I Just Don't Know

Date: 11/3/2009 2:27:23 PM
Author:ItsMe
My FI and I got engaged about three weeks ago. He picked out the ring all on his own.

We started talking marriage about a year ago, so I knew a ring was coming eventually, I just didn't know when. I started trying to give him ideas of what I wanted a couple months ago, but by this time he had already purchased the ring (which I didn't know) and was planning the proposal.

I love him dearly. There is no question he's 'the one', and I want to marry him. What I just don't know is...if I love the ring. The diamond is of good quality, and though it's only a half carat, size is not the issue. I just don't know if I like the setting. Some days I like it and some days I hate it. (And on those days I'm afraid my attitude is less than positive...)

We plan to upgrade the diamond down the road, and he's fine with that, but we've never discussed the setting. I don't know if I should broach the subject of changing the setting because I don't want to hurt his feelings. I know he chose it with me in mind, but it seems all he got from what little info I did give him is that I wanted 'diamonds in the band'. In his defense though, I was never very specific.

What do you all think of the ring? And, would you say anything to FI about the setting?

Date: 11/3/2009 7:53:58 PM
Author: blackberry16
I believe that you can absolutely say something about the setting. If you don't love it now, IMO you probably won't ever be completely thrilled with it. The style of a setting is very specific for each woman and you should be comfortable with yours. My sister doesn't like her setting and she never said anything now she is 3 years into the marriage and hates her ring. Just tell him that you love the diamond but that the setting isn't really 'you'. It has been my experience that most men want their ladies to be happy and proud of their rings. I think the longer you wait to tell him the worse he will feel when you finally do. Coming from someone who changed her setting 5 years in, it is sooooo worth it to be thrilled with your entire ring and my hubby is so happy that I am so in love with my ring.

Date: 11/4/2009 1:03:30 PM
Author: ItsMe
Many of you have asked what it is I don't like about it... I think it's just that in certain lighting conditions I don't like the way the pave looks. Unfortunately, those conditions exist in my office where I spend 9+ hours a day. (Yucky fluorescent lighting and light green-gray walls.) Maybe I could hire someone to walk around shining showroom lights on my hand all the time.

We are definitely outside any return period. I think I've decided to keep quiet. I do think that saying something would hurt his feelings. I know he had to save for a while to buy it, and I know he really tried to find something he thought I would like. I actually *do* like it, I just don't think it's what I would've chosen for myself. Truthfully though, if given the opportunity I'm not sure I even know what I would choose (to wear every day for the rest of my life!).

Anyway, thanks again for all of your suggestions, and for saying good things about my ring. Not that I think any of you lovely ladies would say anything otherwise. But it's nice to hear.

Date: 11/3/2009 3:34:53 PM
Author: NYCsparkle
the setting is beautiful, but if you aren't happy then change it...my friend had a similar issue and didn't want to hurt her fiances feelings....so she waited until they were wedding band shopping and fell in love with a band that didn't match her e-ring so the only 'logical' thing to do was change her e-ring to match that setting. her fiance was happy that he could make her happy knowing how much she wanted a matching wedding set....maybe you could wait to do something like that so no feelings are hurt

Date: 11/4/2009 1:03:30 PM
Author: ItsMe
Many of you have asked what it is I don't like about it... I think it's just that in certain lighting conditions I don't like the way the pave looks. Unfortunately, those conditions exist in my office where I spend 9+ hours a day. (Yucky fluorescent lighting and light green-gray walls.) Maybe I could hire someone to walk around shining showroom lights on my hand all the time.

We are definitely outside any return period. I think I've decided to keep quiet. I do think that saying something would hurt his feelings. I know he had to save for a while to buy it, and I know he really tried to find something he thought I would like. I actually *do* like it, I just don't think it's what I would've chosen for myself. Truthfully though, if given the opportunity I'm not sure I even know what I would choose (to wear every day for the rest of my life!).

Anyway, thanks again for all of your suggestions, and for saying good things about my ring. Not that I think any of you lovely ladies would say anything otherwise. But it's nice to hear.

Date: 11/4/2009 9:04:04 PM
Author: motownmama
Since you sound like you're keeping it, do you have any more pictures? I really think it looks gorgeous on your hand!