any LIW''s in your 30''s?

[eternaloptimist]

I''m sure if we got engaged, we would consider living together and most likely would during that time. And I actually lived with him for a few wks here before I found my own place. One really positive thing is - I wouldn''t need much time to plan a wedding at all!!! I don''t want a huge one - only family and just a few friends - and would ideally want to go to destination and get a package of some sort. So I wouldn''t want some elaborate thing that would take a year of planning....

 

[Independent Gal]

Glad to hear the kids thing isn''t a big issue for you! That takes a LOT Of pressure off. Hurray!

In terms of the stats, someone recently posted a page with them, but if you google it, you should be able to find them easily. My recollection is that 2/3s of people have no serious fertility problems at 35, and 1/3 do. But of those who CAN get pregnant, many have miscarriages, even multiple miscarriages, or complications during pregnancy or birth. I was adding those in in terms of ''having problems''. But 50% is not exact!

SO, you''d still have a 66% chance of conceiving at 35! After that things start going downhill fast. That doesn''t mean that you WOULD have trouble! Lots of people have babies at 40. Just that stastically, it becomes WAY more likely. Lots and LOTS of people DON''T have babies at 40. We just don''t hear about it. Know what I mean?

But if that''s not a big issue for you, then hurray! You can chill a little. Ah!

I''ll have the opposite problem. My guy was all ''Can I knock you up?'' when we''d been dating for something like 3 months! He DESPERATELY wants kids N-O-W. Uh, no. Slow down there, Mr.!

We''ll also move in after getting engaged (or maybe a month before given my freak-out) and I''m with Deco that I think this will chill me out about my ''living together'' worries.

 

[Pandora II]

I was very ambivalent about kids until FI and I started getting serious - now I''m so tempted to say sod it and have one before the wedding!

For me the thing that drove me nuts is that I like to always have a 5 year plan for my life (open to change always, but there). So many of the plans I wanted for my future depended on FI making some decisions. As someone who was always very independent it was hard that I had to wait on someone else for my life choices.

Men often don''t understand that you need time to plan a wedding. Okay, you can do it fast, but I wanted the full bridal experience - not some rush job because he made me wait too long.

They also don''t get that you might not get pregnant straight away. When you are looking at being 36 before you even start to try, every 6 months they wait is 6 months further into the grey zone.

After we got engaged, FI told me he was going to propose a year earlier over New Year, but the moment was quite right...grrr.

 

[Kristie76]

I''m 31 and I''m still waiting for that ring!! My FI is 29. We''ve been dating for over 3 years. Just recently we plan on the marriage. But a couple months before I was so anxious and worried that he''ll take forever to decide if he wants to be with me forever. He''s still young and I''m not getting any younger, so I was pretty worried and was about to give up on the relationship. Had he not bought me the ring 2 months ago, I''d have left already. He knew I wasn''t kidding about marriage and I wasn''t going to be around too long for him to make up his mind.
Sometimes, you have to be tough with the guy and stand on your ground! If you know what make you happy, getting married at certain age range, ect, you gotta make sure he understand that very well. And not only that, you gotta make sure he plans to make you happy.

Best wishes.

 

[Erin]

Date: 6/19/2007 1:15:36 PM
Author: janinegirly

so just realize that a year seems ok now, but each month that passes you may grow increasingly frustrated and start to resent him for putting your life on hold while he figures out what he wants (after 3 yrs no less). that''s what happened to me

That''s what happened to me, too. He''s 33 and I''ll be 32 next month. We bought a ring and one year went by (then two but I''m only speaking at one year at this point.) There was still hope that we could have lived happily ever after had he proposed...maybe. But it was that point on, as more time went by, with every week, the feeling got stronger, frustration and resentment. Resentment for him only caring about what he wanted. No comprimising. My life was on hold and it was out of my control. You can only hang in limbo so long then eventually you have to fall to one side.

When you start building that wall of protection, it''s hard to tear down.

A small minority of relationships on this board ends the way mine did. Just wanted to point out that no matter what rights or wrongs happened between us - this emotion was the first domino.

 

[Becky P]

Starset-
Yup, the resentment is hard. It kind of comes and goes. At the end of last year, I got VERY resentful, and our relationship nearly exploded from the inside out. The more he''s willing to talk about engagement, marriage and the future, the less resentment there is though. He knows what he needs to do to make me happy, and at this point, I still believe that he will. But, if it does get to the point where I decide to walk away, there will be no going back. By that time, there will already be too many emotions and too much resentment to be willing to give it another chance. Hopefully he''ll just do the right thing and we''ll live happily ever after!

Pandora-
I agree! I''m a planner. I like to plan. And, right now, waiting on someone else to make a decision that affects my life as well, it''s really hard to plan because there''s so many unknowns. I, too, want the full bridal experience. I''m not going to rush my engagement just because he drug his feet for so long on the getting engaged part! I want at least 9 months, preferably 12 to plan my wedding and enjoy the engagement part of things!

In other news-
We continue to have important, meaningful conversations. Just yesterday, we were talking on the phone and he told me his bonus was coming in his next check and the amount. I said, whoo hoo! That''ll make a big dent in the house downpayment and ring fund! He said, yup! Then, he told me the amount of his savings, said he wanted to get it to $XXX by the end of the year and, haha, he didn''t know if he would make it to that number if he also had to buy a ring (said jokingly)! I said, you don''t HAVE to buy a ring, you GET to buy a ring!

He laughes, haha, no I HAVE to buy a ring. I say, you GET to buy a ring cause you''re the luckiest boy in the world. He just laughed!! I think I''m definitely gonna go for the positive spin on this marketing campaign!!!! Hopefully it''ll work!