People are giving me grief about my reset.

[kcoursolle]

Bah humbug, they are just jealous that they had to wear ugly rings for X number of years. My family also thinks I''m "fickle, crazy," any other fill in the blank about my rings. I just ignore it and eventually it blows over and some other family gossip is at the forefront. On the other hand, I don''t go about showing off my new pieces either. If I get something new I try not to wear it at family gatherings... My family lives in the midwest and they don''t spend hardly any money on things like jewelry. Everyone''s ring is very small and they think mine is "huge" and rediculous even though it''s about a carat.

 

[geckodani]

kcoursolle - isn''t family great.... LOL. I love your band, by the way - the profile is awesome.

I think I''m over it. My mom being happy for me is what did it. I don''t really care what anyone else thinks, but that woman is one of my best friends, in addition to being my mom, so her opinion is important.

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 7/23/2008 2:20:47 PM
Author: geckodani

Date: 7/23/2008 2:14:57 PM
Author: omieluv

Date: 7/23/2008 2:06:10 PM
Author: geckodani

fieryred33143- It's funny, I was talking to my mom on my lunch about something totally unrelated and she asked about the ring. I told her how much it cost, sent her pictures and suddenly she's all excited, LOL! She's a jewelry nut too and was apparently just worried I was going to spend $$$ we didn't have. Now she's happy for me.

As I read your initial description of your mother's reaction, I was wondering whether cost was a factor in her eyes. Though cost should not have been a factor in the first place, mothers worry about stuff like that, so there is not much we can do about it. I am glad the both of you were able to talk things out and it is nice that she is happy for you now. Did you know she was a jewelry nut prior to your discussion? You should introduce her to PS...heh.

This would require her learning to use the internet, LOL! I just got her proficient in Windows and Word. Well, functional anyway. Maybe in the future.... I did know she was a jewelry nut, that's where I got it from, which is why I found her initial reaction odd.

That made me smile. My mom doesn't either and I just taught her how to turn on the computer and play her music so she's very happy. My FF's parents don't know either but they've learned a little. When I set them up with webcam so they can talk to AND see their family in Chile, I was their hero for like a month

And on the mom's and money issue...when she found out my ring was $4,000 ($4k that's it!!!), she FLIPPED OUT and he was her hero. LOL

 

[geckodani]

Yay for webcams! That''s so cool of you to do.

I laugh because I just hooked up my Mom''s new (my old) computer for her on Sat. I had to put everything right on the Desktop so she could find it, LOL. Love the woman dearly, but technology is NOT her friend.

 

[allycat0303]

Honestly, I wouldn`t tell anyone about a reset then I would about buying a pair of shoes. Mostly because it''s pretty much none of their business. I also think that some people have an emotional attachement to their engagement ring and would never dream of changing their setting, therefore, they might have a tendency to project their feelings. Just don`t bring it up, and no one will give you grief!

 

[Kelli]

It''s not your fault they wore the same rings for 15 or 20 years!! If you''ve got the money and your husband says go for it then go for it!

 

[geckodani]

Date: 7/23/2008 4:09:05 PM
Author: Kelli
It''s not your fault they wore the same rings for 15 or 20 years!! If you''ve got the money and your husband says go for it then go for it!

We do. He did. I am. Yay!

 

[diamondringlover]

I actually have had this happen I told my MIL that I am going to be buying a new wedding band for our 25th anniversary and she was like, what, my goodness you have had so many different rings when will you ever be happy....I just blew her off and changed the subject, I say our taste change as we change why not change something that you wear everyday to something you like and sometimes the rings get dated, so its always good to keep up with the times. Congrats on your reset and enjoy it.

 

[geckodani]

Date: 7/23/2008 4:15:17 PM
Author: diamondrnglover
I actually have had this happen I told my MIL that I am going to be buying a new wedding band for our 25th anniversary and she was like, what, my goodness you have had so many different rings when will you ever be happy....I just blew her off and changed the subject, I say our taste change as we change why not change something that you wear everyday to something you like and sometimes the rings get dated, so its always good to keep up with the times. Congrats on your reset and enjoy it.

Precisely!

I'm so glad I found this site, LOL! You all rock. Thanks for all of the replies! Also - what is the stone in your avatar diamondrnglover?


Surfgirl - I meant to tell you, I LOVE your ring. Your avatar is gorgeous!

 

[Haven]

Your reset is going to be gorgeous, Dani, I can''t wait to see it.

I think we give each other grief about things that we simply don''t understand, cannot relate to, or things that make us feel uncomfortable in some way (jealous, envious, inferior, etc.) I wish I could say that I''m above that sort of thing, but I think we all have our petty (and sometimes nasty) moments, so I can''t claim innocence here. (For example, I HATE cigarette smoke, and I have a really difficult time being nice to smokers. I know, it''s horrible, and I''m trying to work on it and be more accepting.)

Hubby and I have fielded a lot of disapproving looks and comments from older members of his family and people in general due to the size of my engagement ring, and the fact that my wedding band is an eternity ring. I think they''re just uncomfortable with the fact that we made a choice that is dramatically different from the choices they made, and they can''t relate to it. And people are judgmental, so for some reason it makes them feel better to say something to us.

I just smile and say nothing whenever people make nasty comments, more often than not they become uncomfortable with the silence and say something else because they realize how rude they just were.

Ignore the comments, they''re disappointing but they are only a reflection of the people making them. You are going to love your new ring, and we are here to cheer it on when you post your pictures!

 

[lauralu]

Your ring, your choice...most people I think in general do not get it. We Do!!!!!! Soooooooooooooooo are you going to take wax pics and post them for us? Puetty pluuuuuuuuueeees!

 

[geckodani]

Haven - that was very eloquently put. And I agree with all of it!!!

lauralu - Good lord my jeweler is going to think me insane. This does not stop me from already having my camera in my car.....

Now, do I trade in my old setting for the gold reimbursement, or keep it and save up for a tsavorite to put in there?

 

[WishfulThinking]

I love the new setting! Honestly, I think the comments are just due to you taking a route many other people don''t take in their own lives. "I didn''t need this!" is a common theme. It''s not even costing you very much, but perhaps they do not know that.

When it comes down to it, you have the right to do whatever you want with your money as long as your DH is on board. This isn''t even really your fault... after all, your DH told you to change the setting if you wanted!

Not that anyone is to blame, but the original plan seems like you had permission or even expectation to change the setting right from the start. There is nothing wrong with that!

 

[geckodani]

Wishfulthinking - thank you for the kind words.

I quote from DH: "The setting is disposable. The diamond is not." LOL! He truly expected me to change it before our wedding, and I didn''t.

 

[Isabelle]

I wouldn''t worry too much about it at all. You are keeping the original stone, you are staying in the tradition of the solitaire, and that setting you chose ROCKS. When they see how great your ring looks, they will be happy for you. If they aren''t, who cares? You are the one wearing it, you are the one who has to look at it every day. No one will reward women who suffered through decades wearing rings they didn''t like. If you have the means to change the setting to one that suits you, then as long as you and your husband are happy about the new ring, that is the only thing that matters. Congratulations in advance, by the way. I can''t believe that gorgeous ring is only going to cost $325.00. How did you swing that??

 

[geckodani]

Date: 7/23/2008 5:28:05 PM
Author: Isabelle
I wouldn''t worry too much about it at all. You are keeping the original stone, you are staying in the tradition of the solitaire, and that setting you chose ROCKS. When they see how great your ring looks, they will be happy for you. If they aren''t, who cares? You are the one wearing it, you are the one who has to look at it every day. No one will reward women who suffered through decades wearing rings they didn''t like. If you have the means to change the setting to one that suits you, then as long as you and your husband are happy about the new ring, that is the only thing that matters. Congratulations in advance, by the way. I can''t believe that gorgeous ring is only going to cost $325.00. How did you swing that??

Isabelle - Thanks! I think the setting rocks as well!

Funny story about that. I found the setting on Adwar. Called whiteflash and got a quote from them. Got reeeeaallly excited. Went in to my local jeweler (where we got my ring) and asked them to take my stone out so I could mail it. The ensuing conversation led to them making me a better offer than WF to custom make it, so they wouldn''t lose my business! Plus, I don''t have to ship my stone to Houston from MI... Normally they''d charge something like $700, but since I got my stone there, and the economy in MI sucks so badly right now....

I do have to give a shout out to Jamie at WF though. She was AWESOME and I''m a tad disappointed I ended up going with a local jeweler.

 

[icekid]

I was thinking the same as surfgirl- if they''re not jewelry people, I bet they would not have even noticed your new setting! I would just not bring up the subject with them again, maybe they''ll forget

I''m sure it will be fab though!

 

[Fancy605]

I LOVE the new setting. I think every married should get to wear something she loves. Besides, there''s nothing wrong with wanting a new setting. People are allowed to change their minds about what they like after all. It''s fun. You made a commitment to a man; not a ring. You can ditch a ring without hurting its feelings.

 

[geckodani]

icekid & surfgirl - you''re both right. I''ll have to try and keep my mouth shut once I get it, LOL!

Fancy605 - I feel the same way, that I made a committment to my husband, not my setting.

 

[motownmama]

You have to ignore the naysayers - they just do not get that you are excited about this and this will make you happy. On the flip side, you cannot wait for or expect these folks to ohh and ahh when you get your reset - ignore them on this topic. Come here to PS or sit and admire your ring with your hubby (who does seem to get it) and with any of your friends who are into jewelry - you''ll get ton of compliments here, I''m sure - it looks like a fantastic setting!

 

[geckodani]

Date: 7/23/2008 5:49:35 PM
Author: motownmama
You have to ignore the naysayers - they just do not get that you are excited about this and this will make you happy. On the flip side, you cannot wait for or expect these folks to ohh and ahh when you get your reset - ignore them on this topic. Come here to PS or sit and admire your ring with your hubby (who does seem to get it) and with any of your friends who are into jewelry - you''ll get ton of compliments here, I''m sure - it looks like a fantastic setting!

Hee hee. He gets it the same way that I get he''s excited to play Warhammer when it comes out because, well, it''s COOL.

He''ll dutifully examine and ooh and ahhh for me.

And then move on.

You guys are making me feel good about my decision. I was beginning to doubt myself.

 

[Bliss]

YOU GO, GIRLS!

I'm getting my new setting tomorrow...and if people have weird things to say about it, I'm going to say, "My FI wanted me to create the setting of my dreams."

To be truthful, I don't even care what people are going to say because I'm so excited!!!!

I'm so excited FOR YOU!!!!!! Rock it! If you have the setting of your dreams, who wouldn't be happy for you?

 

[Carrie]

I also had my e-ring and w-ring re-set from a plain plat e-ring band and channel set w-band to having them both converted into micropave....and I LOVE my new set!!! Had it re-set in February of this year and couldn''t be happier.

However, I have only told my mom and step-dad as I know that some of my friends and family will have a different opinion as to whether or not that was the right thing to do. I think some of my friends have noticed the change because I have seen them looking, but none of them have said a word. To be honest...I don''t really care. It is my wedding set and my decision.

I think your new ring will look amazing and I''m happy you are going to end up with a ring you love.

 

[somehowcollide]

Dani, I''m so happy that your Mom is on board now! If I were in your shoes what would hurt me the most would be the dissapproval of these two very important women. I know, I know, MILs are notorious for being catty, jealous and mean; and while that may not necessarily be your case, I''m sure it still hurts to not have her support.

Maybe DH needs to share the cost of the setting and how happy it would make you with his mother? Sooner or later, she will come around. You seem like a truly delightful woman (how kind of you to take the time out to reply to each of us!) and I can''t imagine anyone holding your love of *pretties* against you!

 

[Tuckins1]

Who cares?!? It''s your ring and your finger, and I think that new setting is lovely!! Don''t let them make you feel bad!! Variety is the spice of life... Change is good!

 

[diamondfan]

Can I ask you something?

Why is it pertinent what others wore or did? YOU have been told by hubby you may change your ring. YOU want to do it. Therefore, no offense, it really is not anyone''s concern. I do not care how long your mother or mother in law wore their rings. You are not them. Maybe there is bitterness on their part that they did NOT make a change, or they think it frivolous and silly. NO matter. It is your ring to do with what you and hubby want. As far as I am concerned that is the long and short of it.

Times are different now. Why should you have to have something you do not feel thrilled about? You have the green light from hubby.

One thing I learned is not to be an open book and discuss my business, even with family. Their judgments and opinions work their way in. If someone is likely to rain on my parade over something that ultimately is insignificant, I do not have the energy. Honestly, I keep a lot to myself in terms of discretionary expenditures, because everyone likes to throw their .02 cents in. You should not do X, this is not a good thing, why are you doing that...I get tired of justifying myself to others. This is not life or death, they should simply say, How nice, and admire your ring when you get it. Really, simply because THEY did not change settings does not mean you should not.

ENJOY YOUR NEW RING!

 

[geckodani]

Date: 7/23/2008 3:33:10 PM
Author: allycat0303
Honestly, I wouldn`t tell anyone about a reset then I would about buying a pair of shoes. Mostly because it''s pretty much none of their business. I also think that some people have an emotional attachement to their engagement ring and would never dream of changing their setting, therefore, they might have a tendency to project their feelings. Just don`t bring it up, and no one will give you grief!

Good point. I''m attached to my diamond, the setting - eh, it''s just wrapping paper.

Bliss! Yay for getting your new ring tomorrow! You must post lots and lots and lots and lots of pictures!!!


Carrie - The "I see your new ring but I''m not going to say anything" mentality cracks me up. Your reset sounds lovely!

 

[geckodani]

Somehowcollide - My MIL is... interesting, as most MILs are, LOL. I do love her dearly, but a lot of the time we are on such different wave lengths. DH mentioned that this was for our anniversary etc, and she seems less confused now, according to him. *shrug* My mom is now completely enthused. She cracks me up, and I''m really glad I figured out what was bugging her.

And I do, so truly love my pretties, LOL. Thank you for the compliment, as well. I certainly hope others see me as delightful.

Tuckins1 - Change can most definitely be good.

 

[geckodani]

Date: 7/23/2008 9:00:51 PM
Author: diamondfan

Can I ask you something?

Why is it pertinent what others wore or did? YOU have been told by hubby you may change your ring. YOU want to do it. Therefore, no offense, it really is not anyone''s concern. I do not care how long your mother or mother in law wore their rings. You are not them. Maybe there is bitterness on their part that they did NOT make a change, or they think it frivolous and silly. NO matter. It is your ring to do with what you and hubby want. As far as I am concerned that is the long and short of it.

Times are different now. Why should you have to have something you do not feel thrilled about? You have the green light from hubby.

One thing I learned is not to be an open book and discuss my business, even with family. Their judgments and opinions work their way in. If someone is likely to rain on my parade over something that ultimately is insignificant, I do not have the energy. Honestly, I keep a lot to myself in terms of discretionary expenditures, because everyone likes to throw their .02 cents in. You should not do X, this is not a good thing, why are you doing that...I get tired of justifying myself to others. This is not life or death, they should simply say, How nice, and admire your ring when you get it. Really, simply because THEY did not change settings does not mean you should not.

ENJOY YOUR NEW RING!

No offense taken, and you and several others have made valid points along these lines.

I DO have a tendency to be an open book, and to wear my every thought openly. Sometimes it serves me well, other times, well, other times it sends me running to a jewelry forum upset because my MIL disapproves. Which, in hindsight, is indeed silly.

In the case of my mother, well, she''s my mother, and her opinion matters to me, and I''m glad we had a chat and I could see where she was coming from.

As for everyone else... I really do need to adopt a policy of "keep your mouth shut Dani." It would probable serve me well.

And I intend to enjoy my new ring, very much.

 

[diamondfan]

Dani, your mom might be coming from a different place than your mother in law and it is certainly worth a chat.

This is my thought though. I might not say anything during the process and then I might just let her notice it. If she asked about it, I might say, Yes, isn't it great? Hubby really felt he did not put tons of time into getting me something originally, and he told me he wanted me to have what I really wanted. We have some money set aside, so we decided to do it now.

Sometimes, the less said the better.