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Disorder in the American Courts |
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| P: 5/9/2006 7:40:32 PM | |
strmrdr Ideal Rock Total Posts: 23,296 Last Post: 10/9/2009 Member Since: 11/1/2003 |
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. Q: Are you sexually active? A: No, I just lie there. __________________________________ Q: What is your date of birth? A: July 15th. Q: What year? A: Every year. ______________________________________ Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ______________________________________ Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten? _______________________________________ Q: How old is your son, the one living with you? A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years. _____________________________________ Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning? A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan. ______________________________________ Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult? A: We both do. Q: Voodoo? A: We do. Q: You do? A: Yes, voodoo. ______________________________________ Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? A: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ___________________________________ Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? _____________________________________ Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? ______________________________________ Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? A: Yes. Q: And what were you doing at that time? ______________________________________ Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there any girls? ______________________________________ Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated? ______________________________________ Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male, or a female? ______________________________________ Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. _____________________________________ Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? A: Oral. ______________________________________ Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. ______________________________________ Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? _____________________________________ Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere. ........... Karl has joined the diamond trade and is now posting as Karl_K |
| Posted: 5/9/2006 7:40:32 PM | |
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There are 9 replies to this message. There are 9 replies on this page. |
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| P: 5/9/2006 8:30:19 PM | |
moremoremore Ideal Rock Total Posts: 6,825 Last Post: 2/9/2009 Member Since: 3/15/2004 |
TOO FUNNY!!!! I love the voodoo! And the Did you actually pass the bar exam? LOL ______________________________ Stewart says: I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. And doggon'it, people like me. |
| Posted: 5/9/2006 8:30:19 PM | |
| P: 5/9/2006 9:30:27 PM | |
portoar Ideal Rock Total Posts: 562 Last Post: 2/14/2007 Member Since: 10/16/2005 |
LOL! This is one of the funniest posts ever . . .thank you!
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| Posted: 5/9/2006 9:30:27 PM | |
| P: 5/10/2006 11:19:25 AM | |
fire&ice Ideal Rock Total Posts: 7,827 Last Post: 3/30/2009 Member Since: 7/22/2002 |
This is a riot!!!!!
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| Posted: 5/10/2006 11:19:25 AM | |
| P: 5/10/2006 12:39:49 PM | |
KittenKat Cut Rock Total Posts: 454 Last Post: 7/11/2009 Member Since: 3/22/2004 |
This is too funny! Hah.
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| Posted: 5/10/2006 12:39:49 PM | |
| P: 5/10/2006 5:31:25 PM | |
Shay37 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 3,343 Last Post: 8/30/2008 Member Since: 3/2/2004 |
I get to add one from about a month ago. The deponent was the plaintiff in the lawsuit. He had a criminal record as long as your arm. This case involved a car accident. He was asked by the attorney if the doctor had confined him to home after the accident as a result of his injuries. He says, "home confinement?" Attorney says, "yes." he says, "Yeah, I've done that." His attorney looked at him like he was nuts. The questioning attorney did the same because he had not been so ordered. Then the questioning attorney clarified by saying, "for medical reasons?" The deponent says, "oh, no, not for medical reasons." We ALL just cracked up laughing, including the deponent. It took several seconds to resume control of that deposition. Everytime since I have seen this attorney, we still just laugh about this one. shay ______________________________My therapist loves me. His name is Brian the Cutter. |
| Posted: 5/10/2006 5:31:25 PM | |
| P: 5/10/2006 8:10:20 PM | |
yeewl Cut Rock Total Posts: 191 Last Post: 11/16/2008 Member Since: 9/11/2002 |
Hello strmrdr, Thanks for the post. It's so funny and I couldn't help but shared some with my girlfriends via sms and they all laughed!!! Sure brighten up our day at work. Do keep them coming. Regards
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| Posted: 5/10/2006 8:10:20 PM | |
| P: 5/10/2006 8:20:16 PM | |
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strmrdr Ideal Rock Total Posts: 23,296 Last Post: 10/9/2009 Member Since: 11/1/2003 |
Date: 5/10/2006 5:31:25 PM Author: Shay37 I get to add one from about a month ago. The deponent was the plaintiff in the lawsuit. He had a criminal record as long as your arm. This case involved a car accident. He was asked by the attorney if the doctor had confined him to home after the accident as a result of his injuries. He says, 'home confinement?' Attorney says, 'yes.' he says, 'Yeah, I've done that.' His attorney looked at him like he was nuts. The questioning attorney did the same because he had not been so ordered. Then the questioning attorney clarified by saying, 'for medical reasons?' The deponent says, 'oh, no, not for medical reasons.' We ALL just cracked up laughing, including the deponent. It took several seconds to resume control of that deposition. Everytime since I have seen this attorney, we still just laugh about this one. shay LOL ........... Karl has joined the diamond trade and is now posting as Karl_K |
| Posted: 5/10/2006 8:20:16 PM | |
| P: 5/10/2006 8:20:45 PM | |
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strmrdr Ideal Rock Total Posts: 23,296 Last Post: 10/9/2009 Member Since: 11/1/2003 |
Date: 5/10/2006 8:10:20 PM Author: yeewl Hello strmrdr, Thanks for the post. It's so funny and I couldn't help but shared some with my girlfriends via sms and they all laughed!!! Sure brighten up our day at work. Do keep them coming. Regards welcome :} ........... Karl has joined the diamond trade and is now posting as Karl_K |
| Posted: 5/10/2006 8:20:45 PM | |
| P: 5/15/2006 4:14:28 PM | |
moon river Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,806 Last Post: 6/26/2006 Member Since: 1/7/2006 |
_____________________________ |
| Posted: 5/15/2006 4:14:28 PM | |
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