shape
carat
color
clarity

What if she says no...?

Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.

Ronnie Frown

Rough_Rock
Joined
Feb 2, 2005
Messages
11
I know this has got to sound like a stupid question because you wouldn’t ordinarily ask a girl to marry you unless you were sure the answer was going to be yes. But here’s the deal, we’ve hit a rough patch in our relationship recently and I’m getting the feeling she may have just lost interest in us all together. But I still love her and want to marry her. Now the question is, do I just buy the ring and hang it all out there betting the yes? Or do I ask her first and assuming she says yes, go and pick out the ring together?

Ladies PLEASE weigh in on this one. Everyone’s opinion is welcomes and encouraged, cause I’m dying out here.
-Ronnie
 

codex57

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Dec 18, 2004
Messages
1,492
This is all personal opinion here, but I'd wait a little bit. You say you hit a rough patch. We all do. It happens. I just don't think it's a good idea to use a proposal to get out of it. I'm well aware that part of why it's a rough patch could be cuz she's wondering if you'll propose or that the proposal will "wake her up" into realizing again just how much she loves you. However, us guys have a tendency to do things as a bandaid so to be safe, I'd rather propose when you're heading out of the rough patch. You don't have to be totally out, just so that it doesn't seem like the proposal is to cure the rough patch.
 

appletini

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 29, 2004
Messages
2,696
Have a serious conversation about your future together...see how she reacts and how she feels about an upcoming engagement/marriage. Also think about the reasons for the rough patch, what do you think caused it and are these issues that you will get past? If not they will always be there. You could ask for her family''s blessing now and use that as feedback for whether or not you should propose. I''m sure her mother will let you know how she is feeling.

When in doubt, don''t do it. It won''t hurt anything to wait it out for a little while, you need to have a strong relationship before taking to the next level of committment.
 

Ronnie Frown

Rough_Rock
Joined
Feb 2, 2005
Messages
11
Thanks for the feedback. The iteresting thing about this situation is that giving it some time is at the root of the problem. I appriciate the help, thanks.

RF
 

JCJD

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 8, 2004
Messages
1,977
This is just one gal's perspective, but I think also at the root of your problem is that she might be feeling unappreciated or perhaps a bit "forgotten" because of the long time issue. I think before you propose, you REALLY need to get yourselves out of this slump, you could surprise her with a sweet romantic date and completely dote on her - remind her why she's with you! She needs to know that you adore her, see a future with her (provided that you do, of course!
1.gif
) and want to move your relationship forward to get out of this slump. A simple thing like giving her her favorite flower, one a day for a week will convey your feelings. Better yet, plan a week of different little romantic gestures that show her how well you know her and that you care for her, and on the last day have a serious and candid conversation about where you two are in terms of moving the relationship to the next step. You can certainly fib and let her think your timeline is a bit longer than it actually is, so you can surprise her with the proposal before she expects it.

Check out the Ladies in Waiting club, found in the Are We There Yet? forum. You'll get a really good idea of what your g/f is probably feeling right now. My guess is (again) unappreciated, forgotten, old (as in "everybody I know is getting married except us"), and perhaps unloved.

Hope that helps. I know this is a difficult and confusing situation for you. Good luck! Let us know what you decide to do.
1.gif
And welcome to Pricescope!!!

ETA: Last night, after I explicitly told my fiance NOT to take my trash out for me (and to save his energy for when we're married and I make him take the trash out!!!), and after I watched him go down the stairs from my apartment, he came back up and took my trash down!!!! Simple little goofy thing he did that really shows he cares for and loves me.
 

allycat0303

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 19, 2004
Messages
3,429
Ronnie,

Well I guess it would depend what the rough patch was about. If it is about wanting to get married, or your lack of committement to her, then I would run to the store and buy a ring
9.gif
. Seriously though, if this is a long term relationship, and this is a rough patch which you feel might be a deal breaker, then don''t buy a ring, ask her first how she feels about the relationship and where does she see it heading. All long term relationships have rough patches (some that can even last for months) I''ve been with my boyfriend for 9 years so I''ve experienced them. Waiting a few weeks until the relationship gets better is very little compared to spending the rest of your life with someone.

Good luck! I hope things work out for you.

Ally
 

Todd07

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Aug 17, 2004
Messages
455
I agree with many of the posts.

The actual proposal should be a very special and happy moment. Save it for after you are through the rough patch.

You can express your love, committment, and timing without buying the ring. Heck have the discussion and then go ring shopping to look at what styles she likes. It''s good if she is getting a ring that meets her dreams. When and how she gets it is enough of a suprise.
 

appletini

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 29, 2004
Messages
2,696
How long have you been dating? Perhaps in her mind a proposal in long overdue and she might be giving up.
 

elepri

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 29, 2004
Messages
759
It sounds like the rough patch has a lot to do with her having waited too long for the proposal, does it? If that''s the case, i wonder if you can let her know that you''re planning on proposing soon without actually proposing. This worked for us, my then bf, now fiance let me know he was definitely planning on proposing in the next few months, which took care of the tension in our relationship. I agree that the proposal itself should be a special moment and not a way to fix a problem in the relationship. Perhaps you can see if she would like to go ring shopping with you, etc so you''ll have a pretty good idea about her plans for the future with you. And you can still surprise her with the actual proposal by popping the question even earlier than she thinks you will.
 

Ronnie Frown

Rough_Rock
Joined
Feb 2, 2005
Messages
11
As many of you have guest the rough patch has a lot to do with waiting for a proposal and our timelines being different. We''ve been dating for a few years now and she has wanted to get married for a while now. JCJD you make a good point about spending time doting on her and that is the course I''ve taken this past week, just trying to reconnect with her. You have all been very helpful, thank you for the advice. I''ll let you know how it goes.

RF
 

JimDiamond

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jun 26, 2004
Messages
131
I would recommend that if you can, do some special things to try to put yourselves in a better place before you propose. You don''t want her to be in the position of thinking that you proposed because of the rough patch. But if you''re really ready and not just reacting to the possibility of losing her (it''s okay if it made you think about your relationship and what you want from it) then you could start looking for a ring. And if all else is as it should be you can propose in the near future.
 
Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.
Be a part of the community Get 3 HCA Results
Top