Guys are Stupid and so is V-Day

Date: 2/15/2007 1:42:58 PM
Author: sumbride
Don't change your plans!


I think she's probably frustrated thinking it isn't going to happen, but you really didn't do anything wrong. She said 'no gifts' and you got her a card. You followed her directions. You respected what she told you were her wishes. DON'T set yourself up to having to read her mind... if she wants a gift, she shouldn't say 'no gifts'!

it's hard when everyone around gets something and you don't, but eventually (in 2 weeks!) she'll completely understand and that day will matter more to her than a million valentine's days! And then you'll have more important days to celebrate!

hang in there!

Date: 2/15/2007 2:01:16 PM
Author: TravelingGal
Aw, hang in there Jake. Only two weeks to go.

And if it helps, I am not a big fan of Valentine's day either (with the exception of food...I cook and we eat in). I swear it's a holiday to tie everyone's stomach in knots and to stress some folks out. TGuy and I do not exchange any gifts, but that is also because his birthday is the day after and I don't think he should have to think about anything for ME so close to HIS birthday.

I didn't have a boyfriend for many years but I always got flowers...from my brother! He always had a girlfriend so he bought flowers for her every year. He also bought flowers for my mom and me, which I thought was unnecessary but sweet. When I met TGuy and got engaged, my brother said 'Phew! I don't have to get you flowers anymore!' I had to laugh because I knew I'd never get flowers from TGuy and that would be the last time I ever saw flowers on vday. I still miss getting those flowers...not because I love flowers but I miss the sweet thoughtfulness my brother showed me all those years. Valentine's day, if anything, is about sentiment, not about gifts and your girlfriend will know soon enough what your feelings and motives were.

Date: 2/16/2007 9:44:39 AM
Author: Shay37
You know, this is just so wrong on so many levels.

My whole life all of my best friends were guys. They all had one thing in common with my DH and apparently Jake, THEY WERE NOT MIND READERS!!!!!!

Therefore, if you are an adult, say what you mean when you deal with your SO. It's called communication. Do not say one thing, mean another, then get torqued when he/she didn't get it. DUH!!! What did you expect?

If you are telling him or her one thing while expecting him or her to get the underlying message of 'I don't mean that. Do the polar opposite,' and if he or she doesn't get it, I am entitled to a fit of the sulks. Nope. Grow up. That does not work in my house ever. Not for either one of us.

If you need or want something from your SO, just say it. It doesn't make what you have less special because you don't necessarily connect in some synergistic transcendental metaphoric higher plane type of way. It makes what you have real and likely to last because it's based on adult communication.

Shay is off her soapbox. Sorry, bad day for this post.

shay

P.S. I do not celebrate V-day just on the principle of it being a bogus made-up holiday meant to make money. My DH is even more opposed than me. However, if he were to give in and buy me something, I would clock him one. That's another level.

Date: 2/15/2007 1:57:43 PM
Author: IndieJones
I have the distinct feeling that 'no gifts' actually translated into 'I want an e-ring but I don't want to pressure him'. Also (!Get) != (!Do).

A future suggestion for a romantic gesture: Make red or pink construction paper hearts, write little messages or I love you on them, and then leave them hidden all around the house/apartment.


My fi says that Valentines day was solely invented to get men into trouble! Don't worry, your proposal will speak for itself.

Besides, everyone needs to learn at some point that their S.O isn't a freaking mind reader. This is her fault too, so you might want to point out that you feel hurt too.

Date: 2/15/2007 1:38:18 PM
Author:the other Jake
In my planning my proposal, I left out one thing- Valentines Day. Basically (as some of you may know), I plan on proposing in the Dominican Republic in just over two weeks . I've saved up for about two years, had the ring in my possession for almost 3 months now, been planning this trip forever.... and its been killing me. She has absolutely no idea and it will be a complete suprise, but that's not why I'm posting.

As Valentines Day was approaching, she mentioned that I didn't have to get her anything this year. Well I took that literrally and just got her a card (at least I did that). We had classes cancelled due to snow so we got to spend the whole day in. Well pretty much all day, she was a bit off kilter. By the end, she was really upset to the point of tears and had me really frustrated- so much so that I almost told her my plans! She said I never do anything romantic and that she was expecting me to do something little. We ended up going out to dinner, but she felt it was only because she made me and I really didn't want to.

Her point of view- All her friends and everyone around her got something special and here is her b/f that supposedly loves her so much and he didn't do anything. She does so much for me including paying for almost everything. Saving for the ring was a higher priority for me than eating out- she would rather pay if it means that or not going. She also is much better off financially than I am. I'll admit I'm not the most romantic guy in the world and I think that her feelings are partly justified not seeing the whole picture. She's an amazing girl and I know she will forget soon enough... but not for a couple days at least. I really hate seeing her feel so hurt, but she really has no idea how hard I've worked for her. Should I even try to ammend the situation or let the proposal (March 4) speak for itself?

PS- this whole ordeal has got me on a crusade against V-day. Here I am trying to do the most romantic thing I could think of two weeks from now, but my gf is all upset because some marketing people said that your significant other should do something for you on Valentines Day.

Date: 2/17/2007 3:09:32 PM
Author: the other Jake
UPDATE:
Well appearantly she said that 'I told you I didn't want anything big for Valentines Day... that didn't mean don't get me anything'- I thought a card counted *oops*

Chalk one up to communication errors

On a side note- I'm telling her parents/asking for a blessing today!! AHHHH! ha ha. It shouldn't be that bad... Funny story because during our fight I told her that I did get her a present it just wasn't for V-day. She goes well my birthday next month doesn't count! I promised her it wasn't. So she tells her mom this and her mom goes- 'Bullshit... he didn't get you anything!' Man is her mom gonna eat those words (she loves me and we get along really well).

To throw her off the trail I later said that I haven't gotten the present yet, but I am going to. She got mad again. So I promised her a romantic make up night sometime before her birthday and that I would have gotten the present but I was waiting until I got paid. I told her if I don't make it up to her by her birthday she has the right to be mad... she responded pretty well to that