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29th Feb 2008....should a women propose?

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loveinalover

Rough_Rock
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I''m thinking of proposing on the 29th Feb 2008! But i know my boyfriend would want to propose to me! He loves planning suprises! But i think he''d also like a suprise himself! Plus i really want to do it! He was the one who asked me out (five years ago) and is always going on about how i should have asked him instead, so maybe this is my chance! I''ve sneakly talked about it and he said, and i quote, "....it would make my day to think a woman would do it to me"!! But i think maybe he''d be gutted because i will have beaten hiim to it!

Unless I just make a small gesture and leave the big, and perhaps offical proposal down to him! but then he''s also said "if the woman does it they should do it properly". He also said that it doesn''t matter about how we get engaged, just that we do get engaged!

Oh god i dnt know!! Anyone got and views, advice or opinions that may help????

xox
 
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I am a bit of a romantic myself, and if he is anything like me the answer is NO. I say its ok to mention something directly, but don''t get into any ideas of where, how or anything like that. or Maybe surprise him with some free info like your ring size, or tell him that you want to go out and shop at some "expensive stores." make it a couple of days romantic trip, try on some really nice dresses, and then go to tiffany''s. Show him the stuff you like, mention ps and how overpriced tiffany''s is and give him a crash course in diamonds. He will do the rest. but I would say the risk is far greater than any potential gain.

Afterall, if he proposes to you it will be wonderful, and if you propose to him it might be wonderful, or it might be horrible. Also, if you really want to pick the diamond, you could mention whiteflash in passing and how they allow free upgrades and how you love sites like that. Make it clear you are the kind of girl that wants to upgrade your engagement ring as time goes on *if you are* then if he does get a mediocre stone, just wait a year and then decide to "upgrade." Those are my ideas, now go read my okinawa question and give me some ideas
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Pandora II

Ideal_Rock
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I''m afraid I''m a RULES girl and I really believe that it''s the guys job to propose and also important for your future relationship that he does.

For me it was as important a moment as our wedding will be and I wanted it done with complete seriousness, not as a gimmick.

I would leave it to him.
 

pyramid

Ideal_Rock
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Normally I think it is up to the guy. However, from what you have said he has said, I think he is the perfect example of a guy who would want to be proposed to. If it feels right to you I say go for it.
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I would not do the small gesture thing though as he has said the girl should do it properly and seriously.
 
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sorry to chim in again, but I am a little more awake now than I was the last time I proposed

I was taking a second closer inspection to your post. This time i will look at it from a mixture of my perspective and the people I have known, which doesn't mean it is from your boyfriends.
First, when he said that you should have asked him on a date, it's probably just one of those things, *bonk on the head* "if you loved me why didn't you just do it!" but not really something very serious. However, you are both openly in love now, and you both know where you are headed, so the engagement is inherently different than initiating a date. After all, if someone doesn't ask the other out, you will each just go your own separate ways. but if you don't ask him to marry you it doesn't matter--nobody is going anywhere.

Another thought is that when he said "she should do it properly" he may have meant that alot of women, like my woman, come up to the man and say "where are we heading with this, are you planning on marrying me, and is it going to be pretty soon, within a year or a little longer." That is basically a proposal right there, Perhaps he meant women shouldn't do something like that, they should simply do it all the way if they are going to actually make the man promise to marry them, (though I put in clauses in my agreement so it would not be an official proposal.I agree with him though, that is not something that should be done, but I also don't want my gf to REALLY propose to me!)

Most importantly though is if he is considering proposing there are some things he will desperately want to know--mostly about fashion, single solitaire, three stones, round, color, height off the finger, etc. So if you haven't talked about those things it is nearly excruciatingly difficult to pick out a ring which one's ff is going to wear "for the rest of her life." Even if he knows that you will say yes, that doesn't mean you got the ring you want, and he loves you, so that would make him just as unhappy as you would be, I am sure, with the addition of being ashamed. Thus, I say set up a situation where you can give him information to make him confident, without "proposing improperly"

In the end though it sounds like he might would accept it. But "might" is certainly not good enough in this situation in our society as it is. If there is any risk then the risk is simply to great. The marriage will be wonderful no doubt, but to lose one's proposal, in our society, is something that would be regretted for a really long time I imagine. So if you are not 100% no doubts at all you can say for a FACT it is ok, then the risk is simply not worth it. Especially if he is a romantic and puts a lot of value on making that moment as special as possible for YOU.
And finally--What man doesn't want to watch his gf cry as he proposes to her?
 

Male Perspective

Rough_Rock
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Jun 13, 2007
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In a word: NO

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We live in a very egalitarian world but the fact that we''re on a website talking about wedding rings seems to indicate that there is much to be said about respecting tradition. I am all for equality but I would be mortified if my girlfriend asked me to marry her. Not only does is make the man look like too much of a coward to ask but it is possible the most emasculating thing possible.


Once you have decided to get married, feel free to run the planning of the wedding and frankly the rest of your lives but please let your future husband be the man at least once. The consequences of denying him this one moment could be disastrous.
 

JimDiamond

Shiny_Rock
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Well you have a lot of time left before February 29, 2008. I''m curious why that date interests you... I realize it''s leap day, but why does that day in particular interest you for a proposal? Anyway, I''m afraid I am going to have to chime in with the no''s here. Although it''s a wonderful sentiment and as guys we may sometimes think, why can''t they propose? Why do we always have to be the ones, but the reality is "society" still expects it. Your boyfriend will still have to live in a world where all of his friends and co-workers will harrass him when they find out he didn''t propose--unless he makes something up, but then he has to live a lie. There are many ways to communicate a desire to get married for both sexes and most guys who ask (if they are at all plugged in to their signifcant other''s thoughts and feelings) already know the answer. So the decision is mutual, the proposing is merely the fomality of that decision. So if you''re asking would it be a nice surprise, I''d have to say it may be sweet between the two of you, but in this case tradition is very strong. If, however, you''re asking, well he''s not proposing, how do I get him to propose to me, that''s a very different question. That''s one that comes up here often enough and many of us can offer some ideas about how to deal with that. You say he is romantic and enjoys planning things. I think he would enjoy planning your proposal. I love a surprise, but I would not trade the fun I had planning my proposal to my (now) wife for anything in the world. And I don''t think she would want to trade the wonderful experience of being surprised in a sweet special way. In fact, just this Saturday I was present at the proposal of a friend of mine. It was neat, but since I''m her friend, not his (she''s really my wife''s friend, but I work with her) I felt cheated because I didn''t know anything about it in advance. I''m just saying I think your guy will enjoy the surprising more than being surprised.
 

Picos

Rough_Rock
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Jun 20, 2007
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Back before it was common for woman to propose, the only date in which they could propose would be the 29th of Feb on a leap year.

I think it''s a great idea, but the question is if he''d think it would be a great idea as well. If you think so (since you know him better) then propose!

As for how "society" and everyone else would feel about you being the one to propose, does it really matter? It''s your relationship; of course there will be some people who think that it''s a man''s job. I actually wanted to propose to my then-boyfriend now fiancé but he took me by surprise & proposed first! Also, I think he''d rather be the one proposing so it all worked out in the end.

Don''t want to buy a ring for him/yourself? Why not propose with a silly dime store ring? Then ya''ll can pick out the one.
 

NewUser

Rough_Rock
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Jun 22, 2007
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I wouldn''t do it and if he waits too long to propose to you, you need to wonder why.
 

partgypsy

Ideal_Rock
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The 29th of February is a cool thing, didn''t know about that, some kind of Sadie Hawkins thing, huh?

I think it''s really sweet that you want to propose to your boyfriend. However, I don''t think you should let him get out of this one
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My husband and I''s relationship was pretty bohemian (before we got married he would introduce me to people as his "lover"
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. We ended up eloping after he proposed to me in bed, no ring in hand. Although I know he loves me and I love him, I know if I proposed instead of him and he said yes (which is hypothetical because he may not due to wounded male pride) part of me would always wonder, well, why didn''t he propose? Too lazy, takes me for granted, etc and that would bug me. It''s the man''s job.
 
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