Good things are happening...

[Becky P]

Hey ladies -

Just a mini-update for you here. It''s been a long time since I posted about all the drama that happened. So, for those of you who weren''t around then, a quick backstory... bf and I met and dated for a year in college, broke up for 4 years and got back together in Oct 2002. Dated long distance until Dec. 2005 when I moved to Pittsburgh. In Oct last year, he was offered a transfer to NC with his job. I didn''t want to go without a firm committment (engagement or timeline for engagement). After MANY (personal and private) discussions, I ended up moving with him in Feb (with a ring or a timeline on when I would have one).

Things in NC are going GREAT!! In Pittsburgh, most of our friends were single, which resulted in many nights out at the bars bagging on engaged/married people (as single guys tend to do). Since moving here to Raleigh, I''ve made sure that we meet as many couples as possible, and we''ve met some great people, gone out to dinners, etc. Before, he wasn''t really comfortable going out with couples (as though their committment "disease" would get passed along to him. lol

). Now, he seems to enjoy going out with other people our age who are going through the same stages... serious dating, engagement, first home buying etc.

The best thing that''s happened since moving here happened this past week! We''ve been having lots of the same circular discussion since October about when we''ll get married - he''s not sure yet when he''ll be ready although he wants to marry me, I''m ready to get married now and just want to know WHEN... frustrating for both of us to say the least, but we''ve at least been able to have quite a few good conversations and really listen to where the other is coming from. So, a couple days ago sitting out at dinner, we''re talking about upcoming weddings (my brother''s in July and his sister''s in November). He starts asking me questions about OUR wedding!!! Where do I want to get married? How many people do I want to have? etc, etc!!! I think we''ve pretty much decided where we want to get married and the type of wedding we want to have, and we''re in TOTAL agreement!!! SOOOOO EXCITING! It seems as though we''re finally on the same page, and I feel so much more comfortable waiting a little longer for a ring when he''s at least willing to talk to me about the future - especially when HE brings up the discussion himself!

Oh, and, there''s been LOTS of talk about OUR home. A few weeks ago, he took me out driving to explore some different neighborhoods to see which ones we like, where we''d like to live... and, while we drove, we talked about how many bedrooms we''d want, what we''d want in a home (especially since we both work from home), whether we needed to look into schools in case we had children while we still lived in the home, etc, etc.

So, no update on the ring front, but LOTS happening in other discussions about marriage, family and home - which I think is much more important than the ring anyway!! I''d rather us focus on the marriage and our future than on a piece of jewelry or a big party... I also bought a book of questions that we''re gonna go through - I looked through it, now he''s looking through it, then we''ll both look through it together... Oh, also, we''ve got a trip planned to Hawaii in November, so I think that would be the perfect place for a proposal!!!! (haha, he could ask me to get "mauied" (married) in Maui - how cute!) Of course, if he wants to do it before then, it would be TOTALLY fine with me!!! So, things are looking up in my world here! And, funny how the more he talks about the future, the less "crazy" I become obsessing about the proposal and our future. Hopefully one day soon I''ll be posting an "I''M ENGAGED!" story here!!!

 

[bee*]

That''s great news Becky!! Glad that things are working out for you two and that you are on the same page as each other. Hope it happens for you soon.

 

[monarch64]

I remember you...glad to hear things are really going well now, it sounds like a lot of progress has been made! It makes a huge difference when you start keeping company with couples rather than singles, doesn''t it? Take care, and I hope get engaged soon!!!

 

[iwannaprettyone]

Awesome!

 

[JenStone]

Yay! His talking about all these things is definitely a good sign. Maybe he''s thinking about other things too (of the shiny kind

) but hasn''t said anything yet.

 

[Becky P]

Yes, keeping company with other couples is definitely very nice. Every time we went out with all our single friends (who I do love dearly), there was always at least one person who would make negative comments or just downright bash marriage, having a ball and chain, etc. It would drive me crazy. Hanging out with other couples who like similar activites as us has been a lot of fun, and I hope he''s seeing that marriage isn''t some horrible prison!

Who knows what he''s thinking about sparklies... I did send him an email a few months ago with information about diamonds, PS, Whiteflash, etc... maybe he''s researched it, but who knows. His work computer does not save any previous websites visited, so I can''t even snoop and find out!!!

haha!

It somehow seems in his mind that the engagement doesn''t exist so much as the marriage and children. It''s wierd. He can talk about our future and our children VERY freely. Now he''s been bringing up marriage, even asked me where I wanted to get married, etc. But, engagment talk doesn''t really happen. He of course knows we have to get engaged before we get married or have kids, but somehow that "step" is missing in his brain right now! Either that or he''s trying to throw me off his scent...

 

[monarch64]

Well Becky, I think that guys tend to focus more on the actual "event" instead of what leads up to it...for ex. the first thing women think when they get an invitation to attend a special occasion is "what am I going to wear?" Whereas guys are thinking nothing of the sort, more like "wow, that will be a great time." So as far as engagement vs. marriage and children, I think guys definitely look forward to the event instead of focusing on all the romantic things leading up to it, such as the proposal and engagement, and especially choosing a ring and paying for it, lol! (And then there''s the other very important thing with couples--the "event" of sex itself, and the issue of women needing a "buildup" and men, well, not needing that, ha ha.) Hopefully some of this makes sense? What I''m trying to say here is that men and women just place importance in varying quantities in different things in life.

I won''t bore you with my long story of how I came to be a mrs., but I will say that even though we lived together with the intention of getting married, DH and I still had different timelines in our heads before we got engaged. We knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together and all that, but getting to that actual point did involve me wanting to pull my hair out over when i would receive a ring as a sign of our commitment to that intention. And looking back on that period of time, it did help move things along that our social circle consisted of mainly people who were seriously involved, had just gotten engaged, or were getting married soon. I''m forever thankful that we met at the ages we did (I was 24, he was 31), because if he''d been younger I have doubts that he would''ve latched on the ol'' ball and chain so (in hindsight, lol) quickly. We met, moved in together, and got married within a span of less than two years.

It sounds like it''s just a matter of time for you, I know it''s hard but try to enjoy some of that anticipation, it will make being married that much more special.

 

[Becky P]

Thanks monarch for the kind words. Yes, it is just a matter of time for me now. We had a discussion recently where I said, I just wanted a sign that he was definitely going to commit to me forever... which was followed by the realization that the only "sign" he could give me was a ring. We had a good laugh over that, and as a result have spent more time just talking about the future, our hopes, our dreams, where we see ourselves living, etc. And, that, to me, has been the "sign" that I had so desperately needed. Between looking at neighborhoods to buy a house and talking about what we want in a wedding, I realize that he IS serious and he IS sending me a sign. Now it''s just a matter of my impatient self waiting for him to go buy some bling!

 

[janinegirly]

sounds like you''re really happy and feeling certain of the pending proposal, so that''s good!
i think you''ve been incredibly patient though..you guys have been dating ages and you moved several states to follow him..twice.

you''re right that the only sign that it''s definite is a RING and not talk and signs. i would be v. frustrated in your shoes, but then i guess it''s because i really needed the ring to continue to be happy in a long term relationship. has he hinted or told you that he''s started looking at rings or asked you to come along?

i hope it''s soon meaning months not years!

 

[Becky P]

He hasn''t said anything about ring shopping or taking me with. The email I sent him a few months ago pretty much told him everything he needs to know though, so I don''t think I''ll even have a clue if/when he''s looking at stuff. The other day, I got to his house before he got back from his run, and there was a blue envelope in the mail on the table - looked suspiciously like a Tiffanys & Co. envelope to me. But, he''s bought numerous Cmas/Bday presents from there, so maybe he''s just on the mailing list. After finding this site, I really hope he doesn''t get the e-ring from Tiffany''s. They''re so overpriced, and you don''t get as good of quality as you would here from PS.

Today, as we were walking down the street, some little girl leaned out the window of her car and yelled "I LOVE YOU!" at us...

He joked and said, hey, you''ve got competition. I said, I think I''ll win this one. He said, oh, I dunno... in 10 or 12 years when I''m finally ready to get married, she might be pretty hot, haha. I think he''s trying to throw me off his scent. I really don''t think I''ll have ANY clue that he''s looking at rings or that he has one until the gorgeous day when he gets down on one knee and asks me to be his wife.

It''s definitely past the timeline that I set. But, I''m not stressed and worried now like I was because back then it felt like an IF we get married, not it''s a WHEN we get married. One small shift in wording, but it makes such a difference. I think it''s still a few months away, but it''s getting closer every day. It''s definitely not at the point anymore where it''s years away... so, ever hopeful that it will be girl soon, rather than boy soon, but we shall see... you know ya''ll will probably be the first to know!!!

 

[Pandora II]

Trust me Becky, when he finally proposes you''ll look back at this time and wonder why you were so stressed! It also makes so much difference finally getting that bling on your finger - and to them too.

If anyone had told me a year ago that I would have spent today in a jewellers with my sparkly new e-ring on and FI telling me I just HAD to get a diamond set wedding band (and later explaining to me that the cost didn''t matter because it was forever so it was important that I love it and that it''s perfect

) I would NEVER believed that it could happen. I was so sure we''d never get married I''d even told my darling grandmother to prepare for grandchildren outside wedlock!

I totally get where you are coming from and it seems like you are both on the same page and a good page right now.