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Is it rude to ask for a different setting?

P: 1/9/2008 12:50:17 PM
designchica Cut Rock Total Posts: 260 Last Post: 6/4/2008 Member Since: 5/30/2007	I am not sure which forum to put this in, hopefully it is okay here but if not, my apologies. :) Is it a big deal to ask for a different setting? The reason I am asking is because last summer when my bf asked me what type of ring I'd want, I said yellow gold. At the time my hair had been bleach blonde and I had a pretty good fake tan going. I've since stopped tanning and have gone back to my natural dark brown hair and I do not think yellow gold looks good on me anymore. I think he has purchased a ring and I suspect it is yellow gold. If this is the case, I do not want to hurt his feelings by asking for the same setting but in platinum or white gold but if it doesn't seem like a big deal, I think that I may want to ask. Just curious what your throughts are on this. Am I just being petty? Thanks ladies!
Posted: 1/9/2008 12:50:17 PM

There are 14 replies to this message. There are 14 replies on this page.

P: 1/9/2008 1:19:05 PM
Delster Ideal Rock Total Posts: 2,062 Last Post: 11/17/2009 Member Since: 4/22/2007	I think yellow gold can be rhodium plated to become white gold? If I'm right about that, you could let sleeping dogs lie for now, let him propose with the yellow gold setting, and then at a later date tell him you made a mistake about the colour but you love the setting and tell him you'd like to have the ring rhodium plated? You might even need to live with the yellow gold for a little bit to decide for sure if you want to change it? I mull this one over myself a fair bit as I can't decide which colour looks best on me! I've seen some beautiful yellow gold settings on other people but I'm soooo pale... ack I dunno...!
Posted: 1/9/2008 1:19:05 PM

P: 1/9/2008 1:43:33 PM
glueck Cut Rock Total Posts: 361 Last Post: 7/13/2009 Member Since: 11/30/2007	If you are sure, then I would speak now..... your proposal is just around the corner! I'm sure whne presented diplomatically, it should not be a problem as long as the setting is simple. Interesting idea to rhodium plate it... I would have never thought about it. Good idea! If you are indecisive, then that is the route I would take. "When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." When Harry Met Sally
Posted: 1/9/2008 1:43:33 PM

P: 1/9/2008 1:47:55 PM
sunnyd Ideal Rock Total Posts: 4,554 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 11/5/2007	you could casually comment on how much you like a particular white gold piece of jewelry to him because it's white. maybe he'll get the hint? but if you're thinking he might propose while in hawaii (next week, right?) i'd wait until after you get back to say anything.
Posted: 1/9/2008 1:47:55 PM

P: 1/9/2008 2:12:12 PM
mirre Cut Rock Total Posts: 401 Last Post: 5/15/2009 Member Since: 7/2/2007	When I first read this I was wondering to myself, "What if she decides to change her hair back to blonde and gets a dark tan again in the summer?" Wouldn't you end up thinking yellow gold looked best again? The suggestion about rhodium plating the yellow gold is good. I'd see if that could be done. If you're thinking the proposal will be very soon I would wait it out just a bit before saying anything. If he's nervous or stressing about the perfect way to ask this may add more to his plate. After wearing the yellow gold you may decide that you do like it after all. ~~~~~~~~~~"Tough times never last, but tough people do."~~~~~~~~~~
Posted: 1/9/2008 2:12:12 PM

P: 1/9/2008 2:13:02 PM
Starset Princess Ideal Rock Total Posts: 2,475 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 11/24/2004	Date: 1/9/2008 1:47:55 PM Author: sunnyd you could casually comment on how much you like a particular white gold piece of jewelry to him because it's white. maybe he'll get the hint? but if you're thinking he might propose while in hawaii (next week, right?) i'd wait until after you get back to say anything. Did you just suggest that a guy might pick up on a non-related subtle hint and conclude that must mean something she actually didn't say? I don't think so. No hinting. Be direct. However your Hawaii trip is next week? Eeek - a little too close to do something about it now, isn't it? Or not? Maybe ask him how he feels about changing anything about your Ering in the future: upgrade, taste change, remount, whatever. Then you will find out how much sentimental value he places on wearing THE ring the rest of your life. This could segue into "Cause I was thinking..."
Posted: 1/9/2008 2:13:02 PM

P: 1/9/2008 2:19:01 PM
musey Ideal Rock Total Posts: 11,163 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 9/30/2006	You know, it depends on a lot of things. Where did he purchase the ring? If it was locally, there's a possibility he could get it switched out before your trip. Online... probably not so great a chance. So then the question becomes... are you willing to be without your ring soon after becoming engaged? Switching out the setting from an online vendor will probably take 2 weeks MINIMUM, but more realistically 4-6. Going from yellow to white is a big switch. Are you sure? Anyway, to answer your main question, I don't think it's "rude" or "petty," though this sort of depends on how you present it to him. Tell him something like "Honey, I chose yellow gold without fully thinking it through, and that now I've had a chance to, I've discovered that I truly prefer white metal." I think that's perfectly diplomatic. Besides, he chose yellow gold because he thought that was what you wanted, not because he strongly feels that your ring should be yellow gold. You're not going to offend his taste, since it wasn't "his" anyway
Posted: 1/9/2008 2:19:01 PM

P: 1/9/2008 2:22:37 PM
bee* Ideal Rock Total Posts: 11,105 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 5/14/2006	I agree with Musey. I would just say it to him outright without hinting. I'm not sure if I would do it with your hawaii trip coming so soon, I'd probably wait until after the proposal dies down.
Posted: 1/9/2008 2:22:37 PM

P: 1/9/2008 2:22:47 PM
partyjewels Cut Rock Total Posts: 472 Last Post: 10/17/2009 Member Since: 10/29/2006	Is it that you think yellow gold won't look good on you or that you just don't like it anymore? You should wear whatever color of gold you like! And like some of the others have said, perhaps after wearing yellow gold you'll like it! I have dark hair and very fair skin and yellow gold looks much better on me than white or platinum, but I like the look of both, and my engagement ring is white gold right now. But if it'll really bother you, then I think you should bring it up now rather than later if you think it's going to hurt his feelings if you want to change the ring he proposed with... but you do have to be ok with the idea that telling him may postpone the proposal if he already has the ring. It just depends on how you think he's going to react and how you feel about that. There are so many different outcomes that you just have to think about it carefully! Good luck!
Posted: 1/9/2008 2:22:47 PM

P: 1/9/2008 3:07:55 PM
designchica Cut Rock Total Posts: 260 Last Post: 6/4/2008 Member Since: 5/30/2007	Thanks for all of the wonderful replies ladies. This helps tremendously. With the Hawaii trip coming up in eight days combined with a hint from him that he already has the ring, I have no intention of bringng up the yellow gold vs. white gold discussion at this point. The last thing I want to do is burst his bubble and have him stressing out about my reaction when he gives me yellow gold. IF he does indeed already have a ring and it is indeed a yellow gold solitaire like we discussed last summer, my plan is to show him all the gratitude and appreciation for listening to what I wanted. I will not bring up white gold or platinum for at least a few weeks of showing him how happy he has made me by asking me to be his wife because after all, that is what is most important. This is an exciting time for him too and I don't want to ruin that just because I'm so fickle and have changed my mind about what kind of ring I want. My boyfriend's step-father gave my bf's mother a gift certificate to a jeweler for Christmas so that she can redesign her wedding rings. So , it is fair to say that the idea that a woman may change her mind/style/taste is not completely foreign to my bf. Also, he was VERY supportive of me stopping tanning and going back to dark brown hair. Once I explain to him my reasoning for changing my mind about yellow gold, I suspect he will understand and be supportive.
Posted: 1/9/2008 3:07:55 PM

P: 1/9/2008 4:43:06 PM
sandia_rose Cut Rock Total Posts: 314 Last Post: 4/12/2008 Member Since: 11/20/2007	Date: 1/9/2008 1:19:05 PM Author: Delster I think yellow gold can be rhodium plated to become white gold? Yes, it can be. I've worked for industrial companies for years, and you can plate just about anything with any metal. I would check with a higher-end jeweler and they can help direct you to someone who can do it properly. Plating works best on objects that are not too intricate - although, again, someone skilled in this area can probaby get great results with any kind of setting. It will not be cheap to do, though, and I suspect for only a one-off (industrial companies usually plate hudreds of pieces at a time), more expensive than a new setting. I'm allergic to the alloys in yellow gold (both nickel and copper). I have never been able to wear yellow gold for more than 5 minutes without beginning to rash up. I can wear white gold if it is rhodium plated (and most is, for durability and sheen), 925 Sterling and platinum. My boyfriend has never seen me in anything but white metal, so if he bought me a ring, it would be in white metal. Bridget in Connecticut.
Posted: 1/9/2008 4:43:06 PM

P: 1/10/2008 9:26:41 AM
mirre Cut Rock Total Posts: 401 Last Post: 5/15/2009 Member Since: 7/2/2007	Since you have said that it's a solitaire setting (I think I read it in your post anyway), if it turns out that you don't like the yellow after wearing it a couple weeks maybe you could get another one in white gold? Then you'd still have you "original" ering but you also have the color metting you like best. Then if for some reason you change you mind later down the road and want the yellow again you'll have it. Good luck and have fun in Hawaii! ~~~~~~~~~~"Tough times never last, but tough people do."~~~~~~~~~~
Posted: 1/10/2008 9:26:41 AM

P: 1/10/2008 8:05:46 PM
thing2of2 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 7,670 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 1/1/2007	Date: 1/9/2008 3:07:55 PM Author: designchica Thanks for all of the wonderful replies ladies. This helps tremendously. With the Hawaii trip coming up in eight days combined with a hint from him that he already has the ring, I have no intention of bringng up the yellow gold vs. white gold discussion at this point. The last thing I want to do is burst his bubble and have him stressing out about my reaction when he gives me yellow gold. IF he does indeed already have a ring and it is indeed a yellow gold solitaire like we discussed last summer, my plan is to show him all the gratitude and appreciation for listening to what I wanted. I will not bring up white gold or platinum for at least a few weeks of showing him how happy he has made me by asking me to be his wife because after all, that is what is most important. This is an exciting time for him too and I don't want to ruin that just because I'm so fickle and have changed my mind about what kind of ring I want. My boyfriend's step-father gave my bf's mother a gift certificate to a jeweler for Christmas so that she can redesign her wedding rings. So , it is fair to say that the idea that a woman may change her mind/style/taste is not completely foreign to my bf. Also, he was VERY supportive of me stopping tanning and going back to dark brown hair. Once I explain to him my reasoning for changing my mind about yellow gold, I suspect he will understand and be supportive. I think this is definitely the way to go! I bet he'd be crushed if you told him about the setting now and he already has the ring! I know my fiance would have been. I hope you have a great Hawaii proposal! You can always switch the setting later, or you can also definitely rhodium plate the setting if you'd rather not change it completely. P.S. I'm glad you stopped tanning, too! It's so bad for your skin!
Posted: 1/10/2008 8:05:46 PM

P: 1/10/2008 8:56:55 PM
Pandora II Ideal Rock Total Posts: 6,264 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 8/3/2006	I would suggest developing an "allergy" to yellow gold in a few months time. Then no-one's feelings are hurt and it's no-one's fault...
Posted: 1/10/2008 8:56:55 PM

P: 1/11/2008 11:41:26 AM
designchica Cut Rock Total Posts: 260 Last Post: 6/4/2008 Member Since: 5/30/2007	Date: 1/10/2008 8:56:55 PM Author: Pandora II I would suggest developing an 'allergy' to yellow gold in a few months time. Then no-one's feelings are hurt and it's no-one's fault... Actually, its funny you should mention this because the truth is that I have been having a skin reaction to a yellow gold pearl ring I have that my mother gave me. It leaves a black mark on my finger.
Posted: 1/11/2008 11:41:26 AM

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