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Proposal Help....PLEASE.

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Buckshot

Rough_Rock
Joined
Apr 11, 2007
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13
I''m hoping someone here can help with figure out a course of action. I have FINALLY picked out a stone, and setting and am working on getting the ring sized and what not. I thought that was the hard part...but I guess it''s ALL the hard part. So I have two more problems.

1. Asking permission from her father. This is complicated. She lives at home with her father (her mother passed away recently), and in a city about 100 miles from me. I know she wants me to ask her father for his blessing (and I want to as well), however the fact that she lives at home with him makes this really difficult to pull off. I would love to call him and take him out to dinner, but she always answers the house phone..and if she doesn''t happen to be there..she checks the caller ID. So she would know that I called the house...which I never do because I always call her cell. I could drive by to hope to see him when she wasn''t there..but they both work the same hours..and if she isn''t at work..or here with me..she is at home. I really have no way that I can think of to get in touch with her father without her knowing. I don''t know his cell...don''t know his e-mail. ...nothing. Any suggestions?

2. After I get the father thing taken care of (see above), I need to figure out how to do this. I don''t have a lot of money at the present time. But above all else I want it to be a memorable surprise. I thought about the first date ..and could do it there ...but it was raining BUCKETS that night..and it''s 70 miles from my house and 30 miles from hers..we never go there..so if we went there..she would know what was up. I thought about the first kiss..but that was at my house and nothing really romantic about that. I can think of other romantic things to do..but nothing that would completely surprise her. (going to the beach 150 miles, mountains 100 miles...etc..). does anyone have any ideas that wont break the bank. I really would rather not do anything very public or at a restaurant..though dinner afterwards would be fine.

I''m desperate...HELP!
 

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jmtomaui

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 10, 2006
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390
Hi. I''m a lurking reader of this site and wanted to respond to your message...

1) Do you know where her dad works? Could you call him there? Could he possibly have to work "overtime" so that you could take him to dinner?

2) As far as memorable... Is she a private person? Or would she enjoy a public proposal? I''m sure others will have better ideas, but where do you plan to live once married? Is there a special place - garden, park, zoo, restaurant, etc - that she enjoys? While it may not have past memories associated with it, it is a place you could go in the future to relive the memory. I''ve heard of guys cutting out the pages of a book of poetry or something and hiding the ring there. Work with friends to have them hide the ring at the right spot so she finds it when "resting" on a bench or something... As you can tell, I''m not very good at this but I''m sure others will be.

Because it is from you, no matter what you do, it will be special...
 

Trelala

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jul 12, 2006
Messages
138
As for getting in touch with the dad without her knowledge, hopefully you know where he works. Then you can call the company and ask to speak with him, visit the website to get his email, etc. Or you could just show up where he works.
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Or ask one of her friends to get the work phone number, cell phone, email, whatever that you need.
 

oshinbreez

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 16, 2006
Messages
1,135
It would probably be best to contact her dad at work. You can call and make plans with him.

As far as the proposal. Where do you live? Why not have a picnic? Is there any place you can pick wildflowers? What about laying on a blanket and watching the clouds/stars? There are so many simple things you can do that would make a special proposal.

Good Luck.
 

ladyciel

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Mar 24, 2007
Messages
1,769
1) I also like the idea of contacting him through his work. You could call or visit him there and then suggest a lunch meeting (or whatever meal coincides best with his work hours) for the near future. That way there''s less chance either you or her dad will have to try and explain your whereabouts to her. As long as you can find out where her dad''s work is located, I''m sure you''ll have no problem making contact with him there. What secretary/boss wouldn''t sympathise with "I want to ask his daughter to marry me, and this is the only place I can find him without her finding out"?

2) I''m betting you can find a public location that would still be a private proposal, like a quiet park or boardwalk type of place. Have you ever gone on a picnic together? Maybe you could enlist the help of some friends you can trust to keep things a secret and help prevent her from suspecting anything. Have them invite the two of you out to a park for a picnic/BBQ. You pack your food and wine for the two of you, head out to the park at the specified time, and lay out the blanket while you wait for your friends. Either just before, or after the specificed time, get your friends to call with whatever reason they "can''t make it, we''re so sorry!" so it ends up being a picnic for two, perfect for a proposal.
 

Buckshot

Rough_Rock
Joined
Apr 11, 2007
Messages
13
Thanks for all the replies so far.

It would seem like work is the only option to contact him, but that also is a problem.

1. I don''t know the name of where he works, but I do know he is a Govt. contractor, and it''s a secure facility. He doesn''t exactly have an "office" so to speak. And you can''t find his work info on the internet.

2. I know one family friend that would have that information, but ..in my impression...he has a big mouth. I don''t want this getting out, so i''m not going to go to him.

I live in Virginia, and the picnic idea is a good one, even though she might think something is up. So i need to make it seem spontaneous. I''ll have to think more on that one...including a proper location.

Oh, and she is a private person...very shy.

The fact that she lives 100 miles away and I only really get to see her every other weekend or so, limits my options. The picnic idea also depends on weather. so i''m going to need to have back up plans or PRAY for great weather.


I thought about taking her to the mountains. There was this little rocky over look off of a trail, that is very quiet and peaceful and was the first place I told her that I loved her. But if I drive out there (150 miles or so) she might know something is up.
 

JimDiamond

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jun 26, 2004
Messages
131
Well you're doing the right thing thinking about it. It's worthy of being special and that takes some time and thought. I really thought the other posters had something with the "reach her father at work idea", but you seem to have a problem there. BTW, just how recently and under what circumstances did her mom pass away. I'm not telling you what to do, but you may want to consider if she's had enough time to grieve. There is no magic number after which it's okay, because it depends upon her but it seems you'd want at least 3-4 months to have passed at a minimum. You just need to use what you know about her to make your best guess. You want her to be able to enjoy this time. If the sting of her mother's death is still too strong, it might make a time in her life which should be joyous into one which is bittersweet. Her father also lost his wife and your "request" to marry his daughter (whom he lives with) may also feel to him like he's losing his daughter too. So just think and tread carefully.

Anyway, back to the fun stuff. Like you, when I proposed, I first tried to think of a place that already had special signficance to us. I ended up going with a place that was beautiful, but new to both of us. Trust me. Pick a nice place and it will BECOME special. That should make it bit easier, because you can focus on places that are closer and more convenient. Places with natural beauty are usually a good choice, but it can be as simple as a remote corner of a public park. If there's any kind of local "wilderness" or "flower garden" or "senic view" you may have a candidate. As for the weather, you can have a plan contigent on weather. It will kill *you*, but if you have to delay your plans until the next weekend because of rain, she'll never be the wiser. I would NOT plan to leave the ring for her to "find" with or without help from others. It's not worth the risk. It's safest in your pocket until the appropriate moment. Good luck.
 

AndyR1976

Rough_Rock
Joined
May 18, 2007
Messages
9
this might sound silly.

You said her mum passed away not that long ago. Was she close to her mum? If so, then an option might be to propose somewhere that was significnat for her, her mum or her family! Traditional things may be lost but if there is somewhere special that she used to spend time with her mum, and she was close to her mum then perhaps it might be a very special place for her to be proposed to!

Perhaps ask this elusive father when you catch up with him

Good luck!
 

Stephanie

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 25, 2007
Messages
1,164
1. Asking permission from her father. This is complicated. She lives at home with her father (her mother passed away recently), and in a city about 100 miles from me. I know she wants me to ask her father for his blessing (and I want to as well), however the fact that she lives at home with him makes this really difficult to pull off. I would love to call him and take him out to dinner, but she always answers the house phone..and if she doesn''t happen to be there..she checks the caller ID. So she would know that I called the house...which I never do because I always call her cell. I could drive by to hope to see him when she wasn''t there..but they both work the same hours..and if she isn''t at work..or here with me..she is at home. I really have no way that I can think of to get in touch with her father without her knowing. I don''t know his cell...don''t know his e-mail. ...nothing. Any suggestions?
Now this may be too sneaky or what not, but here are some options for getting in touch with the father:
1. One time, when you know she isn''t home, call her house. When she asks why you would call the house instead of her cell, just say that you couldn''t get through (say that it kept saying "All circuits are busy" or something along those lines) and that you called the house to determine whether or not it was your phone or her''s messing up - since the call "wasn''t connecting."
2. On the more drastic and underhanded side, you could try to sneak a look into her phone book on her cell. I know that I am constantly playing with my boyfriend''s phone (he has better games) or he will grab mine to leave me messages on my welcome screen. For instance, the next time she comes over to your house, or you go to hers, grab her phone and tell her that you want to leave her a little note (for what ever romantic reason you can drum up at the time.) While you are leaving said note, look through her phone book and message his number to your phone. Look for headings with his name or Dad cell or somthing along those lines. Things to remember though:
a. Have you phone on silent so it won''t go off when you get the message - you don''t want her to know!
b. Do leave a cute little romantic note on her welcome screen. All phones can do this. If you know what kind of phone it
is, look up ahead of time how to leave a message. Keep it short and sweet.

Just some ideas off the top of my head.

Hope it all works out,
Stephanie
 

Buckshot

Rough_Rock
Joined
Apr 11, 2007
Messages
13
Thanks for all the replys. There was some good info there.

As far as her mom goes. Her mom passed away in the middle of March, about a week after my birthday actually. She is still having a tough time dealing with it, but getting better. Like you already mentioned, i''m just going to have to wait it out and see when the right time is. Though she will probably be upset over her mom''s passing for quite a while, only time will tell when I think is the right time to ask her to be my wife. It''s obviously a few months down the road at least, but i like to plan as far ahead as possible, so i''m looking for ideas now.

I like the idea two ideas about calling the house to see if the phone was working and the cell phone. Both good ideas, and I think my only real options as far as getting up with her dad. Her dad does love her very much, but I think will be happy to see her out of the house.

As far as the actual proposal goes. I''m going to keep brainstorming and see what I can come up with. It has to be a surprise and i''m usually pretty good at these (i''m great with misdirection). This will without a doubt be the biggest surprise in her life and therefore, (as i''m sure everyone else thinks so too), has to be perfect. I''m thinking it will be outdoors at some place with natural beauty (thanks for the tip on that one...i was leaning that way, but your response solidified it). As far as when and where though....I don''t know.

Thanks for all the help so far though, and if there are any more ideas, or comments....please post them. thanks guys.
 

havernell

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 10, 2006
Messages
571
I don''t know if this would be too much emotion all at once, but would you ever consider proposing at her mom''s gravestone in the cemetary where she is buried (if she was buried and not creamated that is)? If your girlfriend regularly goes to the gravesite to visit, you could just go along one time when she goes so she won''t be suspecting anything. As you are proposing you can say that you wanted her Mom to be part of the proposal so you wanted to do it where she could "see" it. Perhaps you could do it on her mom''s birthday if it''s coming up (or wait until next Mothers Day).

I''m not sure myself if proposing where her mom is buried is "too much" but it''s at least an option that would be very, very meaningful, hopefully local to where she lives, and a way to incorporate her mom into the event (since you can''t ask her blessing, etc).

In regards to getting in touch with her dad- could you get his phone number from the family friend who has it without telling the friend why you need the number (or making up another excuse why you need it besides the permission thing)? Maybe you could tell the friend that you want her Dad to help you with a birthday surprise for your girlfriend (if her b-day is coming up anytime soon) or something like that.

Good luck with all of it!!
 

Stephanie

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 25, 2007
Messages
1,164
So, any movement on talking with her father?
 

Buckshot

Rough_Rock
Joined
Apr 11, 2007
Messages
13
No movement yet. I honestly haven''t even been able to see my GF but once in the last 5 weeks or so for various reasons (my work, her work, her going to visit family, me going to visit family etc..) I hopefully going to see her next weekend, and I''m going to try to find his phone number on her cell phone. That seems to be my best option at this point.
 

Picos

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jun 20, 2007
Messages
83
If you want her to be surprised then why not propose at a normal time. My fiancé knows I like surprises. He also knows that I can generally sense if something was coming up. If he was to suggest going for a walk round my parents'' neighborhood (the place he told me he loved me) when we haven''t took a walk around the nieghborhood because a) I dont live there anymore & b) we only go out to the boonies for holidays then I would know that something is up and he would not like that!

Or another idea is too take her somewhere special on a long drive, and enjoy your time. She''ll be thinking I wonder whats going on but you won''t propose ''till later, like when you return to her house or something like that. She''ll be pleasantly caught off guard!
 

StonesRock07

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jun 11, 2007
Messages
18
When you know she will be out of the house you could always call the house and by blocking your number from the caller Id she wont be able to tell you called. Then you can make arrangements to meet with her father to ask his permission. Which i feel all guys should do call me old fashion but its tradition and it makes daddys girl happy cause she already knows her dad has approved and given his blessing.
 
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