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Talking to Dad

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MATTMAN

Rough_Rock
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Feb 16, 2004
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Well, here goes nothing. I'm asking her dad for her hand in marriage tomorrow over lunch. I'm sure he's on board, but should I talk to her Mom as well? Will she be offended if I don't let her in on my intentions?
 

hoorray

Ideal_Rock
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I'm not into tradition for tradition's sake, so that skews how I think of these things but... 1.) I would prefer you ask for their blessing, not permission, if I was your intended. I assume I can and do make my own decisions, but would appreciate your thoughtfulness if it was blessing you were after, and 2.) my mother is very important to me, and I would like it if you included her in the process also.

This may not be the pure "tradition". I think you have to think about what your girlfriend would appreciate. What are her values and perspectives on family things like this?
 

fire&ice

Ideal_Rock
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Jul 22, 2002
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I am a traditionalist. I think asking the father for blessing is a nice way to start out. My hubby did just that. My mother did not expect to be included.

But, as Lop said - only you can really determine what's appropriate for your situation.
 

diamondlil

Ideal_Rock
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Jun 8, 2003
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I'm not usually all that traditional, but your effort on this will score big brownie point with the parents. My husband set up a meeting with my parents together (any my grandmother just happened to be visiting them at the time so she had an ear in on the conversation). If it's not possible to meet with them together, see each separately and, like the others said, ask for their blessing.




Good luck!
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DiamondLil
 

Nicrez

Ideal_Rock
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Jan 21, 2004
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I think it's always a respectful way to go, and I was always told that anything with a parents blessing is twice blessed...I hope you don't get nervous, because soon they will be your parents as well.




Establish a comfortable relationship with them, and as everyone else stated, a blessing is better than permission. I think that was much more relevant when people married very young and still lived with their parents, under their control and finance.




Good luck and let us know how it goes!!! You get MY blessing!!!
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VAgal13

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Mar 1, 2004
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Every family is different...is her family divorced or are they still together? That can make a big difference.

My folks are divorced and have been so since I was 6. My mom raised me along with my older brother. So in my case, I think my boyfriend should ask my mom and my older brother. We are so close and my brother would be walking me down the aisle, so I think it would be important to ask him.

Just trust your gut. If her parents are still together, then asking just her Dad is fine. He will relay your intent to the mother, I am sure. But, if they are divorced, it may be a nice gesture to ask both parents.

I hope this has helped you a little bit. Good luck and congrats!!!!

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-Sarah
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HollyGo-Lightly

Rough_Rock
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Mar 9, 2004
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My two cents is talk to them both if you can. Sounds lke they are still together, and a mother's blessing is always as good as a father's! I think asking for both of their blessing, even if seperate is really covering your bases, a good sign to them, and very respectful of her family and the future relationships between all of you! Good luck and congrats!
 

MATTMAN

Rough_Rock
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Feb 16, 2004
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Well, me and her Dad met for lunch today. We talked for about an hour before I finally got up the guts to ask for his blessing. He was really happy for me and my fiance-to-be and conveyed that his wife would be happy for us as well when he told her about our conversation this evening. Now on to the proposal this weekend!
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hoorray

Ideal_Rock
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Congratulations! Now.....don forget to report back with details after the proposal!
 

Whiteknight55

Rough_Rock
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Mar 11, 2004
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Step 1 complete. Congrats! I'm planning on asking my gf's father for his blessing, as well as her mother. Her parents are divorced, but still on good terms and even though they've been divorced since she was 8, they have both raised her so I think that it is appropriate for me to talk to her mom too.
 
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