Christmas etiquette

[nolefan]

This may seem like an idiotic question, but here goes...
I''m popping the questing in September. Now, as you might imagine, the ring purchase has damaged my savings account considerably.

With that in mind, is there any guidance that can be given when it comes to this Christmas? Bluntly put, I won''t be able to afford anything fancy (not to mention the fact that I’m completely devoid of any ideas about what she might want), which may leave me with having to get something sentimental - which makes me feel a little embarrassed. And I know, the Christmas gift isn''t about the gift itself, it''s about the thought behind it, but let''s face it, no guy ever wants to feel like his fiancée nee girlfriend ever got him a better Christmas gift than he got for her. Or, do I take solace in the fact that the ring trumps any gift she could buy?(My God, seeing this in writing makes me sound incredibly materialistic).So, for any women out there (who can give me that unique insight), would you expect to have a lavish Christmas gift four months afterwards?

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

I do NOT reccommend telling her she got a ring so she''s not getting anything for Christmas! Bad, BAD idea if you want to make it to the altar. I think even some small but thoughtful gifts would be okay and if she''s an understanding, rational person, then she''s probably has an idea that Christmas is going to be light this year.

 

[nolefan]

You''re right, of course. And she''s absolutely a thoughtful person who will intuitively understand that things aren''t going to be super-shiny at Christmas. I''m just mindful of the fact that the ring IS NOT a Christmas gift, and don''t want her to think that I''m crying poor because it''ll take a while to lick these financial wounds.

I''m sure this says more about my own insecurity than it was ever supposed to. Ugh. Ultimately, my impulse is to buy her something fantastic every chance I get; Intellectually, I realize this is not rational nor prudent for a long term -- emotionally, I''m on new and shaky ground. Consider then that this is the depth of feeling for her - despite the fact that she''ll get a ring, I never want to disappoint her.

Your advice is sound, though - I should probably just trust the idea that part of my reasons for proposing are the same as the ones that will keep her buoyed through the holidays, even if there''s nothing sparkly under the tree.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

In my opinion, part of the thrill about receiving sparkly gifts is the rareness of said gifts. If I received jewelry at every holiday I''d have so much that I wouldn''t be able to wear it all regularly. There are many alternatives to jewelry and other nice (i.e., expensive) gifts that I''m sure your gf would adore. The trick this year is to listen extra carefully to what she says she likes and/or surprise her with something she''ll love but might not think to get herself. For example, a massage or a day at the spa. One is of course more expensive, however combined with a nice homemade dinner and wine it would be lovely. Has she started making a list of the top songs she wants played at your wedding? If so, what about making a CD of them for her? What about doing something nice for Christmas and then a little more low-kep for New Years? Instead of going out and hitting the town on NYE, have a romatic night at home and celebrate the new year as an engaged couple. It''s inexpensive and memorable.

Just put your mind to it, some of the best gifts are memories and they don''t cost a thing!

 

[emeraldlover1]

I think its respectable that you don''t want to dissapoint your girlfriend, however, I don''t think you need worry about that. Personally, I''ll never be able to afford a gift for my boyfriend that will equal the amount he would spend on an engagment ring and I certainly wouldn''t expect something lavish so soon after such a large purchase. I''d rather my boyfriend save money for the wedding than get me something he couldn''t afford. I agree with Hudson about listening for clues for small gifts. I often mention things and then forget about them. When my boyfriend remembers its the cutest thing in the world.

 

[mimzy]

i think it is very sweet that you are concerned about something like this. if you want to do something that will still make her melt, maybe you could think about giving her something that will start a new holiday tradition for you two as a couple. maybe matching stockings with your names on them, or a set of christmas china for all the family dinners you''ll be having in the years to come. or maybe she grew up with a set of christmas santas or village or something that her mom had collected over the years and would like to start a collection herself and you could get her the first in a set or something. this might all sound pretty cheesy, but it would be meaningful (if you think she would like that), relevant and thoughtful. good luck! i''m sure you''ll think of something, and whatever it is, i''m sure she will be both understanding and grateful.

 

[Anastasia]

Date: 8/21/2007 9:36:59 PM
Author: mimzy
i think it is very sweet that you are concerned about something like this. if you want to do something that will still make her melt, maybe you could think about giving her something that will start a new holiday tradition for you two as a couple. maybe matching stockings with your names on them, or a set of christmas china for all the family dinners you''ll be having in the years to come. or maybe she grew up with a set of christmas santas or village or something that her mom had collected over the years and would like to start a collection herself and you could get her the first in a set or something. this might all sound pretty cheesy, but it would be meaningful (if you think she would like that), relevant and thoughtful. good luck! i''m sure you''ll think of something, and whatever it is, i''m sure she will be both understanding and grateful.

Mimzy - this is brilliant! That would melt my heart!

My husband proposed in October. I do remember being surprised that I got Christmas gifts that year, so soon after the engagement. But many years later, I have no idea what those gifts were.

If he had gotten me something to start our Christmas tradition together, you can bet that I would remember it now! I love the idea.

 

[Pandora II]

I started buying FI a xmas decoration as part of his present last year - so that by the time we have our own Christmas''s at home we have enough for a tree rather than running out and buying a boxful from the supermarket.

There are lots of ways of doing special presents without spending a lot - an album of photographic memories of you both, or one of those books you can do online with your own pictures.

My FI loves playing poker and I found a site where you can send your own designs off and they will engrave them onto a solid silver poker chip. It''s only $40, but i know my FI will be over the moon. Both because he wants one - and because I have designed it.

Think creative, not $$$$

 

[Picos]

My fiancé proposed two months before my birthday; for my birthday I wasn''t expecting anything! I had a sneaky feeling he was planning on getting me an XBox (I''d been mentioning it for a few months). Did I want the XBox? Of course!

Did I expect to get an XBox? Of course not! I didn''t even think I was going to get it before he proposed; it''s more like a Christmas gift/ joint gift anyway. I didn''t even think I was going to get anything for my birthday.

I dont think I''ll be getting anything "bigger" for Christmas than what I got for my birthday. I dont think I could handle so many big gifts at once!!

 

[curiopotter]

Think about doing something more sentimental. Have an old photograph blown up in black and white and framed, or make a coffee-table-book of all your times together, and the last photo could be an engagement photo, of the day you proposed.. maybe the paper you used to write your feelings down on... and maybe an artsy photo of her ring.

There are tons of ''home-made'' gifts you can give her that will mean much more to her this Christmas, than something expensive and fancy you find at the mall.

 

[sera]

Date: 8/22/2007 11:37:28 AM
Author: Pandora II
My FI loves playing poker and I found a site where you can send your own designs off and they will engrave them onto a solid silver poker chip. It''s only $40, but i know my FI will be over the moon. Both because he wants one - and because I have designed it.

Ohhhh.... linky???

 

[somethingshiny]

Another Christmas idea: If your bride LOVES Christmas, I think getting a few ornaments to start your tree together would be nice. A lot of heritages have *certain* ornaments that are supposed to bring luck, happiness, fertility, etc. That way, you''re not focusing on money, but on your future.

Another idea: IF you plan on having kids soon, you could get her a collection of kids books, or DVDs, again looking towards the future.

Another idea: Something just for her. How about a great massage, or mani/pedi, something to spoil her.

Another idea: IF she''s really into her faith, you could get a "Family Bible". That includes great illustrations and a family tree.

Another idea: IF she loves pearls, an "add-a-pearl" necklace would be lovely. Each year, occassion, whatever, you could add a couple more pearls. Then she could have a beautiful pearl necklace to wear on her wedding day.

Good Luck!!

 

[nolefan]

I appreciate the thoughts, and the assurance that I''m not completely crazy. I like the idea of starting a tradition; I think this might be something that she completely goes for and appreciates. I''ve already taken advice from y''all on a couple of ideas, and will spend a little time over the next few months listening closely and trying to come up with some plans for a more sentimental, and inaugural, holidays.

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 8/22/2007 7:54:45 PM
Author: sera

Date: 8/22/2007 11:37:28 AM
Author: Pandora II
My FI loves playing poker and I found a site where you can send your own designs off and they will engrave them onto a solid silver poker chip. It''s only $40, but i know my FI will be over the moon. Both because he wants one - and because I have designed it.

Ohhhh.... linky???

http://www.pokerguard.com/custom-protectors-c-25.html

I did a happy dance all round the house when I found this site!

 

[OUpearlgirl]

I agree about being sentimental..

You can go to Walgreens and have a calendar made of pictures of you two.. What girl wouldn''t love that? You can also make a "coupon book" which may be cliche- but I''m sure would be loved.

Or, you could always pamper her and buy her a massage or pedicure/manicure. Usually you can find somewhere to do either under a hundred and I think she would appreciate it. Especially if she is planning a wedding!

One last thing- find out a few little things she has been denying herself and make a basket of them.. Maybe it''s that hair product that costs a little more, a more expensive bottle of wine, or Ghirardelli chocolates instead of Hershey''s.

 

[MoonWater]

My .02 cents: I would be too busy staring at my new ring to notice it was Christmas. You would be lucky if I looked up long enough to buy you a present

 

[door knob solitaire]

You have months to work on this...so fret not. Don't focus on the price of the gift as all the psers have said. The best gifts are the sentimental ones.

Hudson Hawk advises you to listen...be quiet and listen. Maybe a favorite childhood memory is key. Maybe a misplaced family heirloom. Maybe a missing piece in a collection can be found on ebay.

I really love the add a pearl necklace idea. You are giving a piece of jewelry...and setting the stage for tradition. Maybe it is a charm bracelet. Same thing. Adding as your life progresses. This year happens to be first you are officially engaged...so maybe just the chain that will hold the pearl...that she will receive the first on her wedding day...or Christmas day. You can make a scavenger hunt that you too will do on Christmas eve...filled with visits to her favorite spots in town. Ice skating...cocoa...something you too can look forward to doing every year...just the two of you. It doesn't have to be tied up with bow and contain an object. A promise to do/share ...... each year. Oh that is sweet.

Your post is so sincere and heart felt...I wish you would harness that emotion and begin to fill a journal. You can tell her just what you told us. You could write down thoughts that come to you on a daily basis. Ideas dreams plans...Or a box filled with letters. Start now. This would be a gift and collection she would treasure always. I have every letter, note and scribble my hubby ever wrote me. He once did that for me for a gift. I was shocked that he took the time to write me, even though we were not a part by distance. You can buy her a treasure box and fill it with these letters...little tokens she will continue to keep. The coupon things some other poster mentioned. IOWEYOUs...to be redeemed through out the year. Free Pass coupons...and add a few get out of jail ones...you might need it. The stress of planning a wedding is daunting.

Your heart holds the key...just allow your creative side to find it! And then of course you can always use your secret weapon...PriceScope elves!!

DKS

Oh you must buy her an ornament that commemorates Engagement about $30 engraved. Then the first Christmas married you will get that ornament.

 

[Daydreamer7130]

I love the advice from DKS!

Sentimental is the way to go... Why not purchase a photo "engagement" album and put the first photo in it with a love note? Then she can fill the rest in and by the time your wedding comes along there will be a filled album with your story for the guests to enjoy!

 

[Evelynn]

First of all, congrats!!

Secondly, all the advice and ideas posted are wonderful! I agree that doing something sentimental would be an excellent choice, not all great gifts come with big price tags. The calander idea is a wonderful gift - seasons of love!

And DKS''s advice is stellar!

Good luck with your search, and congrats on your engagement!

 

[Deelight]

I doubt your girlfriend will expect anything lavish an E-ring definitely takes a punch out of the wallet.


I would more look to a thoughtful giftor something that is quite creative (the calender sounds awesome) you could do a personal scavenger hunt with little gifts and notes, or maybe some hand made chocolates (I got these amazing ones one year and they were all little animals and different shapes cost about $30 one of the best presents ever), Perfume (I figure you can never have enough) or a gift voucher to be pampered would be fantastic no woman will say no to that (pedi''s start at about $40) A little book of favors with little things you can do for her.

One of the best Christmas present I ever got from my BF cost him 80cents it really is the thought that counts