Does the maid of honor have to pay for her own dress?

innerkitten · Mar 23, 2004

I''m the maid of honor at my best friends wedding on May 22nd and I don''t have a dress yet. There will be no bridesmaids so I have a lot of freedom in what type of dress I can choose. The couple is saying pale yellow, pale salmon or pink. However I''m between jobs and don''t have alot of money at the moment and don''t know how I''m going to be able to afford a dress, shoes etc. Whats should I do? As far as I know I''m supposed to take care of the cost right?

glitterata · Mar 23, 2004

Traditionally, you pay for the dress. However, if you're broke, maybe you should talk to the bride about chipping in. Another idea is to borrow a dress, since you have some leeway in style. Do you have any friends or relatives with nice pink-yellow-salmon dresses?

Nicrez · Mar 23, 2004

In most traditions, the Maid of Honor is left with the honor (and burden) of the dress for herself, shoes, hair, jewlery, etc...as well as the Bridal shower plans and the bachelorette party plans and expenses. Sort of sucks for them, but usually they are the "closest" to the bride and that is sort of the gift that they give. If you truly can't make the dress in a cheap way, and trust me there ARE ways, let the couple know your situation, maybe she can help you shop around for a cheaper gown, or maybe you can reuse what you might have...?

Put it this way, it it TOTALLY possible to get a great MOH or BM dress for less...My sister's wedding, I was the Maid of Honor, and still quite poor, that I went to Century 21 (in NYC) and found not only my black crepe and creme satin VERA WANG for $75, but also found 4 more for the bridesmaides... I got the shoes at Aldo at $25, and so my WHOLE outfit was about $100. Not bad. That dress is still wearable today (unlike all the other 5 BM dresses rotting in my closet), and I can totally attest that it's doable!!!

Try sample sales, try discount places, try clearance sections of malls, and department stores that carry higher end dresses for less...sometimes Marshall's, TJ Maxx, Century 21, etc, carry dresses that are stunners and real cheap. My friend got her BM dress at David Bridal Clearance for $80...? I also engineered the BM's of my uncle's wedding (where I was also a BM) with all matching dresses from Victoria's Secret for $75 on sale. Totally doable!

Nicrez · Mar 23, 2004

Here's the lilac dress we used for the girls at my uncle's wedding...They are great!, and i think I had some $25 off $100 coupon at the time...anyway, they can be pricy, but I saw another one fairly cheap...If you have any certain price range (no matter how low) let me know, I LOVE searching for things on sale!!!!

innerkitten · Mar 23, 2004

Thanks for the ideas. Borrowing could work if I can find a dress in one of my friends wardrobes that is the right color and size. I'm kind of on the smallish size (4). I'm going to ask around though. I couldn't afford more than $100 for my entire outfit, and I don't see my financial situation changing by may 22. If you hear of any good sales let me know.

innerkitten · Mar 23, 2004

P.S. Speaking of maid of honor duties. I finally have the bridal shower planned and I'm really excited about it. It's going to be a tiki themed shower.

Nicrez · Mar 23, 2004

Ok, size 4, pale yellow, pink or salmon...Not a problem...i'll search until I find something...any type of styles or looks you prefer? Soft and delicate, sexy, covered shoulders, exposed back, satin, crepe, etc...???

Ok, is it obvious, I love to shop....? Even if it's not for me?!!!

innerkitten · Mar 23, 2004

Well they want something that would look good at a garden party. Let me know if you see something.
Cheers.

Nicrez · Mar 24, 2004

Here's one I found from Chadwick's of Boston. It comes in lighter pink (Petal) and a light yellow (Banana) for $79...

http://www.the-best-e-shopping.com/m_links/chadwicks_social_dresses.html

Nicrez · Mar 24, 2004

Here's a Satin Chiffon Scarf Dress, also same colors available from Chadwick's as well...for the same $

http://www.the-best-e-shopping.com/m_links/chadwicks_social_dresses.html

Nicrez · Mar 24, 2004

A ball gown for $99, same place, same color available....

Nicrez · Mar 24, 2004

Ok, last one for now...this one same place, same colors for $99 also...

http://www.the-best-e-shopping.com/m_links/chadwicks_social_dresses.html

pauls girl · Mar 24, 2004

I was a bridesmaid in a wedding, and our dresses were from Chadwicks. The dress was (and still is) a very pretty and well made gown.

Mara · Mar 24, 2004

Check eBay! Sometimes BM dresses go for around $20 on there or something!

I would also caution one thing. Sometimes in pictures, any picture, the dress may look like it's beautiful and then you see it in person and ay carumba! Cheapo material, too shiny, too gaudy, too thin, etc. We had this happen with a beautiful dress in the picture, in person we had trouble believing it was the SAME dress and not some horribly scratchy polyester replica.

So unless you know what it looks like, purchase sight-unseen with caution.

Also check out thrift stores. Lucky for you, pink and pastels are HUGE in the stores right now. You may get lucky. Check out cheaper, more basic stores too. Like a Rampage or a Forever21. They have alot of crap but sometimes a simple long slip dress works well and their stuff can be very low priced. Shop for your shoes at a DSW or an outlet or similar, or even on eBay! Though if you have silver shoes or champagne shoes or similar already, you can probably use those with a gown that is a pastel or a pink or yellow.

Unfortunately, when one accepts the MOH designation (hence the bride 'asking'), they take on the numerous financial responsibilities too. When I have been MOH, the total I end up spending usually when all is said and done (clothes, parties, wedding gifts, etc) is around $1k. So it's not cheap to be a MOH!!

Jaded Gem · Mar 24, 2004

Dear Innerkitten,
Hey, you can also shop for and use Prom dresses for this event since Prom dresses are traditionally long. I purchased all my bridesmaids a dress just because I wanted to do it. Regardless of tradition, I think it helps my friends out too and I guess I think it is a nice gesture. Anyway, you can shop at any mall store. Some may even be running sales. Another place to get a good designer dress is to go to Nordstrom Rack. They will have last season's dresses by well known designers. You will have to examine the shape of the dress since it's been on the rack and tried on by who knows how many people. I got my bridesmaid dresses at Marshall Field's this past week for less than $100 each. Traditionally most makers make bridesmaid dresses longer than the average height and I didn't want to bother anybody with hemming (all my bridesmaids are around 5'5" or under) so I got Prom dresses instead. The ones I purchased were satin, all lined, and cost me less than $100 each. Sometimes I think traditions are easier to break for me. All of my close friends have been wonderful, and I didn't think it was right for me to make them pay for an expensive dress that I picked out. I guess I could deduct that money off my future ring purchase, but it is well worth it. Good luck with the dress hunt!

http://www.target.com/gp/browse.html/602-7400428-0850231?node=10832681

fire&ice · Mar 24, 2004

Loehmann's, Marshalls, T.J. Maxx - all good places to go. You have to pound the pavement a little more - but good deals abound! And, try vintage, consignment & thrift stores in the more affluent areas of town.

Good luck. Your budget is very doable. For shoes, try estate sales & yard sales - that may sound gross - but you will probably find a bunch of worn only once or even never shoes.

ChooChoo · Mar 24, 2004

I second Ebay - check out these (I don't know your size, so these may be wrong):

Size 10 pale yellow bm dress - $20!

long yellow dress w/ rhinestone straps - $50

gorgeous satin yellow dress (sz 12) - $30

more to come...

ChooChoo · Mar 24, 2004

oh oops - you did say you were 4... will look for smaller dresses (although if it's cheap enough maybe you could have it fitted a little?)

This looks great:
Size 4 pale yellow long dress

Here is a Vera Wang which says it's a 10 but obviously runs VERY small:
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=2899197580&category=3262

Mara · Mar 24, 2004

Here's some..a few are slightly scary but a few cute ones!

this *may* be nice: http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=2898316420&category=3262

this is cute: http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=2898859700&category=3262

pretty and very simple: http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=2898780450&category=3262

hehe stretchy velvet: http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=2899228714&category=3262

another pretty spring dress: http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=2898566283&category=3262

and one more! http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=2898476710&category=3262

ChooChoo · Mar 24, 2004

Last one... looks bright yellow but I think the lighting is bad:

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=2899480752&category=3061

Nicrez · Mar 25, 2004

Hey just found out you can rent gowns! I don't know where you live, but you can try asking bridal discount places...

Some people wouldn't do it, but it's an option!!! If you're in the CA, NV areas (Vegas) here's a resource:

http://www.weddingconnections.com/city/LasVegasNV/Attire/GownRentals

innerkitten · Mar 29, 2004

wow! I havn't been back here since my last post and there are now tons of ideas to look at, I better get busy looking!

Thank you.

innerkitten · Apr 21, 2004

Here is the dress that Sahai (the bride) has asked me to wear, It's very simple as you can see. Her husband thinks the maid of honor dress should be simple cause the brides dress should be the one that stands out, so there you have it. Sahai became a lot more involved with the choosing of the dress after she saw what the flower girls would be wearing and she wanted it to all work together which makes sense. It's not the greatest dress but I think I can dress it up with nice shoes and I get to wear a white shawl which should look cute.

http://www.jcrew.com/catalog/product.jhtml?id=prod63963891&catId=cat57315

Mara · Apr 21, 2004

CUTE. I love it...Jcrew's dresses are very pretty. Just be sure it fits you right, I can never wear their dresses, they are made for someone with no boobs or something.

Nicrez · Apr 21, 2004

Ahh...nope, they aren't made for the "no boob" categories either.

It seems they are made specifically for the tall, thin boobless, hipless, Abercrombie kids who are going to college or grad school now.

innerkitten · Apr 21, 2004

You people are funny. I 'm actually on the thinnish side with small boobs, and your right their clothes do fit a certain shape.

I bought it from the store and not online so I had a chance to try it on first.

Does the maid of honor have to pay for her own dress?

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