Iowa Wisdom

IOWA  WISDOM

 Don't name a pig you plan to eat.
                  
 Country fences need to be horse high, pig tight, and bull strong.

 Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well  you bounce.

 Keep skunks and lawyers at a distance.

 Life is simpler when you plow around the stumps.

 A bumble bee is faster than a John Deere tractor.

 Trouble with a milk cow is she won't stay milked

 Don't skinny dip with snapping turtles.

 Words that soak into your ears are whispered, not yelled.

 Meanness don't happen overnight.

 To know how country folks are doing, look at their barns, not their  houses.

 Never lay an angry hand on a kid or an animal, it just ain't helpful.

 Teachers, Moms, and hoot owls sleep with one eye open.

 Forgive your enemies.  It messes with their heads.

 Don't sell your mule to buy a plow.

 Two can live as cheap as one if one don't eat.

 Don't corner something meaner than you.

 You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar-- assuming you want to catch flies.

 Man is the only critter who feels the need to label things as flowers or weeds.

 It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.

 Don't go huntin' with a fellow named Chug-A-Lug.

 You can't unsay a cruel thing.

 Every path has some puddles.

 Don't wrestle with pigs: you'll get all muddy and the pigs will love it.

 The best sermons are lived, not preached.

 Most of the stuff people worry about never happens.

  ~~~and ~~~

 Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused!

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YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE Iowan WHEN:
1.  "Vacation" means going east or west on I-80 for the weekend.
2.  You measure distance in hours.
3.  You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
4.  You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.
5.  You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
6.  You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings).
7.  You install security lights on your house and garage and leave  both unlocked.
8.  You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.
9.  You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a  snowsuit.
10.  Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled  with snow.
11.  You know all 5 seasons:  almost winter, winter, still winter a  road construction & DAMN HOT!
12.  Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to  your blue spruce.
13.  You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.
14.  Down South to you means Missouri.
15.  A brat is something you eat.
16.  Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed.
17.  You go out to a tail gate party every Saturday.
18.  Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors because your fire works melted.
19.  You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
20.  You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."
21.  You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Iowa friends.