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»  » Compassion and Humor are not mutually exclusive
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Compassion and Humor are not mutually exclusive |
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| P: 8/3/2005 6:08:29 PM | |
blueroses Ideal Rock Total Posts: 3,219 Last Post: 11/18/2009 Member Since: 11/15/2004 |
Agreed? The stress, commotion, and fluttery-girly talk of pre-engagement and pre-wedding may seem completely trivial. But to the gals (and a few men--one of whom is a Brit, by the way,) on this forum, the angst is real, and the support is real. It's not a coven of yes-women slavishly chanting tacit approval for every hairstyle, dress, ring, proposal, or whatever perceived frou-frouness. Maybe it's an American thing. Maybe it's a girl thing. But it's a highly sensitive thing, and it's very easy to perceive attempts at humor as mean-spirited when they don't seem to take into account the very spirit of this forum. A lot of the relationships of the LIW clealy haven't had the straight trajectory of Mr. and Mrs. Furthermore. Lucky them for the smooth sailing, but....not everyone takes that path. We get the humor thing. We are women and men from all walks of life and, despite appearances, not just a bunch of naive Yanks taking ourselves too seriously. This forum is one small part of our lives, and not all of it....and if virtual support and relationships aren't REAL, then I wonder what to say about all of the Internet-dating spawned marriages both on PS and in the world. They're real to me, and to many here. A friend of mine used to say that "honesty without compassion is cruelty." |
| Posted: 8/3/2005 6:08:29 PM | |
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There are 23 replies to this message. There are 23 replies on this page. |
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| P: 8/3/2005 6:34:35 PM | |
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blueroses Ideal Rock Total Posts: 3,219 Last Post: 11/18/2009 Member Since: 11/15/2004 |
Date: 8/3/2005 6:14:01 PM Precisely. Author: Furthermore ....the first step in solving a problem is to realise the problem exists. For most, participation in this forum is just that: a means of acknowledging the existence of a problem, and a coping mechanism towards solving it. I suppose it's all about perspective. I can certainly understand what you perceive to be histrionic overreaction on my and others' parts here, but to that end, I suppose the responses of you and your wife could also be considered overreactions. Apparently condescension isn't a distinctly American trait either. Come on kids, a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down. 
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| Posted: 8/3/2005 6:34:35 PM | |
| P: 8/3/2005 6:35:21 PM | |
allycat0303 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 2,928 Last Post: 11/15/2009 Member Since: 11/19/2004 |
Ladies, you are all wonderful people. But I REALLY think we are fighting a losing battle. It makes me wonder why people that feel the LIW are "people who so desperately need the approval and support of others" would bother wasting their time posting on our folder. Please let us whine, moan, complain about our insignificant, silly, trivial problems. I don't really think we're hurting anyone. If Leonid feels that the LIW have overstepped their bounds, he'll remove our forum and our posts. |
| Posted: 8/3/2005 6:35:21 PM | |
| P: 8/3/2005 6:45:27 PM | |
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blueroses Ideal Rock Total Posts: 3,219 Last Post: 11/18/2009 Member Since: 11/15/2004 |
Ally, you're absolutely right. It must just be my insecurity, low self-confidence, inability to take constructive criticism, and naive overt overreaction to sensitive subjects. What was I thinking!!!  But seriously, I shouldn't have wasted my time. Sometimes people have vastly different perceptions of things, and never the twain shall meet. It's like a Fox News and NPR death match. Futile. I'm sure I would probably find Mr. and Mrs. F a hoot in person. It's just easy to get one's back up when unsolicited diagnoses are involved. And then again, who am I to ascribe "unsolicited" to contrary opinions....it IS a public forum. But to date, it's seemed a safe place to anonymously lay bare one's thoughts, pathetic as that apparently is for us to do. Thus far the LIW forum has managed to avoid the contraversy of some of the others in Diamond Hangout and Around the World.....alas, we have lost our innocence. 
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| Posted: 8/3/2005 6:45:27 PM | |
| P: 8/3/2005 7:01:16 PM | |
IrishEyes Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,246 Last Post: 7/28/2008 Member Since: 1/4/2005 |
Yes Ally you are right. Funny how they think these forums are a waste of time, yet here they are posting.... IrishEyes,AJP (GIA) |
| Posted: 8/3/2005 7:01:16 PM | |
| P: 8/3/2005 8:20:57 PM | |
AmberGretchen Ideal Rock Total Posts: 7,046 Last Post: 11/11/2009 Member Since: 1/6/2005 |
Go ally and blueroses - you girls said it perfectly. I will continue with my pathetically lacking self esteem to post my silly trivial, self-involved problems here as long as I find it helpful, and hope that others will do the same
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| Posted: 8/3/2005 8:20:57 PM | |
| P: 8/3/2005 11:13:30 PM | |
MelissaSue Ideal Rock Total Posts: 3,006 Last Post: 10/30/2006 Member Since: 7/12/2004 |
hmm.. this drama is all so strange.. I had sort of missed it.. (I don't follow the LIW forum anymore as musch as I should!).. I couldn't believe what I was reading.. That sort of thing just doesn't happen on PS.. It really sort of makes me sad. |
| Posted: 8/3/2005 11:13:30 PM | |
| P: 8/3/2005 11:21:58 PM | |
teebee Ideal Rock Total Posts: 812 Last Post: 6/7/2006 Member Since: 4/16/2004 |
Date: 8/3/2005 11:13:30 PM Author: MelissaSue hmm.. this drama is all so strange.. I had sort of missed it.. (I don't follow the LIW forum anymore as musch as I should!).. I couldn't believe what I was reading.. That sort of thing just doesn't happen on PS.. It really sort of makes me sad. Strange indeed MS... I always love this place for its lack of animosity and judgement...  I was going to suggest Mr. F spend some time at the knot if he really wants to see some girls in desperate need of perspective... ~teebee~ |
| Posted: 8/3/2005 11:21:58 PM | |
| P: 8/3/2005 11:37:00 PM | |
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blueroses Ideal Rock Total Posts: 3,219 Last Post: 11/18/2009 Member Since: 11/15/2004 |
Teebee, that's hilarious.
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| Posted: 8/3/2005 11:37:00 PM | |
| P: 8/3/2005 11:42:01 PM | |
fatafelice Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,746 Last Post: 11/21/2009 Member Since: 7/27/2004 |
I was going to suggest Mr. F spend some time at the knot if he really wants to see some girls in desperate need of perspective... ROTFL!!! Ain't that the truth!
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| Posted: 8/3/2005 11:42:01 PM | |
| P: 8/4/2005 3:01:31 AM | |
Shay Cut Rock Total Posts: 270 Last Post: 11/13/2008 Member Since: 12/2/2004 |
Hmm I missed this and posted my opinions on Mr Furthermores other anti thread. But bravo to you blueroses. Why should we have to accept his derogatory opinion? If you don't like this forum... then don't come here. There are plenty of areas of Pricescope to suit all interests and tastes.
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| Posted: 8/4/2005 3:01:31 AM | |
| P: 8/4/2005 9:21:31 AM | |
icekid Ideal Rock Total Posts: 6,555 Last Post: 11/22/2009 Member Since: 11/17/2004 |
ok, I feel badly that I even replied to his stupid excercise/diet post. This guy clearly is insecure and gets off by trying to find himself any attention he can get. If we ignore it, it will go away.
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| Posted: 8/4/2005 9:21:31 AM | |
| P: 8/4/2005 11:16:14 AM | |
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MelissaSue Ideal Rock Total Posts: 3,006 Last Post: 10/30/2006 Member Since: 7/12/2004 |
Date: 8/3/2005 6:08:29 PM Author:blueroses Agreed? The stress, commotion, and fluttery-girly talk of pre-engagement and pre-wedding may seem completely trivial. But to the gals (and a few men--one of whom is a Brit, by the way,) on this forum, the angst is real, and the support is real. It's not a coven of yes-women slavishly chanting tacit approval for every hairstyle, dress, ring, proposal, or whatever perceived frou-frouness. Maybe it's an American thing. Maybe it's a girl thing. But it's a highly sensitive thing, and it's very easy to perceive attempts at humor as mean-spirited when they don't seem to take into account the very spirit of this forum. A lot of the relationships of the LIW clealy haven't had the straight trajectory of Mr. and Mrs. Furthermore. Lucky them for the smooth sailing, but....not everyone takes that path. We get the humor thing. We are women and men from all walks of life and, despite appearances, not just a bunch of naive Yanks taking ourselves too seriously. This forum is one small part of our lives, and not all of it....and if virtual support and relationships aren't REAL, then I wonder what to say about all of the Internet-dating spawned marriages both on PS and in the world. They're real to me, and to many here. A friend of mine used to say that 'honesty without compassion is cruelty.' The more I'm thinking about it.. the more I think it is largely an "american thing"....you know.. a culture difference... but that doesn't make his comments anymore acceptable.. I went back and reread his thread in the BWW section about his wedding.. Which seemed innocent enough at the time, but now that I see his other comments.. it seems like he is just rubbing it in our faces, calling us all shallow and materialistic for wanting a real wedding. Here is the link.. if you haven't seen it yet http://www.pricescope.com/idealbb/view.asp?topicID=31863 My mothers best friend married a man from England a few years back. She is american, he is british, they are both in thier mid-40s. She had been married before, but I don't think that he had. The ring and the wedding and stuff just weren't important to him. She STILL is waiting for a diamond... they've probably been married 3-4 years now. And its not that they couldn't afford it, he has plenty of money.. enough for them to travel back and forth several times a year and for her to keep an apartment here. He bought her a watch that was probably as much money as a ring could have been.. its just not important there.. They didn't have a big wedding at all.. which could have been a combination of culture, age, second wedding.. etc.. But.. it makes me wonder.. what the hell are people who don't care about diamonds and weddings doing HERE?! (on PS at all) Seems like the only purpose would be to mock people who are unlike them.. |
| Posted: 8/4/2005 11:16:14 AM | |
| P: 8/4/2005 8:33:54 PM | |
memsy Rough Rock Total Posts: 44 Last Post: 4/21/2009 Member Since: 10/21/2004 |
The eternal lurker here.. i don't get it.. what was this guy doing on the site previously if he wasn't looking for a ring and didn't have a girlfriend? (His post sounds like he met her and no one here really knew about it). If he thinks diamonds are so trivial, then he can't be in the business. Can someone catch me up?
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| Posted: 8/4/2005 8:33:54 PM | |
| P: 8/4/2005 9:27:53 PM | |
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IrishEyes Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,246 Last Post: 7/28/2008 Member Since: 1/4/2005 |
MelissaSue - I read the link you posted regarding the new marriage, I totally agree with you. It DOES seem as though certain people are trying to act superior by constantly expressing how they didn't need the "extras" in their wedding.... I have said a few times myself how I didn't get married traditionally, however I make a point in expressing how everyone is different and that I know I am in the minority by not having/wanting a big wedding. I try to express how I appreciate those differences and I still think it's cool that many of the LIW's and bride to be's are dreaming of their big days. Mr and mrs. futhermore seem to only be expressing one thing: superiority. If you want to get married in your leather jackets with no diamonds, fine. More power to you. But don't for a second throw your beliefs on what you think is appropriate in other people's faces (or posts), especially in a forum that is specifically for the discussion of planning such events. So you got married in your biker jackets at the registrar's office and you "couldn't be happier". Ok, we get it. You don't need to repeat it throughout your post. People who constantly say things over and over only seem like they are trying to prove something. I'm glad you are happy and loving your marriage mr. futhermore, even if it's only been a month....... IrishEyes,AJP (GIA) |
| Posted: 8/4/2005 9:27:53 PM | |
| P: 8/4/2005 9:38:33 PM | |
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IrishEyes Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,246 Last Post: 7/28/2008 Member Since: 1/4/2005 |
 sigh....ok. I just re-read my post and it's a little mean, I admit. I'm sorry to sound so ticked off and rude, I just have had a rough week and reading some of mr. and mrs. futhermore's posts did nothing to help my mood! So I am apologizing if I offended anyone with my previous comment. Sometimes I have pretty rude thoughts floating around in my head when I read certain posts, however I try to remain mature and keep them to myself. I failed to do that this time and for that, I am sorry! 
IrishEyes,AJP (GIA) |
| Posted: 8/4/2005 9:38:33 PM | |
| P: 8/4/2005 10:17:28 PM | |
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teebee Ideal Rock Total Posts: 812 Last Post: 6/7/2006 Member Since: 4/16/2004 |
I don't think any apologies are necessary IrishEyes! I agree totally with what you said - and had a similar reaction to that of Melissa's when I went back and read Mr. F's BBW post. I interpreted a very definite tone of condescension & superiority in that, and following posts... And our responses obviously fell on deaf ears... On these kinds of issues, I'm of the 'live & let live' philosophy - who cares what kind of wedding any of us has as long as it's perfect and right for each individual couple??? I've had friends that eloped to get married on a mountain in Colorado or under the city lights of Vegas, and one spent tens of thousands on a blow-out wedding in New Orleans, others have married simply at the county courthouse or in their home church. WHO CARES? If that was right for them, then I'm thrilled for them!!! When it's my day, I'll do it how I want & I know my friends and family will be happy for me - that's what matters! 
~teebee~ |
| Posted: 8/4/2005 10:17:28 PM | |
| P: 8/5/2005 9:42:03 AM | |
AGBF Ideal Rock Total Posts: 8,041 Last Post: 11/22/2009 Member Since: 1/26/2003 |
I am so confused!! I "know" Furthermore, but I don't have a clue to what anyone is alluding in this thread. I understand absolutely none of this thread!!!! Furthermore, if you have recently been married, congratulations. I would love to hear the story! Deb A Girl's Best Friend |
| Posted: 8/5/2005 9:42:03 AM | |
| P: 8/5/2005 9:47:41 AM | |
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AGBF Ideal Rock Total Posts: 8,041 Last Post: 11/22/2009 Member Since: 1/26/2003 |
Date: 8/5/2005 9:42:03 AM Author: AGBF I am so confused!! I 'know' Furthermore, but I don't have a clue to what anyone is alluding in this thread. I understand absolutely none of this thread!!!! OK...lest anyone else be as confused as I was, the answer to my confusion appears to lie here. Deb A Girl's Best Friend |
| Posted: 8/5/2005 9:47:41 AM | |
| P: 8/5/2005 4:05:46 PM | |
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teebee Ideal Rock Total Posts: 812 Last Post: 6/7/2006 Member Since: 4/16/2004 |
Furthermore signing OUT. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....  ~teebee~ |
| Posted: 8/5/2005 4:05:46 PM | |
| P: 8/5/2005 4:12:27 PM | |
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allycat0303 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 2,928 Last Post: 11/15/2009 Member Since: 11/19/2004 |
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| Posted: 8/5/2005 4:12:27 PM | |
| P: 8/5/2005 4:40:06 PM | |
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MelissaSue Ideal Rock Total Posts: 3,006 Last Post: 10/30/2006 Member Since: 7/12/2004 |
did his posts get deleted? Or am I totally losing my mind?! |
| Posted: 8/5/2005 4:40:06 PM | |
| P: 8/5/2005 5:00:56 PM | |
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teebee Ideal Rock Total Posts: 812 Last Post: 6/7/2006 Member Since: 4/16/2004 |
Date: 8/5/2005 4:40:06 PM Author: MelissaSue did his posts get deleted? Or am I totally losing my mind?! No, you're still sane MS - his posts in this thread are gone, but not other posts... ~teebee~ |
| Posted: 8/5/2005 5:00:56 PM | |
| P: 8/6/2005 12:29:59 PM | |
gingerBcookie Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,858 Last Post: 3/27/2009 Member Since: 8/13/2004 |
wow..i haven't been keeping up with the LIW thread and just spent an hour catching up on all this drama. u ladies have made wondeful points and no need to repeat them. i still remember what a sanity saver this forum was for me and how fun the brides world wide forum is now. share your woes and your burden is halved...share your happiness and your joy is doubled. this is quintessentially what these posts are all about. why can't ppl respect that? i'll never understand ppl who need to tear up other ppl to build themselves up and validate themselves. sad 
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| Posted: 8/6/2005 12:29:59 PM | |
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