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 » RockyTalky
»  » My girlfriend is dying what should I do with the ring?
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My girlfriend is dying what should I do with the ring? |
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| P: 1/9/2007 1:05:24 AM | |
wwwang Rough Rock Total Posts: 31 Last Post: 4/28/2008 Member Since: 10/31/2006 |
This is sad but I gave her the ring and now found she has serious disease and is dying (in weeks or months). I love her and would like to do whatever is appropriate for her sake, even if I have to burn the ring into ash. Would diamond burn? What is the best way to handle this? Please give me some ideas. Thank you guys.
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| Posted: 1/9/2007 1:05:24 AM | |
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There are 27 replies to this message. There are 27 replies on this page. |
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| P: 1/9/2007 1:13:03 AM | |
diamondfan Ideal Rock Total Posts: 10,998 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 6/17/2005 |
I am so sorry. Is there nothing that can be done? I am not sure what you are asking...I would let her keep it and not think about this right now. I am hoping she is not suffering...how sad for you guys and her family. **************************** |
| Posted: 1/9/2007 1:13:03 AM | |
| P: 1/9/2007 1:24:11 AM | |
Mara Ideal Rock Total Posts: 27,922 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 10/30/2002 |
why are you asking what is appropriate for the ring? don't worry about the ring...that is the last thing you should be thinking of. take care of your girlfriend and spend as much time as possible with her if she truly only has very limited time with you. i'm sorry and best wishes. ________________________________ |
| Posted: 1/9/2007 1:24:11 AM | |
| P: 1/9/2007 1:31:56 AM | |
Kaleigh Ideal Rock Total Posts: 25,918 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 11/18/2004 |
Focus on your girlfriend, be there for her. Make every day count, and try to make them special for her. The ring shouldn't even be on your radar right now... I am so very sorry you are going through this. But keep your focus on HER. That's most important!!! ____________________________ |
| Posted: 1/9/2007 1:31:56 AM | |
| P: 1/9/2007 1:37:17 AM | |
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wwwang Rough Rock Total Posts: 31 Last Post: 4/28/2008 Member Since: 10/31/2006 |
Thank you guys. I AM focusing on her and taking care of her everyday. The ring talk is just a little side talk, a distraction, since I was thinking of burning the ring with her. She is weak. But otherwise not particularly suffering physically. Thanks again.
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| Posted: 1/9/2007 1:37:17 AM | |
| P: 1/9/2007 1:39:17 AM | |
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diamondfan Ideal Rock Total Posts: 10,998 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 6/17/2005 |
I just say let her enjoy having been given it. There is no need to decide more than that right now. I am really sorry that this is happening. Whatever is wrong I hope she does not have pain and suffering, but it is just a terribly tragic thing no matter what. My heart breaks to hear something like this. **************************** |
| Posted: 1/9/2007 1:39:17 AM | |
| P: 1/9/2007 1:45:20 AM | |
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Mara Ideal Rock Total Posts: 27,922 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 10/30/2002 |
I agree with diamondfan though I don't think there is any 'appropriate' way to handle the whole thing. Maybe you can ask her what she'd like to have happen and go with her wishes. Best of luck and my prayers are with her, you and her family.
________________________________ |
| Posted: 1/9/2007 1:45:20 AM | |
| P: 1/9/2007 1:54:54 AM | |
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Kaleigh Ideal Rock Total Posts: 25,918 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 11/18/2004 |
I'd ask her what her wishes are. I wish you well, and hope her days are painfree and peaceful. ETA: Sometimes people are afraid of asking those that are dying questions. Beause they feel that they are basically telling the person that they are on their way out. I have been there, not in the way you are, but can relate. I think when the time is right, ask her. I bet she'll have a good idea as to what she would like done with it. Whether it's to be given to her relative, or to be burried with it. My heart breaks when I read a story like this. ____________________________ |
| Posted: 1/9/2007 1:54:54 AM | |
| P: 1/9/2007 2:08:59 AM | |
KristyDarling Ideal Rock Total Posts: 2,918 Last Post: 10/6/2009 Member Since: 7/27/2005 |
Wwwang, I'm so very, very sorry. This is such shocking, heartbreaking news. Please just savor your time together and, as Kaleigh said, let your girlfriend take the lead with regard to her wishes about her possesions. Prayers and hugs to you and your families. 
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| Posted: 1/9/2007 2:08:59 AM | |
| P: 1/9/2007 2:17:27 AM | |
poptart Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,855 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 5/23/2006 |
I am so very sorry. I also hope that she is not in pain, and that the two of you can find peace and comfort. *M* ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* |
| Posted: 1/9/2007 2:17:27 AM | |
| P: 1/9/2007 3:03:20 AM | |
kcoursolle Ideal Rock Total Posts: 10,344 Last Post: 10/14/2009 Member Since: 1/21/2006 |
I'm so very sorry you are going through this. As others said, being there for her right now is best and to not worry about the ring. If it comes up you could ask her wishes. If she doesn't have any preferences a nice thing to do would be to consign the ring and donate the profit to a foundation that researches the disease she is dying from or her favorite charity.
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| Posted: 1/9/2007 3:03:20 AM | |
| P: 1/9/2007 7:55:24 AM | |
anchor31 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 6,362 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 10/18/2005 |
I'm very sorry you're going through this. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. I think you should do according to her wishes.
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| Posted: 1/9/2007 7:55:24 AM | |
| P: 1/9/2007 11:23:35 AM | |
winternight Cut Rock Total Posts: 365 Last Post: 10/26/2009 Member Since: 11/13/2006 |
I am so sorry that the two of you are going through this. Why not ask her? Or if she doesn't want to decide donate the ring to a charity - maybe for her illness or maybe to her school in honor of her for a scholarship? Again, you have my deepest sympathies.
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| Posted: 1/9/2007 11:23:35 AM | |
| P: 1/9/2007 2:28:52 PM | |
kristy_lyn Cut Rock Total Posts: 173 Last Post: 10/26/2007 Member Since: 6/19/2006 |
I'm sorry to hear about your girlfriend. Unless it is against her wishes, I would keep the ring for now... in time, the right thing to do with it will become clear.
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| Posted: 1/9/2007 2:28:52 PM | |
| P: 1/9/2007 2:29:13 PM | |
mrchips Rough Rock Total Posts: 55 Last Post: 1/17/2008 Member Since: 1/5/2007 |
sorry to hear about this. may God Bless you and yours and her family during this difficult time.
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| Posted: 1/9/2007 2:29:13 PM | |
| P: 1/9/2007 2:35:44 PM | |
msmeimei Rough Rock Total Posts: 22 Last Post: 1/27/2007 Member Since: 1/5/2007 |
I agree that, when you feel the time is right, you should aks her what her wishes are. I work with people who are dying. Some do worry about what will happen to their ring when they die and want either to be buried with it or to have someone in particular have it in when they are gone. I'm sorry to hear of this situation and wish you and her the best.
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| Posted: 1/9/2007 2:35:44 PM | |
| P: 1/9/2007 2:41:08 PM | |
imthepreacherswife Rough Rock Total Posts: 64 Last Post: 10/26/2009 Member Since: 12/31/2006 |
I am sorry and will pray for you and your girlfriend. I would carry on with her wishes if they are known, if it didn't come up, I would keep the ring myself, as a reminder of my love for her. It would also give you something to hold on to, when she is no longer there with you. I have found that comforting in my own losses. You may one day have a child that you could tell the story to, and remember her each time you share the story. It may even be comforting to wear it on a chain close to your heart, or maybe even make yourself a gents ring with her diamond as a memory of your love. |
| Posted: 1/9/2007 2:41:08 PM | |
| P: 1/9/2007 7:17:02 PM | |
Richard Sherwood Ideal Rock Total Posts: 4,879 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 9/25/2002 |
Hi Wang. Sorry for your situation. I've been through something similar, and feel for you. Legally, you no longer own the ring and have no say over its future. Once you gave it to your fiancee', it became hers, to do with as she wishes. If she doesn't designate a specific heir to receive it in her will, it will be designated to the legal next-of-kin (determined by your state's order of designation) upon her passing. If she has a daughter of legal age, for example, the ring would pass to the daughter. If your fiancee' decided to gift it to another or re-gift it to you before her passing, she might possibly do that as well. I'm not as clear on that aspect, as the ring is part of her estate, and you've got heirs involved. RockDoc knows this stuff better, he'll probably chime in here after a while. If your fiancee' is like my wife was (practical), she wouldn't want you to burn it. That benefits no one, and destroys a beautiful family heirloom. You guys should talk about it. You'll feel better afterwards. Rich, Independent GG Appraiser |
| Posted: 1/9/2007 7:17:02 PM | |
| P: 1/9/2007 7:27:34 PM | |
FireGoddess Ideal Rock Total Posts: 12,145 Last Post: 3/23/2009 Member Since: 1/25/2005 |
I don't think I could remotely sum it up better than Rich. I completely agree.
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| Posted: 1/9/2007 7:27:34 PM | |
| P: 1/9/2007 7:33:59 PM | |
diamondseeker2006 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 17,609 Last Post: 11/18/2009 Member Since: 1/11/2006 |
Great post, Rich. I completely agree that there is no sense in destroying a ring or burying someone with a ring. Ultimately she will have to decide how to leave any assets she has. This certainly is tragic and I would hope and pray for a miracle.
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| Posted: 1/9/2007 7:33:59 PM | |
| P: 1/9/2007 7:55:18 PM | |
decodelighted Ideal Rock Total Posts: 8,625 Last Post: 11/16/2009 Member Since: 7/27/2005 |
What a terrible situation! I'm so sorry this turn of events has happened! Date: 1/9/2007 7:17:02 PM Author: Richard Sherwood Legally, you no longer own the ring and have no say over its future. Once you gave it to your fiancee', it became hers, to do with as she wishes. I fear this is a legal grey area ... if the promise to marry isn't fufilled ... the ring is traditionally returned to the giver. But I would agree that you should speak with your fiance about the ring & find out if she has any thoughts or wishes about its future.
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| Posted: 1/9/2007 7:55:18 PM | |
| P: 1/9/2007 7:57:32 PM | |
tdiggity Rough Rock Total Posts: 65 Last Post: 6/5/2007 Member Since: 10/23/2006 |
Rich had some good points...though I have seen instances where couples broke up and the courts required the ring to be given back...its a gift with an assumption of becoming married. Either way, she needs to make a will and determine what should be done with it. I would imagine she would leave it with you. I feel it would be a terrible tragedy to burn the ring...that does nothing for anyone. You lose the one thing that you bought to show her your love for her. I would keep it. I like some of the other ideas others had for selling it...better yet, donate it to a charity for them to sell in an auction...they can tell your story and probably get more for it than if you sold it yourself and then you are helping a charity make the world a better place.
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| Posted: 1/9/2007 7:57:32 PM | |
| P: 1/10/2007 12:28:47 AM | |
Wink Ideal Rock Total Posts: 4,032 Last Post: 11/17/2009 Member Since: 5/4/2001 |
Date: 1/9/2007 1:37:17 AM Author: wwwang Thank you guys. I AM focusing on her and taking care of her everyday. The ring talk is just a little side talk, a distraction, since I was thinking of burning the ring with her. She is weak. But otherwise not particularly suffering physically. Thanks again. My heart aches to hear this. I am sorry for your loss. What you decide to do may have cultural overtones, and certainly personal ones. I would probably keep the ring and wear it always as a remembrance of her. You must do what feels right to you. We can not do much for you but keep you in our hearts and prayers. Wink Wink Jones |
| Posted: 1/10/2007 12:28:47 AM | |
| P: 1/10/2007 12:52:33 AM | |
strmrdr Ideal Rock Total Posts: 23,296 Last Post: 10/9/2009 Member Since: 11/1/2003 |
dunno about the ring but prayers are outgoing.
........... Karl has joined the diamond trade and is now posting as Karl_K |
| Posted: 1/10/2007 12:52:33 AM | |
| P: 1/10/2007 1:11:13 AM | |
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SLK Rough Rock Total Posts: 51 Last Post: 4/9/2009 Member Since: 7/14/2005 |
Are you serious?
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| Posted: 1/10/2007 1:11:13 AM | |
| P: 1/10/2007 1:20:50 AM | |
Yosef Cut Rock Total Posts: 232 Last Post: 11/27/2008 Member Since: 11/14/2006 |
I'm very sorry to hear about your situation and her health, I really can't imagine what you're going through. I don't think I could ever return a ring like that for credit if I was in that situation. I'd just let her decide what to do with the ring but make sure someone carries out her wishes after she passes. Best of luck to you both, my heart really goes out to you.
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| Posted: 1/10/2007 1:20:50 AM | |
| P: 1/10/2007 3:37:29 PM | |
Shay37 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 3,343 Last Post: 8/30/2008 Member Since: 3/2/2004 |
You and your FI are in my prayers. I heard someone once say that when you lose someone, or learn that you are going to lose someone, don't make any big or major financial or emotional decisions for a year. It's still good advice. Grief clouds our best judgement. Wait until the clouds roll away before deciding. shay ______________________________My therapist loves me. His name is Brian the Cutter. |
| Posted: 1/10/2007 3:37:29 PM | |
| P: 1/10/2007 4:04:37 PM | |
jenniegirlm Cut Rock Total Posts: 165 Last Post: 7/9/2007 Member Since: 9/18/2006 |
I'm sorry for what you're going through. My Godsister died at 28 yrs old while she was engaged. Her mom asked her FI if he wanted the ring back or if she (the mom) could keep it as a remembrance of her daughter, and said that she could keep it. Just an example to share. Our love and prayers to you...
__________________ |
| Posted: 1/10/2007 4:04:37 PM | |
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