Hindsight - what I learned - Lesson One

hello ladies

I've been thinking of posting about what I have learned from our day.  In light of the "gripes" thread, I think I will go ahead and tell you all I learned.

As I said on that thread, to be honest, I really did feel it was our day and I really wasn't bothered about catering to any of my guests.  Those who griped about whatever, were just exactly the people whom I would have expected to gripe .... and those who got on with it and made it a great day for themselves (regardless of how much we spoke to them or any other details) were exactly the people I would have expected that from too.

We had a lot of the 'things' that were mentioned in that gripe list. 

We had our reception in a marquee-tent and though the weather held dry (a near-miracle in West Kerry!) the breeze was chilly, especially later in the day.  The marquee was set up with the lengthwise facing north/south - Atlantic in front and mountains behind.  The 'open' end was facing west but we had to close it up because of the wind (our prevailing winds are from the west, from the sea) and open the Atlantic facing side, which was fine but we didn't have as much space on that side, between the actual marquee and the fence that cordoned off the parking lot area (where we were set up) from the fields of sheep !

So, first lesson,  make sure you have enough space to open a different side of the marquee if the wind is coming right in on the side you originally planned to have the opening.

"Instead of seeing the rug being pulled from under us, we can learn to dance on a shifting carpet !"

"Instead of seeing the rug being pulled from under us, we can learn to dance on a shifting carpet !"

NEXT LESSON:

People won't listen to you when you tell them how you want your day to be.  They will still go ahead and expect certain things that are traditionally associated with a wedding. 

For us, the two biggest examples of this were as follows:
I had gone to great lengths to say that the ceremony would be Saturday with ONLY IMMEDIATE FAMILY and that the reception would be Sunday and would be a casual buffet, seating the adults and not the kids.  

We did manage to get Saturday to ourselves (except for crazycameraboy whom I mentioned in another thread - but we won't bother talking about that) even though an Aunt spent all the time coming up to the wedding saying she was going to the Church and friends complained that that is what it is all about and why bother going at all if they couldn't be at the church and the comment was uttered that " I'd say you could have some gate-crashers ".  I was NOT happy with that at all and made it very clear that I would be less than impressed if anyone who wasn't supposed to be there showed up.
In the end, I got my way, it was just ourselves but I felt other people's insistance that they have it their way was totally unfair.  It was undue stress on me and I felt people should have had the respect and understanding to know this was important.  These people DO know me right ?!?!?  

I was very much focused - all of the time - on the fact that this was OUR wedding, OUR celebration to each other, of our love.   Yes, we wanted family and friends to share in it but it was about US, not them.

So, that is one thing.  You have to stick to your guns or the floodgates will open and you'll lose all control. If it doesn't bother you that other people 'take over' then that is fine but I am not one of those people.  (A co-worker here had a enormous wedding after our wedding, huge and VERY expensive but it was paid for and organized in totality by his family - and they are not of the same cultural background as she is and there was nothing from her side in any portion of her day .... but it didn't bother her ....... I couldn't have done that, but it's a personal thing, that is just me).

Also, the whole "casual" thing just didn't sink in at all.  I think unless you are inviting people to a picnic or a cook-out on the beach, you can forget trying to get people to think "casual".   The idea with our wedding was to have tables to sit at - for when you wanted to sit, but otherwise you could be in the marquee, or outside, or in the pub.  It was never supposed to be everyone sitting at once and everyone wanting to eat at once.  It was supposed to be like your everyday get-together/cook-out at your house .... where people eat and drink as they wish as hunger and thirst come upon them - move from spot to spot talking, interacting. 
Everyone just seemed to think 'formal' and all trooped in to sit at once and eat at once.  It didn't work.  My darling hubby and I never got to eat at all !!!!!  (another thing I think people who are doing an informal thing should be aware of - if there is no formal order for things to occur,  sit now, eat now, speech now - you can really get lost in the shuffle).   My younger cousins (& those my age) and friends got it but most of the older relatives did not.  It sorted itself out though and really there was nothing I could do but behave myself like I had expected everyone else to, and finally they kind of got the idea.

So - make sure people understand what you are trying to achieve if you are going for something other than your usual formal wedding.
Lesson Number Two !!!

"Instead of seeing the rug being pulled from under us, we can learn to dance on a shifting carpet !"

"Instead of seeing the rug being pulled from under us, we can learn to dance on a shifting carpet !"

IrishEyes,AJP (GIA)

"Instead of seeing the rug being pulled from under us, we can learn to dance on a shifting carpet !"

IrishEyes,AJP (GIA)

morning all

I resurrected this thread in response to Carol Ann.  I think it's pretty easy to know what you DO want to do, it's steering clear of the pitfalls that people could use advice on.  I also did a search and there is a similiar thread on Brides WorldWide.

I think - now, months and months later - my biggest regret of all is that I don't have a lot of pictures from later on on the night of our reception.  My Mum is a great step-dancer (bragging here, she was an All-Ireland Champion! ) and all of my family (indeed most people from Kerry) can set-dance and/or step-dance.  My Mum made everyone dance sets, even friends from Florida and cousins from England who had NO CLUE what they were doing !!  It was super-fun but our photographer had already left by then and since most folks were dancing, I have no pictures - well a few blurry ones but nothing great.  I regret this VERY much because I am a picture person and you don't get that night back.  I had my own camera and had given it to a cousin to use to take pics and while I had had the foresight to upload all the pictures which had been on it, I totally didn't think to charge the battery or bring the charger with us - and of course the camera died.  Mom and I danced a few reels, just us two and I REALLY REALLY REALLY wish I had photos of that.  One friend has since told me that she had her Dad's old 'regular' camera and took photos and she thinks she has pictures of Mum and I dancing but she hasn't developed the film yet !  So I am keeping my fingers crossed.

"Instead of seeing the rug being pulled from under us, we can learn to dance on a shifting carpet !"

"Instead of seeing the rug being pulled from under us, we can learn to dance on a shifting carpet !"