Is this tacky?

P: 11/28/2008 3:32:42 PM

HDan2

Rough Rock
Total Posts: 2
Last Post: 11/28/2008
Member Since: 11/28/2008

Going on vacation with my gf and I want to propose. Unfortunately, I'm not going to be able to get her the engagement ring I would want to give her in time. How tacky is it to do it "backwards" and give her this diamond band (http://www.bluenile.com/diamond-engagement-ring-setting-white-gold_4783?nav1=jewelry_segment.jsp&metal_filter=white&band_filter=with_diamonds&show_all_pages=1&catid=126&set_shape=) first and give her a diamond solitare on the wedding day?

Posted: 11/28/2008 3:32:42 PM

There are 30 replies to this message. There are 30 replies on this page.

P: 11/28/2008 3:44:51 PM
bee* Ideal Rock Total Posts: 11,107 Last Post: 11/25/2009 Member Since: 5/14/2006	I don't think that it's tacky at all and I think that it's sensible to do it that way if you can't afford the ering now. The only thing that I'd worry about is that she'd be ok with it. If she'd be fine with it then it's a great idea.
Posted: 11/28/2008 3:44:51 PM

P: 11/28/2008 4:18:42 PM
Porridge Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,616 Last Post: 11/25/2009 Member Since: 10/27/2008	No I think it's lovely! But I'm a big fan of diamond bands worn alone and also slightly obsessed with channel settings, so I'm a wee bit biased...
Posted: 11/28/2008 4:18:42 PM

P: 11/28/2008 5:12:52 PM
Mrs W Ideal Rock Total Posts: 606 Last Post: 10/18/2009 Member Since: 9/21/2008	No its not tacky and she will not think any less of you either, i bet she will be over the moon when you finally ask her......lovely band by the way Breann
Posted: 11/28/2008 5:12:52 PM

P: 11/28/2008 6:28:26 PM
:) Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,864 Last Post: 6/1/2009 Member Since: 7/25/2006	Not tacky, but I DO think she likely would love to get to wear her solitaire while planning the wedding (during the time she gets to run around and tell everyone she is engaged and have lots of fun with everyone exclaming over her) and not have to wait until she is married...
Posted: 11/28/2008 6:28:26 PM

P: 11/28/2008 6:30:13 PM
neatfreak Ideal Rock Total Posts: 13,477 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 2/17/2007	Tacky? No way. But whether you should do it or not depends on how traditional your bride to be is and whether she would feel weird doing things backwards. But I think it's very sweet. You could also propose with a gemstone ring or a plain band and tell her that you wanted her to pick her own ring so she could get exactly what she wanted.
Posted: 11/28/2008 6:30:13 PM

P: 11/28/2008 7:43:51 PM
oldmancoyote Ideal Rock Total Posts: 754 Last Post: 6/26/2009 Member Since: 8/22/2008	Why should this be considered tacky? The gesture at the heart of it is what matters most, and there are plenty of excellent reasons for you to consider this course of action. I ended up giving my wife her e-ring - which by the way is totally non traditional, being a yellow diamond cluster - about 4 months after we decided to get married. BTW: one other option you may want to look into is - assuming you already have the centre stone and your problem is deciding on a setting, rather than a budget constraint - to get her the centre stone in a plain solitaire setting for the proposal and then choose the "final setting" together.
Posted: 11/28/2008 7:43:51 PM

P: 11/28/2008 7:57:07 PM
*DiamondDana** Ideal Rock Total Posts: 6,172 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 7/21/2006	I do not think it is at all tacky. You really should do whatever you feel comfortable with, including financially. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If you judge people, you have no time to love them ~Mother Teresa
Posted: 11/28/2008 7:57:07 PM

P: 11/28/2008 8:23:12 PM
HDan2 Rough Rock Total Posts: 2 Last Post: 11/28/2008 Member Since: 11/28/2008	thanks for all the replies. I know that she doesn't care about the ring at all, but it's important to me to get her the "right" ring and I don't want her to be embarassed. I figured this way we could have our picturesque proposal and when we get married next year I can give her a proper solitare. So, I take it from the replies that you girls wouldn't be horribly embarassed responding to friends'/fam's questions by laughing and saying something like "oh, we're doing it backwards"? thanks :)
Posted: 11/28/2008 8:23:12 PM

P: 11/28/2008 8:36:22 PM
Tuckins1 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 4,397 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 4/13/2008	This is sooo not tacky! A friend of mine had hers the same way... Her (now) hubby gave her a beautiful band for her engagement ring, and then a lovely pear solitaire for the wedding ring! There is nothing wrong with thinking outside of the box! "If you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding! How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?!"
Posted: 11/28/2008 8:36:22 PM

P: 11/28/2008 8:41:31 PM
radiantquest Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,313 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 7/20/2008	i dont think it is tacky. i have heard of people doing this. if that is what fits your situation then do it. she will be thrilled with the engagement and having a ring. then she gets to look forward to the solitaire and the vows!
Posted: 11/28/2008 8:41:31 PM

P: 11/28/2008 8:44:47 PM
neatfreak Ideal Rock Total Posts: 13,477 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 2/17/2007	Date: 11/28/2008 8:23:12 PM Author: HDan2 thanks for all the replies. I know that she doesn't care about the ring at all, but it's important to me to get her the 'right' ring and I don't want her to be embarassed. I figured this way we could have our picturesque proposal and when we get married next year I can give her a proper solitare. So, I take it from the replies that you girls wouldn't be horribly embarassed responding to friends'/fam's questions by laughing and saying something like 'oh, we're doing it backwards'? thanks :) Many of us obviously wouldn't mind one bit. But you need to ask yourself if your girlfriend would mind.
Posted: 11/28/2008 8:44:47 PM

P: 11/28/2008 9:01:20 PM
Elmorton Ideal Rock Total Posts: 3,750 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 7/6/2007	DEFINITELY not tacky. But she will probably have to dodge stupid questions from silly people...she may have strangers ask if she's already married, etc, when she's wedding planning. If she this won't bug her, then I definitely say go for it! You may ask her though sometime after the proposal if she wants to get a more inexpensive ring as a placeholder for her solitaire. I think your plan is thoughtful, lovely, meaningful - and I hope you come back with hand shots once you're engaged!!
Posted: 11/28/2008 9:01:20 PM

P: 11/28/2008 9:11:16 PM
Fly Girl Ideal Rock Total Posts: 3,769 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 1/9/2007	You don't need diamonds to get engaged or married. That said, when you get the solitaire ring, I think it would be fine to swap it out at that time. No need to wait until the wedding! Then she gets to wear it for a while as her engagement ring, and she gets a more classic wedding ring at the wedding. **** Life is a Journey, not a Destination. ****
Posted: 11/28/2008 9:11:16 PM

P: 11/28/2008 9:45:08 PM
NeverEndingUpgrade Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,537 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 10/3/2007	No, it's not tacky and it prevents you from presenting her with an e-ring that she might not like. This way, she can have some input into her finished set knowing what the band looks like!
Posted: 11/28/2008 9:45:08 PM

P: 11/28/2008 10:23:40 PM
cara Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,479 Last Post: 11/18/2009 Member Since: 3/21/2006	Hmm... My voice of caution? You need a girl that woln't have a problem telling a bunch of people that you are doing it backwards. I personally would have been thrilled with a nice diamond band as my engagement ring, but you do have to be prepared to show off your ring, demonstrate that you are thrilled with it, and have a thick skin if people make unfortunate comments, which even well-meaning people can do. One friend long ago proposed to her boyfriend. He accepted, and surprised her with a tiffany's band the next day. It had a small small stone set flush into the band, and was not a traditional engagement ring. Clearly the girl was not expecting anything (having proposed herself) but she was so awkward showing off her ring to people that it was difficult to watch. I don't think she disliked it but I wouldn't use the word "thrilled" to describe her attitude. She would have to spin it so the diamond came back to the front. Maybe it was just the awkwardness of her having to show off jewelry (she was not a jewelry person) but I think she would have done much better with a more traditional setting, perhaps a modest non-Tiffany solitaire her guy could have got for the same price, so that she wouldn't have to explain it to people when they asked. Anyway, long story short, either know what kind of woman you are proposing to (and there ARE women out there that could do non-traditional engagement stuff no problem or would even prefer it) or spoil the surprise and consult her. Cause she will be the one forced to put out her hand everytime people ask to see the proof of engagement... ps. one last point: there are also women that would want input into the styling of both their rings vs. romantics/traditionalists that want the guy to pick. So... knowing your girl is important. Has she indicated she likes that style band or princess stones?
Posted: 11/28/2008 10:23:40 PM

P: 11/28/2008 10:40:34 PM
Cachette Ideal Rock Total Posts: 702 Last Post: 11/13/2009 Member Since: 12/6/2006	My DH proposed with a small, very modest opal and diamond cluster promise ring. It could have been a blade of grass for all that matters... My answer, no, it's not tacky. Nothing is tacky when it comes to love. Good luck. Cachette
Posted: 11/28/2008 10:40:34 PM

P: 11/28/2008 10:43:17 PM
Inanna Cut Rock Total Posts: 471 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 9/14/2008	Date: 11/28/2008 10:23:40 PM Author: cara Hmm... My voice of caution? You need a girl that woln't have a problem telling a bunch of people that you are doing it backwards. I personally would have been thrilled with a nice diamond band as my engagement ring, but you do have to be prepared to show off your ring, demonstrate that you are thrilled with it, and have a thick skin if people make unfortunate comments, which even well-meaning people can do. One friend long ago proposed to her boyfriend. He accepted, and surprised her with a tiffany's band the next day. It had a small small stone set flush into the band, and was not a traditional engagement ring. Clearly the girl was not expecting anything (having proposed herself) but she was so awkward showing off her ring to people that it was difficult to watch. I don't think she disliked it but I wouldn't use the word 'thrilled' to describe her attitude. She would have to spin it so the diamond came back to the front. Maybe it was just the awkwardness of her having to show off jewelry (she was not a jewelry person) but I think she would have done much better with a more traditional setting, perhaps a modest non-Tiffany solitaire her guy could have got for the same price, so that she wouldn't have to explain it to people when they asked. Anyway, long story short, either know what kind of woman you are proposing to (and there ARE women out there that could do non-traditional engagement stuff no problem or would even prefer it) or spoil the surprise and consult her. Cause she will be the one forced to put out her hand everytime people ask to see the proof of engagement... ps. one last point: there are also women that would want input into the styling of both their rings vs. romantics/traditionalists that want the guy to pick. So... knowing your girl is important. Has she indicated she likes that style band or princess stones? Ditto everything cara wrote! Her answer is perfect IMHO.
Posted: 11/28/2008 10:43:17 PM

P: 11/28/2008 10:53:22 PM
Bliss Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,693 Last Post: 11/20/2009 Member Since: 4/4/2008	No way is it tacky! I think it's incredibly sweet and romantic. One thing you should do is just dig for whether she's more interested in getting engaged sooner or waiting for the e-ring (traditional one) that symbolizes the moment. In the end, it really wouldn't matter I guess since she'll get it on her wedding day and maybe that's even MORE special. I'm sure she'd love to be engaged to you and be proud to wear a rubber band around her finger. But some people actually do want to wait and save up for the e-ring than get engaged sooner. It depends on the couple. I think if it were me, I'd rather he wait and save up for the e-ring of my dreams...and it would be worth the wait. But to heck with tradition! You are unique and should celebrate life any way it's right for the two of you. Carpe diem!!! And by the way, congrats!!! Bliss is Within
Posted: 11/28/2008 10:53:22 PM

P: 11/28/2008 10:59:38 PM
CharmyPoo Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,584 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 12/10/2004	This isn't tacky but it won't stop the tacky people out there who makes silly comments.
Posted: 11/28/2008 10:59:38 PM

P: 11/29/2008 7:34:57 AM
cestmoi Rough Rock Total Posts: 34 Last Post: 2/7/2009 Member Since: 9/7/2008	HDan2 I proposed to my fiancee at the spur of the moment in Grand Canyon without any rings present. All we had was a re-enactment to capture the impromptu occasion. So, you're better off than me already... just go with the flow and not worry about what others think. If your fiancee-to-be loves you, it shouldn't matter anyway. Good luck! "All Or Nothing"
Posted: 11/29/2008 7:34:57 AM

P: 11/29/2008 10:26:32 AM
*DiamondDana** Ideal Rock Total Posts: 6,172 Last Post: 11/23/2009 Member Since: 7/21/2006	Date: 11/28/2008 8:23:12 PM Author: HDan2 thanks for all the replies. I know that she doesn't care about the ring at all, but it's important to me to get her the 'right' ring and I don't want her to be embarassed. I figured this way we could have our picturesque proposal and when we get married next year I can give her a proper solitare. So, I take it from the replies that you girls wouldn't be horribly embarassed responding to friends'/fam's questions by laughing and saying something like 'oh, we're doing it backwards'? thanks :) Well, it looks like you have answered your own question...your GF is not going to find it tacky, and that is all that matters! What makes a ring and engagement ring? A proposal that is heartfelt and full of love. If that is what you intend to give her when you propose, then it sounds perfect! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If you judge people, you have no time to love them ~Mother Teresa
Posted: 11/29/2008 10:26:32 AM

P: 11/29/2008 10:55:17 AM
Moh 10 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,004 Last Post: 8/18/2009 Member Since: 10/25/2008	I didn't vote. This is not a Yes/No thing. Tacky is a judgement and that varies between people. Tacky, like beauty or snobbery, is in the mind of the beholder. If you think it's tacky then it is. If you think it is not tacky then it isn't. So a high vote count for Yes or No doesn't tell you whether it is tacky. It just tells you about the opinions the voter's here. Your social circle is what matters to you, not posters on an Internet forum. Better still, just do what you think is best and don't worry to much about what others think.
Posted: 11/29/2008 10:55:17 AM

P: 11/29/2008 10:06:04 PM
diamondseeker2006 Ideal Rock Total Posts: 17,609 Last Post: 11/18/2009 Member Since: 1/11/2006	Tacky is not the word I would use. I think it is fine to propose without an engagement ring. But I would not give her a wedding band for an engagement ring. That is a wedding band, so save it for the wedding! ~~~ When in doubt...don't.~~~
Posted: 11/29/2008 10:06:04 PM

P: 11/29/2008 10:09:57 PM
mrssalvo Ideal Rock Total Posts: 16,860 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 1/3/2005	Date: 11/29/2008 10:06:04 PM Author: diamondseeker2006 Tacky is not the word I would use. I think it is fine to propose without an engagement ring. But I would not give her a wedding band for an engagement ring. That is a wedding band, so save it for the wedding! I agree with DS. my hubby proposed without an engagement ring and we picked out the ring together. I think her opinion in the only one that matters and when in doubt, don't. If there is any chance she would be disappointed/sad/upset with a band rather than a traditional e-ring then you'd be better off proposing without and explaining to her your budget and agreeing on doing a band now and getting an e-ring diamond sometime later. ----------------------------- A deal is only a deal if you are getting exactly what you want.
Posted: 11/29/2008 10:09:57 PM

P: 11/29/2008 10:42:56 PM
marcyc Ideal Rock Total Posts: 7,831 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 2/27/2007	Date: 11/29/2008 10:09:57 PM Author: mrssalvo Date: 11/29/2008 10:06:04 PM Author: diamondseeker2006 Tacky is not the word I would use. I think it is fine to propose without an engagement ring. But I would not give her a wedding band for an engagement ring. That is a wedding band, so save it for the wedding! I agree with DS. my hubby proposed without an engagement ring and we picked out the ring together. I think her opinion in the only one that matters and when in doubt, don't. If there is any chance she would be disappointed/sad/upset with a band rather than a traditional e-ring then you'd be better off proposing without and explaining to her your budget and agreeing on doing a band now and getting an e-ring diamond sometime later. I agree with DS and MrsSalvo. Sparkle On My Friends!
Posted: 11/29/2008 10:42:56 PM

P: 11/30/2008 12:47:06 AM
risingsun Ideal Rock Total Posts: 3,423 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 12/19/2006	Date: 11/29/2008 10:42:56 PM Author: marcyc Date: 11/29/2008 10:09:57 PM Author: mrssalvo Date: 11/29/2008 10:06:04 PM Author: diamondseeker2006 Tacky is not the word I would use. I think it is fine to propose without an engagement ring. But I would not give her a wedding band for an engagement ring. That is a wedding band, so save it for the wedding! I agree with DS. my hubby proposed without an engagement ring and we picked out the ring together. I think her opinion in the only one that matters and when in doubt, don't. If there is any chance she would be disappointed/sad/upset with a band rather than a traditional e-ring then you'd be better off proposing without and explaining to her your budget and agreeing on doing a band now and getting an e-ring diamond sometime later. I agree with DS and MrsSalvo. And I agree with DS, MrsSalvo, and marcyc. I think the band should be saved for the wedding ceremony. I would either propose without a ring, present the diamond in a simple solitaire setting, or have a gemstone ring. YMMV ~Marian ______________________________________ "It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that bling..."
Posted: 11/30/2008 12:47:06 AM

P: 11/30/2008 10:02:46 AM
bulldogg Rough Rock Total Posts: 6 Last Post: 2/6/2009 Member Since: 10/4/2008	Hello HDan2! I'm swedish and swedish girls never get solitaires as e-rings! Tradition here is a plain gold band as an e-ring and then another band as the wedding ring, plain or with diamonds. Expensive jewelry comes later in the marriage! A bit boring but practical since most people getting engaged are young and don´t have/make so much money. For myself, I didn´t even get a simple band for engagement ring ;) In fact, we never got engaged, we just decided to get married. I got a lovely diamond wedding band and I´ve been very pleased with wearing it alone although I do get a comment or two about being engaged Well, now PS has got me thinking about stacking it with a few other rings but that ´s a different story Sorry if this was a bit OT, just wanted to say that there is no right or wrong way. You will get married, and be man and wife no matter what is on her finger. No need to do like everyone else! Just make sure you know what she wants first. Have a wonderful vacation!
Posted: 11/30/2008 10:02:46 AM

P: 11/30/2008 10:11:12 AM
HollyS Ideal Rock Total Posts: 4,101 Last Post: 11/24/2009 Member Since: 7/18/2007	The band is not exactly great quality. I would rethink that. If an engagement ring, of the size and quality that you want for her, is not an option right now, have you considered an antique or vintage band (rather than a generic band available anywhere, like the one you've shown us), or a stone other than a diamond. There are many great and unique bands available, and at very reasonable prices; or a ring now that can become a cherished right hand ring later would also be a good choice. _____________________________ "I cannot live without books." - Thomas Jefferson
Posted: 11/30/2008 10:11:12 AM

P: 11/30/2008 2:23:37 PM
amyjokerette Cut Rock Total Posts: 307 Last Post: 9/19/2009 Member Since: 9/5/2008	Date: 11/29/2008 10:06:04 PM Author: diamondseeker2006 Tacky is not the word I would use. I think it is fine to propose without an engagement ring. But I would not give her a wedding band for an engagement ring. That is a wedding band, so save it for the wedding! I AGREE 100%! I would so much rather be proposed to without an engagement ring, than be proposed to with a wedding band. AmyJokerette: Former maul store shopper... newly converted PS perfectionist!
Posted: 11/30/2008 2:23:37 PM

P: 11/30/2008 7:34:13 PM
Imdanny Ideal Rock Total Posts: 1,831 Last Post: 11/17/2009 Member Since: 1/22/2008	I agree with DS too.
Posted: 11/30/2008 7:34:13 PM

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