HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged!!!

[IAmMrsWhite]

I am new here to PS and I recently got engaged on 10/24/14. He proposed in NYC at Top of the Rock at Rockefeller Center. We had a standing ovation from the Rainbow Room Restaurant that sit at the top of the Rockefeller Center. Everything was AMAZING. Just like every other person who gets a nice sparkly diamond, I stare at it all day everyday. Suddenly my diamond begins to shrink right before my eyes!!! I heard about this but never thought it would happen to me. My diamond is gorgeous don't get me wrong but I've read about a lot of women going through this. Is it true that most women think they know what they want until they get it and realize they want something different?? Like a BIGGER sized diamond??? The Fiance and I did go look at rings and he knew the styles I liked before he proposed. I gave him setting style and carat size. I told him it was between a rectangular radiant or RB and I wanted it to be 2 ct. He proposed with a 2ct Rectangular Radiant in a Halo setting. I was in love when I saw it. Now I am thinking that I could pull off a 3 ct. I have always wanted a 3 ct but when I tried some on I thought it was just too big. I didn't realize that regardless of carat size, some diamond shapes will face up smaller or larger. Now I have this itch to get a 3 carat and believe that I will be set. No more. My itch for this has been quite crazy. I feel like I am being ungrateful but at the same time he always tells me he wants me to have what I want and he will always get me what I want....most of the time Last night I brought it to his attention and we actually talked about it legitimately and he said we can go look at some. I don't wear much jewelry. Just earring studs and now my engagement ring. I've always wanted a big rock but my finger size is only 5.0 At first the 2 ct seemed so large and perfect and now I think differently. Am I playing with fire? What do you ladies/men think? Is it just me or is this diamond obsession thing legit? How do some of you deal with it?

 

[ame]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

That looks great on your hand, I think. Obviously everyone can pull off larger. My way of handling it is simply that I don't wear mine every day. Then when I do it looks like HOLY CRAP huge. You will have lots of expenses in your future, houses, kids, etc. Lots of moments and highs and lows. If you can afford it now, and your fiance doesn't have attachment to THIS ring, you can look into it, but if he's attached to it, maybe for a future anniversary, after you've been through a lot, you can look at upgrading?

 

[JamesW]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

https://www.pricescope.com/blog/9-tips-combat-dss-diamond-shrinkage-syndrome



That faces up quite large as it is. 3ct would look huge!

 

[momhappy]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

You told him to buy you a 2ct and he did. Now you want more after only being engaged for 3 months. To be honest, I don't think this is about DSS. Gosh, I sort of feel sorry for your fiancé because he did his best to please you and it wasn't good enough
I guess that I have no productive advice, but congrats on your engagement.

 

[chrono]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

That looks great on your hand, I think. Obviously everyone can pull off larger. My way of handling it is simply that I don't wear mine every day. Then when I do it looks like HOLY CRAP huge. You will have lots of expenses in your future, houses, kids, etc. Lots of moments and highs and lows. If you can afford it now, and your fiance doesn't have attachment to THIS ring, you can look into it, but if he's attached to it, maybe for a future anniversary, after you've been through a lot, you can look at upgrading?

Ditto; plus weddings these days are extremely expensive.

 

[kb1gra]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

I was like you when I was a bit younger (got engaged at 26, I'm 30 now).

step one is to get off pricescope. You won't see so many large rings in the real world and there is a very real tendency to feel a "gotta have that!!" when you see something pretty on here.

But these aren't new pairs of socks, diamonds are EXPENSIVE.

Anyway, I got off PS for awhile. Enjoyed my ring. Took a look at what was around me in the real world. And decided that my ring at the time (a 1.56 RB in a tacori halo) was way too ostentatious and downsized to a plainer 3 stone that was a little less OMG.

Now I want to go down even farther. I am resetting my 1.28 center into a solitaire and I bought a .75 bezel set to wear every day.

So it can go the opposite direction too.

If diamonds are important to you, then diamonds are important to you-- I'd just caution you against too much, too soon. Eventually there will be nowhere else to go and you'll be 35 with kids and wanting a 6ct ring that just won't happen. My suggestion would be to enjoy what you have and wait for the stone or setting of a lifetime to come along, instead of saying "I need to find a 3ct radiant RIGHT NOW!" and possibly finding a much better stone, or that you like a totally different shape, in a year.

Go hug your fiance for being so understanding and give it a little time. I completely understand the NEED BLING NOW feeling but it will subside. I'd focus your energy on finding the absolute BEST instead of the best of what's available right this minute, because there will always be another stone, another setting, etc.

And for what it's worth, I do wish he had bought me a small, perfect .50 in a pretty solitaire and spent the remaining $15,000 to buy me the wedding of my dreams or a honeymoon. Those memories are forever but as you see on here, rings get lost, tastes change, upgrades happen-- but you don't get a second wedding.

 

[ooeemusic]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

That ring looks absolutely ginormous on your small hand. Personally, I would stick with the 2ct. Honestly, for me, 2ct in proportion to the size of you hand is pushing it. I totally understand wanting big and blingy, and that stone looks pretty gorgeous, but, with a size 5 finger a 3ct is going to just about take up the whole width of your finger. Is this a ring you are going to wear every day? If so, I would stick with what you have for now.
Also, considering you have only had it for 3 months and you are wanting bigger, I would be concerned that after 3 more months you are going to want something different. Give it some real time, let it grow on you. If you decide you want something bigger farther down the line, you can always upgrade.

Obviously it's your ring and you're the one that needs to love it. But if it were me I would stick with the 2ct.

 

[baby monster]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

If your fiance is ok with it, why not upgrade right now? You have to be sure that 3ct is the look you'll wear. At some point, rings can become too big for everyday life. I'd suggest getting a cheap cz with the center stone size you think is perfect and wearing it for couple of weeks to confirm you'd be happy with it.

 

[IAmMrsWhite]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

Thank you for your input!! I do agree that since being on PS I have had an awful itch!!! I do love my ring and I will admit my Fiance spoils me. Money is not an issued factor. We are doing very well for being in our mid/late 20's living here in Dallas, TX. We will have been together for 6 years on Friday Jan. 23rd and we have a son who just turned 6 at the beginning of Jan...He is my stepson....So we had to grow up a lot faster than most people. We have gone through a lot of things most couples don't go through until they are married for years. He has been wanting to marry me for quite some time but I wasn't quite ready yet. Me asking/wanting a 3ct ring doesn't mean I am not grateful by any means, while I get that wanting a bigger diamond sounds petty. At the same time, we are all different. If money was an issue I wouldn't want something I know we/he couldn't afford. He stresses to me that he wants me to have whatever I want. I just wanted some input on the subject. I haven't done anything yet. The first step of getting this crazy feeling out was talking to him about it and his response (bless his heart) was wonderful. He is so good to me. I am blessed and forever thankful for God putting an amazing man in my life. I will keep you all posted!

 

[kb1gra]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

I really would wait. Look at some blingy eternity bands, go pop into jewelry stores and try stuff on, but wait to buy until you're 100% sure that piece would make you happy.

I have a lot of pieces that I like, but don't LOVE. I'm working on LOVE right now.

It took a year before I had even remotely sorted out that I felt my ring was too BIG. So just give it some time.

 

[IAmMrsWhite]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

Post by baby monster » 22 Jan 2015 10:09
If your fiance is ok with it, why not upgrade right now? You have to be sure that 3ct is the look you'll wear. At some point, rings can become too big for everyday life. I'd suggest getting a cheap cz with the center stone size you think is perfect and wearing it for couple of weeks to confirm you'd be happy with it.


Great advice! I may have to try that!!

 

[Niel]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

Is it dds or is it just you want more than you have?


Is there a difference? I really dunno. I know from personal experience i love my ring, but wish it was bigger. It hasn't shrunk, in my mind, just sometimes the green monster comes out

One thing I had to learn if I wanted to stay on PS and not go crazy; someone will always have a bigger diamond.

 

[Bonfire]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

You told him to buy you a 2ct and he did. Now you want more after only being engaged for 3 months. To be honest, I don't think this is about DSS. Gosh, I sort of feel sorry for your fiancé because he did his best to please you and it wasn't good enough
I guess that I have no productive advice, but congrats on your engagement.

Ditto this.
I really like to be supportive of all posters but this? Your guy got you what you wanted . 95% of women would never see a ring like that in their lifetime or maybe after 25 or 30 years of marriage, and it's not enough.

 

[momhappy]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

Is it dds or is it just you want more than you have?


Is there a difference? I really dunno. I know from personal experience i love my ring, but wish it was bigger. It hasn't shrunk, in my mind, just sometimes the green monster comes out

One thing I had to learn if I wanted to stay on PS and not go crazy; someone will always have a bigger diamond.

Yup - I agree. There's DSS and then there's just wanting more, more, more.
What anyone chooses to do with their own money is none of my business, but since OP has asked...

 

[Dancing Fire]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

Thank you for your input!! I do agree that since being on PS I have had an awful itch!!! I do love my ring and I will admit my Fiance spoils me. Money is not an issued factor. We are doing very well for being in our mid/late 20's living here in Dallas, TX. We will have been together for 6 years on Friday Jan. 23rd and we have a son who just turned 6 at the beginning of Jan...He is my stepson....So we had to grow up a lot faster than most people. We have gone through a lot of things most couples don't go through until they are married for years. He has been wanting to marry me for quite some time but I wasn't quite ready yet. Me asking/wanting a 3ct ring doesn't mean I am not grateful by any means, while I get that wanting a bigger diamond sounds petty. At the same time, we are all different. If money was an issue I wouldn't want something I know we/he couldn't afford. He stresses to me that he wants me to have whatever I want. I just wanted some input on the subject. I haven't done anything yet. The first step of getting this crazy feeling out was talking to him about it and his response (bless his heart) was wonderful. He is so good to me. I am blessed and forever thankful for God putting an amazing man in my life. I will keep you all posted!

Go for the 3ct before he change his mind!...

 

[HappyNewLife]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

your ring is beautiful, but you already know that Its sounds like you want what you want, and your fiance is on board, so no stress about what we think.

Here is my experience, FWIW. My fiance (we are both women) and I went to Tiffany & Co. to try on rings--- ranging from 1.25 - 2 carats. She said that 1.5 was perfect and I agreed that 2 carats looked ridiculous (4.5 finger) on me. I bought her a 1.7 carat that faced up larger (around 1.85c) and eventually she bought me a 1.7 too. We got engaged, it was awesome! And just like you, but within ONE WEEK, the ring looked small to me! How is this possible, when 2 carats looked ridiculous in the store? I think part of it is that my diamond sits lower than the authentic T&C ring, but DSS is a real thing. I don't plan to do anything about it though. I asked for what I wanted and got it, and we have MUCH bigger things to worry about financially (like our kids and her lyme disease treatment). I make sure that my ring is clean ALL the time. And when it looks small to me, I take a perspective photo and look at it. The ring looks larger to others than it does to me when I look down at it.

I look at this photo a lot, hehe:


Good luck, I hope you find your happy, whatever it may be

 

[akoya]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

have a 0.4 and now getting myself a 1ct diamond. i think 1.5 looks good on me but i am not prepared to pay that kind of money. not that rich so i have to weight my options.

have to be pretty frank with my post so i hope u wont get offended. ....

nope, that 2ct stone never shrink. yr greed expand though....
for me, my finger size did (by a lot of ring size!) so the ring looks smaller now than before. (0.4)

its not abt jealous etc in case some said i am i just feel that there's so much 'wants' but so little we can satisfy ourselves. end of the day, its to curb that greed inside. i do think that even if he upgrades to 3ct, eventually u need to curb that greedy within. doesnt help when we see big diamonds on PS.

i saw a picture, the message is -> while someone complaining about not having a good meal at the restaurant, someone else is worried when their next meal will come.

3 mths after engagement n u feel u need a bigger stone. just read that u guys can afford one easily with ease. thats good. at least $ isnt an issue.
so it depends if u think u will be unhappy should u stick with yr 2ct or u want to upgrade to a 3ct.. and then , will u go for 3.5 thereafter? 4ct?
for me, i am reminding myself not to constantly chase after all these things
once i hit my target, i should stop. shopping for all these things is a stress too (for me)

 

[IAmMrsWhite]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

your ring is beautiful, but you already know that Its sounds like you want what you want, and your fiance is on board, so no stress about what we think.

Here is my experience, FWIW. My fiance (we are both women) and I went to Tiffany & Co. to try on rings--- ranging from 1.25 - 2 carats. She said that 1.5 was perfect and I agreed that 2 carats looked ridiculous (4.5 finger) on me. I bought her a 1.7 carat that faced up larger (around 1.85c) and eventually she bought me a 1.7 too. We got engaged, it was awesome! And just like you, but within ONE WEEK, the ring looked small to me! How is this possible, when 2 carats looked ridiculous in the store? I think part of it is that my diamond sits lower than the authentic T&C ring, but DSS is a real thing. I don't plan to do anything about it though. I asked for what I wanted and got it, and we have MUCH bigger things to worry about financially (like our kids and her lyme disease treatment). I make sure that my ring is clean ALL the time. And when it looks small to me, I take a perspective photo and look at it. The ring looks larger to others than it does to me when I look down at it.

I look at this photo a lot, hehe:


Good luck, I hope you find your happy, whatever it may be

Thank you so much for your input! Your ring is beautiful! Happy for you both!! It's crazy how you think you want something and when you get it it's not the same feeling after actually having it. CRAZY DIAMOND FEELINGS!!!! I'll keep taking photos like you said and I'll give it some time and we'll see what happens.

 

[KobiD]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

I'm a male so I'm seeing things from the other side of the fence.

The ring you have is far from small, but more to the point, it is exactly what you had wanted. Your FI has done everything you asked and in such a short period of time you are wanting more. If I was in his position I would be feeling somewhat offended. At this point its not about size, its not about money.. but the principal. The ring is just the token, the real meaning is in the proposal, and the love is in the relationship itself. Think about whats really important here..

Again, just my opinion, and hope I haven't offended you.

 

[IAmMrsWhite]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

I'm a male so I'm seeing things from the other side of the fence.

The ring you have is far from small, but more to the point, it is exactly what you had wanted. Your FI has done everything you asked and in such a short period of time you are wanting more. If I was in his position I would be feeling somewhat offended. At this point its not about size, its not about money.. but the principal. The ring is just the token, the real meaning is in the proposal, and the love is in the relationship itself. Think about whats really important here..

Again, just my opinion, and hope I haven't offended you.

I agree with you in the fact that my FI got me what I asked for. I get it's the principle. I am not offended and I appreciate your comment. This is probably just a phase and the affect that comes from being on PS. The fact that my Fiance is willing to do whatever makes me feel good. Just because I currently have an itch for a 3ct doesn't mean I am going to go get it tomorrow. I brought it up so we could discuss it together. We have a very open relationship. No secrets. It felt good to tell him. His response made me love him so much more because he didn't think I was crazy even though I know it sounds crazy. He gets it. He gets me. We actually both laughed about it and then he kissed me on the forehead and said "We'll go look at some". I got a lot of good advice here that I am going to try out like taking more photos, putting it away etc. My wanting a 3 carat is a preference. I don't know if I'll even go through with it. Thanks for your male opinion.

 

[danielxlin]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

Diamond looks large on your finger. If anything, if slight dissatisfaction remains around your first or second anniversary, I would consider resetting the diamond. I would want the halo to be a little higher around the diamond, and the prongs to be more delicate. My preferences are obviously not yours! DBL does some nice things with radiants in halos.

http://www.diamondsbylauren.com/index.php/jewelry/loose-yellow-diamond-215ct-y-z-vvs2-radiant-cut-gia-remarkable-cut-r6046

A reset would be a LOT cheaper than buying a good quality 3 carat diamond. But I wouldn't worry about it for a couple of years. Your ring is stunning and big and bright and all the other good qualities.

 

[momhappy]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

I'm a male so I'm seeing things from the other side of the fence.

The ring you have is far from small, but more to the point, it is exactly what you had wanted. Your FI has done everything you asked and in such a short period of time you are wanting more. If I was in his position I would be feeling somewhat offended. At this point its not about size, its not about money.. but the principal. The ring is just the token, the real meaning is in the proposal, and the love is in the relationship itself. Think about whats really important here..

Again, just my opinion, and hope I haven't offended you.

I'm glad a male chimed in here.
OP said she talked to her fiancé and that he's willing to entertain her upgrade, but you've got to wonder how he's truly feeling about the whole thing? I'd be offended (and hurt) too. Hopefully it will all work out for OP.

 

[danielxlin]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

P.S. Your ring is the featured "diamond eye candy" right now on this website!

 

[KobiD]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

Glad to hear MrsWhite! It sounds like you have a great relationship based around strong communication. I was simply suggesting to keep in touch with the big picture, rather than the big stone

On the buying side of things, we blokes go through the same things. Is it big enough, sparkly enough, ideal enough? Should I have done this/done that..? questioning the purchases, and its very easy to get caught up with it all. In the end we want something beautiful for our partners to enjoy and give it with that intent, knowing all too well someone will have a stone, bigger, cleaner, whiter, brighter, and worth more; such is life.

 

[Niel]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

I just wanted to add, if you don't like it, you don't like it. My first ring I didn't love. No too small, no that it wasnt lovely, it just didn scratch my itch.

I sold it and got a different one.

If you do that, consider looking at cuts that face up large. Radiants (yours is a radiant right?) And other square cuts face up small. Maybe look at pears and ovals and marquise.

 

[junebug17]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

IAmMrsWhite, your ring is beautiful, and congrats on your engagement - What a magical proposal!

I think if you would like a larger diamond, and your fiancé is on board, you should go for it. I actually think it is admirable that you and your fiancé have the ability to discuss this kind of thing openly and honestly. He doesn't think you are being ungrateful and frankly, his is the only opinion that matters! It doesn't matter if any of us would be offended, he wasn't and again, he's the only one who counts.

I'm a lot older than you, and all my married life I have worn a small diamond. I received a 1 carat diamond ring for our 25th, and initially it felt huge! I wore it for a few years, but I started having DSS (yes, partly due to seeing all the big rocks here on PS!) so I talked to my husband about upgrading again, and he was very understanding and kind about it. I love him for that. I love him for it because he gets that I'm not ungrateful or unappreciative of what I have. He understands that my one indulgence is having an ering I am thrilled with. He gets that in every other aspect of my life, my tastes are simple and I don't spend a lot on other things. We bought a 1.96 antique stone that I love…and DSS set in again! My husband would have been willing to do another upgrade but I decided I didn't want to sink any more money into a new diamond. I reset my stone into a halo setting and am very happy with it. I think your fiancé feels the same way as my husband, they just want us to be happy. Anyway, good luck with your decision!

 

[msop04]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

Ok, so I'm gonna go against the grain a little with this... You won't get a typical "Bee" response from me about how you must "be so ungrateful", blah blah blah, or "it looks soooo huge on your hand" blah blah...

You thought you wanted a 2 ct, so you got it, but you changed your mind, and now you'd like something larger. He's on board, so why all the song and dance?? Just get it. Now. Before he changes his mind. Also, if you have a certain SIZE in mind, DO NOT look by carat WEIGHT -- it's not the same. Look for stones that measure closer to what size you want. Radiants face up smaller than rounds, so I can see what you mean -- your ring doesn't "look like a 2 ct"... so get a larger one, girl, and don't worry what anyone thinks!

If you get a larger one, and it starts to looks small, then... well, let's just hope the hubs is very generous.

 

[momhappy]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

P.S. Your ring is the featured "diamond eye candy" right now on this website!

I saw that too - it looks lovely

 

[Bonfire]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

I know you didn't come to this forum to get beat up so I apologize that I came on a little strong.
I wish you well with whatever you and your fiancé decide to do. Congratulations on your engagement.

 

[kellydean]

Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

I agree with the posters that say if you feel it is not the right ring now AND you can afford it now upgrade now! we women look down at our fingers all day long and I know the feeling of "oh my god I love this ring" and also the feeling of "there is something just not right about this" be it the wrong setting or the size of the diamond. Life is going to happen with all the pitfalls of it and if a WOW ring makes you smile and doesn't hurt anyone...I say GO for it NOW!!!! but.. you must let us know!!!