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On the topic of name changing...

P: 4/21/2006 8:50:55 AM

madeleine

Cut Rock
Total Posts: 140
Last Post: 10/26/2006
Member Since: 10/1/2005

What are you doing with your name when you get married? Are you keeping your maiden name? Taking his name? Hyphenating? Keeping your maiden name as middle name, but taking his name as your last name? Something different entirely? We are still debating, and it would interest me to know what the trend is! Thanks! :)

Posted: 4/21/2006 8:50:55 AM

There are 48 replies to this message. There are 30 replies on this page.

P: 4/21/2006 9:26:54 AM
curlygirl Ideal Rock Total Posts: 2,307 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 4/9/2005	I kept my last name. I just feel like it's my identity--I'm too old to become someone else right now! Plus, there are no boys in my family so I'd like to keep the name going a little bit longer. And to be honest, I'm a little too lazy to go through the hassle of changing everything! I know I can always change it later if I change my mind or decide to go undercover!
Posted: 4/21/2006 9:26:54 AM

P: 4/21/2006 10:09:00 AM
teebee Ideal Rock Total Posts: 812 Last Post: 6/7/2006 Member Since: 4/16/2004	I always thought that I'd take his last name & drop mine completely... But I'm becoming a bit more attached to mine the closer our wedding gets so I'm considering keeping my last name as a middle name. But, although I don't really love my current middle name, it's my name too and I don't really want to drop that either! Plus, I've always thought it's funny that FI and I have the same middle name, just different spelling... So I guess I could have 2 middle names? And that would leave my entire maiden name intact but still I would sign everything w/ my first name, his last name... I am the last one w/ my last name in my family... I'm not even that close with my dad (we had a falling out many years ago) or anyone on his side of the family... But being the last of something is kinda weird and I feel this obligation to give that some consideration. ~teebee~
Posted: 4/21/2006 10:09:00 AM

P: 4/21/2006 10:58:55 AM
jcrow Ideal Rock Total Posts: 6,487 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 8/8/2005	i have a similar situation teebee. i am the last in my family with my last name. but i don't really consider it my family name since i don't know anyone from my dad's side nor do i have a relationship with my dad. so i am not really attached to it and prefer my middle name much more. so, i think i will have my first name, my middle name, and his last name. i am sure people do this all the time, but i was wondering if i'll have any legal issues with that since i will no longer have any connection to my maiden name.
Posted: 4/21/2006 10:58:55 AM

P: 4/21/2006 11:23:20 AM
albicocca Ideal Rock Total Posts: 2,152 Last Post: 3/3/2008 Member Since: 10/11/2005	I feel basically the same way as jcrow & teebee about my middle and last names (love my middle, not so attached to my last), but I still don't like the idea of dropping my maiden name entirely. So I'm going to do what my mom did and just have four names! Firstname Middlename Maidenname Hislastname. But in normal usage, I'll just be Firstname Hislastname, but I just really don't want to lose anything. I think for forms that require "middle initial" I'll do my maiden name initial, so most paperwork will look like Firstname Maidenname Hislastname, but I still don't want to completely drop my middle name as it is the only non-generic name of the four and a family name and I love it!
Posted: 4/21/2006 11:23:20 AM

P: 4/21/2006 11:26:32 AM
Logan Sapphire Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,131 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 9/5/2003	I voted for other because I kept my middle name and just tacked on his last name to mine, but without a hyphen. Like Hillary Rodham Clinton or Sandra Day O'Connor. So, technically I have two last names, non-hyphenated, but my stupid work place couldn't get that concept through their heads and so now they've hyphenated for me. My name plate, my email address, etc.- everything has a hyphen, despite me doggedly signing my name without a hyphen. Oh well. ------------------------------ Changed my name from mmeowcollins to Logan Sapphire.
Posted: 4/21/2006 11:26:32 AM

P: 4/21/2006 11:32:44 AM
Diamonds are Hot! Cut Rock Total Posts: 431 Last Post: 3/10/2007 Member Since: 4/10/2006	I am attached to my family name but very traditional, I don't really care for my middle name and am not attached to it so I think I will make my last namt my middle take and take his last name. Middle names are almost never used anyway, I only use my middle initial for my signature and it's on my DL, so my name will hiding but it will still be there. This is not because I'm a feminist or anything, just because I am attached to my dad's name. I like this topic though because I just recently came up with the thought of doing this, it's nice to see it's pretty common.
Posted: 4/21/2006 11:32:44 AM

P: 4/21/2006 11:33:53 AM
Blenheim Ideal Rock Total Posts: 2,477 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 2/27/2006	I'm also planning on being Firstname MiddleName MaidenName Hislastname, and going by Firstname Hislastname socially. I go by my first name now, but I went by my middle name when I was younger so I don't want to lose either of those. I'm the last one I know of, other than my brother, with my lastname, so I don't want to lose that either! But at the same time, I want to take his name. And hyphenating would be so cumbersome, as it would result in a 5 syllable, 17 letter last name. It's encouraging to hear that other ladies have similar plans.
Posted: 4/21/2006 11:33:53 AM

P: 4/21/2006 12:01:55 PM
FireGoddess Ideal Rock Total Posts: 12,145 Last Post: 3/23/2009 Member Since: 1/25/2005	I hyphenated. It's long, and it's a mouthful, but I like my last name and with 3 girls in the family, no one was going to 'carry it on' so to speak so it was important to me. The other thing is that in my field you publish articles at times and there is a lot of name recognition, so I wanted to keep my last name for that reason as well. The hyphen was a good compromise.
Posted: 4/21/2006 12:01:55 PM

P: 4/21/2006 12:16:40 PM
anchor31 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 6,363 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 10/18/2005	I'm afraid I don't even have the option. In 1981, the province of Quebec changed it's marriage laws and we can no longer legally change our names. I could still go by MyFirstName HisLastName socially, but that would undoubtedly get confusing. So I'm keeping my maiden name and using it, like my mom did in 1974. It's long and hyphenized (Mother'sMaidenName-Father'sName) and I always have to spell it out, but I'm stuck with it! ******** R & J 08-02-08 Expecting baby on 12-30-09
Posted: 4/21/2006 12:16:40 PM

P: 4/21/2006 12:31:40 PM
Diamonds are Hot! Cut Rock Total Posts: 431 Last Post: 3/10/2007 Member Since: 4/10/2006	Date: 4/21/2006 12:16:40 PM Author: anchor31 I'm afraid I don't even have the option. In 1981, the province of Quebec changed it's marriage laws and we can no longer legally change our names. I could still go by MyFirstName HisLastName socially, but that would undoubtedly get confusing. So I'm keeping my maiden name and using it, like my mom did in 1974. It's long and hyphenized (Mother'sMaidenName-Father'sName) and I always have to spell it out, but I'm stuck with it! That's interesting anchor, did you parents choose to hyphenate your name or is that typical? Will you hyphenate your children's names?
Posted: 4/21/2006 12:31:40 PM

P: 4/21/2006 12:40:24 PM
MINE!! Ideal Rock Total Posts: 3,287 Last Post: 1/22/2007 Member Since: 2/25/2005	My last name is my middle name. I love having my maiden name and I have always had such pride in our family name. But.. I take pride in being my husbands wife, so I took his name as well. If we have children, they will have his last name though. I just believe that it should be that way (in regards to children) Yet, I use my middlename intitial alot too... therefore it is first, middle, firstlastname and hislastname. However, to through it into a mix I still use my former married last name a lot too. Just so it is not so confusing when it come to dealing with school and the kids..LOL.. For exmaple... Say first name is Heather Middle is Lisa Maiden is Smith Married is Johnson First Married is Rizo So... Sometimes I use.. Heather L. Smith Johnson (use this one on new accounts and legal docs) or Heather L. Smith Rizo (bank accounts.. I still have access to my ex's bank account.. more convient for transactions) or Heather Johnson (same as #1) or Heather Rizo (my kids schools knows me as) The governement knows me as Heather L. Smith Rizo Johnson LOL
Posted: 4/21/2006 12:40:24 PM

P: 4/21/2006 12:40:30 PM
anchor31 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 6,363 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 10/18/2005	They chose to hyphenate our names, although it's pretty common here since the 80's. Some poor kids have hyphenated first names and hyphenated last names!! My mother's name is rather uncommon and my father's is VERY common (not unlike Smith in the States), so my dad offered to let her give her name to us, but my mom insisted on hyphenating "because we're his kids too". Silly mom... I actually would have liked very much to only have her name. Will we hyphenate for our kids' name? Definitetly NOT! The poor kids would have three last names... No, they'll have their father's name (which is relatively common, but at least they won't have to spell it out!), and that's that. ******** R & J 08-02-08 Expecting baby on 12-30-09
Posted: 4/21/2006 12:40:30 PM

P: 4/21/2006 12:40:32 PM
selflove Ideal Rock Total Posts: 972 Last Post: 7/25/2006 Member Since: 5/12/2005	I am UNDECIDED! FI really wants me to take his name in some way, shape or form. But at age 34 3/4, it feels strange to change my name (which is a very long polish, hard to pronounce name that I always wanted to be rid of, as a kid). B/c my name is so unique (ie. I'm the only one with my name in the LA phone book!), I really don't want to give it up. And he REALLY wants me to have his name so that our kids won't be confused, so the airlines won't be confused when we travel as a family...but my feminist side is so resistant...he hasn't really given me any good reason to want to change it except for pragmatic ones...
Posted: 4/21/2006 12:40:32 PM

P: 4/21/2006 12:49:15 PM
MINE!! Ideal Rock Total Posts: 3,287 Last Post: 1/22/2007 Member Since: 2/25/2005	Date: 4/21/2006 12:40:32 PM Author: selflove I am UNDECIDED! FI really wants me to take his name in some way, shape or form. But at age 34 3/4, it feels strange to change my name (which is a very long polish, hard to pronounce name that I always wanted to be rid of, as a kid). B/c my name is so unique (ie. I'm the only one with my name in the LA phone book!), I really don't want to give it up. And he REALLY wants me to have his name so that our kids won't be confused, so the airlines won't be confused when we travel as a family...but my feminist side is so resistant...he hasn't really given me any good reason to want to change it except for pragmatic ones... Funny you talk about airlines and such... the precise reason that I still use my old married last name as well as my maiden. It is much less of a hassle and people somehow treat you a bit.. differently when you do not ave your children's last name. it is subtle... and hard to explain, but it is different.
Posted: 4/21/2006 12:49:15 PM

P: 4/21/2006 12:51:20 PM
ChargerGrrl Ideal Rock Total Posts: 2,490 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 8/17/2005	Date: 4/21/2006 12:40:32 PM Author: selflove I am UNDECIDED! FI really wants me to take his name in some way, shape or form. But at age 34 3/4, it feels strange to change my name (which is a very long polish, hard to pronounce name that I always wanted to be rid of, as a kid). B/c my name is so unique (ie. I'm the only one with my name in the LA phone book!), I really don't want to give it up. And he REALLY wants me to have his name so that our kids won't be confused, so the airlines won't be confused when we travel as a family...but my feminist side is so resistant...he hasn't really given me any good reason to want to change it except for pragmatic ones... I too am struggling with this. I've been Chargergrrl Lastname for 34 1/2 years, so it's wierd to think of myself with a different last name. I've been in the same industry for 10+ years, and am worried that my new name will throw people off. My FI is OK with whatever I do, but I really think that deep down inside, he really wants me to take his name. I voted above that I'm going to do the maiden name/middle name thing and take his last name. It's the most logical thing to do in my situation, as I don't have a middle name (and I've always wanted one!). Wierd, I know. I must be the only Latina out there with no middle name!!
Posted: 4/21/2006 12:51:20 PM

P: 4/21/2006 1:14:23 PM
AmberWaves Ideal Rock Total Posts: 3,421 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 10/19/2005	I was just thinking about this the other day. I LOVE my last name, it's super common. SUPER common, and literally matches my first name because they are both two colors. I'm sure you can tell by my screen name, what my first name is. Anyway, I love it. It shows my background, my family history and all of that. I am the last girl in my family to have our last name, luckily my brother can pass it on, but in a different country. NOW, my brother is the last male in our family to carry this name, so pressure is on him! Anyway, the thing is, I'm uber-traditional, and I WANT to take my fiance's last name, but I don't want to lose mine! I also don't want to lose my middle name, since I was named after my mom's mom, who passed away when my mom was little. I also don't want 4 names, it's too much for me to write! What do I do? My fiance's name isn't that common, I've seen it a bit before, but not too much. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * If you were an ocean, I'd learn how to float.
Posted: 4/21/2006 1:14:23 PM

P: 4/21/2006 1:20:58 PM
albicocca Ideal Rock Total Posts: 2,152 Last Post: 3/3/2008 Member Since: 10/11/2005	Date: 4/21/2006 1:14:23 PM Author: AmberWaves I was just thinking about this the other day. I LOVE my last name, it's super common. SUPER common, and literally matches my first name because they are both two colors. I'm sure you can tell by my screen name, what my first name is. Anyway, I love it. It shows my background, my family history and all of that. I am the last girl in my family to have our last name, luckily my brother can pass it on, but in a different country. NOW, my brother is the last male in our family to carry this name, so pressure is on him! Anyway, the thing is, I'm uber-traditional, and I WANT to take my fiance's last name, but I don't want to lose mine! I also don't want to lose my middle name, since I was named after my mom's mom, who passed away when my mom was little. I also don't want 4 names, it's too much for me to write! What do I do? My fiance's name isn't that common, I've seen it a bit before, but not too much. Join the Four Names Club, Amber!!! Your first and last name are both short, so it won't be tooo cumbersome, and 99.999% of the time, you don't need to write all four out if you don't feel like it! My mom is Firstname Marriedlastname to pretty much everyone in every circumstance, but she's an artist and likes being able to sign all four names on her paintings. But on paperwork it's still only three unless there is a specific "maiden name" slot in addition to middle! Come ooooooon, all the cool kids are doing it! (Hehe except everyone who answered differently on this poll...you guys are all cool too! )
Posted: 4/21/2006 1:20:58 PM

P: 4/21/2006 1:24:21 PM
AmberWaves Ideal Rock Total Posts: 3,421 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 10/19/2005	Albi, that does sound good.... You and your peer pressure!! * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * If you were an ocean, I'd learn how to float.
Posted: 4/21/2006 1:24:21 PM

P: 4/21/2006 1:26:45 PM
TBeck2000 Rough Rock Total Posts: 70 Last Post: 10/16/2006 Member Since: 1/17/2006	I voted for "Keep my last name", but I think that most guys traditionally keep their last names. -Tim
Posted: 4/21/2006 1:26:45 PM

P: 4/21/2006 1:28:28 PM
laurel_aurelia Cut Rock Total Posts: 180 Last Post: 5/3/2006 Member Since: 9/12/2005	i'm taking my fiance's last name. (i'm going to be a HEFNER! crazy, huh??) but, how are those of you are hyphenating or keeping your name planning on naming your children? just curious.
Posted: 4/21/2006 1:28:28 PM

P: 4/21/2006 1:29:32 PM
regalada Cut Rock Total Posts: 199 Last Post: 7/7/2008 Member Since: 6/17/2005	ChargerGrrl, I'm another Latina with no middle name, so you are not alone! When I was single, I hyphenated my two last names to make sure both were used since that's what I was used to back home. When we decided to get married, I realized to my surprise that I wanted to take his name. I say to my surprise because I'm 33, known by my name both at work and in my professional circle, plus I finished my doctorate and have publications under my maiden name, so I always figured I would keep it. I also didn't want to face the problem of which of my two last names to drop. I'm not connected to my father in any way, but keeping my mother's last name and adding my husband's would have been too long and complicated, I saw myself having to spell them out over and over again... So I chose to drop my Mom's, keep my dad's which is only 4 letters, hyphenate and add my husband's. I've only been using the new name for a month and is amazing how quickly I'm getting used to it. It does make me feel like part of something bigger, the two of us, a unit, as corny as that may sound. Plus it makes me smile everytime I use it, reminds me how happy I am to be married to him.
Posted: 4/21/2006 1:29:32 PM

P: 4/21/2006 1:31:51 PM
JDgirl Cut Rock Total Posts: 396 Last Post: 6/26/2006 Member Since: 10/30/2005	Date: 4/21/2006 10:09:00 AM Author: teebee I always thought that I'd take his last name & drop mine completely... But I'm becoming a bit more attached to mine the closer our wedding gets so I'm considering keeping my last name as a middle name. But, although I don't really love my current middle name, it's my name too and I don't really want to drop that either! Plus, I've always thought it's funny that FI and I have the same middle name, just different spelling... So I guess I could have 2 middle names? And that would leave my entire maiden name intact but still I would sign everything w/ my first name, his last name... I am the last one w/ my last name in my family... I'm not even that close with my dad (we had a falling out many years ago) or anyone on his side of the family... But being the last of something is kinda weird and I feel this obligation to give that some consideration. I have the same problem...only, I already have two middle names. My parents gave me two from birth, so yes, you can definitely have two middle names!
Posted: 4/21/2006 1:31:51 PM

P: 4/21/2006 1:39:46 PM
TravelingGal Ideal Rock Total Posts: 11,339 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 12/29/2004	I've been thinking about this too. I am asian marrying a white guy. I'm afraid I am going to be asked for ID for the rest of my life if I take on his last name! But I guess in this day and age, it's pretty common to see asian women with non asian last names. Still, I don't feel like his last name is a good fit for me. He's fine with whatever, but as other women have alluded to on this thread, my guy would probably very much like it if I DID take his name. I'm not attached to my middle name, so at this point I will probably go the maiden name to the middle name route, and take his last name. I would probably be more enthused to take his last name, if it didnt' rhyme with so many bad words. _______________________ Travel quote of the week: "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." -Mark Twain
Posted: 4/21/2006 1:39:46 PM

P: 4/21/2006 1:45:51 PM
Tacori E-ring Ideal Rock Total Posts: 16,101 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 8/15/2005	I have a very unique, cool last name and I am sad to be changing my name SO I am making my maiden my middle name and dropping my middle name. As much as I love my last name and it is part of my identity, I really want the same name as my husband and future children.
Posted: 4/21/2006 1:45:51 PM

P: 4/21/2006 1:48:43 PM
SanDiegoLady Ideal Rock Total Posts: 14,233 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 7/6/2005	My current last name is my former married last name.. I look forward to having it changed. I kept it after my divorce because of our children. I've actually had it longer than I did my maiden name. Weird. lol
Posted: 4/21/2006 1:48:43 PM

P: 4/21/2006 2:00:08 PM
Logan Sapphire Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,131 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 9/5/2003	Date: 4/21/2006 1:39:46 PM Author: TravelingGal I've been thinking about this too. I am asian marrying a white guy. I'm afraid I am going to be asked for ID for the rest of my life if I take on his last name! But I guess in this day and age, it's pretty common to see asian women with non asian last names. I'm Asian too, but my maiden name is Italian, so my face never "matched" my name. Sometimes people would make a big deal out of it, which I found extremely rude. ------------------------------ Changed my name from mmeowcollins to Logan Sapphire.
Posted: 4/21/2006 2:00:08 PM

P: 4/21/2006 2:00:58 PM
BrightSpot Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,783 Last Post: 8/4/2009 Member Since: 4/14/2005	Date: 4/21/2006 12:40:32 PM Author: selflove I am UNDECIDED! FI really wants me to take his name in some way, shape or form. But at age 34 3/4, it feels strange to change my name (which is a very long polish, hard to pronounce name that I always wanted to be rid of, as a kid). B/c my name is so unique (ie. I'm the only one with my name in the LA phone book!), I really don't want to give it up. And he REALLY wants me to have his name so that our kids won't be confused, so the airlines won't be confused when we travel as a family...but my feminist side is so resistant...he hasn't really given me any good reason to want to change it except for pragmatic ones... Selflove, I'm undecided too! (With 1 week until my wedding, no less...) I'm 30 3/4 (hee hee) & it feels strange for me to change my name too. Part of me feels like I'd be giving up a bit of my identity if I change my name, but I do think it would be a nice show of solidarity if my hubbie & I have the same name. (Especially if we have kids...) On the other hand, I'm an only child & my family is very small, so I like the idea of keeping my name around for a while longer. (Also, my last name begins with A & his begins with W so it feels like a demotion...) His mom has already started calling me "Almost Mrs. W..." "There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your philosophy." -William Shakespeare
Posted: 4/21/2006 2:00:58 PM

P: 4/21/2006 2:04:17 PM
SanDiegoLady Ideal Rock Total Posts: 14,233 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 7/6/2005	Date: 4/21/2006 1:26:45 PM Author: TBeck2000 I voted for 'Keep my last name', but I think that most guys traditionally keep their last names. -Tim I actually knew a couple when I lived in Wa where the husband took his wife's last name.. it was really different.. I was like, HUH? Well.. to each thier own.. yanno?
Posted: 4/21/2006 2:04:17 PM

P: 4/21/2006 2:06:49 PM
AmberWaves Ideal Rock Total Posts: 3,421 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 10/19/2005	You know, now that I think of it, since I'm half hispanic, I've never looked like my last name either! but that's because most people thought I was arabic. Once, I dated an armenian guy, and he'd only date armenian girls so my best friend's family (armenian) set it up so I'd be "Half armenian" with a white dad, meaning I'd go to church and all armenian social activities with them.. My last name is Brown, so it was easily done. And yes, I know it was wrong. And ironically, he married a hispanic girl! What the hell!! * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * If you were an ocean, I'd learn how to float.
Posted: 4/21/2006 2:06:49 PM

P: 4/21/2006 2:07:03 PM
Caribou Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,226 Last Post: 4/26/2006 Member Since: 10/19/2005	I just turned 34 and am looking foward to changing my last name. I was never really close to my dad's side of the family and although my dad is my dad and I love him, I never truly felt like an my last name so changing it is really a non-issue for me. I feel no identity or attachment to my current last name. I'm more attached to my mother's maiden name.
Posted: 4/21/2006 2:07:03 PM

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