Engagement Ring ... Decisions, Decisions

[swimbikerun247]

As I patiently await a response from a gemologist at jamesallen.com I'm faced with another decision. I currently have a stone that I think is a winner being examined. It's a GIA Excellent Cut, Symmetry, Polish 0.7 ct H eye-clean SI2 with a twinning wisp and a cloud. The cloud can be covered by a prong. It also has a diameter closer to that of a .75 ct stone. HCA = 1.2. Anyways, here is my dilemma:

My future fiance' and I are fixing to buy a house as well and money is tight. The stone and ring I have in mind would run me ~$3200. My mom (mother of 3 boys) wants one of our wives to have her stone. So she offered it to me if I'd like to buy whatever setting my girlfriend would want and have it set. I like the idea because one it's sentimental to me being my mom's, pretty diamond, and it would also save ~$2200 when we could definitely put the money to good use. The stone is ~.50 ct eye clean w/ an unknown color but it's very white and shiny.

My question is how would this be looked at by most women (my girlfriend in particular)? The stone is special to me but would my girlfriend have any attachment to it or would she prefer to have "her own". I'm just a little confused on what I should do and would like to hear others' advice and opinions on it. I just want to make her happy by whatever means necessary.

 

[marymm]

Talk to your girl - be frank about the budget you have available for the entire ring - see what her preferences are in terms of diamond cut and ring design. Surely she knows you two are buying a house and money is tight - let her know your mom's stone is available to you both, and that you see it as a means to reduce the ring budget, but that you have no real info on its stats - if she is interested in using your mom's stone, I'd suggest going to an independent appraiser for an evaluation and to verify the stone could be safely removed and re-set into a new ring setting. It's possible she'd like to use your mom's stone but use your entire budget anyway on a more elaborate ring setting. Or maybe she wants a new diamond in a simple solitaire setting. If time is a factor, make your proposal with a placeholder and then you two together can move forward on the engagement ring. But definitely get her input please!

 

[Zeya]

I'm currently shopping for an engagement ring, too. I'm not an expert like some people are, but maybe I can give my advice anyway.

I would say it comes down to finances and if your fiance would be sad about it (that is, the smaller size and/or hand-me-down). I don't think most people can answer that for you. How much does your fiance like your mom? If they don't get along well, I'd say skip the heirloom for sure; not worth the risk. As for the size, you could try dropping hints. You could also seek some advice from a discreet close friend (maybe her brother or someone who won't blow your cover).

Of course if it's possible, I would talk to her directly. In my case, I even went to the jewelry store with my girl to get ideas. We both figured out our tolerances for color/clarity and we looked at some settings. And now I'm going off on my own and adding a couple features and likes of my own to make it special.

If you do want to go the way of that stone, you could look into getting a 3-stone setting/ring, where there are two side stones to the main one. Maybe that would work for you. That's a way to add more diamond weight to the ring without spending too much, in theory.

Something to keep in mind is that there will be future anniversaries to upgrade the ring and diamond. For me, I'm going with a more modest solitaire setting and focusing on the diamond, and I'm figuring that 3, 5, or 10 years down the road when there's presumably more money/stability, an upgraded setting would be a nice shoo-in for an anniversary gift.

 

[jessica1973]

I will give you my situation and you can take from it what you like.

About 6 years ago, when I was pregant with our first child and my father-in-law realized that my now-husband and I were in it for the long haul, he gave my husband his mom's engagement ring. My husband's mom passed away when he was 16 and the ring was kept to give to my husband or his sister, whoever got married first.

The ring is a very beautiful sapphire engagement ring from Birks (here in Canada) but I was insistent that I have my own engagement ring and perhaps wear the sapphire as a right hand ring.

We purchased my engagement ring in March 2010 and now, 2 years and 2 children later, I am beginning to regret my decision. In fact, I am currently exploring my options to 1) reset my diamond and 2) use the sapphire ring as my engagment ring with my wedding band.

In hindsight, I do wish that I had used my mother-in-law's ring. This has a lot to do with the changes in perspective brought on by having my own family and somewhat from guilt about insisting on having my own ring and spending a large amount of money when we have a young family.

My advice is to talk to your future fiancee about the situation and find out how she feels. Either way, I wish you both the best!

 

[mandasand]

I think the question to ask would be "is your girlfriend sentimental?" Some people aren't at all, so even though it's a nice gesture, if you have the money, might as well buy your own. But, if she is really into sentimental items (you could probably determine that without even asking her), then go for it. Really, there is no need to get it appraised except for insurance purposes. If you choose to go for your mom's stone, does it matter what the clarity and color is? It's really only about the sentimental value.

My old engagement ring had my ex's grandmother's stones on the side (.50 each), in the divorce, the family asked for them back. I am not a sentimental person and I actually would have preferred that he didn't use them, but we didn't see eye to eye on most things, hence the outcome of that!

My sister has her husband's grandmother's diamond, it's a little under .50 ct and he chose a solitaire. She's always asking for a Tiffany's upgrade but they've been married over 10 years and there is no new ring in sight. So, sometimes the sentimental-ness of it wears off and then she'll want something bigger later. Or, maybe not??

What are your feelings...what so you THINK she will like best?