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Conceal Engagement?

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Tressel

Rough_Rock
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Jun 21, 2007
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Hi everyone. I''ve been reading the boards for a while and your reviews, guidance and pictures have helped me select a beautiful ring from GOG.


For the proposal, I have spectacular plans that include a helicopter ride, limo and a trip through California''s wine country. However, a wrench was just thrown in and the plans may be shot. We are from Ohio and will be heading to CA for my cousins wedding. We arrive on Thursday, wedding Friday and leave Sunday. My idea was to propose on the first day of our trip so that we could celebrate the entire time and have a vacation for ourselves. Out of respect, i asked the bride and groom if they were OK with me proposing on that first night because i do not want to take the spotlight off of her on her special day. Their response came back as a very respectful, they would rather i didn''t.


I see my options as proposing on Saturday in CA, proposing before or after the trip, or propose on Thursday as planned and ask her not to reveal that anything happened until after the wedding and reception.


Asking her to keep the engagement secret seems like the worst decision on the surface, however I am concerned that the plans i could make for Thursday are so magnificently better than anything i could do on the other days, i would like to keep the plans. The other days have issues too. If i propose before we arrive, then that first Thursday is still going to grab attention from other people (family) who are there on Thursday or at the wedding. If i propose on Saturday, i can not do the same plans and we have less time to ourselves to celebrate. Doing it after our trip means we are back in Ohio and she doesn’t have many vacation days left in the year.


I would appreciate comments from everyone on what they think would be the best course of action. Can I ask her to keep it a secret for two days? Should I? Is proposing ahead of time just as bad as doing it the first day we are there?


Thanks for your advice.
 

neatfreak

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 17, 2007
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14,169
I would not ask her to keep it a secret. And honestly? No one really needs such a showy proposal, only something heartfelt. So even if you can''t do anything so elaborate on Saturday, I would respect the bride and grooms wishes and wait until after their wedding. If you don''t and it leaks out, it will only make you look like an a** for asking them and then not respecting their wishes.

California is so stunning and there are soooo many things to do I am SURE you can come up with something else pretty great for Saturday!
 

JimDiamond

Shiny_Rock
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Jun 26, 2004
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Wow you''re really boxed into a corner there. If you hadn''t already asked the bride/groom if it was okay, we could discuss how big a splash it would really make (how large is the wedding, how close is the family, what is the personality of the bride, etc.), but now it is a moot point. I think your instincts to want to propose near the beginning of the trip are good (to enjoy it longer), but you can''t do that because you asked and got your answer. I also think it''s a bad idea to make your gf keep it a secret. This will be something she wants to share right away. In my opinion it would be cruel to make her hold that in. Proposing after the wedding is anticlimatic and it doesn''t give you much time to enjoy it together. I know this is hard, but at this point it seems like postponing it may be the best option (or talk the bride into accepting it...maybe you can try to focus on how this could be positive for her...or maybe you could mention the fabulous gift that you got her because you knew this might be an imposition and now you can''t return the gift...). I know you had those spectacular plans, but you could do a weekend or three days closer to home... Trust me it will be special because you make it special. The thought and effort you put in will make it special, wherever and whenever. There are lots of smart people who frequent these boards, maybe someone will have a way out of your predicament. I can''t see how you can go back on your word. You asked and you got your answer. If it''s any consolation, if you had asked here if it was a good idea, most of us probably would have told you that it wasn''t a good idea to propose on someone else''s wedding weekend (if they were close family or friends).
 

sed6

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jun 27, 2007
Messages
5
Maybe skip the cousins wedding? Seems like you have given it a lot of thought and planning and if it really is that important to you...skip the wedding. Just you and her go off, do your thing, enjoy yourselves. If I had some super engagement plan I probably wouldn''t let anything get in its way...
 

diasurfer

Rough_Rock
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Jun 15, 2007
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Date: 6/25/2007 11:04:26 AM
Author: neatfreak

California is so stunning and there are soooo many things to do I am SURE you can come up with something else pretty great for Saturday!

I''m trying to plan a proposal myself. I agree with Neatfreak. You''re going to be traveling Thursday and busy. Friday is wedding day. Don''t make her keep it a secret. Don''t as a couple get off on the wrong foot with anyone in the family. Saturday you''ve got the full day to do something great, and not have anything else to distract.
 

Tressel

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jun 21, 2007
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3
Thanks everyone. Based on the feedback i will not be asking her on the thursday and respecting the wedding couples wishes.

I was thinking that I could still keep the exciting plans in California if i propose a couple weeks ahead of the wedding. This way, the two events are not related and we can still go off and have a great time the entire trip.

Does anyone think there is a downside or feelings that i am not considering?

Thanks again.
 

princesss

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 18, 2007
Messages
8,035
Ok, I don''t really have any suggestions, I just wanted to offer a kudos to you for realizing that you ought to clear it with the bride and groom. Not many people think of the little, respectful things like not taking somebody''s spotlight.

Where in wine country will you be? Napa, Sonoma? If you''re near there the wine train is pretty cool, and there are a million gorgeous vineyards you two could tour and find a secluded spot to have your happy moment after the wedding!
 
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