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Answering questions about your ring

P: 7/16/2004 2:00:03 PM
JulieY Rough Rock Total Posts: 3 Last Post: 2/5/2005 Member Since: 7/16/2004	I am going to be engaged soon, and I am wondering the polite way to handle direct questions about your diamond size, and where you got the ring, etc. My boyfriend's brother is also going to be engaged soon, and he tends to be a copycat with us. Whatever we have, he and his girlfriend have to have it too (even though they are older). I can usually handle it, but I don't want my future sister-in-law having the same engagement ring as I do! The small jeweler we are going to has many variations of the same look, so if we tell his brother where we got it, he will no doubt go there, and then she will end up with a very similar ring. So my question is, is there any way to get around telling people where we got the ring, without coming out and saying, we don't want you to get the same thing, so we are not telling? The rest of his family will be asking too, I'm sure. Also, how do you handle questions about your diamond size? I'd rather not tell people the weight, but I know they will come out and ask. Is there a polite way to avoid answering this question? Thanks! Julie
Posted: 7/16/2004 2:00:03 PM

There are 19 replies to this message. There are 19 replies on this page.

P: 7/16/2004 2:20:38 PM
ame Ideal Rock Total Posts: 3,452 Last Post: 2/7/2006 Member Since: 7/7/2004	I just say "just under a carat and colorless with a rare and ideal cut". If they say "why under a carat" I say i wanted a more "modest" size so that it wouldn't catch on things and that the quality could be better. if they want more details I say its a Star 129 diamond and that we got the ring custom made at Vincents. Id also tell my brother jack squat. haha Let him do it himself.
Posted: 7/16/2004 2:20:38 PM

P: 7/16/2004 2:46:11 PM
Bethanying Cut Rock Total Posts: 178 Last Post: 10/14/2007 Member Since: 6/17/2004	I agree- I wouldn't give exact amount of ct weight.. I'd say "just under a carat" or "just over a carat"- I like something I heard from another PS member- sorry I can't remember who- I'd say "If you like the ring, you should see the guy that gave it to me!" To be honest about the brother in law thing, I'd just say something like, "________ Jewelers made it custom for me... isn't that neat? I really like the idea of having something original that no one else has"- even if it's not exactly true.... it will get the point across that you don't want a copycat ring on her finger! Hope that helps- congrats on your forthcoming engagement- post pics and engagement details asap!!! Bethany ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If God had wanted me to work out, he'd have put diamonds on the floor!
Posted: 7/16/2004 2:46:11 PM

P: 7/16/2004 2:59:14 PM
ame Ideal Rock Total Posts: 3,452 Last Post: 2/7/2006 Member Since: 7/7/2004	---------------- On 7/16/2004 2:46:11 PM Bethanying wrote: To be honest about the brother in law thing, I'd just say something like, '________ Jewelers made it custom for me... isn't that neat? I really like the idea of having something original that no one else has'- even if it's not exactly true.... it will get the point across that you don't want a copycat ring on her finger! Bethany ---------------- I hope that registers. haha. I know folks that would deliberately rush there and say "I want so and so's ring, exact." But I know my guy would say "I can't make exact but we can make a really nice variation of it"...
Posted: 7/16/2004 2:59:14 PM

P: 7/16/2004 3:43:14 PM
rms Ideal Rock Total Posts: 914 Last Post: 8/13/2009 Member Since: 6/16/2004	I love Bethany's suggestion for what to tell your dear brother-in-law to be. I would even leave out the name of the jeweler if you possibly could. Just say that you had it made custom, and you took the mold with you and melted in once you picked up the ring. Copycats are really scary in a way. I have some friends who had their home custom built wiith gorgeous tiles and color schemes all over. Someone they knew then decided that they too (even though they probably couldn't afford it) had to have a custom house built, any they used the exact same stuff!! I have another friend who lived in an apartment complex and met a woman who stalked her constantly, asked her where she bought all her clothes, and soon had the same wardrobe. My friend's husband told her to stay away from her...heck, I told her the same thing. Rita
Posted: 7/16/2004 3:43:14 PM

P: 7/16/2004 4:07:36 PM
JulieY Rough Rock Total Posts: 3 Last Post: 2/5/2005 Member Since: 7/16/2004	Thanks for the your thoughts so far. I look forward to hearing more. Copycats are the worst! I am almost tempted to wait it out, and let them get engaged first, so this is not an issue! That's how much it'll bother me if she gets the same ring! If he knows where we bought the ring, I am 100% sure he will get his there no matter what we say about wanting it to be unique. They won't act like they're doing it because we did it, it'll just so happen to be the only ring she likes . It's strage. If we have something, it's like they race out to get it. Big things and little things. It's dreadful! And the rest of his family will naturally be asking where we got the ring too, and the size, and price. If we tell them, the brother will find out. That's why I'm hoping to figure out some general reply to these questions that doesn't give too much information, but at the same time does not sound rude to my future in-laws. It's an awkward position, and I appreciate any thoughts.
Posted: 7/16/2004 4:07:36 PM

P: 7/16/2004 4:20:11 PM
ame Ideal Rock Total Posts: 3,452 Last Post: 2/7/2006 Member Since: 7/7/2004	No offense, but it is NO ONE's busines what was paid. If they have the balls to ask, tell them that it's none of their damn business. It is far from rude for you not to tell them. Its none of their business and is extremely rude for them to even ask. Further, I wouldn't say where it was made. Don't even give them the chance. Let him do this himself. Or say you ordered through a custom vendor and you would like to keep that information personal so this person doesn't get inundated with questions.
Posted: 7/16/2004 4:20:11 PM

P: 7/16/2004 5:29:00 PM
glitterata Ideal Rock Total Posts: 3,370 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 4/17/2002	Tell them all the details about the ring are a very special and romantic secret between the two of you. Refuse to say anything more. Just keep repeating, "I can't tell you. It's a very special and romantic secret."
Posted: 7/16/2004 5:29:00 PM

P: 7/16/2004 5:41:42 PM
chialea Ideal Rock Total Posts: 520 Last Post: 9/3/2004 Member Since: 4/20/2004	---------------- On 7/16/2004 5:29:00 PM glitterata wrote: Tell them all the details about the ring are a very special and romantic secret between the two of you. Refuse to say anything more. Just keep repeating, 'I can't tell you. It's a very special and romantic secret.'---------------- I'd tell you... but then DeBeers would kill you. shifty eyes Or I'd give credit to the magic jewelery fairies. A little bird told you about these fairies, and hey, fairies have little fingers, so they can do a great job.
Posted: 7/16/2004 5:41:42 PM

P: 7/16/2004 5:44:37 PM
quaeritur Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,238 Last Post: 2/3/2005 Member Since: 3/12/2004	OR, you could use my favorite reply... "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you." quaeritur
Posted: 7/16/2004 5:44:37 PM

P: 7/16/2004 9:24:06 PM
foundnemo Cut Rock Total Posts: 124 Last Post: 12/10/2004 Member Since: 4/27/2004	---------------- On 7/16/2004 2:00:03 PM JulieY wrote: It's so strange...most people want unique rings of their own, why would anyone want to copy someone else's taste?! So my question is, is there any way to get around telling people where we got the ring, without coming out and saying, we don't want you to get the same thing, so we are not telling? The rest of his family will be asking too, I'm sure. Try: "We got it in (name of city)" or "It's specially made". Also, how do you handle questions about your diamond size? I'd rather not tell people the weight, but I know they will come out and ask. Is there a polite way to avoid answering this question? I either say: "Why do you want to know?" or "It's smaller than my finger!" ----------------
Posted: 7/16/2004 9:24:06 PM

P: 7/18/2004 12:15:28 PM
coreyzat Rough Rock Total Posts: 77 Last Post: 12/2/2005 Member Since: 6/30/2004	Make up an elaborate story... Say something like you were at a business event and were introduced to Haans Sprukendorf from Amsterdam, who happened to know a guy who deals with unique cuts. You can say that each rough diamond is individually cut by Tibetan midgets monks (small fingers) who only cut the stone after a 30 day period of fasting and meditation, and that each cut is unique. Then say that the setting is hand made by those same monks, using yak saliva in the process. Then the monk, having achieved earthly perfection, jumps off the mountain cliff to become one with the universe. Corey
Posted: 7/18/2004 12:15:28 PM

P: 7/18/2004 12:32:45 PM
doxiemom Rough Rock Total Posts: 80 Last Post: 8/31/2006 Member Since: 2/9/2004	Heck....just tell them you got it at Zales. My sister had the same problem with her future sister in law. The girl even wanted her wedding in the same place and same color scheme as my sister. My sister and BIL got engaged first and they were told "don't even think about August." It didn't matter in the end though because the sister in law to be cheated on him and the wedding was called off. My sister was able to have her "own" wedding. I like glitterata's advice. DON"T TELL THEM ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 7/18/2004 12:32:45 PM

P: 7/20/2004 6:35:18 PM
jewelryjunkie Rough Rock Total Posts: 75 Last Post: 8/9/2006 Member Since: 7/19/2004	Not telling the whole family about the diamond size and jeweler sounds like the first step in finding your identity as a couple and an opportunity to show your independence from the family. Part of marriage is showing both of your families that the two of you are now each other's primary family and that your loyalty lies with each other first and no one else. You don't have to have justify your reason for not telling every little detail. That is private information if you feel it's private and they have no business with it. I know it's hard, but I bet if you tell them nicely that you'd rather keep the specifics of the e-ring between the two of you, even if they're upset at first, they love you and they'll learn to respect your privacy. Julia ... "In the long run we only hit what we aim at." - Thoreau
Posted: 7/20/2004 6:35:18 PM

P: 7/20/2004 7:57:41 PM
lop Ideal Rock Total Posts: 2,651 Last Post: 9/7/2009 Member Since: 6/14/2003	I often try to answer pointed questions with non-specific answers that they really can't come keep probing. ex: How much was that? answers: A boatload! or, more than it should have been, or, not so much that we can't eat this month.....etc. Most people won't ask again. However, family might be different.
Posted: 7/20/2004 7:57:41 PM

P: 7/21/2004 4:47:54 PM
headlight Ideal Rock Total Posts: 656 Last Post: 8/19/2009 Member Since: 11/2/2003	I think it is SO rude that someone asks this sort of thing. If someone asks the size (most frequent question), I would just say, "I don't really know -- I just know that I LOVE it!" If they are REALLY tacky and ask about clarity, color, price I would again say that I have no idea but just express how much I cherish it. For most inquiry minds, this should be enough for them to get the message that you're not sharing specs. (Also will hopefully give them the message that their questions are inappropriate.) But, people who have the nerve to ask this stuff usually don't get subtle hints, so this will, of course, place the burden on your BF considering that it is totally legitimate that the lucky lady who received the ring might very well not know the diamond's specs but obviously the man who made the purchase does. Upon being bombarded by the brother or anyone else, he could just say something like, "She doesn't even know that information (which makes her response to people sound validated and confirmed) so I certainly am not going to share it with anyone else." Also, he can add, "This isn't about grades and numbers, but a symbol of our relationship and our future... that she didn't want her e-ring to be about facts and figures but just be something beautiful and meaningful which it is, blah-blah-blah". When the persistent brother asks if he'll at least reveal the name of the jeweler, then he should just tell him that it was handled through a colleague's jeweler in some other city as the "colleague" had made the recommendation and just be very vague and hope he gets the clue. If the brother insists on the info, he should just say that it would be much easier that they work with a local jeweler and leave it at that.
Posted: 7/21/2004 4:47:54 PM

P: 7/21/2004 5:18:26 PM
jenwill Ideal Rock Total Posts: 735 Last Post: 2/19/2006 Member Since: 6/7/2004	---------------- On 7/18/2004 12:15:28 PM coreyzat wrote: Make up an elaborate story... Say something like you were at a business event and were introduced to Haans Sprukendorf from Amsterdam, who happened to know a guy who deals with unique cuts. You can say that each rough diamond is individually cut by Tibetan midgets monks (small fingers) who only cut the stone after a 30 day period of fasting and meditation, and that each cut is unique. Then say that the setting is hand made by those same monks, using yak saliva in the process. Then the monk, having achieved earthly perfection, jumps off the mountain cliff to become one with the universe. Corey---------------- Oh my goodness! I am laughing so hard it isn't even funny. I have now copied that into my folder of favorite replies to give to people on things that are none of their business! I hope that you don't mind the copyright violation, I will be sure to give you full credit as the author. ...you, sir, are a crackup, sir....
Posted: 7/21/2004 5:18:26 PM

P: 7/21/2004 10:32:21 PM
coreyzat Rough Rock Total Posts: 77 Last Post: 12/2/2005 Member Since: 6/30/2004	Glad I could be of service. Of course you can use it for whatever purposes you want, but that might open up that whole designer knockoff argument (see Rockytalky folder) Corey
Posted: 7/21/2004 10:32:21 PM

P: 7/22/2004 1:49:38 AM
quaeritur Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,238 Last Post: 2/3/2005 Member Since: 3/12/2004	---------------- On 7/20/2004 6:35:18 PM jewelryjunkie wrote: Not telling the whole family about the diamond size and jeweler sounds like the first step in finding your identity as a couple and an opportunity to show your independence from the family. Part of marriage is showing both of your families that the two of you are now each other's primary family and that your loyalty lies with each other first and no one else. You don't have to have justify your reason for not telling every little detail. That is private information if you feel it's private and they have no business with it. I know it's hard, but I bet if you tell them nicely that you'd rather keep the specifics of the e-ring between the two of you, even if they're upset at first, they love you and they'll learn to respect your privacy.---------------- OK, can I hire you as my therapist? Please? You said it so well, thank you!!! quaeritur
Posted: 7/22/2004 1:49:38 AM

P: 7/22/2004 10:56:33 AM
fire&ice Ideal Rock Total Posts: 7,827 Last Post: 3/30/2009 Member Since: 7/22/2002	Just my spin - I don't mind answering questions about my ring. But, I do usually keep my comments more on the general vague side.
Posted: 7/22/2004 10:56:33 AM

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