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»  » Ok.. everyone knows the deal w/my FMIL.. right? lol
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Ok.. everyone knows the deal w/my FMIL.. right? lol |
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| P: 5/11/2006 12:27:57 AM | |
SanDiegoLady Ideal Rock Total Posts: 14,219 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 7/6/2005 |
So, she's driving me crazy.. lol I know.. *SHOCK!*.. All of a sudden this week, she's begun to send me "joke emails".. I have heard nothing more from her since her tantrum after trying to get her involved with our wedding in JANUARY.. then she said all that nasty crap about me and quit speaking to me. Steve thinks this is her way of getting back "in" with me.. but.. I hate to say, after all the nastiness she said, and the tantrum, and speaking to Steve's daughter behind our backs about me, and talking about my kids, and telling him he didn't really want to be responsible for them and be their step father, etc, etc, etc.. I am still just too hurt to get her JOKE EMAILS and blow off everything she's said about me and done for the past FIVE MONTHS. Am I being difficult? Do I have a right to be upset even still? I know I should probably take the high road and be the good FDIL.. but.. until I heard all the crap she said about me, I really thought she liked me. It cut me so deeply.  ~Michelle~   |
| Posted: 5/11/2006 12:27:57 AM | |
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There are 12 replies to this message. There are 12 replies on this page. |
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| P: 5/11/2006 12:31:02 AM | |
monarch64 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 9,544 Last Post: 11/20/2009 Member Since: 8/12/2005 |
Oh, SDL, I'm kind of sorry to hear that this is your MIL's attempt at being nice to you and trying to get back into your good graces. At best she is at least trying, I suppose. I would feel the same as you do right now if I were in your situation. You've had to put up with a lot from her and it was never fair or right. I guess my own mother would say to me to be the bigger person and dole out some forgiveness, but that's to me, sacrificing what you stand for, so I don't think I could take that kind of advice and won't give it to someone else. What do you feel in your heart of hearts right now?
"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined." Henry David Thoreau |
| Posted: 5/11/2006 12:31:02 AM | |
| P: 5/11/2006 12:43:05 AM | |
diamondfan Ideal Rock Total Posts: 10,997 Last Post: 11/22/2009 Member Since: 6/17/2005 |
SDL, this is a tough one for sure. One the one hand, she said totally unforgivable things to your kids etc. She felt those things and did not care if she hurt people by voicing her nasty thoughts. Since people do not change, she is not likely a different person now that she was a few months ago. I HATE my MIL. She is just nasty. MANY years later, she now realizes she messed up, because I only wanted to be a great DIL to her. I have a mom, she has a daughter, not trying to horn in on that stuff, but just be able to be good to eachother. She poisoned it with all her crap. NOW she wants to make friends? I don't think so. It ain't that easy and I cannot forget some of the vile stuff she did. On the other hand, I see her trying (in her weird way) to be nice. So does my DH, so he thinks I should let bygones be bygones...(easy for him to say)...therefore, I think of a saying "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer"...meaning, do not let her back in and act as if nothing ever happened. But, accept her efforts while she is making them and just know she can be nasty again in a heartbeat. Appreciate her being decent while it lasts, but never forget who you are dealing with. This may sound tough, but I firmly think and have experienced the fact that PEOPLE USUALLY do not change. And, it does not hurt to be aware or wary, she has hurt you and you have every right to have that in your mind as you continue to deal with her. Consider the source, and try to take the high road as the good person you are, if you can manage! Good luck...
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| Posted: 5/11/2006 12:43:05 AM | |
| P: 5/11/2006 1:03:54 AM | |
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SanDiegoLady Ideal Rock Total Posts: 14,219 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 7/6/2005 |
Date: 5/11/2006 12:31:02 AM Author: monarch64 Oh, SDL, I'm kind of sorry to hear that this is your MIL's attempt at being nice to you and trying to get back into your good graces. At best she is at least trying, I suppose. I would feel the same as you do right now if I were in your situation. You've had to put up with a lot from her and it was never fair or right. I guess my own mother would say to me to be the bigger person and dole out some forgiveness, but that's to me, sacrificing what you stand for, so I don't think I could take that kind of advice and won't give it to someone else. What do you feel in your heart of hearts right now? At this point, I still think... no, I just dont have it in me to forgive her for being so awful. The wedding is just three months away and I just wish they wouldn't come... on top of all THAT crapola, Steve's ex emailed him congratulating him on the upcoming August 19th wedding.. so.. SHE'S been drilling thier daughter for information as well. Leave the girl alone, for crying out loud! Poor kiddo! I WANT to be the bigger person here, but in the end, this is a show for her. She knows everyone will be watching her behavior... its not real, its fake.. and.. I just can't play nice that way. Pleasant, yes, but this is not her wedding.. sigh. I am SO TIRED of manipulative people!! 
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| Posted: 5/11/2006 1:03:54 AM | |
| P: 5/11/2006 1:10:14 AM | |
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SanDiegoLady Ideal Rock Total Posts: 14,219 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 7/6/2005 |
Date: 5/11/2006 12:43:05 AM Author: diamondfan SDL, this is a tough one for sure. One the one hand, she said totally unforgivable things to your kids etc. She felt those things and did not care if she hurt people by voicing her nasty thoughts. Since people do not change, she is not likely a different person now that she was a few months ago. I HATE my MIL. She is just nasty. MANY years later, she now realizes she messed up, because I only wanted to be a great DIL to her. I have a mom, she has a daughter, not trying to horn in on that stuff, but just be able to be good to eachother. She poisoned it with all her crap. NOW she wants to make friends? I don't think so. It ain't that easy and I cannot forget some of the vile stuff she did. On the other hand, I see her trying (in her weird way) to be nice. So does my DH, so he thinks I should let bygones be bygones...(easy for him to say)...therefore, I think of a saying 'Keep your friends close and your enemies closer'...meaning, do not let her back in and act as if nothing ever happened. But, accept her efforts while she is making them and just know she can be nasty again in a heartbeat. Appreciate her being decent while it lasts, but never forget who you are dealing with. This may sound tough, but I firmly think and have experienced the fact that PEOPLE USUALLY do not change. And, it does not hurt to be aware or wary, she has hurt you and you have every right to have that in your mind as you continue to deal with her. Consider the source, and try to take the high road as the good person you are, if you can manage! Good luck... She doesn't want to change.. she wants to manipulate the situation to suit whatever is motivating her. Steve said this is how she's been his entire life, if she isn't getting something out of it, she wouldnt be doing it. I don't have a Mother- mine died when I was eight, and she has never had a daughter. A couple of years ago Steve told me she loved me and would accept me into the family like the daughter she never had.. I really had hoped that was really the case. But finding out in January everything was a big farce just made me sick to my stomach.. You know, I tried to do something good by involving her.. after having been told that the first wife didn't want anything to do with his Mom and she wouldn't involve her in the family, gosh I can see why his ex did that now..  She didn't get to share a lot when they were married.. I didn't want her to feel left out.. well shame on me for even trying...I'm afraid she's going to have to do A LOT better than including me in her mass emailings of jokes..
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| Posted: 5/11/2006 1:10:14 AM | |
| P: 5/11/2006 3:22:01 AM | |
Scintillating Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,128 Last Post: 7/24/2009 Member Since: 8/10/2005 |
She's toying with you, she knows it'll upset you. My advice, ignore her, give her no reaction. Scintillating...
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| Posted: 5/11/2006 3:22:01 AM | |
| P: 5/11/2006 8:58:46 AM | |
appletini Ideal Rock Total Posts: 2,555 Last Post: 11/19/2009 Member Since: 11/29/2004 |
Date: 5/11/2006 3:22:01 AM Ditto!
Author: Scintillating She's toying with you, she knows it'll upset you. My advice, ignore her, give her no reaction. Scintillating...
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| Posted: 5/11/2006 8:58:46 AM | |
| P: 5/11/2006 10:24:06 AM | |
LizzieC Ideal Rock Total Posts: 712 Last Post: 12/16/2006 Member Since: 11/8/2005 |
Date: 5/11/2006 8:58:46 AM Author: appletini Date: 5/11/2006 3:22:01 AM Ditto!Author: Scintillating She's toying with you, she knows it'll upset you. My advice, ignore her, give her no reaction. Scintillating... Double Ditto!
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| Posted: 5/11/2006 10:24:06 AM | |
| P: 5/11/2006 11:18:04 AM | |
BeaudryBabe Cut Rock Total Posts: 292 Last Post: 12/4/2006 Member Since: 7/13/2005 |
I agree with Scintillating... Ignore her! I believe that life is too short to allow people like her to jump in and out of your life whenever she chooses. The timing is good to make it clear that the boundaries must be recognized and respected. A few years ago I had to make the incredibly difficult decision to remove my mother from my life. It was a long time coming and I had tried everything. She was toxic to me, her behavior just horrible always. Others can make the choice to waste their lives with hatred and manipulation, but I wouldn't allow them to make that choice for me or my life. Sorry your in this situation, but stay strong and take control.
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| Posted: 5/11/2006 11:18:04 AM | |
| P: 5/11/2006 12:17:49 PM | |
FireGoddess Ideal Rock Total Posts: 12,145 Last Post: 3/23/2009 Member Since: 1/25/2005 |
Personally, there's only one thing to do here : delete! Delete the messages and continue to ignore her. I do believe as well that she's trying to get back in but I highly doubt it's because she's seen the error of her ways. It sounds more like she probably wants to get back into the loop enough to start acting exactly the way she did before. Don't let her!
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| Posted: 5/11/2006 12:17:49 PM | |
| P: 5/11/2006 12:21:35 PM | |
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SanDiegoLady Ideal Rock Total Posts: 14,219 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 7/6/2005 |
Thanks girls.. I'm taking your advice and it's just what I've decided to do. I'm just deleting her emails and ignoring her. So, if she goes back to see if I opened them, she'll see I deleted it. IF I choose to go back and read them, they will still show deleted.. I agree she is trying to bother me. She's manipulative and mean.. its just her nature. Hugs. Michelle~ |
| Posted: 5/11/2006 12:21:35 PM | |
| P: 5/11/2006 12:40:56 PM | |
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chickflick Cut Rock Total Posts: 312 Last Post: 12/16/2008 Member Since: 3/5/2006 |
Steve sounds like such a great guy; it's hard to believe he was raised by this woman. And who wouldn't love to have you as a daughter-in-law? I say that if she really wants to get back "in" with you, she could start with an acknoweldgement and an apology. Hugs to you, sweetie, and stay strong!! You're doing the right thing.
Nothing you can know that isn''t known. |
| Posted: 5/11/2006 12:40:56 PM | |
| P: 5/11/2006 2:32:52 PM | |
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SanDiegoLady Ideal Rock Total Posts: 14,219 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 7/6/2005 |
Date: 5/11/2006 12:40:56 PM Author: chickflick Steve sounds like such a great guy; it's hard to believe he was raised by this woman. And who wouldn't love to have you as a daughter-in-law? I say that if she really wants to get back 'in' with you, she could start with an acknoweldgement and an apology. Hugs to you, sweetie, and stay strong!! You're doing the right thing. She "apologized" the last time.. and then got really nasty with the things she said.. Steve is incredible. He's just the most wonderful man I've ever known. His loyalty, support, love and integrity is so strong. He recalls when he was 15 years old that his Mother during a fit of nastiness told him that shouldn't have gotten drunk on her birthday 15 years before which was exactly nine months to his birthday..... He could have very easily turned into a far different person, but he refused to be a loser like the people around him. I just adore this man.. we were just simply meant to be together. It just took us years to find each other.. Thank you so much for your sweet words and all your support. I really need to hear all of this :) |
| Posted: 5/11/2006 2:32:52 PM | |
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