Seeing fiance pre-ceremony

[So_happy]

I''m struggling with this issue and would like to hear what you all will be doing/did do, and why/how it worked out. We love the idea that setting up a moment before the ceremony could reduce anxiety and stress for the actual ceremony and it also give us an opportunity to take pictures at a place that wouldn''t be available if we waited until after the ceremony. Further, my makeup will be super fresh!! (I know, vain, but hey I''m paying out the nose for it!!! lol) The thing that gets me is how we''d miss out on that whole traditional first sighting of each other from across the aisle. We of course would have that in a more private sense if we did it pre-ceremony, but is it the same?

Another disadvantage is if we see each other pre-ceremony, we will proceed to take pics and then, because that element of surprise is gone, ride together in the limo with the bridal party for 40 min to the ceremony spot. Essentially, by the time I begin my walk down the aisle to get married, we would have been "hanging out" for a good 2 hours.

Obviously no one can compare the two situations because as far as I can tell, each of us can only have it one way or another but perhaps there is an advantage or disadvantage I havn''t considered (for either format). I''d love to hear your views on this.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

You're right, the first glance moment will be lost. I know my bf is looking forward to having a little alone time with me before the ceremony. I don't think he wants to lose his composure in front of 100 of our closest family and friends.

What if you separated again after that point? After the pictures I mean. Take separate cars to the ceremony. I know it doesn't make sense logistically but if this is a concern of yours this seems like a reasonable solution.

 

[KimberlyH]

I saw my DH before the ceremony (and most of our guests too!). We met about 2 hours prior and took all of our pictures, which turned out beautifully, in part because I was fresh. We mingled with guests until the ceremony started and I''m so glad we did. But I never wanted a super formal wedding, nor did I want to make a grand entrance for him or the guests, it''s just not my personality.

 

[So_happy]

HH~ We are definitely in agreement with your boyfriend! I know I''ll ball when I see him. I tear up quite easily so I am expecting the same, if not more, on my wedding day. I''ll probably start crying on my way down to the ceremony out of nerves. So, he and I were thinking this would really decrease all that build up. I mean, we see each other at 3:30, take pics for a half hour, get to the ceremony spot by 4:45, wait for a bit and then we get married around 5:30.......this format could enable us to actually savor the ceremony more as our emotions will be a little more under control lol. I have to remember that the "first sighting" element will be captured when we meet pre-ceremony (if we do it this way).

It''s not really possible for us to separate after seeing each other. If our ceremony spot and reception venue were closer, maybe...but they''re a bit far from eachother. In fact, if we choose to keep it traditional, FI and his GMs would be taken down to the ceremony first, then the limo would come back and pic us up and take us women in second. This would leave the guys in the park on possibly a hot August day in tuxes for about an hour and a half while the limo does a round trip. If we can find even a cafe or something near the park where they could hang out for awhile, that would be better (and quite cool for the customers I imagine...seeing 6 well dressed men chililng with an iced latte like they''ve got no where else to be lol).

 

[firebirdgold]

I really liked the first sight thing. Granted I almost panicked, but once I saw his face the rest of the ceremony passed in a haze! I wouldn''t have given that up for anything! Including pictures. Of course, we didn''t do the whole bad luck to see the bride on the day of thing. Instead we went snokeling in the morning!

But once I was dressed and made up, I did want that first impact.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

You can also arrange for the photographer to take a pic of your FI right as he sees you, capturing that expression (good or bad hahaha).

 

[So_happy]

Date: 4/24/2007 10:28:43 AM
Author: KimberlyH
I saw my DH before the ceremony (and most of our guests too!). We met about 2 hours prior and took all of our pictures, which turned out beautifully, in part because I was fresh. We mingled with guests until the ceremony started and I''m so glad we did. But I never wanted a super formal wedding, nor did I want to make a grand entrance for him or the guests, it''s just not my personality.

I like how this sounds

So relaxed!

I still like the idea of making some sort of "traditional entrance" for our guests so I guess that can stay the same. Although, being a park and all, there really is no true entrance to make; it''s all sort of open

. And the park would be this way no matter what FI and I choose to do on our end

. Guests will clearly see me coming down the pathway! Hmmm....the logistics of an outdoor ceremony

 

[So_happy]

Date: 4/24/2007 10:44:10 AM
Author: IndieJones
I really liked the first sight thing. Granted I almost panicked, but once I saw his face the rest of the ceremony passed in a haze! I wouldn''t have given that up for anything! Including pictures. Of course, we didn''t do the whole bad luck to see the bride on the day of thing. Instead we went snokeling in the morning!

But once I was dressed and made up, I did want that first impact.

Oh my goodness, how wonderful!! You went snorkeling!!!!

You made me think of something else when I read that. We live together and it made no sense to us for him to spend the night elsewhere so he''s totally sleeping in his own bed the night before and leaving at noon the morning of the wedding when the suite we rented can be opened. So, we''ll have all morning to hang out, too (no snorkeling, unfortunatley!! lol). Thus.....our nerves probably won''t be THAT bad....right? I mean, from noon to 5:30 we don''t see each other....is that enough time for huge amounts of nervousness to build up?

Hmmm.....I hadn''t considered that! I''m now totally of two minds now

 

[Jas12]

I can see the pros and cons of both i suppose...but for some reason I fall traditional on this point. I want to surprise him. That could be b/c we have been together for over 10 years and some surprise is good...or it could be me giving into traditon (yet again, when i said i wouldn''t

there is also the option of taking your bridal portraits and female attendant photos only (ones with grandparents, mom, sisters or friends) prior to the ceremony--that way you have some out of the way. As for make-up, is there a lot of time b/w when you get it applied and the ceremony? I don''t think it will wear off--esp when professionally applied. You will just have to re-apply the lipstick I am sure, but i wouldn''t let make-up be the deciding factor.

 

[So_happy]

Date: 4/24/2007 10:58:04 AM
Author: Jas12
I can see the pros and cons of both i suppose...but for some reason I fall traditional on this point. I want to surprise him. That could be b/c we have been together for over 10 years and some surprise is good...or it could be me giving into traditon (yet again, when i said i wouldn''t

there is also the option of taking your bridal portraits and female attendant photos only (ones with grandparents, mom, sisters or friends) prior to the ceremony--that way you have some out of the way. As for make-up, is there a lot of time b/w when you get it applied and the ceremony? I don''t think it will wear off--esp when professionally applied. You will just have to re-apply the lipstick I am sure, but i wouldn''t let make-up be the deciding factor.

Good point about makeup. And I wouldn''t let makeup be a deciding factor or anything........it was just another advantage I''d thought of. Also good point about being together for a long time. FI and I will be a month shy of our 8-year anniversary when we get married. It would be nice to keep that surprising element in there.

Oh boy, I''m leaning towards traditonal now I think!!! Ayiyiyiyiyi. I am just really not looking forward to crying my eyes out!! There was a thread on here a while back that discussed this and I realized that I am just not one of those pretty cryers (criers?) lol. My nose gets all red and my tears don''t come down in pretty drops....more like sheets!

Anyone do it one way but wished they had done it the other?????

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 4/24/2007 10:49:44 AM
Author: So_happy

Date: 4/24/2007 10:28:43 AM
Author: KimberlyH
I saw my DH before the ceremony (and most of our guests too!). We met about 2 hours prior and took all of our pictures, which turned out beautifully, in part because I was fresh. We mingled with guests until the ceremony started and I''m so glad we did. But I never wanted a super formal wedding, nor did I want to make a grand entrance for him or the guests, it''s just not my personality.

I like how this sounds

So relaxed!

I still like the idea of making some sort of ''traditional entrance'' for our guests so I guess that can stay the same. Although, being a park and all, there really is no true entrance to make; it''s all sort of open

. And the park would be this way no matter what FI and I choose to do on our end

. Guests will clearly see me coming down the pathway! Hmmm....the logistics of an outdoor ceremony

Happy,

I am definitely informal, DH a bit more traditional, but he didn''t really care how I organized the day of (and he HATES taking pictures so he was glad to get it out of the way). It worked well for us, in part because we only had 28 guests and that allowed us the opportunity to spend time with all of them, so we made a point of doing so. As for mingling beforehand, we were married at a local resort, outdoors. Most of our guests were staying at the hotel and so they ran into us while we were taking pictures, so even if I wanted a traditional entrance, it couldn''t have meshed with taking pictures first.

I''m sure you''ll figure out what''s best for you guys and it will be a fantastic day no matter what you decide!

 

[JCJD]

Depends on whether you want to have the special moment of seeing each other for the first time on your wedding day in your wedding attire alone or in front of guests. Your guests will be watching you come down the aisle, not watching your groom''s face as he watches you come down the aisle. You will see *that* look on his face no matter what, just depends on when you decide it should happen.

We shared about 30 minutes together alone with just our photographers before taking formal pictures with the family before the ceremony, and I wouldn''t do it any other way if given the choice. I must say, the expression on my face when I walked into the room and saw him for the first time is, ummm.... how to describe... I kind of look like a foolish half-witted imbecile... Glad I didn''t make that face in front of my guests!!! And seeing him before the ceremony didn''t make our ceremony any less meaningful or spiritual or emotional. Apparently we still made people cry.

If you decide to go the traditional route, I would suggest setting aside at least 15 mins where you two can be alone after the ceremony and before the reception - no family, no wedding party, just you two and perhaps the photographers.

 

[So_happy]

JCJD~ I am so sure you did not look like an imbecile lol!!!! But your story was great Maybe if we go this route, we''ll save kissing for the ceremony or something We''ll keep the pre-ceremony pics all non-kissy and so we''ll be saving at least that for when we are married, and those pics.

I love hearing these first sight stories no matter which way they were coreographed

 

[akw94]

I''m torn about this issue too but decided to do pics beforehand so I will see him before. I really wanted the traditional approach on this but logistically, since we''re having the ceremony/reception at the same place, most of our guests would just be sitting around and waiting until we finished taking pics. I really didn''t like that idea, especially b/c we''ll be taking pics out on the golf course so it will take a little time to get us to the various picture sites, take pics, etc.. Also, that eats into our reception time. So I decided to move up the ceremony from 11:30am to 12:00pm so that gives us a little more time in the morning for the pics. I figure that we''ll get to the location separately b/c I''ll go earlier to have my hair done. Then he''ll arrive in time for pics, along w/the rest of the bridal party. We''ll give about an hour for pics and then separate until the ceremony. I''d like to be done w/pics and just waiting for the ceremony (fixing myself up) by 11:30.
I''m sure we will also stay together the night before, since we''ll be living together by then and then just get to the location separately since I need to be there before him.

Good luck on your decision!

 

[So_happy]

Dixie~ I see why you decided to do this. I like both options for different reasons, as outlined here, so I guess either way I''d get the first look pics and also either way, well, we''ll be married at the end of it so I don''t know........I think I''m hoping there is something that I didn''t think about that will be the deal-breaker for one of the formats (like you not wanting guests to be inconvienienced).

My fiance is so easy going on most things so whenever I have a dilema like this of course I see what he''d like and he says "both ways sound great to me so you just choose".

If he had a strong feeling one way or the other it wouldn''t be an issue, we''d make it happen that way!!

Oh well, I''m not losing perspective here.........it''s like deciding between a $300k brand new house or $300k cash.......we''re gonna be so freakin'' happy either way

 

[RoseAngel04]

We are pretty traditional and won''t be seeing each other prior to the ceremony. It''s becoming more common for couples to have a private time with the photog before the ceremony. It''s not for us. Our "moment" will be as I make my way up the aisle to my groom.

We will have some photos taken prior to the ceremony like with me and my BM''s, FI with his GM''s. This will help with the time for photos after the ceremony.

 

[anchor31]

I wanted to do the photos before, but FI won''t hear of it. We decided to have a morning ceremony instead to spend more time together during the day.

 

[FireGoddess]

I thought it would be tad unfair if I got to ride up to the ceremony in a limo and he had to schmutz in a regular car.

So we rode up together.

I still got to see the look on his face...and it was private, which was really nice.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I struggled with this too but in the end my DH and I saw each other for about 15 mins. before the ceremony. I think the only reason I didn''t cry during the ceremony was b/c of this (and that was my biggest fear). It let all the build up out so we were both relaxed for the ceremony. Also my aisle was SOOOO long that I wouldn''t have seen his reaction anyways. This way I could. Plus the photographs from that were really sweet. We had two photographers and they were both with us so they really captured it. Also this was a time where he gave me a wedding gift (total SHOCK!) and we could actually hug and talk. I do not regret it one bit and this it was one of the best decisions I made.

 

[monarch64]

We chose not to see each other pre-ceremony, in fact we had been living together for the previous 9 months and spent the night before the wedding apart to make it even more special. When we did our required pre-marital counseling through his church, his priest looked at me and said right away that i would be the emotional one, lol...it turned out to be completely the opposite. My father walked me down the "aisle" outdoors on a gorgeous September afternoon, and much to my surprise my now DH was wiping away tears! It was so sweet, we have a bit of video of the ceremony and you can see me brushing away one of his tears and telling him "don''t cry!" What a role reversal! I didn''t cry until the father/daughter dance, and even then I was so full of utter joy at getting married I wasn''t crying from sadness, just overall emotion from the days'' events. I''m so glad we each got to spend time with our loved ones besides each other before the ceremony, we had so many OOT guests and members of the bridal party and we used that time to bond with them, the guys went golfing in the morning (just 9 holes) and we gals went and got our hair "did", etc. It was so much fun and an experience I wouldn''t trade for the world!

 

[surfgirl]

Thanks for bringing up this subject...I''ve been struggling with this one too. We''re eloping and will either be alone or with only another couple or so. I thought it would be weird to get separate rooms for the night before...thoughts???

And I was also thinking it might be nice to take a few photos before the ceremony but then again, he doesn''t know I''ve gotten a wedding dress and I want him to be blown away so...before or after? I suppose either way it doesn''t really matter does it? If you dont mind bawling your eyes out in front of others if you wait til the ceremony then waitings great. I''m rather private so I may see him before, just to be more relaxed. Either way, I''m glad to know I''m not the only one who wants to see him beforehand. I was starting to think I was being weird!

 

[So_happy]

Date: 4/25/2007 11:46:11 PM
Author: surfgirl
Thanks for bringing up this subject...I''ve been struggling with this one too. We''re eloping and will either be alone or with only another couple or so. I thought it would be weird to get separate rooms for the night before...thoughts???

And I was also thinking it might be nice to take a few photos before the ceremony but then again, he doesn''t know I''ve gotten a wedding dress and I want him to be blown away so...before or after? I suppose either way it doesn''t really matter does it? If you dont mind bawling your eyes out in front of others if you wait til the ceremony then waitings great. I''m rather private so I may see him before, just to be more relaxed. Either way, I''m glad to know I''m not the only one who wants to see him beforehand. I was starting to think I was being weird!

I empathize!!! The thing I keep telling myself is if the only reason to go the traditional route is to get that first sighting of each other........well..........we still get that in a private meeting, too!!! And the photogs will be there to capture it still. And we''ll both be in our fancy duds Surely keeping it tradtional is also wonderful....but for us there are so many other benefits to going the untradtional route.

1)We get to take pics at a place we wouldn''t have access to after the ceremony
2)Nerves would be mediated
3)Fiance is going to see me walk in from the entrance to the park to the aisle anyway......so as one responder here noted, I won''t even see his very first expression anyhow
4)I''d love to tell him just how much I love and adore him right before we do what we''ve wanted to do since the moment we met!!
5)I want to HEAR the ceremony and not just hear the anxious "voices" in my head going over the fact that I am about to get married lol.

Your wedding gown will truly be a gorgeous surprise no matter which format you choose. If you go untraditional, you could set it up so he''s blind-folded or turn with his back to you until you are "In position" and then the surprise and drama factor will be preserved (if not enhanced lol). I think I will do something like that...........where we will have our first sighting, he could be on one end and I can literally still walk down a pseudo-aisle towards him!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let us know what you decide!!!!

 

[surfgirl]

Thanks for the great ideas So! I think I''m going to do that as well. Not sure but leaning towards...I want some wonderful photos too and we''ll probably have to have the photog drive us around the island anyway (we''ve decided to get married on Orcas Island and there are so many gorgeous photo op settings!) to take a bunch of photos...So I guess we''ll decide when we know if they other 1-2 couples will be there too. great thread topic btw!

 

[So_happy]

Date: 4/29/2007 4:22:39 AM
Author: surfgirl
Thanks for the great ideas So! I think I''m going to do that as well. Not sure but leaning towards...I want some wonderful photos too and we''ll probably have to have the photog drive us around the island anyway (we''ve decided to get married on Orcas Island and there are so many gorgeous photo op settings!) to take a bunch of photos...So I guess we''ll decide when we know if they other 1-2 couples will be there too. great thread topic btw!

See, especially in your case, I would want as many pictures as possible on that gorgeous island of yours! I''m sure that can be accomplished after the ceremony but at what expense? Having guests wait 2 hours until the reception? It''s certainly a personal decision but I am so happy with the idea that I can get non-rushed photos at the beach first, then one of our favorite spots, and also at the reception venue pre-populated Further, we will still have the normal 45 min-1hr of time to take group shots after the ceremony at our beautiful flower park This tells me there will HAVE to be some great shots in that slew of attempts at backdrops lol.

 

[Maisie]

When we got married we spent the night before apart. We had lived together for ages and had children together too so I suppose it was a bit funny doing the traditional bit for the wedding!

It was funny actually, I had a wedding car and he drove our car to the ceremony.... for some strange reason he was running late and he was just ahead of my car most of the way there! He didn''t know this until afterwards. It made the whole drive to the church way more exciting!

We are planning to renew our vows in Vegas in a year or so. We will obviously spend the night together before that - there is no way I will be sleeping on my own in a strange City and Country!

 

[havernell]

It sounds like the reason part of you wants to do it the traditional way is simply because its "tradition". But, it''s only worth keeping a tradition if it has some sort of *meaning* for you. What is the meaning behind having your first sight of each other in front of the guest at the ceremony? Why isn''t the tradition for the bride and groom to see each other a few hours beforehand alone? Is there that much of a difference? Besides the proverbial "its bad luck" (which is clearly not fool-proof since plenty of divorcees didn''t see each other before the ceremony) I don''t really know what the meaning behind not seeing each other until the ceremony is...

So, I would think about that yourself. What is it (if anything) about this tradition that makes you want to follow it? Examine what meaning you personally attach to the first meeting. Like others have said, you''re going to have that magical "first moment" and what you look like will be a surprise to your FI no matter when you do the meeting, so one way isn''t better than the other in that regard. But is there something other reason why the traditional way has meaning to you?

Finally, one more advantage I see to meeting beforehand is that you get to talk a little right after that first "sighting" moment. If you see each other for the first time when you walk down the aisle, he may have 2 seconds to whisper "you look beautiful" or something to you, but right after that the officiant will start with the ceremony and you''ll have to stand at attention. Meeting before hand gives both of you time to really gush over each other, tell each other how excited you are about getting married, etc... I like that aspect of seeing each other beforehand.

Good luck with the decision!

 

[So_happy]

Date: 4/29/2007 4:39:01 PM
Author: havernell
It sounds like the reason part of you wants to do it the traditional way is simply because its ''tradition''. But, it''s only worth keeping a tradition if it has some sort of *meaning* for you. What is the meaning behind having your first sight of each other in front of the guest at the ceremony? Why isn''t the tradition for the bride and groom to see each other a few hours beforehand alone? Is there that much of a difference? Besides the proverbial ''its bad luck'' (which is clearly not fool-proof since plenty of divorcees didn''t see each other before the ceremony) I don''t really know what the meaning behind not seeing each other until the ceremony is...

So, I would think about that yourself. What is it (if anything) about this tradition that makes you want to follow it? Examine what meaning you personally attach to the first meeting. Like others have said, you''re going to have that magical ''first moment'' and what you look like will be a surprise to your FI no matter when you do the meeting, so one way isn''t better than the other in that regard. But is there something other reason why the traditional way has meaning to you?

Finally, one more advantage I see to meeting beforehand is that you get to talk a little right after that first ''sighting'' moment. If you see each other for the first time when you walk down the aisle, he may have 2 seconds to whisper ''you look beautiful'' or something to you, but right after that the officiant will start with the ceremony and you''ll have to stand at attention. Meeting before hand gives both of you time to really gush over each other, tell each other how excited you are about getting married, etc... I like that aspect of seeing each other beforehand.

Good luck with the decision!

Great questions I like how you think

There pretty much IS no reason why I am particularly attached to this tradition. I don''t even subscribe to the Bad Luck theory. To be fair, though, I probably wouldn''t even be deciding between the two if I were such a subscriber

No matter what, I just want that first look at him from across an aisle or room or wherever and to be able to think to myself how freaking lucky I am to have someone so beautiful in my life that loves me so much.....and boy do we look HOT!! (lol) And I will have this on a more intimate scale if I see him pre-ceremony.

I love what you said about being able to actually speak to each other in our own time rather than having it more rushed. Another advantage to add to my list.

At this point, FH and I have decided to go ahead with seeing eachother pre-ceremony. It just works really well with what we''d like to accomplish