Asking permission....over the phone okay?

[SoonToBeEngagedGuy]

Obviously asking in person is ideal, but I would rather not have to wait until I see her parents on our next trip out there. I have known and spent tons of time with her parents over the last few years. But is it rude to do this over the phone? I will be seeing them on Christmas day, but I would really like to propose before then.

I would love to hear any/all thoughts.

 

[heather318]

My FI''s roommate asked permission over the phone to propose to his girlfriend.. So it''s been done..

I really think it depends on the parents. I think that ultimately if you wanted to ask permission and also knew her dad wouldn''t be offended by being asked over the phone, go for it! Like I said, it really depends on her dad and how he would feel about it!

 

[FacetFire]

My FI asked my father over the phone (for his blessing). My dad just thought it was sweet of him to call. I guess I could see where it would depend on the parents, but I never thought that in person was necessary.

 

[ulualoha]

Date: 12/17/2007 11:05:04 PM
Author:SoonToBeEngagedGuy
Obviously asking in person is ideal, but I would rather not have to wait until I see her parents on our next trip out there. I have known and spent tons of time with her parents over the last few years. But is it rude to do this over the phone? I will be seeing them on Christmas day, but I would really like to propose before then.


I would love to hear any/all thoughts.

Hi SoonToBeEngagedGuy!

I think first of all it''s so sweet you care enough to think about this. It sounds like you have an established relationship with them. You can call and explain your feelings to them (to begin with, it''s so rare for a guy to ask permission these days anyhow). If they seem offended, then wait but I have a feeling they will understand. The key is to be open about it. If they know how much you love their daughter and they know you are a good guy, I don''t think you have a thing to be worried about. Just give them a chance to express their feelings. If they want to be a part of it or they feel you should ask in person, then try to respect that- afterall, they are going to be your family! But I think you are GTG! Congrats!!!!

Hugs,
ulualoha

 

[SoonToBeEngagedGuy]

Thanks everyone!! I have known her parents long enough to feel comfortable doing it over the phone. I don''t think they are the type of people who are going to mind. I just wanted to make sure it wasn''t some major type of faux pas. I really would like to propose before we go to her house for the holiday to make it more of "our" moment, before all of the distractions of family and friends and events everywhere. Then we can share it with all of them once we arrive.

Do you think I should try and get them on the phone at the same time or is individually okay?

 

[HollyS]

Only if you truly live FAR away. If it''s just a couple hours drive, then do it in person. And if she''s over 25, don''t do it at all. Really.

Men do realize that you only ask Daddy (or Mommy, or both) if their little girl is still pretty young, right? And certainly, if a couple is living together, it seems completely unneccessary. After a woman reaches a certain age, or is financially independent from her parents, this asking the parents thing is a little too old fashioned, isn''t it?

Bear in mind, I''m older and more or less a traditionalist, and I think the parental permission/blessing is a bit passe.

 

[Cleopatra]

I would think that over the phone is fine. Especially if you know them well enough to know that they wouldn''t take offense.

My FI didn''t ask my dad for permission or a blessing. I think my FI was scared (my dad is kind of a "tough guy" ) but one day we were all sitting around talking and we got on the subject of traditions with marriage (this was before FI proposed) and my dad once said "Why would anyone ask me for permission to marry HER?! It''s not like they''re gonna marry me! Ask HER and you''ll get your answer!"

So, ever since then, FI had no intention of asking permission and my poppa was happy to avoid that conversation....lol

 

[bee*]

Date: 12/18/2007 12:14:55 PM
Author: HollyS
Only if you truly live FAR away. If it's just a couple hours drive, then do it in person. And if she's over 25, don't do it at all. Really.


Men do realize that you only ask Daddy (or Mommy, or both) if their little girl is still pretty young, right? And certainly, if a couple is living together, it seems completely unneccessary. After a woman reaches a certain age, or is financially independent from her parents, this asking the parents thing is a little too old fashioned, isn't it?


Bear in mind, I'm older and more or less a traditionalist, and I think the parental permission/blessing is a bit passe.

I was 25 when I got engaged and D asked my dad for his blessing. I personally think that it's a lovely thing to do and my parents were delighted that he did it. If you feel comfortable doing it over the phone and you don't think they'll mind, then fire ahead!

 

[door knob solitaire]

Let me ask you ...if you had a daughter her age...what you want your intended son in law to do? Again this is a woman who is still the little girl you love and honor. And it is your desire that the man that asks her to marry him, do the same.

When in doubt ask yourself. I just wanted to try to get you in his shoes. If it is logistics on distance...that is one thing. But if one is doing via phone because they aren''t comfortable asking in person...then I say you aren''t the dragon slayer the father is looking for, nor what she deserves.

My father has already passed when I met my intended. He once traveled 600 miles to bring me a rose. That was it. No contact, just handed me a rose and left. I knew right then that no matter how far or how uncomfortable he was he would have asked my father- and distance, convenience or time wouldn''t have mattered. That is my opinion and experience. §

 

[Haven]

It completely depends on your future fiancee''s family, and your relationship with them.

Personally, I''m a bit of a traditionalist when it comes to these things, so my 37-year-old fiance asked my father in person because he knew that was the expectation. (I was 26 when he asked, by the way, and financially independent, yet this was still important to me and to my family.)

If you CAN ask in person, do it. If not, well, I suppose the phone is the next best thing.

Good luck!

 

[onvacation]

Date: 12/20/2007 1:27:58 PM
Author: bee*

Date: 12/18/2007 12:14:55 PM
Author: HollyS
Only if you truly live FAR away. If it''s just a couple hours drive, then do it in person. And if she''s over 25, don''t do it at all. Really.


Men do realize that you only ask Daddy (or Mommy, or both) if their little girl is still pretty young, right? And certainly, if a couple is living together, it seems completely unneccessary. After a woman reaches a certain age, or is financially independent from her parents, this asking the parents thing is a little too old fashioned, isn''t it?


Bear in mind, I''m older and more or less a traditionalist, and I think the parental permission/blessing is a bit passe.

I was 25 when I got engaged and D asked my dad for his blessing. I personally think that it''s a lovely thing to do and my parents were delighted that he did it. If you feel comfortable doing it over the phone and you don''t think they''ll mind, then fire ahead!

Ditto that. I''m 26, and my bf is traveling half way around the world in a few days just for the blessing. Although we all know we''re getting married next summer, and we have the ring, he still hasn''t proposed because he wants to get the blessing first. My SO told me that there''s no way he''s proposing without making it official with the parents first, and I''m perfectly happy with that, even if it means I won''t get to see the ring for a few more months

. Maybe it''s because I''m younger that I think it''s a big deal?