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| Pages: 1 of 2: [1] 2 > |
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so sad |
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| P: 11/26/2006 7:33:15 PM | |
*~Sweetpea~* Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,747 Last Post: 3/20/2008 Member Since: 10/22/2005 |
I originally was not going to post about this, but I'm just so upset and I guess I just need an ongoing discussion or something like that. Last Monday around midnight, my 85 year old grandmother passed away. She is my mom's mom and lives in IL, and since I'm from MA I did not get to see her as much as I maybe should have growing up. I recently moved to MI, so I was only 4 hours away and promised her that I would start visiting her every month and a half as soon as I got a job because I just didn't have the extra funds to travel back and forth at the time. So, I got a job and FI and I were supposed to go down and see her and my uncle for thanksgiving. Unfortunately she had a sudden heart attack in the emergency room on Monday night and she passed away. I should have started going to visit in September, but I let myself be too "busy" to go down before I had a full time job. I flew down on Wednesday and met up with my mother (Fi and I were going to drive, but our dog was sick so we decided to have him drive down on Friday) and we had thanksgiving dinner (low key version...my grandmother didn't cook anymore so she'd already ordered the meal precooked we just had to pick it up) with my uncle and my grandmother's caregiver who lived with them to give my grandmother 24-hour help (she had parkinson's and had had a couple minor strokes, but she was starting to get alzheimers and everything was sort of compounding). We attended the wake all day Friday and then the funeral on Saturday. I talked to my grandmother last Friday before she passed and she was so excited that we were coming down, and she sounded weak, but not bad, and she had me take down her order for a McDonald's breakfast that I said I'd pick up for her (she LOVED egg mcmuffins, but she didn't get them often because they were trying to keep her on a healthier diet). She was saying how she wanted to go buy a car (she told 2 other people that that week as well, her lisence had been taken away about 5 or 6 years ago). Unfortunately I just missed her by a few days. I'm just so sad and I feel so bad and it's starting to really sink in...at first I was really comforted thinking that well she is in Heaven, as the priests who came and her friends would say, but I'm starting to realize that if there is no such thing, then she's really gone. I don't really know why I'm posting all this, I just feel really bad and wanted to get a little of it out. *~SP~* |
| Posted: 11/26/2006 7:33:15 PM | |
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There are 37 replies to this message. There are 30 replies on this page. |
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| P: 11/26/2006 7:51:43 PM | |
Dee*Jay Ideal Rock Total Posts: 6,491 Last Post: 9/23/2009 Member Since: 3/26/2006 |
Sweetpea - Big hugs outgoing to you and your family. My grandmother, who really is the one who raised me, is 83 now and I worry about her every day. I really do feel for you and I hope that you remember all of the wonderful times that you had together as a comfort during this time.
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| Posted: 11/26/2006 7:51:43 PM | |
| P: 11/26/2006 7:56:50 PM | |
HooCares Cut Rock Total Posts: 180 Last Post: 10/31/2009 Member Since: 6/2/2004 |
SP, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I know it is hard to lose someone you love, especially when it is unexpected. I'm sure you have lots of memories to cherish. And remember to be patient with yourself. It will take some time before you will start to heal. Talking to your family and friends about your feelings might help you to feel better. That's what works best for me.
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| Posted: 11/26/2006 7:56:50 PM | |
| P: 11/26/2006 7:57:47 PM | |
Kaleigh Ideal Rock Total Posts: 25,918 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 11/18/2004 |
Oh sweetpea, I am so sorry.  I lost my Nanny a while ago, it was a huge loss for me as she was like a mom to me. HUGS!!! When I feel sad, I just remember all the fun times we shared, and the laughs we had. Don't beat yourself up, it doesn't do any good. Just remember the good times. Lisa
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| Posted: 11/26/2006 7:57:47 PM | |
| P: 11/26/2006 7:58:23 PM | |
Milly Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,651 Last Post: 4/6/2008 Member Since: 6/28/2005 |
sweetpea, i'm so sorry to hear all of this.  it's very hard when to comes to a loved one passing away. i know you're beating yourself up because you missed her by a few days and were 'too busy' to go down to visit her. please don't do that. it's not healthy for yourself. you couldn't have done anything. we cannot control these things. when it's time, it's time. instead think of the long and happy life that your grandma lived. she lived till she was 85 which is a very long life. i'm pretty sure she passed knowing what a fantastic family she has raised and all the thoughtful grandchildren she has. remember her for who she was. i know it must be so hard letting go since the pain is still so fresh. time will do the healing. don't give yourself too hard of a time, kay? it was out of your hands. if we could predict or see into the future, there are many things we would all do differently. my heart is with your grandma. i hope she rests well, she deserves it. 85 years is quite a life to live!
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| Posted: 11/26/2006 7:58:23 PM | |
| P: 11/26/2006 8:40:26 PM | |
VegasAngel Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,449 Last Post: 11/10/2009 Member Since: 10/12/2005 |
My condolences to you.
"Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly." GK Chesterton |
| Posted: 11/26/2006 8:40:26 PM | |
| P: 11/26/2006 8:44:51 PM | |
justjulia Ideal Rock Total Posts: 2,303 Last Post: 7/23/2009 Member Since: 4/4/2006 |
I feel for you. Many years ago, I left the country on a volunteer teaching tour, and my grandmother died rather suddenly after I left. It's a terrible feeling. I hope you don't beat yourself up too badly about this. Stuff happens. All you can do is all you can do and you did what anyone would do.
"A thing of beauty is a joy forever." J Keats |
| Posted: 11/26/2006 8:44:51 PM | |
| P: 11/26/2006 9:11:39 PM | |
Blenheim Ideal Rock Total Posts: 2,477 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 2/27/2006 |
SP, I'm so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
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| Posted: 11/26/2006 9:11:39 PM | |
| P: 11/26/2006 10:34:46 PM | |
robbie3982 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 3,940 Last Post: 11/22/2009 Member Since: 6/28/2006 |
I'm so sorry. I didn't used to believe in heaven, but after losing a few people who were really important to me, I just started to. It was like I just had to because I really couldn't deal with them just being gone. I think what's real and what's not are less important than believing in what you need to get through this difficult time.
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| Posted: 11/26/2006 10:34:46 PM | |
| P: 11/26/2006 10:36:23 PM | |
KimberlyH Ideal Rock Total Posts: 6,552 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 6/15/2006 |
sweatpea, I am so sorry for your loss. Please go easy on yourself your intentions were good and your heart was in the right place; life happens and sometimes we have no control. My thoughts are with you and your family. Kimi
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| Posted: 11/26/2006 10:36:23 PM | |
| P: 11/27/2006 12:21:11 AM | |
Miranda Ideal Rock Total Posts: 4,042 Last Post: 9/24/2009 Member Since: 2/18/2006 |
Oh sweetpea...I'm so sorry for your loss. My grandmother passed away a year ago. I know what an empty feeling it leaves you with. I'll keep you and your family in your thoughts.
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| Posted: 11/27/2006 12:21:11 AM | |
| P: 11/27/2006 12:46:15 AM | |
diamondfan Ideal Rock Total Posts: 10,998 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 6/17/2005 |
I am sorry for your loss and hope it has done some good to get it out, whether it be just here or anywhere. It is sad to lose a loved one and even more sad if we feel we have maybe let someone down or not followed through on things we meant to. But do not feel bad, I am sure she loved you and knew how much you loved her. My pop pop died after I got married and it has been years but I get sad sometimes thinking about how all of his grandkids (6 including me) never really spent a lot of time with him, and we lived within minutes of him. As we got older we got busier, but we would try to gather for brunch on Sundays, just the kids, when we all could drive. I remember like yesterday him sitting at the table, just watching his six teenaged grandkids, two boys and four girls, with a beaming smile on his face. He was alone and living in the house my parents and uncle had given to him and my grandmother and really was not in the best of health. It would have been easy to spend more time, but we were all so busy and consumed with our own lives. I think it is normal that this happens. You did not live close by and your intentions were good, so try to recall happy times and know that she was happy to see you or talk to you. There is a lovely passage and I cannot recall all of it, it is for when someone passes away and goes something like, Do not stand at my grave and weep for me...it really has inspired me when I have had to deal with loss, it sort of lets the mourners know that the person is in the breezes and the snowflakes and all the beauty around them...maybe someone knows it and can post it. **************************** |
| Posted: 11/27/2006 12:46:15 AM | |
| P: 11/27/2006 1:05:47 AM | |
TanDogMom Ideal Rock Total Posts: 2,928 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 11/8/2005 |
Sweatpea, I'm really sorry for your loss. My beloved grandpa passed away this past summer. Since I've been living out of state the past few years, I haven't seen him as often as I would have liked and definitely not as often as I "should." In fact when he was in the hospital before he died, I didn't go to see him but I talked to him every day. I feel guilty too that I didn't see him that much. But like the other posters said, it doesn't help to beat yourself up, and it won't change anything so please try not to have those thoughts. I have a photo of him and my grandma up prominently in my house and I try to reflect on all the good times that we had while I was growing up. I miss him every day but it does get easier.
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| Posted: 11/27/2006 1:05:47 AM | |
| P: 11/27/2006 5:53:55 AM | |
Ellen Ideal Rock Total Posts: 22,894 Last Post: 11/6/2009 Member Since: 1/13/2006 |
Sweetpea, I'm so sorry to hear about your grandma, they're special people aren't they? Mary Elizabeth Frye (1905-2004) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ |
| Posted: 11/27/2006 5:53:55 AM | |
| P: 11/27/2006 11:19:40 AM | |
AmberWaves Ideal Rock Total Posts: 3,421 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 10/19/2005 |
SP, that is so sad. I wanted to give you my condolences, and tell you that I know how you feel. My grandma had a brain tumor when I was in high school, and I couldn't bear to see her suffering so much, so I didn't visit as much as I (now) wish I did. Now, ten years later, it's something I regreted every single day, until I spoke with my two cousins, who also didn't visit as much. They told me that although they feel guilty every day as well, it's not how g-ma would want us to be, which I know in my heart is right. If she loved you even a tenth of how much is sounded like, she wouldn't want you feeling bad, what's done is done, and all you can do is let those feelings go. And let me tell you, my Dad didn't believe in Heaven either, but when they went to bury her, and a little butterfly followed them from the entrance to the resting place and stayed there, he felt she was there in spirit. And I dream of her, and smell her perfume when I don't even realize it's hers- so I believe. I wish you to be strong, and know that she loved you.
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| Posted: 11/27/2006 11:19:40 AM | |
| P: 11/27/2006 11:21:44 AM | |
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diamondfan Ideal Rock Total Posts: 10,998 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 6/17/2005 |
Ellen, thank you for posting that, I am glad someone knew what I was talking about. I hope it give Sweetpea a bit of comfort...
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| Posted: 11/27/2006 11:21:44 AM | |
| P: 11/27/2006 11:27:23 AM | |
Rosebud8506 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 656 Last Post: 11/17/2009 Member Since: 7/10/2006 |
Sweetpea: I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. I too, lost a grandparent just two months ago as well. My condolences to you and your family.
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| Posted: 11/27/2006 11:27:23 AM | |
| P: 11/27/2006 3:25:57 PM | |
anchor31 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 6,362 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 10/18/2005 |
I'm very sorry for your loss. 
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| Posted: 11/27/2006 3:25:57 PM | |
| P: 11/27/2006 3:35:55 PM | |
poptart Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,855 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 5/23/2006 |
I'm so very sorry for your loss. My grandmother is 84 and I worry about her every day. Just the thought of losing her makes me sick. You and your family are in my prayers. *M* ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* |
| Posted: 11/27/2006 3:35:55 PM | |
| P: 11/27/2006 3:54:44 PM | |
pearcrazy Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,438 Last Post: 11/27/2008 Member Since: 5/16/2004 |
I'm so sorry about your Grandma.
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| Posted: 11/27/2006 3:54:44 PM | |
| P: 11/27/2006 4:15:48 PM | |
codex57 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,492 Last Post: 1/21/2008 Member Since: 12/18/2004 |
So sorry for your loss.
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| Posted: 11/27/2006 4:15:48 PM | |
| P: 11/27/2006 4:29:29 PM | |
bling*diva* Ideal Rock Total Posts: 4,026 Last Post: 7/17/2008 Member Since: 6/17/2005 |
~~I am so deeply sorry for your loss...
*~~All I see are diamonds...~~* |
| Posted: 11/27/2006 4:29:29 PM | |
| P: 11/27/2006 4:53:24 PM | |
Tacori E-ring Ideal Rock Total Posts: 16,101 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 8/15/2005 |
I am so sorry for your loss. Please don't feel guilty. Your grandma knew that you loved her. My thoughts are with you and your family.
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| Posted: 11/27/2006 4:53:24 PM | |
| P: 11/27/2006 7:28:21 PM | |
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*~Sweetpea~* Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,747 Last Post: 3/20/2008 Member Since: 10/22/2005 |
Thank you Dee*Jay, HooCares, Kaleigh, Milly, VegasAngel, justjulia, Blenheim, Robbie, KimberlyH, Miranda, diamondfan, gailrmv, Ellen, AmberWaves, Rosebud, Anchor, Poptart, pearcrazy, codex, bling*diva*, and Tacori so much for the condolences. I've never had anyone this close to me pass away before and it's so hard. I guess I've been more upset than I thought b/c it's affecting my dog and she's having accidents all over the apt (since the day my grandmother died). I think she can tell that I've been really upset and it's stressing her out a bit too, since we took her to the vet and they said she's fine. The vet said it could be b/c I'm upset that she's doing this. It's just so frustrating because I'm really sad and now I'm also concerned about the dog. I just really thought that I was going to have at least another year with my grandmother, especially since I lived closer to her and my uncle (he still lived with her) but unfortunately it didnt turn out that way. I told my uncle I'd still come every month or 2 months to visit him, as I had planned to do when my grandmother was still around. *~SP~* |
| Posted: 11/27/2006 7:28:21 PM | |
| P: 11/27/2006 7:28:52 PM | |
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*~Sweetpea~* Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,747 Last Post: 3/20/2008 Member Since: 10/22/2005 |
Date: 11/27/2006 5:53:55 AM Author: Ellen Sweetpea, I'm so sorry to hear about your grandma, they're special people aren't they? Mary Elizabeth Frye (1905-2004) Thank you diamondfan and Ellen...that actually is comforting. *~SP~* |
| Posted: 11/27/2006 7:28:52 PM | |
| P: 11/27/2006 7:33:32 PM | |
hlmr Ideal Rock Total Posts: 2,333 Last Post: 11/18/2009 Member Since: 10/21/2004 |
Sorry to hear about your Grandmother Sweetpea! It is never easy to lose someone you love, especially the first close loss like that is so hard. Take good care and remember that she will always be with you in your memories. 
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| Posted: 11/27/2006 7:33:32 PM | |
| P: 11/27/2006 7:44:20 PM | |
diamondseeker2006 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 17,609 Last Post: 11/18/2009 Member Since: 1/11/2006 |
I'm so sorry to hear this as well. But how wonderful that you spoke with her just last Friday and have warm memories of that conversation! And I'll have to tell you, not that it will take away your sadness, but a heart attack is a true blessing since many people go through long illnesses and end up in nursing homes. And I do believe in the better place.
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| Posted: 11/27/2006 7:44:20 PM | |
| P: 11/27/2006 7:50:24 PM | |
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*~Sweetpea~* Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,747 Last Post: 3/20/2008 Member Since: 10/22/2005 |
Date: 11/27/2006 7:44:20 PM Author: diamondseeker2006 I'm so sorry to hear this as well. But how wonderful that you spoke with her just last Friday and have warm memories of that conversation! And I'll have to tell you, not that it will take away your sadness, but a heart attack is a true blessing since many people go through long illnesses and end up in nursing homes. And I do believe in the better place. I actually feel the same way. Her parkinson's was starting to get bad and she was having trouble swallowing, so if she lived for another year or so, chances are she'd get really bad really fast and she really just wasn't happy the past 6 months or so. Her mobility had quickly declined, she did not want to do her exercises or get out of bed and she was starting to get Alzheimers. It's a blessing because she didn't even know it was going to happen, so she didn't have to be scared or worry about it. Even in the emergency room, she was talking to my uncle telling him to make sure that the food she'd ordered was right and was coming on Thanksgiving for dinner with FI and I. She was always a social butterfly and very into charity work and entertaining, even up to the minutes before she passed. It's what she really enjoyed. *~SP~* |
| Posted: 11/27/2006 7:50:24 PM | |
| P: 11/27/2006 8:15:58 PM | |
IndieJones Ideal Rock Total Posts: 2,216 Last Post: 4/27/2009 Member Since: 12/1/2005 |
I may sound a bit callous Sweetpea, but... She died happy, looking forward to the holidays and to seeing you. If your grandmother was developing alzheimers this was a far better end to her life than what she was facing. I wish my Grandfather had died that way, and given the probability of my father developing alzheimers, I hope my father dies someday anticipating a fun, family-filled event.  I can't say if there's a heaven or not, but our loved ones live on in our memories. Don't let your memories of your Grandmother be clouded with your guilt over not visiting her earlier. Remember her with love and in happiness. 
************************ |
| Posted: 11/27/2006 8:15:58 PM | |
| P: 11/28/2006 1:32:46 AM | |
Kerbear560 Cut Rock Total Posts: 439 Last Post: 3/20/2009 Member Since: 5/29/2004 |
Sweetpea, I'm so sorry for your loss. Please don't feel guilty...*hugs*
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| Posted: 11/28/2006 1:32:46 AM | |
| P: 11/28/2006 1:52:51 AM | |
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poptart Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,855 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 5/23/2006 |
I didn't notice before that you'd said she had Alzheimer's and I am inclined to agree with what IndieJones said about it being better and happier for her to go now rather than later. Alzheimer's hits the victim and the family so hard and is awful for people to see. My grandfather had dimensia and developed Alzheimer's right before his death, but for eight years we basically had to watch him slip away and completely forget himself and us. I had always wished it had been easier for him, and hopefully it's comforting to know that everything was easier on her and she was happy and looking forward to seeing you. I personally believe that the spirits of our loved ones are with us always and watch over us, and I'm sure your grandma will be watching over you. Best wishes, *M* ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* |
| Posted: 11/28/2006 1:52:51 AM | |
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