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»  » Proposals, Weddings and More »
 » Proposal Ideas
»  » How long did it take you to get engaged and married?
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| Pages: 1 of 3: [1] 2 3 > |
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How long did it take you to get engaged and married? |
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| P: 8/4/2004 10:40:44 AM | |
wonka27 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 628 Last Post: 9/13/2007 Member Since: 6/22/2004 |
I thought I'd throw this here. I have been dating my g/f for 5 1/2 months now. It has been an outstanding experience and I fall in love with her more each day. She is the most high quality, sweet woman I have ever met. We will get engaged by the end of the year, most likely. I'm just curious to see when others took the plunge? If I wait til fall or winter to propose, it will be around 8 - 10 mos. I think a lot of people would say that is too soon. My thinking is I'm 28 and she is 27 and we both want to get on with life. We work well together and I can truly say I believe we can live a life of happiness. Anyone have any stories to share about themselves or people they know that got engaged within a years time? Did it work out or no? |
| Posted: 8/4/2004 10:40:44 AM | |
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There are 86 replies to this message. There are 30 replies on this page. |
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| P: 8/4/2004 11:25:18 AM | |
AtlantaC Rough Rock Total Posts: 80 Last Post: 8/18/2004 Member Since: 2/12/2004 |
Dated for 2 years, engaged in March and getting married in October.
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| Posted: 8/4/2004 11:25:18 AM | |
| P: 8/4/2004 11:28:50 AM | |
Matata Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,647 Last Post: 11/21/2009 Member Since: 9/10/2003 |
I was very young when I got married -- 18 years old -- and it lasted 22 years. We had a 12 month courtship. We both grew up during that relationship but unfortunately not in a compatible way. My fiance and I have been together for 8 years. We plan on getting married sometime in 2006 which will mark our 10th year as a couple. We've both enjoyed the luxury of time to get to know each other well, to sort through the baggage of past relationships, to understand where we are willing to compromise and where we will not before making it "legal."
~~~~~~~~~~ |
| Posted: 8/4/2004 11:28:50 AM | |
| P: 8/4/2004 11:32:57 AM | |
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wonka27 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 628 Last Post: 9/13/2007 Member Since: 6/22/2004 |
Thank you both. See I guess that is why I am less apprehensive about this, though. Approaching 30, I am much more "grown up" than at 18 or 21. I feel my ideals and beliefs in life have been well developed making it easier to see someone who matches what is important to me.
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| Posted: 8/4/2004 11:32:57 AM | |
| P: 8/4/2004 11:34:29 AM | |
lsmathis1 Cut Rock Total Posts: 170 Last Post: 3/9/2005 Member Since: 7/20/2004 |
Recently celebrated our 2 year anniversary (he's 30, I'm 26)...and the ring is being made at the moment  Although, we've both really known for a looooooong time that we had definitely found our lifelong partners. I am adamant that when he/she is the right person...you just "know". How soon you choose to do something about it is just up to you...I wouldn't say it would change anything sooner or later. The only assurance with doing it "later" is that it gets more and more concrete as the days/months pass. Although I've known for quite some time, I'm happy with how things have gone for us. You know how you feel - follow your heart...you know what's best for your relationship.
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| Posted: 8/4/2004 11:34:29 AM | |
| P: 8/4/2004 11:35:54 AM | |
ChooChoo Ideal Rock Total Posts: 513 Last Post: 10/15/2006 Member Since: 9/25/2003 |
Hi Wonka, I think what matters ins't how long you've known each other, but rather how WELL you know each other. A lot of times when people are, in my opinion, rushing into engagement and marriage, it's because they have never discussed the things that can make or break a marriage, and decided if they are compatible in their answers. The other person may be perfect, but that doesn't mean that he or she is perfect for YOU. For example, have you and your gf discussed whether you want children, if so, when, and how you want to raise them? Do you know and like each other's families, and can they see each of you as a future family member? Where do you want to live? How much money do you think you need to be happy? Do you agree on things like religion and politics (you don't have to, but if you don't you have to be sure that you can LIVE with the other person's opinion)? And then there are the hard questions to ask yourself... are you OK with the idea that this is the person who will be your partner in all things, good or bad? Are there things about the other person that you are secretly hoping to change, and would you want to stick around if you couldn't change them? All things to think about... and if nothing comes up that gives you pause, then you may be ready for marriage. Dating time and age have to do with it, but not much 
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| Posted: 8/4/2004 11:35:54 AM | |
| P: 8/4/2004 11:43:37 AM | |
JimDiamond Cut Rock Total Posts: 131 Last Post: 6/25/2007 Member Since: 6/27/2004 |
I'm interested to hear what others have to say. I hope they'll share. Of course there is no one right answer no matter what anyone says. I was in almost exactly your situation a few months ago. I talked to people and tried to find out information on the Internet. Here is some of what I found out. It is generally recommended that the time between first date and wedding date is at the absolute least a year. Anything less than that and it and the question is do you really know the person well enough and what's the hurry in making so important a decision. Having said that most people would agree that one-year, including the engagement, is still very short. But the key is being prepared for marriage, not a specific length of time. Some people are together for years and are still quite unprepared. If you really think this will continue to work out that well and that you may propose in another 3-5 months then I recommend you start talking about marriage if you haven't already. If a man were to propose out of the blue at 5 months or 5 years it would not be long enough. Also, there is nothing wrong with working on communication skills and talking about all the areas where conflict arises: each other's family and friends, finances, sex, religion, having children, etc. There are some great books (and plenty to read on the Internet). 101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married and 500 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married or Engaged are two of my favorites. Should you propose in 3-5 more months? Maybe. Talk. Talk. Share. Share. Think. Think. If you've done all that then you can consider it. Remember that after your engaged it will likely be another 6-12 months after that before you are married, so it's not like you're suggesting that you run off and get married in Vegas RIGHT NOW. Jim Diamond |
| Posted: 8/4/2004 11:43:37 AM | |
| P: 8/4/2004 11:59:21 AM | |
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wonka27 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 628 Last Post: 9/13/2007 Member Since: 6/22/2004 |
Wow, thanks for your thoughtful posts. Your experience has given me even more to think about.. I am in a situation where a lot of discussion has taken place about money, homes, kids, etc. We are on the same page for sure. Even down to when should we buy a home, when should we have kids. We really agree on everything! I mean, I guess things can happen down the road that could cause problems, but you have to be with someone who you can weather the storm with. I think she is that type of person! I know she will make a wonderful wife and mother.
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| Posted: 8/4/2004 11:59:21 AM | |
| P: 8/4/2004 12:52:08 PM | |
Diamondsbybree Ideal Rock Total Posts: 575 Last Post: 5/5/2005 Member Since: 6/24/2004 |
Do you think a decade is long enough to think about marraige? That is what we did~! 
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| Posted: 8/4/2004 12:52:08 PM | |
| P: 8/4/2004 1:03:08 PM | |
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JennWit2Ns Rough Rock Total Posts: 15 Last Post: 8/9/2004 Member Since: 7/8/2004 |
you both know in your heart that it feels right, but you have to put finances into the picture. my b/f and i have been together about 2.5 years. we will be engaged soon. we both knew after 3 months that we were marrying eachother, but we weren't financially ready. we are now comfortable enough to start our future together. just remember, being in love and knowing you want to be with someone forever is the best feeling. just make sure you're both financially ready too. Jenn |
| Posted: 8/4/2004 1:03:08 PM | |
| P: 8/4/2004 1:17:37 PM | |
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heart prongs Cut Rock Total Posts: 374 Last Post: 12/16/2006 Member Since: 1/27/2004 |
We got engaged after 3 years, and we will be married next week after an 11 month engagement  so almost five years from first date to "I do!" We were definitely ready to get married -- emotionally -- before we even hit the year mark as we had been friends forever before we started dating; however, we are much more ready, in all ways, now... Plus, it's very nice to have shared history going into an engagement. For instance, how might you both deal with a job loss, deaths in the family, $$$ issues, etc...? And when you do get engaged, there's a lot you go through in those months right before the wedding...it's a very emotional time and it's amazing to have someone you know very well, who knows your moods and especially how to deal with them. We are able to have our dream wedding and honeymoon because we waited a little longer...just some things to think about...Whatever you do, I'm sure it will be right for you and you'll know when the right time is...Best of luck, kl
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| Posted: 8/4/2004 1:17:37 PM | |
| P: 8/4/2004 1:45:00 PM | |
alexah Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,032 Last Post: 2/16/2008 Member Since: 2/14/2004 |
Both my fiance & i are in our early to mid 30s... we knew "it" from the start... we "dated" over a yr before we moved in together... he proposed after a yr and a half... we'll be married a year+ after he proposed But who's to say what's right for you? Every couple has their own *perfect* timeframe...
_______________________________________ |
| Posted: 8/4/2004 1:45:00 PM | |
| P: 8/4/2004 2:40:22 PM | |
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JimDiamond Cut Rock Total Posts: 131 Last Post: 6/25/2007 Member Since: 6/27/2004 |
I proposed to my girlfriend after 8 1/2 months and we'll be married after another 8 months, but I'm 37 so I'm not afraid of committment.
Jim Diamond |
| Posted: 8/4/2004 2:40:22 PM | |
| P: 8/4/2004 2:44:16 PM | |
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wonka27 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 628 Last Post: 9/13/2007 Member Since: 6/22/2004 |
Thank you all. I really appreciate everyone's stories and comments
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| Posted: 8/4/2004 2:44:16 PM | |
| P: 8/4/2004 3:38:45 PM | |
aljdewey Ideal Rock Total Posts: 8,236 Last Post: 2/11/2008 Member Since: 11/25/2002 |
We knew each other on a "pass in the halls" basis at work for 2 years. We then became friends and hung out weekly, then twice weekly from March to July 2002, when relationship then turned romantic. Within 4 weeks, we "knew" and began looking for a place together. Moved in November 2002; engaged Nov 2003 - married 3 weeks ago....2 years to the day after we began dating. _____________________ |
| Posted: 8/4/2004 3:38:45 PM | |
| P: 8/4/2004 3:44:04 PM | |
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wonka27 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 628 Last Post: 9/13/2007 Member Since: 6/22/2004 |
Cool alj! Congrats Do you still work together??? I know that is a hot topic with dating...the "don't mix work and dating together idea".
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| Posted: 8/4/2004 3:44:04 PM | |
| P: 8/4/2004 4:48:39 PM | |
rms Ideal Rock Total Posts: 914 Last Post: 8/13/2009 Member Since: 6/16/2004 |
I've got 2 totally different stories for you. My fiance and I are in our mid-30s, got engaged after 3 years of dating and many ups and downs, just moved in together 3 days ago, and hope to be married by the end of this year or early next year, so close to 4 years together before "I do". I like all of ChooChoo's input on things to talk about, wonder about, think about, agree about, or just recognize whether or not you can live with or not. We have been through all that!!
Now the flip side. A family member of mine met his wife once, but not much happened really, and they didn't see or talk to each other for about 8 months (they lived in different cities but had mutual friends). Then, they met again, after he was prompted by a mutual friend to call and stop to visit. After that the story is this....dated and talked for 2 weeks, got engaged. Then, married after 2 months, pregnant about 10 days later, their first child was just born in April and they celebrated their first anniversary about 3 weeks ago. They are doing great!!! Knowing them, their marriage will last. Many of you might scoff and feel like you would never do it that way or that theirs won't last. I certainly was concerned too in the beginning, especially compared to my story. But I am not worried now. It's all good, so good for them.
Rita |
| Posted: 8/4/2004 4:48:39 PM | |
| P: 8/4/2004 5:04:50 PM | |
sumi Ideal Rock Total Posts: 565 Last Post: 1/3/2006 Member Since: 1/6/2004 |
We were together for 4 years (living together for 3 of those years) before we got engaged. We were engaged for about 6-7 months or so. So, I guess we were together for about 4 1/2 years before getting married. We got married pretty quickly compared to our friends, most of whom were together closer to 7 and 8 years before marriage.
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| Posted: 8/4/2004 5:04:50 PM | |
| P: 8/4/2004 5:11:43 PM | |
kw48653 Rough Rock Total Posts: 4 Last Post: 8/26/2004 Member Since: 8/4/2004 |
friends for 6 months dated one week moved in together lived together 1 month. happiest i've ever been. popping the question in a month.
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| Posted: 8/4/2004 5:11:43 PM | |
| P: 8/4/2004 5:18:41 PM | |
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rms Ideal Rock Total Posts: 914 Last Post: 8/13/2009 Member Since: 6/16/2004 |
Oh, and on the subject of working together...my fiance and I work in the same company, and in the past we have worked together some, but now not too much. I know MANY MANY people who work together in the same company. While I think it can definitely create conflicts if you are not careful or mature enough to properly deal with it, I do not see anything wrong with it, unless you are talking about your boss, or your own employee.
Rita |
| Posted: 8/4/2004 5:18:41 PM | |
| P: 8/4/2004 5:45:07 PM | |
fire&ice Ideal Rock Total Posts: 7,827 Last Post: 3/30/2009 Member Since: 7/22/2002 |
---------------- Sage advice! I met my hubby on a blind date in March. He proposed that September. We started talking marriage about 5 months into dating. We did have a longer engagment (1 1/2 year). I'm glad we did because it put to rest any thought of rushing anything. We have been married 20+ years and couldn't be happier. Like Al, we worked together (still do sometimes). It works for us. Good luck. And, like Choo Choo says - make sure you know each other. Make sure your dreams are on the same page. And, that the marriage isn't contigent upon reaching those dreams.
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| Posted: 8/4/2004 5:45:07 PM | |
| P: 8/4/2004 5:45:33 PM | |
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Lauren523 Rough Rock Total Posts: 41 Last Post: 8/27/2004 Member Since: 2/22/2004 |
Hi everyone! I really like this post! Well, let's see. My fiance and I met our Junior year in High School, we were actually Chemistry lab partners! We kept dating throughout high school and college, we've never broken up and have been together since! (It will be 8 years next May ) We moved in together in August 2002 back in NH and now we live in FL so that he can go to AMI for a year (motorcycle mechanic school). We got engaged this past Christmas and we're getting married September 30, 2005! We wanted to wait a couple years because of us moving down here and we've actually just started planning our wedding long distance! (Gets a little tricky at times) So we can't wait until we move back to NH next May! We'll be rushing around with wedding stuff that we can't get done while we're down here! We actually booked our ceremony and reception cite where we had our Senior Prom together~ we're really looking forward to that! It makes our wedding day that more special! Great to hear everyone's stories!!!!
Lauren |
| Posted: 8/4/2004 5:45:33 PM | |
| P: 8/4/2004 5:54:55 PM | |
nicknomo Cut Rock Total Posts: 197 Last Post: 12/12/2005 Member Since: 6/26/2004 |
---------------- I'm going to be engaged after 5 years of dating (she's already said yes, I just haven't officially asked yet :-P), but it would have happened sooner if we were a bit older when we started dating. I'd reccommend waiting at least a year before proposing.. My reasoning for this is that for several months there is usually a "love cloud" as I like to call it. You are both super nice to each other, have such great opinions about one another and don't notice the other's flaws or annoyances. When you stop being polite to each other, start being casual and you are both out of your love trance.... THEN you can make a positive judgement. It's sort of like when you go on a first date and you are usually self conscious, watch what you say and do and are on your best behavior. You'd never think of sitting in your underwear, eating spaghettios while watching tv on your second date... but you just might do that after you are dating a good length of time. It takes time to get to that point, and you or the other person might have a different opinion of each other at that point. I'm sure you and most people have some idea what I'm talking about. Of course some people might not experience this, and the period of infectious love lasts different amounts of time for different people. Then there is the matter of fighting. If you are still in that "nice" fighting stage, or you haven't had a fight yet... wait it out. You need to get in a few good no holding back arguments. Once again, you may have a different opinion of each other if you haven't. Finally, there is the scare factor. The more comfortable she is with you, the less likely the thought of marriage will scare her away. I'd throw the thought of marriage out there in a subtle way a few times (if you haven't already) to get a good feeling of where you both stand. A lot of this you may already know, and some of it you may disagree with. I understand this, but since you wanted opinions, I just thought I'd throw out what I've learned over time. Good luck!
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| Posted: 8/4/2004 5:54:55 PM | |
| P: 8/4/2004 6:27:51 PM | |
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Matata Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,647 Last Post: 11/21/2009 Member Since: 9/10/2003 |
Nicknomo....I like that "love cloud" theory. Reminded me of a show I saw on PBS last year about what makes humans attractive to each other and apparently medical studies have been done on couples that show the brain releases hormones at the beginning of a relationship that makes the couple more attractive to each other and these hormones dissipate over time. It sort of meshes with your theory.
~~~~~~~~~~ |
| Posted: 8/4/2004 6:27:51 PM | |
| P: 8/4/2004 6:57:39 PM | |
CaptAubrey Ideal Rock Total Posts: 862 Last Post: 3/23/2009 Member Since: 3/28/2004 |
met at work in august.
moved in together in june
lived together for about 1.5 years before getting engaged
engaged 7 months
almost exactly 3 years total
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| Posted: 8/4/2004 6:57:39 PM | |
| P: 8/4/2004 6:58:44 PM | |
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wonka27 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 628 Last Post: 9/13/2007 Member Since: 6/22/2004 |
I'm so glad this post got this much response! These stories are great...and really the bottom line seems to be that each situation is different. There has been success in very short to very long periods of time. Well, while it is going, anyone else want to jump in and add their story
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| Posted: 8/4/2004 6:58:44 PM | |
| P: 8/4/2004 7:21:31 PM | |
Rowan Cut Rock Total Posts: 467 Last Post: 9/1/2006 Member Since: 7/14/2004 |
My husband and I were 18 when we got married. We had been friends, though not close friends, for something like 10 months, but we'd only been dating for 5 months when we got married. We celebrated our 15th anniversary this year.
~*Rowan*~ |
| Posted: 8/4/2004 7:21:31 PM | |
| P: 8/4/2004 7:23:27 PM | |
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wonka27 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 628 Last Post: 9/13/2007 Member Since: 6/22/2004 |
Simply amazing, Rowan!
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| Posted: 8/4/2004 7:23:27 PM | |
| P: 8/4/2004 8:35:56 PM | |
Audrey Hepburn Rough Rock Total Posts: 37 Last Post: 9/17/2005 Member Since: 6/24/2004 |
Met my beau in my first year of college (1998). Started dating a year later (1999). Graduated college, went to grad school. "Took a break" for 4 months in 2002, then realized how we really WERE supposed to be together. Back together in early 2003. Been crazy happy for the last year and a half after that. Getting engaged any week now. Five years of dating. Hopefully having the wedding in June 2005. 6 years total. The funny thing is that I almost already feel like I'm married. We spend all our time together, we both take turns cleaning the house, I know him like the back of my hand..... now all we have to do is make it official to everyone else, and have a kick-arse time doing it! I know many of you think that 6 years is probably too long, but I was very young (19) when we met. We needed to grow up and figure out if we could grow up together! I don't want to be discouraging, but I really do think that less than a year is too short of a time to really get to know someone. We've already dealt with some of the "issues" in our relationship that some of my married friends (who dated and married much faster than us) are struggling with right now. ANd a do agree with the "love cloud" someone mentioned earlier. It's like that awful MTV show, "Real World".... you have to "find out what it's like when people stop being polite, and start being real. The real world, YOUR HOUSE!" I don't think anything less than a year is enough.. But that's just one girl's opinion! -AH ------------------------------------------------------------ |
| Posted: 8/4/2004 8:35:56 PM | |
| P: 8/5/2004 1:05:48 AM | |
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Rowan Cut Rock Total Posts: 467 Last Post: 9/1/2006 Member Since: 7/14/2004 |
Thanks Wonka. I really do think I got lucky. 
~*Rowan*~ |
| Posted: 8/5/2004 1:05:48 AM | |
| P: 8/5/2004 2:33:00 AM | |
quaeritur Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,238 Last Post: 2/3/2005 Member Since: 3/12/2004 |
We've got the variation on Audrey Hepburn's theme... Met in college, started dating when I was 19 and he was 22. After a few blissful months, he graduated (1991) and went into the AF. I graduated a year early (May 1992) and moved back in with my parents, in Holland. We maintained a long-distance relationship during that whole time. In two years we'd only spent 6 months actually together in one place. He proposed in December 1992 and we were to be married in April 1993. NOTHING was working out timing-wise. Then we had our first big fight. And THEN I realized I was marrying the right guy, but for all the wrong reasons -to get away from home, because I was sick of the long-distance thing, to do something different, because I was afraid I'd never find someone else (yeah, real low self-esteem issues, and he was my only BF ever). So I took the biggest risk of my life and broke it off to go and grow up and become my own person. I'd led a very sheltered and parentally controlled life, I didn't want to get married because it was the "safe and easy" choice, or to escape my parents. I wanted to know I was marrying this great guy because I wanted to be with him. It was a risk because I didn't know how long I'd need on my own or whether he'd wait around. I thank God every day that he did. I spent three years traveling -lived in Paris for a year while I got my Masters, then New York for a year, DC for a year... I dated a few other guys, but nobody measured up to Eric. Finally, when I was living in DC, his Air Force commitment was up and we decided to give it another try. It was like coming home. He moved in in April, we bought a house in August, and got engaged in November. Got married the following September, me at 26 and him at 29, and we're coming up on seven years. Can't imagine anything better than the last seven years with him. We've both changed a lot over the course of our relationship and during our time apart, as have our dreams and plans, but we seem to grow into a tighter and closer fit with each passing day. Still, I'm glad I took that time to myself. I never doubted that he was "the one" but I was able to come back to the relationship a more whole, happy, and strong person, with the knowledge that I was doing well on my own, but that I was choosing to be with him. When we first started dating, I felt like we added up to less than two people because I was so incomplete. Now, I feel like the two of us together add up to more than two individuals, that our relationship is stronger because of the hardships and sacrifices it endured. And we are still discovering new and wonderful things about each other! Wow... sorry that was SOOOOO long!!! 
quaeritur |
| Posted: 8/5/2004 2:33:00 AM | |
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