:19:54 PM
thing2of2 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 7,664 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 1/1/2007	Date: 7/13/2008 10:37:42 AM Author: decodelighted Going against all common sense ... I say, charge the one you want. You have a good job. You've been through so much. Just get the one you really want & know that you had that on the day you FINALLY got married . No 'temp' band ... no 'for a little while' band -- but A FOREVER BAND (maybe not THE only forever band) but A forever band. After all, you're planning to buy it ANYWAY .. in just a few months (Xmas). You think you'll have the $$ then ... heck, tell yourself its an early Xmas pressie if it makes you feel better about it. Or cut somewhere else. But, Gypsy - its important. Realize it is and avoid the feelings of disappointment and 'what if'. Okay! Ditto! I voted for the plain plat band but when I saw this I was like YES! Just buy the one you like! You can pay it off in a few months and then you'll have the ring you truly love. It's your wedding band-it should be exactly what you want. DO IT!
Posted: 7/13/2008 1:19:54 PM

P: 7/13/2008 2:20:57 PM
kcoursolle Ideal Rock Total Posts: 10,344 Last Post: 10/14/2009 Member Since: 1/21/2006	I voted for the plain platinum band, but if expenses are tight and you are going to save up for a different ring anyways...you could even go super cheapie with a plain WG ring.
Posted: 7/13/2008 2:20:57 PM

P: 7/13/2008 3:48:01 PM
Gypsy Ideal Rock Total Posts: 14,306 Last Post: 11/20/2009 Member Since: 8/9/2005	YIKES!!! You guys threw me for a loop! Okay, gonna have to think about this. Obviously that would be what my impulses are saying to do. But the credit cards are the 'emergency' fund since right now we don't have one... just in case something inexpected comes up. And I'm just afraid of going broke for the wedding. I have been trimming expenses. I ordered the expensive earrings I wanted for the wedding, but my mom paid for them as a present so it didn't come out of my budget... and other things I've cut out, so I'm not sure what to do. Okay, so I'll have to think about it for a few days. Good thing is Memoire doesn't have a long lead time... I can get the ring pretty quick through Pearlmans if I decide that way. YIKES! I can't believe I'm considering this. Then again, I don't want to start the marriage being fiscally irresponsible. It was important to both of us not to incurr any wedding debt at all. So that after the wedding we'd feel good, not have to look back and wince everytime we saw a bill. Okay, babbling. Will think. THANK YOU ALL for the food for thought. I'm really surprised at the number of plain band responses too. But it is something I would buy anyway, I was planning on it actually. But I'm planning on getting FMIL's band repaired eventually too. Hmmm....
Posted: 7/13/2008 3:48:01 PM

P: 7/13/2008 4:18:02 PM
goldenstar Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,032 Last Post: 11/6/2009 Member Since: 9/16/2006	I vote for the plain plat band, especially since you are planning to buy one anyway. Since your credit cards are for emergencies, I'd keep them free. I can relate to your dilemma. We're buying a plain plat band for the wedding (for me, FI gets something fancier). Later on, I'll get a pave ring to match my e-ring. I don't want to add to our expenses right now and I want a plain band anyway to wear when I'm doing rough things with my hands.
Posted: 7/13/2008 4:18:02 PM

P: 7/13/2008 4:59:22 PM
Kim N Ideal Rock Total Posts: 922 Last Post: 11/16/2009 Member Since: 10/7/2005	Date: 7/13/2008 10:37:42 AM Author: decodelighted Going against all common sense ... I say, charge the one you want. You have a good job. You've been through so much. Just get the one you really want & know that you had that on the day you FINALLY got married . No 'temp' band ... no 'for a little while' band -- but A FOREVER BAND (maybe not THE only forever band) but A forever band. After all, you're planning to buy it ANYWAY .. in just a few months (Xmas). You think you'll have the $$ then ... heck, tell yourself its an early Xmas pressie if it makes you feel better about it. Or cut somewhere else. But, Gypsy - its important. Realize it is and avoid the feelings of disappointment and 'what if'. Okay! I was going to vote for the plain plat band until I saw this too. Great option!
Posted: 7/13/2008 4:59:22 PM

P: 7/13/2008 7:02:35 PM
FrekeChild Ideal Rock Total Posts: 12,885 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 12/14/2007	Honestly, since it sounds like you want all three eventually, I'd go with the cheapest option now. From what I remember about your ering, it has a plain platinum shank right? I think that would be fine with a plain platinum band. If the card is for emergencies, and you have one...but the card is eaten up with the diamonds...not something I'd want to deal with honestly. I say, wait until your first anniversary for the memoire. That above is the rational/logical me talking. The frivolous one says go with the memoire. And the balanced one (little bit of everything) says, go with the plain band. It's what I'll get first when I have to pick a wedding band. Because I want that to be my forever ring. The one I wear when I'm washing dishes, cooking, laundry, moving stuff, doing stuff in the yard... But it's all up to you hon. _______________________________ "Women are either goddesses or doormats." Pablo Picasso "In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane." Mark Twain
Posted: 7/13/2008 7:02:35 PM

P: 7/13/2008 9:15:07 PM
Guilty Pleasure Ideal Rock Total Posts: 640 Last Post: 9/8/2009 Member Since: 5/16/2008	I don't think you should spend more than a hundred dollars on something that is "temporary." If you think you'll wear the band a lot, even after you get your dream ring, (like for washing dishes or craft projects or river tubing or whatever) then I say go ahead and get the plain platinum band. If it's just a stand-in until your first anniversary though, then please don't spend 400 dollars on it. Get a white gold or silver band or something that will look good in pictures with your e-ring. Or if you are definitely planning on having the ring from FMIL fixed, and not just using that as a rationalization to spend the money, then do that! I just think it would be kind of silly to spend 400 dollars towards the non-permanent option just because you can't afford to spend the big bucks on the forever ring. The less money you spend on this temporary ring, the sooner you can have the ring you want AND be financially comfortable with your decision. YOu're the only one who knows your actual financial situation though, so I'm sure you'll make the best decision. Good luck!!!
Posted: 7/13/2008 9:15:07 PM

P: 7/13/2008 9:31:47 PM
Gypsy Ideal Rock Total Posts: 14,306 Last Post: 11/20/2009 Member Since: 8/9/2005	Hmm... I agree about the 300-400 on the platinum band. It's been sticking in my craw cause it just seems to high for a plain band. So taking KC's suggestion I looked into other metals. I don't want gold for the wedding band because I don't want to deal with plating. But so I found this paladium band for $150. Which is a good price for a plain band. Will be the same metal as John's Scott Kay and won't need plating. http://www.e-weddingbands.com/store/product45195.html So I think it's between this, the memoire (which I'm just worried about, I could swing it but it would stress me out worrying about the lack of emergency fund right now) and his mother's band. I will have to get his mom's band and see what it looks like with my e-ring and post pics.
Posted: 7/13/2008 9:31:47 PM

P: 7/13/2008 10:09:12 PM
Gypsy Ideal Rock Total Posts: 14,306 Last Post: 11/20/2009 Member Since: 8/9/2005	http://jewelry.hsn.com/palladium-low-dome-polished-2mm-band-ring_m-10031404_xp.aspx is 80 bucks. So even more affordable. They both have return policies so I could order both and pick the one I liked better. ETA; Okay, nevermind. The 80 buck one is as light as tin foil. The heavier one is much more expensive. I have to call e-weddingbands and find out how many grams of metal is in their $150 one now though.
Posted: 7/13/2008 10:09:12 PM

P: 7/13/2008 11:08:42 PM
SanDiegoLady Ideal Rock Total Posts: 14,219 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 7/6/2005	Date: 7/13/2008 1:19:54 PM Author: thing2of2 Date: 7/13/2008 10:37:42 AM Author: decodelighted Going against all common sense ... I say, charge the one you want. You have a good job. You've been through so much. Just get the one you really want & know that you had that on the day you FINALLY got married . No 'temp' band ... no 'for a little while' band -- but A FOREVER BAND (maybe not THE only forever band) but A forever band. After all, you're planning to buy it ANYWAY .. in just a few months (Xmas). You think you'll have the $$ then ... heck, tell yourself its an early Xmas pressie if it makes you feel better about it. Or cut somewhere else. But, Gypsy - its important. Realize it is and avoid the feelings of disappointment and 'what if'. Okay! Ditto! I voted for the plain plat band but when I saw this I was like YES! Just buy the one you like! You can pay it off in a few months and then you'll have the ring you truly love. It's your wedding band-it should be exactly what you want. DO IT! Ok, I ditto everyone else as well.. go for the ring you want.. IF I'D HAD MY WAY.. (...while I did want my plain band to wear most all the time and for gardening, playing, etc...) I would have definitely had a diamond eternity as my first choice.
Posted: 7/13/2008 11:08:42 PM

P: 7/13/2008 11:58:03 PM
iwannaprettyone Ideal Rock Total Posts: 3,547 Last Post: 11/17/2009 Member Since: 2/5/2002	Probably no help my dear, but do what makes sense for you personally. I would probably wait to get the memoir as I wouldn't want the financial pressure, so I'd do the plain band (as it is something you could wear alone for practicality). Ultimately I am sure you will do what feels right. Good luck friend. Iwanna x (IWPO) *****Status: MARRIED!!!!*****
Posted: 7/13/2008 11:58:03 PM

P: 7/17/2008 8:32:08 AM
waterlilly Cut Rock Total Posts: 239 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 3/31/2007	we got my fiances band (titanium) for ~$90...do a google for "titanium rings" and its the first link that comes up. would that be white enough? his hasn't come in yet, so i can't say how it looks. i was very tempted though from the pics of getting myself one - very good price!
Posted: 7/17/2008 8:32:08 AM

P: 7/17/2008 9:54:58 AM
swimmer Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,947 Last Post: 11/22/2009 Member Since: 11/9/2007	Just a shout out here for you MIL's ring. We used my grandmother's ring for the ceremony, DH's ring is my Dad's. Obviously I'm a huge fan of using family items in order to recognize that it is a blending of families and a tribute to the longlasting love of family members' unions. If your MIL would be touched, I would suggest fixing up that ring for the ceremony, esp since you would be fixing it eventually anyway. Really, any of your options sound good.
Posted: 7/17/2008 9:54:58 AM

P: 7/17/2008 10:29:42 AM
miraclesrule Ideal Rock Total Posts: 3,550 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 3/29/2008	Enablers, please stand up...please stand up! I'm torn on this one. One my hand, I say go with the symbolism of the old ring for the good karma and sentimental value. On the other, I say go with the cheap band so you don't stress about money. I loathe money stress. And then again, you earned the right to have what you want. Your dream ring. Eh, I'm of no use. _____________________________ Feeling Blue and Blech Today
Posted: 7/17/2008 10:29:42 AM

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