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Crying Neighbor at night

P: 3/29/2007 12:32:40 PM
AmberWaves Ideal Rock Total Posts: 3,418 Last Post: 11/20/2009 Member Since: 10/19/2005	We've lived in our apartment building for almost three years. The whole time we've had a neighbor who hasn't been friendly, doesn't know our names (nor do we know hers), and never says hello. I'm okay with that, I like privacy, too. Unfortunately, she cries really loudly at night. Not every night, but a lot of nights. It's not just quiet crying, it's sobbing and bawling, followed by moans, loud blowing of nose and heavings. I talked to my upstairs neighbor about it two days ago, and it turns out that the person who used to live in our apartment complained too, and so did the woman in the apartment right above the crier. My upstairs neighbor said it's been going on for years- at least 4 that she knows of, but since she can't hear her herself, she thought it was just from a breakup back then, and she'd stopped- but she hasn't. What should I do? It kept me awake last night, and now I'm super tired. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * If you were an ocean, I'd learn how to float.
Posted: 3/29/2007 12:32:40 PM

There are 40 replies to this message. There are 30 replies on this page.

P: 3/29/2007 12:48:50 PM
Moosejaw Cut Rock Total Posts: 227 Last Post: 12/11/2008 Member Since: 5/14/2003	Move.
Posted: 3/29/2007 12:48:50 PM

P: 3/29/2007 12:51:57 PM
SanDiegoLady Ideal Rock Total Posts: 14,210 Last Post: 11/22/2009 Member Since: 7/6/2005	I hate to admit I'd have to confront her on it, and kindly explain that you can hear her wailing at night... if by some chance she doesn't get "it".. I might consider calling the police to have them address the noise issue. Mean? Probably a little.. but.. she needs to be respectful and conscious that other people can hear her on a grand scale. When it affects the building in which you live, there's a problem.
Posted: 3/29/2007 12:51:57 PM

P: 3/29/2007 12:56:08 PM
marvel Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,133 Last Post: 11/5/2008 Member Since: 7/8/2005	Maybe you can mention it to the landlord. They can let her know that it is distrubing the other tenants? This way you can stay out of it. Diamonds Rock
Posted: 3/29/2007 12:56:08 PM

P: 3/29/2007 1:09:47 PM
Beacon Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,734 Last Post: 11/9/2009 Member Since: 7/14/2006	I would not confront her - she may be a total nut case. I would complain in writing to your landlord that this lady is disrupting your quiet enjoyment of your apartment. If it does not work I would file disturbance of the peace with law enforcement. If nothing works I would move. Who wants to live like that!!
Posted: 3/29/2007 1:09:47 PM

P: 3/29/2007 1:14:35 PM
Kaleigh Ideal Rock Total Posts: 25,903 Last Post: 11/22/2009 Member Since: 11/18/2004	Yikes, I'd be afraid of confronting her too. Sounds like she is in need of professional help. I'd talk to your landlord and explain the situation to him. But if this has gone on for 4 years, methinks he already knows about the crier. Ear plugs in the meantime Amber, I feel badly for you. ____________________________ Piece of cake and a candle. ng gift
Posted: 3/29/2007 1:14:35 PM

P: 3/29/2007 1:37:27 PM
Aloros Ideal Rock Total Posts: 872 Last Post: 11/18/2009 Member Since: 5/3/2006	Maybe leave an anonymous note if you're afraid of confronting her? If that doesn't work, talk to the landlord. That is just...too bizzare.
Posted: 3/29/2007 1:37:27 PM

P: 3/29/2007 1:41:18 PM
Independent Gal Ideal Rock Total Posts: 5,471 Last Post: 1/3/2009 Member Since: 11/12/2006	Amber, that's just so sad! I would find that so upsetting to listen to, too. I mean, what could be making her SO UNHAPPY that she's been crying hysterically for 4 years?!? Gosh. I'm depressed just thinking about the possibilities. She definitely needs some help. Maybe if you leave a note, you should say something like 'Your neighbours are very concerned for you. We hope everything is alright. Please be aware that we can hear you.'
Posted: 3/29/2007 1:41:18 PM

P: 3/29/2007 2:04:51 PM
AmberWaves Ideal Rock Total Posts: 3,418 Last Post: 11/20/2009 Member Since: 10/19/2005	IG, that sounds like a good idea. Yeah, at first I thought it was a fight or something, but then I realized she lives alone- and there were no other voices. It's terribly saddening, and keeps me awake worrying about her. She just sounds so SAD. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * If you were an ocean, I'd learn how to float.
Posted: 3/29/2007 2:04:51 PM

P: 3/29/2007 2:36:05 PM
oshinbreez Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,135 Last Post: 8/20/2009 Member Since: 6/16/2006	I'm one that would also have to confront her. I'd let her know that I hear her sobbing at night and was concerned for her and if there was anything I could do to help. Sometimes all someone needs is to have someone listen to them and it sounds like she doesn't have anyone. There are thousands of things kids need to be protected from. Hugging isn't one of them.
Posted: 3/29/2007 2:36:05 PM

P: 3/29/2007 3:06:16 PM
Sophie Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,826 Last Post: 11/16/2009 Member Since: 8/28/2005	Date: 3/29/2007 12:48:50 PM Author: Moosejaw Move. wow that's pretty harsh! What if this poor woman is being abused and that is why she is withdrawn and doesn't interact with neighbors...maybe she has some kind of emotional disorder.... If it were me, I would probably reach out to the women, first by introducing myself and forging a friendship and once some trust was built, ask what's going on. that's what I would do.
Posted: 3/29/2007 3:06:16 PM

P: 3/29/2007 3:13:20 PM
Maisie Ideal Rock Total Posts: 7,766 Last Post: 11/21/2009 Member Since: 12/30/2006	Its true this lady could be mentally disturbed. I would be worried about speaking to her face to face but there should be some contact made. Who knows what terrible thing could have happened to her to make her cry so much. When my daughter passed away I cried like that for weeks. As time went on I stopped. Whatever is causing this distress could be ongoing.... I agree she needs help. Maisie
Posted: 3/29/2007 3:13:20 PM

P: 3/29/2007 3:13:36 PM
kalispera Ideal Rock Total Posts: 735 Last Post: 7/16/2007 Member Since: 3/23/2005	This is a tough one! I lived underneath a couple for 2 years that often had very loud fights, and violent fights. I had to call the police on them several times, because I was honestly concerned for her life! I would hear her scream "please don't" about 6 times in a row and then lots of screaming and stomping, it was truly scary. I didn't have the guts to go up there and confront them, but the police did. It sounds like calling the police might be a little much with your neighbor though and the landlord probably already knows about her. I would leave a kind, anonymous note. If she is that upset about something, I don't think doing something drastic would be helpful for her. If that doesn't work out, maybe talk to the landlord or talk to her. I hope that things work out! _________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Posted: 3/29/2007 3:13:36 PM

P: 3/29/2007 3:16:42 PM
crown1 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,373 Last Post: 11/20/2009 Member Since: 11/22/2006	hi amber! i am totally sympathetic to your situation and hope you get relief. i would like to add my concern for this woman. anyone who has suffered such mental pain that they cry in the night like that for four years has my deep concern. we have heard of the deep sorrow of depression by posters and we have heard the family and relationship problems that posters go thru we have even felt the pain of posters loss of loved ones by death. no matter what is causing this anguish it seems so sad. i will pray for your neighbor's situation and hope that that in turn will aleviate your problem. the next best thing to being wise oneself is to live in a circle of those who are c.s. lewis
Posted: 3/29/2007 3:16:42 PM

P: 3/29/2007 3:21:35 PM
AmberWaves Ideal Rock Total Posts: 3,418 Last Post: 11/20/2009 Member Since: 10/19/2005	Hi again, everyone. I hope you guys don't think I feel no sympathy for her. I've often tried to talk to her, to introduce myself, but she literally ducks her head and just walks past me. I'm a really friendly person, and to be honest, my years of Melrose Place fantasies made me want to be friends with everyone in our building. Unfortunately, that was not to be. I think I'll leave her a note, something like the one IG posted. I just don't want to upset her further, I know it can be a little shaming to know people can hear you crying. I would never want her to feel ashamed. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * If you were an ocean, I'd learn how to float.
Posted: 3/29/2007 3:21:35 PM

P: 3/29/2007 3:30:24 PM
crown1 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,373 Last Post: 11/20/2009 Member Since: 11/22/2006	amber, i find no fault with you. this is just one of those sad situations. i would be just like you and not have a clue how to help. the next best thing to being wise oneself is to live in a circle of those who are c.s. lewis
Posted: 3/29/2007 3:30:24 PM

P: 3/29/2007 3:37:43 PM
oshinbreez Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,135 Last Post: 8/20/2009 Member Since: 6/16/2006	How old would you guess her to be? There are thousands of things kids need to be protected from. Hugging isn't one of them.
Posted: 3/29/2007 3:37:43 PM

P: 3/29/2007 3:44:00 PM
AmberWaves Ideal Rock Total Posts: 3,418 Last Post: 11/20/2009 Member Since: 10/19/2005	I'd say late 30s early 40s. My upstairs neighbor told me that she had lost a ton of weight a few years ago, and dated a guy. Then she gradually gained the weight back, and they broke up. This was 4 years ago. I wonder if she cries for him? * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * If you were an ocean, I'd learn how to float.
Posted: 3/29/2007 3:44:00 PM

P: 3/29/2007 4:39:01 PM
oshinbreez Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,135 Last Post: 8/20/2009 Member Since: 6/16/2006	I'd guess it's a bad case of depression. I'm sure there are other things going on with her that are unknown. Could you bake some brownies or something and when you know she's home, knock on her door and if she doesn't answer, tell her through the door that you hear her crying at night and would really like to talk to her. Don't know if it will help or not, but maybe worth a try. There are thousands of things kids need to be protected from. Hugging isn't one of them.
Posted: 3/29/2007 4:39:01 PM

P: 3/29/2007 5:25:46 PM
divergrrl Ideal Rock Total Posts: 2,141 Last Post: 11/22/2009 Member Since: 12/9/2002	This is gonna sound mean, but I'd avoid making "friends" with her. She might be completely nuts, and sometimes when you give a person like that an inch, they take a mile, and then you have your hands full of a grade A nutjob. (lessee, like Kimberly on Melrose!) It awful to have to be that way, when we would rather be caring and nice to our neighbors, but after a few years of "taking in strays" as my husband called it, only to have them do some very strange things, I've learned to distance myself from folks who have a few bolts loose. You aren't a qualified professional, (or are you?) so I wouldn't try to fix her problems. I would however, let the landlord know that you can't sleep at night. If there is no improvement, keep calling the landlord. Heck, call in the middle of the night, if you can't sleep, he/she shouldn't either. If you don't get anywhere with your landlord, you might want to consider moving...but hey, annoying neighbors are everywhere. What about a white noise machine in your room? As for Melrose Place, Soapnet runs reruns daily at 4pm PST. :-) Dh and I tivo it....we're addicted....I LOVE show. Pathetic I know, but its so much fun. Good luck Jeannine Divergrrl *************************** Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got.... :-P
Posted: 3/29/2007 5:25:46 PM

P: 3/29/2007 5:51:07 PM
Kit Cut Rock Total Posts: 411 Last Post: 11/20/2009 Member Since: 9/7/2005	She is clearly suffering from some kind of mental illness. Obviously depression, perhaps other stuff too (I'm thinking grief). Sadly, there is nothing to be done about invidivuals in these cases. Often they are alienated from their own familes, but perhaps you can talk to her landlord and see if there's any contact info for one of her family members on her paperwork. They are really the only ones in a position to help. If she is paying her rent on time, then she's not really breaking the law. Just be thankful for the life you live and count on relocating in the future.
Posted: 3/29/2007 5:51:07 PM

P: 3/29/2007 6:34:29 PM
poptart Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,852 Last Post: 9/27/2007 Member Since: 5/23/2006	From reading what you wrote about her, I agree she has some type of illness, depression maybe. But perhaps a social disorder. I had a friend in high school with just a mild social disorder and if you tried to talk to her she would step back almost as if you were going to hit her or something. I finally got her to talk to me, and she was very sweet and extremely funny, but just couldn't interact. If it were me, I would probably leave a note on her door saying something to the effect of, "Heard you crying, wanted to make sure you're ok. -- Name" But they are right that she might be violent, although if she's sobbing violently and has been doing so for four years, I am not sure she'd have much energy to lash back. I would feel badly if I didn't do anything and then found out later she'd committed suicide or something, when all I had to do was leave a note and maybe let her know that she could talk if she wanted. I just imagine she must be in a lot of pain, either physically or emotionally to be crying THAT much. M ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Don't take life too seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway." Anonymous
Posted: 3/29/2007 6:34:29 PM

P: 3/29/2007 7:06:50 PM
ZoeBartlett Ideal Rock Total Posts: 5,879 Last Post: 11/21/2009 Member Since: 12/29/2006	So this woman's been crying (hysterically?) almost every night for 4 years?? Wow. I like the idea that TG had. Leaving a note might be a good way to deal with it. I'm curious why it's been going on so long...
Posted: 3/29/2007 7:06:50 PM

P: 3/29/2007 7:41:56 PM
scarleta Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,545 Last Post: 9/20/2009 Member Since: 2/25/2006	maybe she is in pain? Who knows?
Posted: 3/29/2007 7:41:56 PM

P: 3/29/2007 7:46:27 PM
lumpkin Ideal Rock Total Posts: 2,491 Last Post: 2/29/2008 Member Since: 5/24/2005	I wonder if your city/county has a mental health department? I would maybe try Social Services. We had an elderly neighbor who hoarded newspapers and didn't appear to have electricity (even hiding them underneath a car in the driveway) and another neighbor called them. We were never allowed to know what happened, but there seemed to be some improvement. I would definitely not try to befriend her. I agree with Divergirl. Sometimes people like that can really suck you dry if you try to help them, and instead of getting better they just bring you down. She needs professional help from someone trained to deal with whatever problem she has, and if you want to be her friend, finding some way to get her that help is probably the best thing you could do for her. I don't know what to say about her keeping you up. Although I would be concerned for her, I'd also begin to get pretty annoyed after so long. I'd call the apartment manager and if he can't do anything, maybe the police. She might not open the door for social services, but she'd have to for the police, and then maybe they could get her hooked up with someone professional to help her. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Opinions are like belly buttons. Everyone has one, but some are more appealing than others.
Posted: 3/29/2007 7:46:27 PM

P: 3/29/2007 7:56:03 PM
Skippy123 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 19,823 Last Post: 11/22/2009 Member Since: 11/24/2006	Oh my gosh, that is horrible; I would be so conflicted. Amberwaves, you sound so sweet. Keep us posted on what happens. I hope it gets better. Skippy "The only things that stand between a person and what they want in life are the will to try it, and the faith to believe it's possible" Rich Devos
Posted: 3/29/2007 7:56:03 PM

P: 3/29/2007 8:05:12 PM
golden Cut Rock Total Posts: 385 Last Post: 11/19/2009 Member Since: 1/8/2007	I honestly would not do anything. If this has been going on for years- I am sure people have complained or said something or left notes- and it has not changed anything. She must be depressed or something and who knows what she will do or say if you leave a note. Is your building made with poured concreate?
Posted: 3/29/2007 8:05:12 PM

P: 3/29/2007 8:46:44 PM
SuzyQZ Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,110 Last Post: 4/23/2009 Member Since: 2/20/2006	Oh my gosh, how very sad. I would become depressed just listening to her night after night. I can't even imagine being so sad that you would cry so often and for so many years. I would definietly not confront her for fear of making things worse. I would call the police department's main line (not 911) and ask if they have a Psychiatric Evaluation Team or something of that sort (i.e. social services). Maybe someone could come by and talk to her and see if she is OK. Maybe put her into a 72 hour hold where she can be evaluated if necessary. Does she work/have a steady job? Does she have any family or friends that visit? She may be mentally ill and doesn't have any friends or family that can ask for help for her. I don't want to scare you, but I would be worried she would harm herself if she got to a state where she thought everything was hopeless. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There are just some things you don't 'guess' about.... a womans age, her weight, or the size of her diamond! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SuzyQZ
Posted: 3/29/2007 8:46:44 PM

P: 3/29/2007 8:49:05 PM
Beacon Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,734 Last Post: 11/9/2009 Member Since: 7/14/2006	Everyone here is so nice - I feel like a 'meanie'. But I see it differently. Sure I feel sorry for her, something is very, very wrong. BUT other people have complained about her and I imagine she has been told about this by the landlord and still she does not stop. To me, she is also very inconsiderate of all her neighbors. Yes, I guess that sounds mean, but why should she be the one to make everyone's night miserable? Ok, yes, she is ill. But leaving a note might just make her cry more. There is no real way to judge how such a person might react to logical things. Pursue it with the landlord aggressively. If I had to live with that crying I think I would be very badly affected by it after a short while. That is a very negative atmosphere to try and live in.
Posted: 3/29/2007 8:49:05 PM

P: 3/29/2007 8:55:53 PM
Kaleigh Ideal Rock Total Posts: 25,903 Last Post: 11/22/2009 Member Since: 11/18/2004	It's easy to say, don't do anything, leave her be. That was my thinking in the very beginning of this thread. But have thought more about it and feel, someone needs to try to get her help. I think the landlord has known about her behavior for some time, and HE should be the one to call Social Services, or perhaps a family member. She sounds pretty isolated, and will most likely turn away any help that is offered her. But no one will know that unless it is offered to her. ____________________________ Piece of cake and a candle. ng gift
Posted: 3/29/2007 8:55:53 PM

P: 3/29/2007 10:01:20 PM
Phoenix Ideal Rock Total Posts: 3,028 Last Post: 11/18/2009 Member Since: 10/5/2006	I'm sorry to hear abt your neighbour and also for her. I used to (not anymore) know this girl who was/ is really depressed. She is a really intelligent girl and quite sweet in most ways but due to her family's circumstances, she used to bawl badly - really loud crying, one might say howling. I tried to console her and offer her advice and even offered her a roof. But it was of no use, she would drift from one place to the next, never held down a job, borrowed heavily from her Dad and i think had suicidal thoughts. Unfortunately, social services and professional help were not an option/ available. In the end, I just let her be. I agree that you should contact your landlord and let him/ her get professional help for her. That way, you and yr other neighbours can get some sleep and peace of mind too.
Posted: 3/29/2007 10:01:20 PM

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