Shouldn''t I be more excited?

[hopefulheidi]

After almost 6 years of dating, and way too many months as #1 on the LIW list I have it on good authority that my ring is in the works. Nate has had the diamond since March (and I''ve been trying it on almost every day since it arrived hehe) and just this week he finally emailed my jeweler of choice about getting the ring started. I also know that he has already submitted the 50% deposit and provided my jeweler with a number of the photos that I sent him this weekend. At this rate, the ring should be completed by the middle of July, right in time for the proposal that he promised to make before we attend our old college roommate''s wedding.

(As an aside, Nate and I met our senior year of college and we have been dating ever since. Our roommate from senior year did not meet his girlfriend until about 3 years ago and in that amount of time they''ve purchased a house, gotten engaged, and planned a wedding. I told Nate there was really no way I could emotionally handle going to this wedding knowing that they''d been together half as long as Nate and I and that I''ve seriously been waiting for a proposal longer than their entire relationship has lasted. We''ve obviously been getting closer to an engagement ourselves, but this event has helped to speed things up a bit.)

So why this post?

I''m a bit concerned that I''m not more excited at this point

It''s not that I don''t love Nate or that I have any doubts about our relationship; actually the longer we''re together, the more certain I am that we can make this thing work. I''m really just disillusioned by the whole engagement process. After so many years of dating and all of the stress, disagreements, and disappointments that have arisen about this topic over our time together, I kind of just feel "over it". At this point the ring, the proposal, heck even the wedding, just don''t seem all that important or enticing. It''s as if I''ve just burned myself out and I''m having a hard time of undoing my lack of enthusiasm about all of this.

Has anyone else felt a lack of excitement by the time the proposal came around? How did you get past it?

I''m sure I will be freaking out when he actually proposes, but I''d really like to be able to enjoy the entire process. Any ideas?

~Heidi

 

[Skippy123]

Maybe you are not as excited because you wish the couple who bought a house and is getting married was you. I wouldn''t compare. I was that way and then one day I realized if we did things sooner it wouldn''t have worked out for us. I think each couple takes different amounts of time to be ready.

Be happy and enjoy your up coming engagement. I think we are like kids sometimes. . . their is more excitement that goes into something happening then when it actually happens if you understand what I am saying. I might be wrong but that is just my 2 cents.

Congrats on your upcoming engagement. Marriage is wonderful!!! Focus on you guys and not others around you; it will make you happier in the long run

 

[hopefulheidi]

Skippy...
Thanks so much for responding

I''ve got to admit, as I was reading your message, I couldn''t help but think that your theory didn''t quite apply to me. I was fairly certain that it wasn''t a matter of comparing myself to this other couple but I just couldn''t quite figure out where my hesitation lay.

And then I realized...it all came back to one of the "big talks" Nate and I had within the past couple of years.

At the time we were discussing my obsession with this engagement and his utter lack of enthusiasm. While he said that he could understand my desire to be engaged, he also admitted that he didn''t have the same drive/need as I did. A proposal and a marriage wouldn''t make him feel any more committed or any more in love with me. And then he made the comment that has been haunting me ever since...

He went on to say that when/if he proposed it would be for me, in order to make me happy, not because it was something he really felt he needed to do.

It was like a stab through the heart.

Part of me felt like I should be thankful that he was willing to do something so selfless just to make me happy but the larger part of me obviously wanted him to WANT to propose. The idea of being proposed to by someone just going through the motions is less than romantic and I''m fairly certain, it''s that thought that has dampened my excitement.

So Skippy, even though your post didn''t quite apply to my situation, you definitely helped me figure out what has been bothering me, so thank you for that.

Now if only I could figure out how to get past it

~Heidi

 

[musey]

Not sure if this is the same situation, but...

About the same time as my FI submitted the payment for my ring, I started second guessing everything and feeling generally down on the impending engagement. Once the ring has actually been paid for and is being made, I think it becomes more real.

Everyone reacts differently, I think. I commiserated with the LIWs at the time (in December/January) and some others were feeling the same way. I think feeling a little "off" about things is normal.

And yes, it went away as soon as he asked!!

ETA: You were posting as I was typing! Sorry 'bout that. Anyway, this:

He went on to say that when/if he proposed it would be for me, in order to make me happy, not because it was something he really felt he needed to do.

It was like a stab through the heart.

Is HUGE! Have you had any closure on this? I sort of had that as a concern/feeling about my FI, and couldn't have felt comfortable getting engaged until he told me that no, in fact, he didn't feel that way, and wouldn't ever propose to me unless it was something he genuinely was ready for and wanted.

Sorry if I'm being too blunt!! I don't mean to cause offense, it's just that I can understand how that could eat at you

 

[hopefulheidi]

musey...

No I haven''t received any closure on this yet. I''m honestly not even sure if Nate remembers saying it but I certainly do. I''ve been so focused on getting him to pick up the ball and run with it that I haven''t really taken the time to revisit that particular conversation. I know he has made it obvious that for him, it is important that he start making design decisions where the ring is concerned so that he can feel like he owns the process and I''m taking that as an encouraging sign but I think I know a certain couple that will be having a heart to heart this weekend

~Heidi

 

[Independent Gal]

Hey Heidi,

I had the same experience as Musey. When I realized that FF had taken my dad out for coffee and was probably asking for his blessing, I started to freak out a little and actually called a friend and said ''I don''t HAVE to get married, do I!?!?!?'' and she said ''Lady! Of COURSE you don''t!'' Then I got kind of down and confused and started second guessing everything too. I was definitely NOT excited.

What I did was gather some books on being engaged. I''m still waiting for one called ''The Conscious Bride'' but I read one called ''Emotionally Engaged'' that described how despite the fact that we are all expected to be just one big ball of joy and excitement about getting engaged and planning a wedding, most brides DO have periods of feeling sad, or scared, or anxious, or underwhelmed. And that this is totally, totally natural and healthy. After all, it is a HUGE change in your identity, relationship to birth family, autonomy, etc. You lose a lot! Of course you gain even more, but it makes sense to feel sad about what you''re losing. Confronting this is healthy. I believe that!
The book then gave lots of ''tests'' to help you determine if your feelings are a red flag about the relationship and you should RUN! or if your feelings are healthy and natural.

It also talked about how lots of brides do this big second round of questioning and doubt thing. Suddenly, ''the sock on the floor isn''t just a sock on the floor. It''s a sock on teh floor for the rest of your life.''

Anyway, just so you know, I totally relate to EXPECTING to feel incredible excitement and then not. This could be not one bit your situation, and I see you have some other insights and ideas, but just in case it''s helpful.

(As for me, I''m feeling back ''in line'' now, and FF kindly agreed to hold off on proposing until my freak-out ended.)

Hope you feel better! And maybe your FF WILL start to get really excited once the ball is rolling! Then it will surely be contagious.

 

[iheartscience]

Heidi, I did feel the same thing right before I was about to get engaged. I wasn''t with my boyf as long as you''ve been with yours (we were together for 4 years before we got engaged a few months ago), but I was ready to get engaged about 2 years before we did. By the time I finally got him to buy the diamond ("finally got him to buy" is exactly how I felt) and my ring was in the process of being custom made, I wasn''t really that super excited about getting engaged anymore. That "over it" feeling did go away for the most part once I got the ring and could show it off to everyone, though. However, I knew he always wanted to get engaged, he''s just a total slowpoke about any decision, especially involving big $.

That statement Nate made would definitely have put a huge damper on my engagement in my boyf had said the same thing. However, he did manage to sneak a nice idea in there: he feels totally committed to you and in love with you. I mean, in a perfect world, he''d be super excited about getting engaged, too. But the fact that he may not be super into engagements/weddings but is still going to do it just for you does mean something good, I think. It''s not ideal and it''s not that heartwarming, but it does show that he''s willing to do things for you because they''re important to you.

 

[Anastasia]

Heidi,

Ouch! That statement would really hurt! If I were you, I would talk to him about it now. I think you may be right, he may not even remember making the statement. Honestly, men really don''t remember half of what they say, and remember even less of what we say!I really think you need to talk about it in order to get some resolution for you.

He may feel completely differently now. Hopefully he can reassure you about his feelings. I think some men don''t realize how much emotion is involved in this process for women.

I think every major life change brings a range of emotions. It took me over a year to get pregnant with my first child. It was very hard on me. Then when I finally got pregnant, I remember not feeling as excited as I thought I would be. I also felt scared which I thought was wierd because it was something I wanted so badly for so long. I just think you can''t always predict exactly what your emotions will be at any given time.

Good Luck - and keep in mind that he has expressed his love and commitment to you. Hopefully you can get some resolution to this, and be really excited when the big day comes!

 

[firebirdgold]

Not to be too negative... but.. I remember when I was a liw that there was a link to an article. It was about how relationships have a sell-by date so to speak. That if a woman has to wait too long for the guy to get his freaking act together and propose... that sometimes the relationship will actually wither and expire under the suffocating weight of disappointment, resentment, and the insidious self-doubt that occurs when a guy doesn''t seem to eager to commit. The fact that he actually said he didn''t feel a need to propose would just make it worse.

Every woman deserves a man who''s eager and looking forward to being married to her. Marriage is wonderful but it''s also hard. I don''t see how it can work if both parties aren''t really excited about it to begin with!

Sorry to be Debbie Downer.

 

[luckystar112]

My boyfriend and I have been together for four years....one time, about 3.5 years ago, I was joking around with him and I asked him if I was his dream girl. He replied, "not quite..." He didn''t say it mean, but he said it honestly. I was shocked! It''s been years...he tells me he loves me every day, he is in the process of looking at stones, he treats me like a princess...but I will NEVER forget the day he told me I wasn''t his "dream girl".

Girls are just like that, you know? Guys don''t have the same emotional triggers as us, which is why they can''t see that we take everything seriously and never forget! Women communicate through words...men, through actions. With men, actions definitely speak louder than words. I have felt the same way as you though, that maybe I''m not as thrilled as I am supposed to be. It''s scaring the hell out of me...like I am just in it to "win the game", and now that the goal is in site, and I know I''ve got it...it''s just not as exciting anymore! Maybe it''s because we are at the point where if we tell people we are engaged they will be saying "about time!" instead of "congrats!"

But I know I want to marry him. Sounds like we''ve been excited about it for so long that we''ve run out of emotion! But it''s okay...we''ll need it when planning our wedding.

 

[Haven]

Heidi--This is a tough one, and I have to agree with Anastasia that I would be very hurt if BF told me he would only be proposing for me, and that marriage is not something he felt he needed to do. The thing is, marriage MUST be something both parties want to enter into if it is going to be successful. I agree with Thing2of2 that is is extremely heartwarming that he''s willing to enter into a marriage with you FOR you, but I''d honestly be terrified that if this is the only reason he''s doing it that it may not work out in the long run.

Even though he said he''d only be doing it for you, I have to believe that somewhere deep down inside this is something he does want--perhaps he just hasn''t come to terms with that yet. I mean, think about it: how probable is it that someone would get married JUST to appease the other person? We do things like go to high school reunions, or boring dinner parties, or even try a new hairstyle to appease our partners, but marriage?! Now, that is seriously an enormous thing to do if one does not truly want to be married. I''m hoping that there''s a disconnect between what Nate said and what he actually means--maybe he means it''s just not something he''d be ready to do NOW, but of course it is something he''d want for the future?

Regardless, I absolutely agree with Musey that you need some closure on this, without it this issue is likely to eat away at you throughout the entire engagement.

Something to think about: I once had a discussion with someone about love, and this person told me that the only way you can truly love someone is if the feeling is reciprocated--if the other person does not love you back, then it can''t really be love, it''s just lust or strong desire. I think the same logic must apply to marriage--if only one person wants the marriage, regardless of how far the other is willing to go for that person, a marriage is going to be SO DIFFICULT to actually pull off, don''t you think? I say go seek out the information you need by having a serious discussion with Nate, it''s the only way for you to feel any better about this.

Good luck, Heidi, we''re pulling for you!

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 6/23/2007 1:02:57 AM
Author: hopefulheidi

At the time we were discussing my obsession with this engagement and his utter lack of enthusiasm. While he said that he could understand my desire to be engaged, he also admitted that he didn't have the same drive/need as I did. A proposal and a marriage wouldn't make him feel any more committed or any more in love with me. And then he made the comment that has been haunting me ever since...

He went on to say that when/if he proposed it would be for me, in order to make me happy, not because it was something he really felt he needed to do.

It was like a stab through the heart.

Part of me felt like I should be thankful that he was willing to do something so selfless just to make me happy but the larger part of me obviously wanted him to WANT to propose. The idea of being proposed to by someone just going through the motions is less than romantic and I'm fairly certain, it's that thought that has dampened my excitement.

I'm going to tell you honestly that I think you're reading more into the comment than you should.

You're interpreting his comments to mean that he's 'going through the motions', and I don't think that's what he's saying at all. He's saying the FORMAL parts of it (getting engaged, getting married) don't carry the same importance to him as what those formal actions point to....which is being with you. The ESSENCE of it for him is in being with you.

Honestly, HH, this is how it is for most men. They don't grow up dreaming of getting engaged. They don't daydream about being married or their weddings. Men and women think differently, and sometimes that's hard to accept when OUR female perspective is shaped by chick flicks, girly movies, and romance novels that reinforce the notion that men in love SWOON over women when they find the right one.

They don't. Men tend to be more practical. They care more about feeling loved, feeling secure, feeling needed, etc. THAT'S the essence that resonates to them...and he obviously feels that comfort from you already. He can accept that your needs are different from his because you think differently as a woman, and the nice thing is that he's willing to meet your needs too, including the need to experience the formal parts i.e. engagement and marriage.

I don't think he's unenthused to be with you at all. I think from his perspective, he already IS with you and already is committed to you. That's what I think he's saying. He doesn't need to be engaged to feel committed to you. He doesn't need to be married to feel committed to you. He already is.

Saying that doesn't mean he doesn't want to be married. I think it means he already feels connected to you in that deep, meaningful way, and marriage doesn't change that for him.

 

[little miss sunshine]

Heidi -

I think what you''re feeling is totally normal. I was the most excited about the whole engagement process at the VERY beginning when my FI and I first started talking about it - a few months before he proposed and after 4 1/2 years of dating. Then right after he proposed - I was completely overwhelmed with the thought of planning a wedding. It''s been three months and now I am just starting to get excited about diving into all the planning. I think how I got over the hump of feeling "not so excited" was by just forgetting about it. I took those months to just live in the moment and not obssess about my ring or my wedding or anything. I didn''t even really come on PS very much because I kept finding myself looking at wedding bands and dresses and feeling overwhlemed again. I cherished all of the time I spent w/my FI and just enjoyed having him in my life.

I also totally agree with luckystar112 and aljdewey. Sometimes people say things that really don''t mean much to them, but stick with us forever. I am sure there was probably even things you have said to Nate or friends or family that might have been hurtful at the time, but you don''t mean them in the slightest anymore.

Independent Gal - I am going to look into those books!!

 

[MommaBear]

heidi,
oh girl, i''m in the same boat. i''ve been on pins and needles and still nothing. this is driving me nuts and now, it''s almost anti-climatic and i''m feeling so over it.
i''m starting to think, maybe i should just ask him. that way, i''ll have it done with!! haha

nah, that''s so not gonna happen. i''m too traditional and hard headed. he''s gonna do it. and that''s that. for now

 

[bee*]

I know how you feel about the whole "feeling down" thing also-we''re heading on friday week and a couple of months ago I was so excited and now Im just ..kind of blah about it. We''re nearly together 8 years and I love him more than anything, but I just thought I''d be excited being this close. Im sure once we go on our holidays I''ll be fine, but Im at the stage where Im just so ready to be engaged that Im nearly past being excited about it.

As for his comment, while I would be hurt about it, I agree with aljdeway-he probably didn''t mean it to be spiteful or hurtful. I bet you when he proposes it will be fantastic!

 

[Independent Gal]

Can I just say that I feel a LOT better myself, hearing all of you say you also had bouts of ''blah'' around the proposal? I was so freaked out about not being ''over the moon'' that he asked my dad. Initially I thought it was a bad sign, even though I have no real doubts about my guy at all! And reading it in a book is one thing, but hearing you all share it is another.

Sounds like it''s all pretty normal. So, apparently, NO! You SHOULDN''T be more excited! What you''re experiencing is totally normal! We''ll all probably be excited on and off, and when we''re ''off'' that''s just fine too!

I also think ALJ is right about what your guy said being actually positive and not meant to be hurtful. But I would still bring it up with him so you have some closure. I bet he hugs you tight and says ''Honey! I can''t wait to be your husband.''

 

[neatfreak]

I'm with all you girls. As exited as I was at the moment of the proposal, and as excited as I am about getting married to my fantastic fiance, I am just not as excited as many friends about being engaged. All the excitement was in the months BEFORE the proposal, then by the time it actually happened I was like "Yay!" for about an hour, then I was like, "Ok now what?".

I don't squeal about it or shriek about it, and I think when it happened we only even told a few people. I felt like such a grouch to be a girl who wasn't always squealing about it...but that's just my personality I guess!

Everyone reacts differently and I'm SURE as long as you're thrilled to be marrying your man, it's totally normal to have ups and downs about it.

 

[JenStone]

Date: 6/23/2007 12:15:36 PM
Author: IndieJones
Not to be too negative... but.. I remember when I was a liw that there was a link to an article. It was about how relationships have a sell-by date so to speak. That if a woman has to wait too long for the guy to get his freaking act together and propose... that sometimes the relationship will actually wither and expire under the suffocating weight of disappointment, resentment, and the insidious self-doubt that occurs when a guy doesn''t seem to eager to commit. The fact that he actually said he didn''t feel a need to propose would just make it worse.


Every woman deserves a man who''s eager and looking forward to being married to her. Marriage is wonderful but it''s also hard. I don''t see how it can work if both parties aren''t really excited about it to begin with!


Sorry to be Debbie Downer.

Here is the link to the article Indie talks about:
http://www.aish.com/dating/wisdom/In_Dating_Limbo.asp

I had read it last year when it was first posted but I read it once again and it seemed to sum up many LIWs'' experiences well.

The friends whom I''ve confided to about him purchasing a ring always had the same reaction: some squealing, congratulating, and asking me, "Aren''t you excited?" And unfortunately, I always tell them no. Because truthfully, at this point, it seems more like a formality than anything else. I mean, of course I''m excited that we''re finally making it official. But we''ve lived together, we already act like a married couple, my mother''s been planning our wedding for months now....what would be different after I get a ring on my finger?

I knew within months of dating him that he was the one, and I''ve told him this many times. He says that he knew within a year. "Then why did you wait so long?" I''ve asked him many times. He always says that he wanted to wait for the right time. The right time for what? The right time for me or the right time for him? Because there have been many, many "right" times for me in the past couple of years.

hopefulheidi - I always associate your name with one of my favorite threads on the LIW board: Coming full circle...years of waiting have left me jaded.... In it, Starset Princess, who has since left her old boyfriend and began a new relationship, says:

Date: 9/25/2006 11:11:38 AM
Author: Starset Princess
You know what I sometimes tell myself / ask myself? No matter what excuses, timelines, frustrations, intentions, hopes, failures, promises, expectations, etc etc.....what it ALL comes down to, for me, is

It shouldn''t have to be this hard.

Christa also makes an excellent point when she says:

Date: 9/25/2006 7:06:40 PM
Author: Christa
I also look at it this way--in essence, YOU have already proposed to him by making it clear that you want to marry him. How long are you going to wait for his answer? Several years of ''no answer'' really IS an answer, isn''t it?

I love my boyfriend and I know I want to spend the rest of my life with him. At the same time, I also sometimes wish that we had the type of romance where after just a year (or less) of being together, when we both knew each other was the one, he would''ve just popped the question right then and there. It would''ve been a total surprise (at least for me) and so much easier, IMO.

Sorry to be a downer as well. Just something to think about on a Saturday night (while asking myself, hey it''s the weekend, he has the ring, why isn''t anything happening?)

 

[musey]

Date: 6/23/2007 7:08:25 PM
Author: neatfreak
I don't squeal about it or shriek about it, and I think when it happened we only even told a few people. I felt like such a grouch to be a girl who wasn't always squealing about it...but that's just my personality I guess!

Yes! I think it really is all dependent on personality. I know girls who shriek and squeal over anything: cupcakes, cocktails, seeing each other for the first time in... a day.

Those are the girls who shrieked and squealed when they found out I got engaged... I can only IMAGINE what those types of girls would be like once engaged!

I don't really--ahem--"express myself" that way!

ETA: RE: boyfriend not proposing after essentially having been proposed to, years of "no answer" being your answer... yeah. Definitely agree. I suppose it's all dependent on situation, though. In ours, FI was waiting until a more appropriate time (i.e. NOT while we're still in college and only together for 2 years

not the greatest combination). I told him after 1.5 years I wanted to marry him. We were only Juniors in college. So he waited another 1.5 years

I'm gonna cut myself off because I'll start babbling!

 

[DMBsGirl]

I''m totally feeling the BLAH thing as well. For me it comes from the fact that I have wanted this engagement for about a year and the waiting and waiting and watching everyone around me get engaged has made me bitter. Not to mention everyone else that has gotten engaged has been together way less than bf and i have (8yrs). This would have been so much more special if he would have done it before i''d even said I wanted it, if it had been a complete surprise and something that came entirely from him. At times I feel like it would not have happened anytime soon if i hadnt talked about it. (my timeline is this year.) Like someone else mentioned I also dont look forward to telling people when it happens, because I know i will get a lot of "finally"and ""it''s about time" reactions, and that will just pi$$ me off!! ugh, i am scared that when he does it I''LL give him a "ït''s about time" instead of a "yes."

 

[musey]

Date: 6/24/2007 11:20:37 AM
Author: DMBsGirl
I also dont look forward to telling people when it happens, because I know i will get a lot of 'finally'and ''it's about time' reactions, and that will just pi$$ me off!!

Oh nooo! I know it's hard not to think that way... I'm sure there will always be those people who are thinking that, but 98% of them will do their best to exclude that from the rest of their emotions (including lots of EXCITEMENT for you!).

When FI proposed, I had two separate camps that I knew I'd be dealing with: families, who would be thinking "FINALLY!" and friends--all of whom are in the "MARRIAGE UNDER 30?!" camp. I thought I'd get halfhearted responses from our families and shocked/disapproving reactions from our friends.

We did get somewhat blah responses from our families (My mom said, and I quote, "Oh sweetie, that's so neat." NEAT)... but our friends, even those we weren't that close to, "shrieked and squealed" even though I didn't. I'll always remember the first time seeing a group of friends after he asked, as being one of the happiest moments of my engagement--having all of them so incredibly excited that it pumped up my OWN excitement and I forgot all about worrying how people would react (or how I'D react, for that matter).

So I guess what I'm saying is, even if you've been waiting and people KNOW you've been waiting, it won't take away from the fact that those who love you will be incredibly happy and excited for you.

Besides, you know you'll all be getting HUGE SHRIEKY POSTS from PSers!!

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 6/23/2007 2:27:52 PM
Author: aljdewey

Date: 6/23/2007 1:02:57 AM

Author: hopefulheidi


At the time we were discussing my obsession with this engagement and his utter lack of enthusiasm. While he said that he could understand my desire to be engaged, he also admitted that he didn't have the same drive/need as I did. A proposal and a marriage wouldn't make him feel any more committed or any more in love with me. And then he made the comment that has been haunting me ever since...


He went on to say that when/if he proposed it would be for me, in order to make me happy, not because it was something he really felt he needed to do.


It was like a stab through the heart.


Part of me felt like I should be thankful that he was willing to do something so selfless just to make me happy but the larger part of me obviously wanted him to WANT to propose. The idea of being proposed to by someone just going through the motions is less than romantic and I'm fairly certain, it's that thought that has dampened my excitement.

I'm going to tell you honestly that I think you're reading more into the comment than you should.


You're interpreting his comments to mean that he's 'going through the motions', and I don't think that's what he's saying at all. He's saying the FORMAL parts of it (getting engaged, getting married) don't carry the same importance to him as what those formal actions point to....which is being with you. The ESSENCE of it for him is in being with you.


Honestly, HH, this is how it is for most men. They don't grow up dreaming of getting engaged. They don't daydream about being married or their weddings. Men and women think differently, and sometimes that's hard to accept when OUR female perspective is shaped by chick flicks, girly movies, and romance novels that reinforce the notion that men in love SWOON over women when they find the right one.


They don't. Men tend to be more practical. They care more about feeling loved, feeling secure, feeling needed, etc. THAT'S the essence that resonates to them...and he obviously feels that comfort from you already. He can accept that your needs are different from his because you think differently as a woman, and the nice thing is that he's willing to meet your needs too, including the need to experience the formal parts i.e. engagement and marriage.


I don't think he's unenthused to be with you at all. I think from his perspective, he already IS with you and already is committed to you. That's what I think he's saying. He doesn't need to be engaged to feel committed to you. He doesn't need to be married to feel committed to you. He already is.


Saying that doesn't mean he doesn't want to be married. I think it means he already feels connected to you in that deep, meaningful way, and marriage doesn't change that for him.

Wowwe, Alj is so wise. I completely agree w/her.

My hubby was sort of the same way. He didn't understand marriage, but after 1 year of marriage he says it is so different then he thought it would be. He loves it. Men are just a little slow sometime. Hang in there. I don't doubt your guy loves you!!!