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What would you do?...

P: 12/22/2008 5:03:35 PM
oobiecoo Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,975 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 9/10/2007	My main Christmas present this year is the pair of diamond studs I posted a few weeks ago. We are going to be with DH's family for Christmas and he wants me to not wear my new earrings or tell anyone about them. He thinks they will think the earrings are too extravagent or expensive since we are still students (grad & undergrad) and that we should be saving instead because of the economy. No one in his family has been very affected by the economy as far as jobs or everything but obviously it still affects everyone to some degree. He wants me to just tell them about the tea-set he also purchased for me and pretend that was my only gift. I think it will look very strange if I say I only got a tea-set when my gifts to him cost hundreds of dollars. What would you do? Wear the earrings and show people if they ask, or leave them at home and pretend they don't exist? ************************************* "Love is a great beautifier."- Louisa May Alcott
Posted: 12/22/2008 5:03:35 PM

There are 31 replies to this message. There are 30 replies on this page.

P: 12/22/2008 5:08:02 PM
Haven Ideal Rock Total Posts: 6,079 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 2/16/2007	I tend to live and let judge--if people feel it is their place to weigh in on my choices, so be it, but that doesn't mean I have to listen or care. Now, if my DH felt strongly that I shouldn't wear the earrings, then I probably wouldn't, but I generally don't like to lie about anything, it always complicates things. ********************************************************** "I'm sorry I ruined your lives and crammed eleven cookies into the VCR." - Buddy the Elf "Let your inner Liz Taylor out and rock it." - diamondfan
Posted: 12/22/2008 5:08:02 PM

P: 12/22/2008 5:14:16 PM
stepcutnut Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,646 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 8/11/2008	Kind of a tough one! We have been in a similar situation and I decided to follow hubby's wishes not wear the ring he gave me in front of his family. It is such a personal decision I think :)
Posted: 12/22/2008 5:14:16 PM

P: 12/22/2008 5:15:30 PM
MC Ideal Rock Total Posts: 8,866 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 2/8/2003	How big are your earrings? I couldn't find your post.
Posted: 12/22/2008 5:15:30 PM

P: 12/22/2008 5:25:54 PM
fiery Ideal Rock Total Posts: 4,137 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 5/18/2008	Well, I wouldn't mention what was given unless they ask. And when they do ask, I would mention the tea set and then mention what you gave him that is equivalent to the tea set (unless they know already what you gave him). Is he being silly? Kind of. But its important to him and you have to choose your battles. This isn't one worth fighting so I would just skip them, wear some festive earrings, and eat lots and lots of food
Posted: 12/22/2008 5:25:54 PM

P: 12/22/2008 5:35:03 PM
MC Ideal Rock Total Posts: 8,866 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 2/8/2003	Okay, found your earring thread. Wear them. They're a classy size. Your alternative is to hide them for the rest of your life! And, plus, as you said nobody in the family is having money problems due to the economy so it's not like any of them will feel bitter, right? As long as you're not asking for handouts from them, it's none of their business.
Posted: 12/22/2008 5:35:03 PM

P: 12/22/2008 5:36:37 PM
oobiecoo Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,975 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 9/10/2007	MC- They are .5ctw bezels. I'm pretty sure they will assume we spent $1000 when really they were half of that. These are also my birthday and valentine's gift... so really that comes out to only like $160 per holiday. So should I wear them but let people know that they are pretty much my only gift for the year? DH told me this the other day when he was kinda stressed about finances and the economy so its possible he could change his mind if he is in a more cheerful mood. I'm making a ham tonight so maybe that'll butter him up lol ************************************* "Love is a great beautifier."- Louisa May Alcott
Posted: 12/22/2008 5:36:37 PM

P: 12/22/2008 5:54:45 PM
MC Ideal Rock Total Posts: 8,866 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 2/8/2003	It's not really their business as to what occasions the earrings are for. It's a shame your Dh feels you cannot wear them around family. If it's any consolation to you, I hid my jewelry for years and when I did wear my bigger studs (.82 ctw), the only person who had a problem with them was a woman who already had been and still is mean and bullying to me. Wearing diamonds is all about presentation and class. If you wear your hair in the usual manner and have your earrings in and be subtle, what is the harm? If you tuck your hair away behind your ears just to be sure everyone sees them, then that is when more likely others will be critical of you.
Posted: 12/22/2008 5:54:45 PM

P: 12/22/2008 5:57:21 PM
Kaleigh Ideal Rock Total Posts: 25,919 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 11/18/2004	Good luck with the ham. Hoping that does butter him up! ____________________________ Piece of cake and a candle. ng gift
Posted: 12/22/2008 5:57:21 PM

P: 12/22/2008 7:26:47 PM
thing2of2 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 7,670 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 1/1/2007	I pretty much never lie/omit, so I would just wear them. I think lying about them is silly, especially since no one is his family has even been affected by the economy. Plus, do you think his family will even notice your earrings? Or are they the type to check you out and judge you about your finances? I just think that they're going to see you wear them someday, so you may as well start wearing them now!
Posted: 12/22/2008 7:26:47 PM

P: 12/22/2008 7:27:46 PM
Kelli Ideal Rock Total Posts: 4,581 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 5/27/2008	Hmmmmm............. That would drive me nuts! I totally agree with choosing your battles. Is this one really worth fighting? Probably not. But what the heck? What's the purpose of hiding your presents? I'm sure my in laws have judged me on the size of my e-ring, which is by no means OTT but they certainly acted like it was, but am I going to hide it from them? HECK NO! But if it really means that much to him, it probably won't kill you to leave them at home for the holiday.
Posted: 12/22/2008 7:27:46 PM

P: 12/22/2008 7:28:09 PM
Sabine Ideal Rock Total Posts: 2,883 Last Post: 11/21/2009 Member Since: 8/16/2007	I would wear them. Otherwise, you will be hiding them forever, because what occasion would you ever be able to say you got them for? Or maybe I would wear them, but don't say he got them for you unless someone directly asks.
Posted: 12/22/2008 7:28:09 PM

P: 12/22/2008 8:52:28 PM
mommy2iz Ideal Rock Total Posts: 568 Last Post: 3/14/2009 Member Since: 8/26/2008	i'd probably wear them, but not draw attention to them. no one would ever notice, and i'd still feel awesome wearing my new sparklies. the size is perfect for daily wear (and beautiful!!!); not so flashy that they're jumping off your ears screaming "check me out!" expect miracles
Posted: 12/22/2008 8:52:28 PM

P: 12/22/2008 9:04:29 PM
somethingshiny Ideal Rock Total Posts: 3,653 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 7/22/2007	Since you're not worried about offending an unemployed relative, I'd wear them. I don't like lying and lying by omission is still a lie as far as I'm concerned. You're not trying to spare any one's feelings, just trying to defend your decisions. It's time the family learned, you are adults and make decisions according to what you feel is best. You saved a long time and made other sacrifices in order to get each other great gifts, right? Don't let others make you feel badly about it. * "Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely." ~ Karen Kaiser Clark *
Posted: 12/22/2008 9:04:29 PM

P: 12/22/2008 9:25:15 PM
thing2of2 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 7,670 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 1/1/2007	Date: 12/22/2008 9:04:29 PM Author: somethingshiny Since you're not worried about offending an unemployed relative, I'd wear them. I don't like lying and lying by omission is still a lie as far as I'm concerned. You're not trying to spare any one's feelings, just trying to defend your decisions. It's time the family learned, you are adults and make decisions according to what you feel is best. You saved a long time and made other sacrifices in order to get each other great gifts, right? Don't let others make you feel badly about it. Ditto 100%. This is exactly what I was trying to say but I'm not too articulate tonight, apparently!
Posted: 12/22/2008 9:25:15 PM

P: 12/22/2008 10:02:31 PM
radiantquest Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,313 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 7/20/2008	i wouldnt wear them against his wishes.
Posted: 12/22/2008 10:02:31 PM

P: 12/22/2008 10:10:14 PM
*DiamondDana** Ideal Rock Total Posts: 6,172 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 7/21/2006	Date: 12/22/2008 10:02:31 PM Author: radiantquest i wouldnt wear them against his wishes. I wouldn't worry too much about it honestly since it really is between you and DH on what you spend your money on, but I also would not go against what DH wants. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If you judge people, you have no time to love them ~Mother Teresa
Posted: 12/22/2008 10:10:14 PM

P: 12/22/2008 10:36:31 PM
cayce Rough Rock Total Posts: 45 Last Post: 8/30/2009 Member Since: 10/22/2007	I would just wear them and not say anything. Odds are, if you are not running around saying "look at my pretty new diamond earings," they will either ignore them or assume that they are just costume jewlry. That is what I do with my family, other than my e-ring that they know is a real diamond, they just assume that the rest of my goodies are costume stuff from Macys.
Posted: 12/22/2008 10:36:31 PM

P: 12/22/2008 10:42:41 PM
gorri8 Cut Rock Total Posts: 271 Last Post: 10/19/2009 Member Since: 10/12/2008	I would say wear them, my FI did the same thing to me... I am going to wear everything he has given to me :-) "Diamonds are radiant white, They shine like stars in the night"
Posted: 12/22/2008 10:42:41 PM

P: 12/22/2008 11:53:04 PM
Elmorton Ideal Rock Total Posts: 3,750 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 7/6/2007	If your DH has strong issues with it, I'd probably go with the flow - it's the holidays and family+stress=give and take in order to survive it all. But really - does anyone have to know that they're diamonds? Studs are such a classic piece that I really don't think that people (outside of diamond lovers) notice whether you're wearing the real deal or CZs. Granted, mine are .3, no bezel, but I don't think my in-laws have ever noticed that I've got rocks in my ears. My parents only noticed because I told them. I think .5 is a very classy size and shouldn't call unnecessary attention. And, if you're comfortable with a little white lie, you can say that they were "a small gift" from your DH - that way, someone might think they're a cz stocking stuffer. They are, after all, "small" in size - yanno, compared to a breadbox :)
Posted: 12/22/2008 11:53:04 PM

P: 12/23/2008 12:49:40 AM
oobiecoo Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,975 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 9/10/2007	Well, I don't think the ham was quite as succesfful as I had hoped. It looked like it had caught fire in the oven becaue it was so black! It was one of those funny meals that the new wife makes for her husband... except that I'm a really great cook and can do/have done much better So I didn't bother bringing it up. I wouldn't wear them if he 100% didn't want me to... but usually I can talk him into agreeing with my viewpoint. I'll probably end up wearing them once we discuss it... if people ask I'll say "oh he gave me these earrings" and I'll show them but I won't mention that they are diamonds so they can think whatever they want. I think it would look much worse if I didn't wear them but still told people I got earrings... they'd ask me what they look like and I'd have to say the word "diamond" to describe them (while cringing). Thank you for the replies... it helps to have other viewpoints and opinions on things like this. ************************************* "Love is a great beautifier."- Louisa May Alcott
Posted: 12/23/2008 12:49:40 AM

P: 12/23/2008 1:05:10 AM
purrfectpear Ideal Rock Total Posts: 3,702 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 3/31/2008	You may be students, but you're still adults. Adults don't lie. "Style is knowing who you are, what you want to say and not giving a damn." -Gore Vidal
Posted: 12/23/2008 1:05:10 AM

P: 12/23/2008 1:34:10 AM
SanDiegoLady Ideal Rock Total Posts: 14,241 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 7/6/2005	Date: 12/22/2008 5:03:35 PM Author:oobiecoo My main Christmas present this year is the pair of diamond studs I posted a few weeks ago. We are going to be with DH's family for Christmas and he wants me to not wear my new earrings or tell anyone about them. He thinks they will think the earrings are too extravagent or expensive since we are still students (grad & undergrad) and that we should be saving instead because of the economy. No one in his family has been very affected by the economy as far as jobs or everything but obviously it still affects everyone to some degree. He wants me to just tell them about the tea-set he also purchased for me and pretend that was my only gift. I think it will look very strange if I say I only got a tea-set when my gifts to him cost hundreds of dollars. What would you do? Wear the earrings and show people if they ask, or leave them at home and pretend they don't exist? I have to disagree with DH on this one honey, but you should be able to enjoy your beautiful gift. You shouldn't be made to feel you should hide such a gift.. it was a gift given in love. I agree with Sabine. Hugs.
Posted: 12/23/2008 1:34:10 AM

P: 12/23/2008 11:27:10 AM
stepcutnut Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,646 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 8/11/2008	After giving it some more thought, I think if hubby is OK with it-I'd say go ahead and wear them! If anyone gets huffy, tell them they are a gift for multiple occasions and you love them :) Our situation was a different one(lots of side issues), so for us it was just easier to not have me wear my anniversary RHR in front of the in-laws and I'm perfectly OK with that. If not wearing the earrings makes you feel uncomfortable or you feel it puts you in a tough situation-that's bad too!!! So do what feels best.
Posted: 12/23/2008 11:27:10 AM

P: 12/23/2008 11:33:22 AM
geckodani Ideal Rock Total Posts: 7,177 Last Post: 11/22/2009 Member Since: 6/25/2008	Date: 12/23/2008 11:27:10 AM Author: stepcutnut After giving it some more thought, I think if hubby is OK with it-I'd say go ahead and wear them! If anyone gets huffy, tell them they are a gift for multiple occasions and you love them :) Our situation was a different one(lots of side issues), so for us it was just easier to not have me wear my anniversary RHR in front of the in-laws and I'm perfectly OK with that. If not wearing the earrings makes you feel uncomfortable or you feel it puts you in a tough situation-that's bad too!!! So do what feels best. Ditto. I would wear them, and if people ask, tell them that they were your Christmas & Valentines Gift. Honestly though - people are NOT that observant, LOL, so unless you point them out, people may not notice. They are yours to enjoy though - you should not feel like you have to hide them! Run turkey, RUN! (Little man in the avatar is my nephew.)
Posted: 12/23/2008 11:33:22 AM

P: 12/23/2008 12:39:04 PM
oobiecoo Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,975 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 9/10/2007	Date: 12/23/2008 11:33:22 AM Author: geckodani Date: 12/23/2008 11:27:10 AM Author: stepcutnut After giving it some more thought, I think if hubby is OK with it-I'd say go ahead and wear them! If anyone gets huffy, tell them they are a gift for multiple occasions and you love them :) Our situation was a different one(lots of side issues), so for us it was just easier to not have me wear my anniversary RHR in front of the in-laws and I'm perfectly OK with that. If not wearing the earrings makes you feel uncomfortable or you feel it puts you in a tough situation-that's bad too!!! So do what feels best. Ditto. I would wear them, and if people ask, tell them that they were your Christmas & Valentines Gift. Honestly though - people are NOT that observant, LOL, so unless you point them out, people may not notice. They are yours to enjoy though - you should not feel like you have to hide them! That's the main thing... I KNOW someone will ask what I got for Christmas. ************************************* "Love is a great beautifier."- Louisa May Alcott
Posted: 12/23/2008 12:39:04 PM

P: 12/23/2008 12:47:34 PM
Bliss Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,693 Last Post: 11/20/2009 Member Since: 4/4/2008	I would wear them, so long as you'll be around family members who 1.) aren't nosy and 2.) wouldn't notice new jewelry. But I agree that in this economy, I also feel inclined to be more understated. I often find myself turning my ring around more and wearing more understated pieces. Hey, even Diddy lately said he stopped wearing the huge bling because he didn't want to be flashy and rub it in people's faces who were really struggling this time of year. But your studs sound gorgeous. I'd wear them. Like another poster wrote, they are a very classy and beautiful size. ETA: Ooopsie! If they're going to ask for sure... Hmmmm... I probably would not wear them! If you need a sparkly fix, look at your gorgeous e-ring!!! If they aren't on your ears, you don't have to discuss them. Bliss is Within
Posted: 12/23/2008 12:47:34 PM

P: 12/23/2008 1:44:19 PM
Irishgrrrl Ideal Rock Total Posts: 3,337 Last Post: 11/15/2009 Member Since: 6/3/2008	Oobie, I would wear them if I were you. Of course, if your DH is absolutely not OK with it, then I wouldn't go against his wishes. BUT, as you said, someone is bound to ask what you got for Christmas. If you tell them that DH got you a pair of earrings, they're going to ask what they look like, etc. If you have them on and can show the nosy person, that person might just assume that they're CZs. (I'm hoping they wouldn't be rude enough to ask!!!) Good luck with whatever you wind up doing . . . I know family stuff can be a pain sometimes! ~Emm "Goodness had nothing to do with it, dearie." ~ Mae West
Posted: 12/23/2008 1:44:19 PM

P: 12/23/2008 2:55:01 PM
*~Alexis~* Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,732 Last Post: 11/14/2009 Member Since: 2/10/2006	I would just wear them but not point them out. See if anyone notices. I think he is just worried people might get the wrong impression. ~Alexis~
Posted: 12/23/2008 2:55:01 PM

P: 12/23/2008 3:04:40 PM
musey Ideal Rock Total Posts: 11,165 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 9/30/2006	If he would be uncomfortable with you wearing them, what's the harm in simply not? I dunno, to me they're just earrings, and quite easy to just leave home. Seems like a non-issue to me--the choice of whether or not to wear a pair of earrings to an event. You know? Why do they need to know every gift you guys got each other, anyway? (In relation to thinking it strange that you got him X, Y and Z and he only got you A.) Maybe they're the type to ask? I can't remember a single time in my life when I was asked what I was given for a special occasion or holiday.
Posted: 12/23/2008 3:04:40 PM

P: 12/25/2008 11:39:36 AM
oobiecoo Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,975 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 9/10/2007	Well, I managed to just avoid the situation all together! We went to the in-laws all day yesterday instead of going back for a couple of hours this morning after we opened gifts. ************************************* "Love is a great beautifier."- Louisa May Alcott
Posted: 12/25/2008 11:39:36 AM

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