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»  » The Twelve Commandments of Flaming
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The Twelve Commandments of Flaming |
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| P: 1/22/2006 9:30:18 AM | |
strmrdr Ideal Rock Total Posts: 23,296 Last Post: 10/9/2009 Member Since: 11/1/2003 |
The Twelve Commandments of Flaming 1. Make things up about your opponent: It's important to make your lies sound true. Preface your argument with the word "clearly." "Clearly, Fred Flooney is a liar, and a dirtball to boot." 2. Be an armchair psychologist: You're a smart person. You've heard of Freud. You took a psychology course in college. Clearly, you're qualified to psychoanalyze your opponent. "Polly Purebread, by using the word 'zucchini' in her posting, shows she has a bad case of penis envy." 3. Cross-post your flames: Everyone on the net is just waiting for the next literary masterpiece to leave your terminal! From the Apple II RoundTable to X-10 Powerhouse RoundTable, they're all holding their breath until your next flame. Therefore, post everywhere. 4. Conspiracies abound: If everyone's against you, the reason can't *possibly* be that you're a sh??head. There's obviously a conspiracy against you, and you will be doing the entire net a favor by exposing it. 5. Lawsuit threats: This is the reverse of Rule #4 (sort of like the Yin & Yang of Flaming). Threatening a lawsuit is always considered to be in good form. "By saying that I've posted to the wrong group, Bertha has libeled me, slandered me, and sodomized me. See you in court, Bertha." 6. Force them to document their claims: Even if Harry Hoinkus states outright that he likes tomato sauce on his pasta, you should demand documentation. If Newsweek hasn't written an article on Harry's pasta preferences, then Harry's obviously lying. 7. Use foreign phrases: French is good, but Latin is the lingua franca of flaming. You should use the words "ad hominem" at least three times per article. Other favorite Latin phrases are "ad nauseum," "veni, vidi, vici," and "fettuccini alfredo." 8. Tell 'em how smart you are: Why use intelligent arguments to convince them you're smart when all you have to do is tell them? State that you're a member of Mensa, or Mega, or Dorks of America. Tell them the scores you received on every exam since high school. "I got an 800 on my SATs, LSATs, GREs, MCATs, and I can also spell the word 'premeiotic' ." 9. Accuse your opponent of censorship. It is your right as an American citizen to post whatever the hell you want to the net (as guaranteed by the 37th Amendment, I think). Anyone who tries to limit your cross-posting or move a flame war to email is either a communist, a fascist, or both. 10. Doubt their existence: You've never actually seen your opponent, have you? And since you're the center of the universe, you should have seen them by now, shouldn't you? Therefore, THEY DON'T EXIST! This is the beauty of flamers' logic. 11. Lie, cheat, steal, leave the toilet seat up. 12. When in doubt, insult: If you forget the other 11 rules, remember this one. At some point during your wonderful career as a Flamer you will undoubtedly end up in a flame war with someone who is better than you. This person will expose your lies, tear apart your arguments, make you look generally like a bozo. At this point, there's only one thing to do: INSULT THE DIRTBAG!!! "Oh yeah? Well, your mother does strange things with vegetables." ........... Karl has joined the diamond trade and is now posting as Karl_K |
| Posted: 1/22/2006 9:30:18 AM | |
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There are 9 replies to this message. There are 9 replies on this page. |
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| P: 1/22/2006 1:51:46 PM | |
AGBF Ideal Rock Total Posts: 8,041 Last Post: 11/22/2009 Member Since: 1/26/2003 |
Date: 1/22/2006 9:30:18 AM Author:strmrdr 7. Use foreign phrases: French is good, but Latin is the lingua franca of flaming. You should use the words 'ad hominem' at least three times per article. Other favorite Latin phrases are 'ad nauseum,' 'veni, vidi, vici,' and 'fettuccini alfredo.' Oh, I really needed a smile! I wish I had studied Latin! I can only say a few things in Latin and those I say...uh...ad nauseum. But c'est la vie...I studied French and Spanish (lo siento) when I could have studied Latin! (And the most shameful part is that when I was given fettucini alfredo as an assignment, I ate my own homework instead of leaving it for the dog.) Deb :-) A Girl's Best Friend |
| Posted: 1/22/2006 1:51:46 PM | |
| P: 1/22/2006 2:32:26 PM | |
fire&ice Ideal Rock Total Posts: 7,827 Last Post: 3/30/2009 Member Since: 7/22/2002 |
13. when all else fails, call into question someones grammer or spelling.    Keep posting the proper netiquite! (sp?)
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| Posted: 1/22/2006 2:32:26 PM | |
| P: 1/22/2006 3:11:40 PM | |
blueroses Ideal Rock Total Posts: 3,219 Last Post: 11/18/2009 Member Since: 11/15/2004 |
This is hilarious and sadly apt!!
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| Posted: 1/22/2006 3:11:40 PM | |
| P: 1/23/2006 8:05:12 AM | |
Madam Bijoux Ideal Rock Total Posts: 3,053 Last Post: 11/22/2009 Member Since: 7/15/2005 |
Rule number 14 (the ultimate Pricescope flame): "My jewelry is better than yours!"
"I never met a diamond I didn't like." |
| Posted: 1/23/2006 8:05:12 AM | |
| P: 1/23/2006 9:31:01 PM | |
crafftygrrl Cut Rock Total Posts: 463 Last Post: 4/23/2006 Member Since: 2/14/2005 |
Date: 1/23/2006 8:05:12 AM Author: Madam Bijoux Rule number 14 (the ultimate Pricescope flame): 'My jewelry is better than yours!' OUCH!!!! LOL. too
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| Posted: 1/23/2006 9:31:01 PM | |
| P: 1/23/2006 9:38:20 PM | |
decodelighted Ideal Rock Total Posts: 8,625 Last Post: 11/16/2009 Member Since: 7/27/2005 |
Date: 1/22/2006 2:32:26 PM Author: fire&ice 13. when all else fails, call into question someones grammer or spelling. Hilarious!!! ETA .. 15. Passive aggressively question the obvious. "You already bought that bad stone?" or "Which one is the UPGRADE again?" 16. Bond & blind-side. "That's EXACTLY what I did. Until I wised up."
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| Posted: 1/23/2006 9:38:20 PM | |
| P: 1/23/2006 9:42:39 PM | |
icefisher Rough Rock Total Posts: 47 Last Post: 2/23/2006 Member Since: 1/3/2006 |
exxxcellent.... Plus there's no. 15, or maybe it's 8-A: use the "apology" that's really an insult. "Obviously I didn't explain myself well enough for your feeble mind to understand, let me try again only slower this time...." 
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| Posted: 1/23/2006 9:42:39 PM | |
| P: 1/23/2006 9:52:31 PM | |
Kaleigh Ideal Rock Total Posts: 25,905 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 11/18/2004 |
#16 The old backhanded compliment.
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| Posted: 1/23/2006 9:52:31 PM | |
| P: 1/23/2006 9:53:23 PM | |
moon river Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,806 Last Post: 6/26/2006 Member Since: 1/7/2006 |
strmrdr, I want to be you when I grow up.
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| Posted: 1/23/2006 9:53:23 PM | |
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