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»  » how can a guy tell his GF he can't afford the ring that she really wants ?
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how can a guy tell his GF he can't afford the ring that she really wants ? |
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| P: 1/21/2005 9:08:56 PM | |
Dancing Fire Ideal Rock Total Posts: 10,227 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 4/3/2004 |
i have friend that has about 10k to spend on a ring, but his gf is expecting a 2+ ct diamond.my advise to him is buy what he could afford without buying on credit.
it is always harder to find a "mind clean" stone than a eye clean stone. |
| Posted: 1/21/2005 9:08:56 PM | |
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There are 37 replies to this message. There are 30 replies on this page. |
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| P: 1/21/2005 9:16:19 PM | |
pearcrazy Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,438 Last Post: 11/27/2008 Member Since: 5/16/2004 |
He loves this woman enough to marry her? Then he needs to be honest about what he can afford to give her. She loves him enough to marry him? Then she will understand that he could not afford a 2 carat diamond. Perhaps they can search together and decide what she will compromise on to get as large and beautiful diamond within his price range.
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| Posted: 1/21/2005 9:16:19 PM | |
| P: 1/21/2005 9:32:01 PM | |
windowshopper Ideal Rock Total Posts: 2,023 Last Post: 7/25/2006 Member Since: 7/11/2004 |
just a couple comments: if they are about to become engaged you would think she would know his situation and his means; perhaps he makes alot, lives well but has little saved; perhaps they have friends with much higher incomes; perhaps she has no idea what these things cost. A joint shopping trip with his stated budget might be in order
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| Posted: 1/21/2005 9:32:01 PM | |
| P: 1/21/2005 9:37:58 PM | |
valeria101 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 14,048 Last Post: 4/30/2006 Member Since: 8/29/2003 |
Sure these two ever talked to each other before the engagement ? Do they know each other at all ? Don't know too many women who would contend themselves with no insight at all into the current & prospective finance of their potential fiance... realistically. And once they know, they know what to expect, no  The price of diamonds should be farely common knowledge, I would think.Not sure who'se question this is though: the guy's or the girls... It seems to make quite a difference. (posted in the same time with WS - totally agree with her, of course) Ana "The greatest experts are only as good as the sum total of what they have seen." [Souren Melikian] |
| Posted: 1/21/2005 9:37:58 PM | |
| P: 1/21/2005 9:38:05 PM | |
moremoremore Ideal Rock Total Posts: 6,825 Last Post: 2/9/2009 Member Since: 3/15/2004 |
I say you don't say anything and mind your own business! Hahaha...But seriously, mind your own business. LOLThe guy is old enough to get married. he's old enough to make his own good or bad financial decisions. (unless of course, he asks you for your 2 cents)...He doesn't need you to tell him that credit is a bad idea. He probably knows that already! Stay out of it unless he asks. p.s. If he asked you how he should tell his gf that he can spend 10k, he can use the delicate approach my loving husband uses... "NO, you can't have that. We can't afford it. Grow up and move on" LOL...Works like a charm every time (?) hehehehehe 
______________________________ Stewart says: I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. And doggon'it, people like me. |
| Posted: 1/21/2005 9:38:05 PM | |
| P: 1/21/2005 9:58:05 PM | |
belle Ideal Rock Total Posts: 10,287 Last Post: 4/3/2008 Member Since: 11/19/2004 |
expectations kill........
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| Posted: 1/21/2005 9:58:05 PM | |
| P: 1/21/2005 10:22:42 PM | |
NyssaLynne Cut Rock Total Posts: 353 Last Post: 7/3/2005 Member Since: 12/21/2004 |
You can get a 2 carat for $10,000 if you do your research and are willing to compromise a bit here and there. That is what PS can do for you. Educate you and give you the tools/knowledge you need to get a good deal.
Lynne~ |
| Posted: 1/21/2005 10:22:42 PM | |
| P: 1/21/2005 10:41:56 PM | |
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pearcrazy Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,438 Last Post: 11/27/2008 Member Since: 5/16/2004 |
What do ya know-- NyssaLynne is right! I didn't think it could be done but, there are lots of 2+ carats out there to be had in H to I range and SI2 clarity. Perhaps he could find her what she wants after all if she's not set on high color and clarity.
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| Posted: 1/21/2005 10:41:56 PM | |
| P: 1/21/2005 11:21:35 PM | |
Superidealist Ideal Rock Total Posts: 655 Last Post: 8/23/2006 Member Since: 9/10/2003 |
A quick check of the Pricescope database shows more than 200 listings for diamonds of 2+ct less than $10,000.
D Riley |
| Posted: 1/21/2005 11:21:35 PM | |
| P: 1/22/2005 1:25:33 AM | |
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Dancing Fire Ideal Rock Total Posts: 10,227 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 4/3/2004 |
Date: 1/21/2005 9:38 MMM 5 PMAuthor: moremoremore I say you don't say anything and mind your own business! Hahaha...But seriously, mind your own business. LOLThe guy is old enough to get married. he's old enough to make his own good or bad financial decisions. (unless of course, he asks you for your 2 cents)...He doesn't need you to tell him that credit is a bad idea. He probably knows that already! Stay out of it unless he asks. p.s. If he asked you how he should tell his gf that he can spend 10k, he can use the delicate approach my loving husband uses... 'NO, you can't have that. We can't afford it. Grow up and move on' LOL...Works like a charm every time (?) hehehehehe look who's talking here your husband already spoil you enough. btw; he did ask for my advise it is always harder to find a "mind clean" stone than a eye clean stone. |
| Posted: 1/22/2005 1:25:33 AM | |
| P: 1/22/2005 1:37:18 AM | |
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Dancing Fire Ideal Rock Total Posts: 10,227 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 4/3/2004 |
Date: 1/21/2005 11:21:35 PM i was thinking more like $7500 per ct. for a nice cut stone.
Author: Superidealist A quick check of the Pricescope database shows more than 200 listings for diamonds of 2+ct less than $10,000. it is always harder to find a "mind clean" stone than a eye clean stone. |
| Posted: 1/22/2005 1:37:18 AM | |
| P: 1/22/2005 2:03:12 AM | |
Jicky Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,213 Last Post: 6/21/2006 Member Since: 4/7/2003 |
There's also the vintage-y, estate-y route as well. If she isn't superstitious and enjoys the styles, there are some beautiful finds out there! Another option is doing a lower color 'new' diamond in an antique repro. setting for the heirloom vibe sans voodoo. Not everyone's cuppa cuppa but I'm a bit of a Secondhand Rose. I heart vintage/classic/old everything(clothes, cars, film etc.) 
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| Posted: 1/22/2005 2:03:12 AM | |
| P: 1/22/2005 9:16:28 AM | |
DiamondLil Ideal Rock Total Posts: 2,405 Last Post: 6/1/2006 Member Since: 6/8/2003 |
Hey, $10,000 for an e-ring certainly is not a small budget. I do think a nice 2 ct can be had for $10,000 if he is willing to do some leg work. Also, you did not mention if he is set on a round stone (fancy shapes can be less per ct than ideal RB). If he's set on buying a 2 ct ideal RB, it will be difficult to get there for $10,000 without some compromise on color/clarity (or possibly considering a consigned stone), but if he sticks with a good vendor with a trade-up policy, they can trade up when finances allow. DiamondLil DiamondLil ________________ "Diamonds are nothing more than chunks of coal that stuck to their jobs." |
| Posted: 1/22/2005 9:16:28 AM | |
| P: 1/22/2005 10:58:36 AM | |
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moremoremore Ideal Rock Total Posts: 6,825 Last Post: 2/9/2009 Member Since: 3/15/2004 |
Yeah, but it's always in the budget DF..and you should see my to-do list! :) ______________________________ Stewart says: I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. And doggon'it, people like me. |
| Posted: 1/22/2005 10:58:36 AM | |
| P: 1/22/2005 11:17:14 AM | |
orbaya Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,045 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 11/2/2004 |
He just needs to be honest with her. For that budget, he can still get an awesome rock. It may not be 2cts but love is not judged on the size of the diamond. Even if he could afford only .25ct, his love would be no less. Perhaps down the road they can upgrade to get the 2+ct she wants. Is it that she is demanding a 2ct, or has her eye on one? Will she be upset if she doesn't get that size stone? Personally, I don't think it's right for the girl to pressure the guy on the ering. I had a friend who demanded she get get at least a 1ct oval with channel set diamonds down the sides. That is terrible. They are no longer married. He should tell her his budget and that he canNOT go over it. I truely hope this isn't a sign of things to come. I wish him luck.
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| Posted: 1/22/2005 11:17:14 AM | |
| P: 1/22/2005 11:17:41 AM | |
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perry Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,782 Last Post: 11/16/2009 Member Since: 9/19/2004 |
Interesting... My GF is concerned that I will spend too much because or our financial situation...(we talk about that, and what will happen when we get married and she gives up her job to move over here - where she cannot get a job in her field). I would do two things... First I would ask him if he and his GF have discussed finances between them and the effects of spending large sums of money. The idea is to have them have a general discussion on finances and large purchases, nothing specific about the ring. Prehaps they are already communicating on that level, but perhaps not. If not - they should be. However, keep the suggestion light - you cannot force such a discussion (and it is not your role to force that discussion). Second: I would suggest a good long search. I would specifically suggest that he contact every jeweler immaginable to see if they have something on consignment or estate jewelry. And look at that first (probably the lowest cost option - even if you have to replace the ring). I admit it is a long shot, but who knows. Maybee he gets the diamond they want for $5000. Then consider purchasing a new diamond via Pricescope searching. Perry
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| Posted: 1/22/2005 11:17:41 AM | |
| P: 1/22/2005 12:56:36 PM | |
onedrop Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,575 Last Post: 5/16/2009 Member Since: 8/24/2006 |
I'm with MMM on this one. Sounds like a financial situation that the couple needs to discuss. Discussing finances can be especially prickly. I do say this...if the GF has issues with the size of the diamond, there may be something else there. Isn't the point that the BF wants to marry her? 2+ carats shouldn't be a pre-requisite for accepting a marriage proposal. Like others have said $10,000 is a substantial ring budget. I'd take it w/o question.
"Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching." ~ Satchel Paige |
| Posted: 1/22/2005 12:56:36 PM | |
| P: 1/22/2005 7:12:09 PM | |
codex57 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,492 Last Post: 1/21/2008 Member Since: 12/18/2004 |
I'm gonna be honest here. How long have they been together? If under a year, I'd hold off on getting ANY ring and get to know her better. Over 1 year. The fact that she wants a 2+ carat ring is a little disconcerting (if he's thinking of marrying her, she should have an idea of his budget just from going otu with him), but not a deal breaker. If she's quite flexible in the color, cut, and clarity, then no big deal. She just wants size. It's doable. Give the woman what she wants. If she's demanding a 2+ carat stone that is still colorless (D-F) and like VVS quality on top of being sparkly, he should mention the option of going smaller (much smaller) and bring up the upgrade ring 10 years down the line or something. If she's smart enough to take the hint that he can't quite afford that caliber of a stone, more discussion is good. Maybe take her ring shopping and get prices mentioned and see if she gets more flexible on the size. If she's still shows reluctance or turns on him that he doesn't love her enough to get her what she wants (yes, I've seen this happen)... I'd immediately drop her like a bad habit. He can't afford a gold digger if his budget is only $10,000. Nothing wrong with having one. I got a buddy who wants a trophy wife. Not my cup of tea, but he's likely gonna be able to afford one once he finishes his residency so more power to him.
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| Posted: 1/22/2005 7:12:09 PM | |
| P: 1/22/2005 7:32:56 PM | |
kevinraja Cut Rock Total Posts: 275 Last Post: 3/22/2005 Member Since: 10/18/2004 |
Two solutions: ONE: If the GF likes fancy shape diamonds, then you can actually look for a say, I color SI1 clarity 2 carat stones. TWO: If she likes ROUND, then she has to make a choice between smaller better quality diamond or a 2carat J/K color SI1 clarity diamond Leave the choice to the girlfriend. My girlfriend wanted a BIG diamond. But I had a budget in mind. Fortunately she likes only emerald cut stones. There I go. I bought her a beautiful G color SI1 clairty 1.71 carat EC
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| Posted: 1/22/2005 7:32:56 PM | |
| P: 1/22/2005 8:00:19 PM | |
teebee Ideal Rock Total Posts: 812 Last Post: 6/7/2006 Member Since: 4/16/2004 |
Well, I would say that it depends on what has gone into that 2 carat expectation. Has she done much research into what that would cost? What kind of setting does she want? It may be possible that she just doesn't realize that it is beyond his budget. Or it may be that she has no idea what constitutes a good stone (in most of our collective opinions) and is solely focused on size... If size is all she cares about, then maybe it's doable. My concern is she is "expecting" or demanding that... I mean, should anyone really be expecting something like that... I was "hoping" for 1 carat, not necessarily "expecting" it... Also, I won't condemn her right away for not knowing exactly his financial situation. My fiance is a dentist and everyone (including me) thought he was taking way too long to buy the ring, considering his profession... And, while I knew he had student loans, business loans, etc. I did not understand the extent of his indebtedness until he finally said: I'm a quarter of a million dollars in debt. Then, I got it. And then I became a little more patient and we reduced the ring budget by $3000. And now I get to look forward to an upgraded stone someday!!! ~teebee~ |
| Posted: 1/22/2005 8:00:19 PM | |
| P: 1/22/2005 9:46:04 PM | |
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Dancing Fire Ideal Rock Total Posts: 10,227 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 4/3/2004 |
he's thinking about buying a rb .i told him a h si1 is the best value,make sure to buy a top cut stone with your money ,not size.10k is his budget including the setting.as for his financial situation, i think is his business if he want to discuse with his gf.
it is always harder to find a "mind clean" stone than a eye clean stone. |
| Posted: 1/22/2005 9:46:04 PM | |
| P: 1/23/2005 10:56:51 AM | |
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Momoftwo Ideal Rock Total Posts: 591 Last Post: 3/9/2006 Member Since: 9/3/2004 |
My feeling is if you know someone well enough to marry them, they should know about your finances. No secrets. I knew exactly what my DH's budget was 25 years ago and we stuck to it. I didn't "expect" anything. To us, it was about the commitment and we're still happily married after almost 24 years. |
| Posted: 1/23/2005 10:56:51 AM | |
| P: 1/23/2005 12:10:56 PM | |
fire&ice Ideal Rock Total Posts: 7,827 Last Post: 3/30/2009 Member Since: 7/22/2002 |
Date: 1/22/2005 7:12 With all due respect, this long period of courtship worked for you; but shouldn't be looked upon as requirement. I think time spent together doesn't determine how well one knows someone. I knew more about my hubby in a week than I knew someone I dated for several years. It's timing (Mara's Mantra) & personality mesh. We were engaged in less than 6 months of knowing each other. Our marriage has lasted over 20 years.9 PMAuthor: codex57 I'm gonna be honest here. How long have they been together? If under a year, I'd hold off on getting ANY ring and get to know her better. That said, I did know my future hubby's basic financial status. Would I have liked a larger stone - sure - but that wasn't my reality. If he is upfront about what he can afford, then she should respect, and gladly accept what his reality is. If not, then she's not the one for him and visa versa if he can't confront her. The cloud of nebuli can be damaging to a relationship & disconcerting.
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| Posted: 1/23/2005 12:10:56 PM | |
| P: 1/23/2005 5:57:24 PM | |
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codex57 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,492 Last Post: 1/21/2008 Member Since: 12/18/2004 |
Date: 1/23/2005 12:10:56 PM Author: fire&ice Date: 1/22/2005 7:12 With all due respect, this long period of courtship worked for you; but shouldn't be looked upon as requirement. I think time spent together doesn't determine how well one knows someone. I knew more about my hubby in a week than I knew someone I dated for several years. It's timing (Mara's Mantra) & personality mesh. We were engaged in less than 6 months of knowing each other. Our marriage has lasted over 20 years.9 PMAuthor: codex57 I'm gonna be honest here.  How long have they been together?  If under a year, I'd hold off on getting ANY ring and get to know her better. That said, I did know my future hubby's basic financial status. Would I have liked a larger stone - sure - but that wasn't my reality. If he is upfront about what he can afford, then she should respect, and gladly accept what his reality is. If not, then she's not the one for him and visa versa if he can't confront her. The cloud of nebuli can be damaging to a relationship & disconcerting. Oh, I absolutely agree that long courtships are not for everyone. For me, I wanted it, but it's not for other people. However, I mentioned one year as a general timeline for this person b/c the critical issue is whether the girl knows the b/f's financial position or not. 1 year is just a nice round number for me. My point was that if after 1 year (nice round number that allows plenty of time to get to know the other person), and she still doesn't know his financial position, it sure sounds like they don't know each other nearly well enough to consider something like marriage. Basically, my post was just to emphasize 2 key issues: 1) Does she know the guy well enough to know his job and general financial position? 2) If she does, is size the only requirement letting him save on color, cut, clarity if his finances won't allow the best of everything. If yes to both, cool. If no to one of them, then some more discussion should take place so expectations become more reasonable.
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| Posted: 1/23/2005 5:57:24 PM | |
| P: 1/23/2005 6:20:08 PM | |
Kamuelamom Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,808 Last Post: 10/20/2006 Member Since: 4/18/2003 |
To answer your question, I feel he should tell her honestly if he can't afford it. But maybe he can, it just depends if she is also expecting a 2 ct be the best of color, clarity and cut, I am with the others and that they should spend some time doing research until he finds the right combo to fit his budget, even if it means compromising on some of the other c's. We know more than anyone that good values in the right combination can be found here through pricescope. There are terrific values in the G/H/I color range, even J/K, AND combined with the SI1/2 or I2 clarity ranges. MMM, 7s1, Patty, and many others are all living proof of this. But the key word is compromise. She can even get something well cut and slightly smaller that will be appealing to her if again,she is willing to compromise. Maybe she should come join the fun in some of her own diamond education?? If she doesn't like the answers then I have only one word. RUN. |
| Posted: 1/23/2005 6:20:08 PM | |
| P: 3/31/2005 3:53:31 PM | |
carbonjunkie Rough Rock Total Posts: 15 Last Post: 5/11/2005 Member Since: 3/24/2005 |
Date: 1/21/2005 9 8:56 PMAuthor:Dancing Fire i have friend that has about 10k to spend on a ring, but his gf is expecting a 2+ ct diamond.my advise to him is buy what he could afford without buying on credit. This is the type of situation where the couple needs to sit down and have an honest talk if they want a happy resolution. If money wasn't an issue, then this thread would not exist. She "expects" a 2+ carat diamond e-ring. He wants to give her the ring she wants, but he has a limited budget. Does she even know that? If she does, does she still insist on the huge rock even if he can't afford it? If she is willing to put him in serious debt just to get what she wants, even BEFORE the wedding, then I see some red flags. I think it's in the best interest of the couple to be actively involved in the decision-making process (in this situation). That way, they reach a compromise that they can both be happy with. She can still have a 2+ ct. diamond and he can still meet his budget if they are willing to sacrifice other aspects like color, cut and clarity. But they must do their research. As long as the diamond faces up eye-clean and near colorless when mounted, is cut well enough to show sparkle and brilliance, then size can be achieved. But if she expects size and top quality, then they're both out of luck. I have yet to find a colorless, loupe-clean, super ideal branded cut stone above 2 carats within 10k, not even on the internet. If anyone does, pleast let me know! I would hate to know that I got ripped off  For 10k, you can have size or quality. For 20k, you might get both. Good luck! **THE BIGGER THE BETTER!!!** |
| Posted: 3/31/2005 3:53:31 PM | |
| P: 3/31/2005 4:11:11 PM | |
gongjoo143 Cut Rock Total Posts: 110 Last Post: 9/1/2009 Member Since: 5/13/2004 |
I thought I'd reply to this post. I'm actually a girl who was looking for a 2 ct round diamond with a budget of $10k (including setting). We are both in grad school but I was always drawn to larger stones. I did a lot of research and decided that I didn't want to sacrifice on cut, but clarity and color wasn't that big of an issue...as long as it was eye clean. So, after a week or so of intense searching, Mark Turnowski (engagementringsdirect.com) came up with an 2 ct ideal cut F I1. It's a 1.6 HCA and AGS1. There is a little crystal at the edge of the table that's visible from about 6 inches if you know where it is. I absolutely love it! And the diamond plus setting (platinum 6 prong tiffany) stayed under budget. I'll post pictures after it's set and after the bf proposes! Anyway, what I wanted to say is that although it's not "right" to want a big diamond, it's not impossible to find.
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| Posted: 3/31/2005 4:11:11 PM | |
| P: 3/31/2005 4:24:13 PM | |
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luvmysparklies Cut Rock Total Posts: 266 Last Post: 5/23/2008 Member Since: 8/5/2003 |
Hmmm...well, you've received some good answers here: He should be honest on what he can afford. Hopefully nothing is lost for your friends on what the true meaning behind the engagement ring really is. But, uhh Dancin Fire, my main mind clean stone having man...your friend probably sees YOUR wife's 3.34 ct. ring and in his mind might be a'thinkin'......  Just kiddin' on that last part  Luv
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| Posted: 3/31/2005 4:24:13 PM | |
| P: 3/31/2005 5:14:59 PM | |
lost on 5th Cut Rock Total Posts: 240 Last Post: 3/23/2008 Member Since: 3/16/2005 |
** not to hijack this thread, but i would rather build off the above information than repeat everything... this also might be the same scenario as the person in discussion initially.....so it could help as well possibly.
….any suggestions given this variation of the initial question?
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| Posted: 3/31/2005 5:14:59 PM | |
| P: 3/31/2005 6:08:05 PM | |
aljdewey Ideal Rock Total Posts: 8,236 Last Post: 2/11/2008 Member Since: 11/25/2002 |
Date: 3/31/2005 5:14:59 PM Author: lost on 5th ** not to hijack this thread, but i would rather build off the above information than repeat everything... this also might be the same scenario as the person in discussion initially.....so it could help as well possibly.
….any suggestions given this variation of the initial question? Yup......buy what you can afford now, and if you are so inclined, upgrade it when your *projected* future financial situation becomes a reality and not a projection. _____________________ |
| Posted: 3/31/2005 6:08:05 PM | |
| P: 3/31/2005 6:35:15 PM | |
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codex57 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,492 Last Post: 1/21/2008 Member Since: 12/18/2004 |
Lost on 5th: Buy what you can afford now. Go for size. Unfortunately, her friends/coworkers are gonna look at the ring. They're gonna make comments. I ran into the same problem. G/f makes more than me at the moment and so her coworkers tended to have correspondingly "large" rings cuz their husbands tended to be quite successful as well. My suggestion is to go for size cuz that's what they'll notice first. Then, avoid name. Just not worth it (unless that's all everyone cares about in your part of NYC). However, pick a characteristic that's the best so she can hang her hat on and brag about. Maybe the best cut. Possibly even a Heart and Arrow branded stone. At least ideal cut tho so she can brag it's an ideal stone and has hearts and arrows. Stay in the colorless range but possible go down to F color. Go down to the VS2 range. It won't be what she wants, but it should be decent enough so she won't be embarassed and has something to brag about. Also, I'd run it by her. Explain to her that she can still be proud of it (since it's ideal cut or whatever). It will bother her. The important part is how much it bothers her. Be VERY observant in this. Look for pauses before she answers and stuff. If too much hesitation is there, I don't think you should propose. I'm gonna be blunt. Marriage is about compromises and realistic expectations. You can have all the nice dreams of life together in the future while you're dating. Once you propose tho, you need to get serious and realistic. She just may not be ready to marry you in your current financial situation. It's not nice to hear, but many girls need a certain amount of financial stability. If you can't make enough, she'll be bothered by it just from all the comments her friends/coworkers make and eventually it'll wear her down. In the process, she'll be making your life miserable.
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| Posted: 3/31/2005 6:35:15 PM | |
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