thirtysomething bride...blues?

[chickflick]

I''m just so excited that I''ve met someone after I totally gave up and thought I''d be single for the rest of my life! I always thought cruise ship weddings were for other people, not for me, but once FI mentioned it and actually seemed excited about it I thought, hey, why not? I wanted to enjoy our time and money on other things besides a wedding and the package wedding deal lets us do that.

The one thing he insisted on was the ering, and I''m so glad he did! I thought I''d be perfectly happy with just a nice band but boy, do I love my sparkler.

Cheers to all us thirtysomething brides!!

 

[Skylah]

I''m 32 and I am really excited about our upcoming wedding day but I am even more excited about be married to my wonderful FI.

I talked about skimping here and there so we would spend money on other things (you know, like LIFE) but my FI said that we''ve been working our whole lives, we are lucky enough to have some money, and that life is made up of sweet moments and our wedding is definitely going to be one of them.

So, we''re skimping on some things (invites, linens, favors) but spending on things we want to spend on (band, food, drinks, attire).

It''s strange, I went from really focussing on the wedding in my early 20''s, not giving a darn in my late 20''s, and now understanding the importance of family traditions, heirlooms, etc. in my 30''s. I used to read articles that always said, "I love being in my 30''s!" and I thought, "Yeah, right." But truly, I love being in my 30''s and I hope I love 40 even more!

 

[tomswife2007]

Date: 4/17/2006 4:12:02 PM
Author:TravelingGal
I''m 33 and getting married in October. All my friends got married in their 20s and they are amused (and some a little horrified) that I don''t seem ''excited'' about my wedding.

Of course I am excited, but more for the marriage than the wedding! I don''t want to stereotype this into a 20 something vs thirtysomething thing because I know there are lots of 30 somethings that want a princess wedding and a lot of 20 somethings that don''t. But I wonder if age has something to do with it for me. The thought of putting my 30 something year old friends in matching dresses doesn''t sit well with me, so I am not having bridesmaids. I don''t want a bridal shower or a bachelorrette party. My friends really want to do something for me, but I think it''s a waste of money...not because I don''t think I''m worth it (I do!

) but because at the end of the day, I don''t think I''ll appreciate/want it like they did in their 20''s.

My boyfriend is even mentioning that we don''t have to be so frugal on our wedding plans. Honestly, I am not cheap in any way, but I just like the idea of having a small wedding that doesn''t cost much so we can put the money on other things (like a house in Los Angeles...you REALLY need to save your pennies for that!)

Am I alone in thinking like this? I do think back to when I was a lot younger, and I did imagine a princess wedding back then...but I don''t know where those ''dreams'' went! And it''s not the guy...I am TOTALLY thrilled to marry him.

I''m also interested if any of you have done things that weren''t typical wedding-y, but still celebrated the process. For example, I don''t want a bridal shower but they want to do SOMETHING. I don''t feel that they should have to pay for that kind of stuff...but I don''t want to seem ungrateful. Anyone do something else in lieu of a bridal shower and gifts?

GOOD FOR YOU!

I completely understand and agree with everything you have said and are feeling so you are definitely not alone. It is not all about the perfect wedding dress, flowers, weather, gifts, etc. It''s about why you are both there on that day.

My fiance is going to be 39 and I will be 36 when we get married next year. We are having a small wedding (about 60-80 people) at a very nice place in PA that we aren''t going to have to finance and go in the hole to have. Our bridal party consists of our 3 closest friends each (6 total) and his best man I believe is going to be his Dad so no one gets offended. I am not even designating a maid of honor since I feel the same. As far as we are concerned, everyone we chose is important to us.

We are very happy together and are thrilled about being together for the rest of our lives. As far as we are concerned, we are already married. September 15, 2007 just makes it official on paper especially since I will be changing my name. That is how I feel you are supposed to think...not that we aren''t having fun doing stuff for the wedding, but it is not consuming our lives. We got engaged on October 2, 2005 and the following weekend we booked the place we had our hearts set on, the DJ, the photographer we both loved, and our officiant is one of his good friends since childhood who is a minister. That is all of the important things that need to be done the sooner the better. Since then I will be honest...we haven''t done a thing for the wedding. There is no need to...His mom had been very ill off and on since we got engaged and that was most important. I don''t believe in these "timelines" that you hear about and see everywhere. I know people that got married in 3 months and did not have any worries. It is all what you make of it and we are confident that we will have a beautiful Marriage...marriage being the operative word.

As a bride-to-be, I am not in a panic as most I have known get about how their hair will look and will it rain on us since we are having an outdoor wedding and will the food and music be good, etc. Don''t get me wrong, I want to look the most beautiful I ever have and I would love it to be the perfect temperature and not rain, but believe me, it will not matter if it does rain and we have to have the ceremony inside...it willl not matter if the meal isn''t great...it will not matter if the bridesmaids shoes are not all the same or whatever. I am still marrying Tom, so it doesn''t matter. That is what that day is about...that is what is most important to us and IMO should be the most important thing to all married couple to be.

I could go on and on (but I won''t because you probably got the picture) since I have seen so many friends and relatives (many of whom are now divorced or extremely unhappy) get so caught up in the frills of the day that they end up arguing with their future spouse, their friends, and family and hating the planning of their special day rather than enjoying it.

As far as the other details you mentioned...bridal showers, bachelorette parties, etc. I agree about those as well. My idea that I would like to share with you is having a ladies luncheon with my future mother-in-law and my 3 bridesmaids and spending a day at a spa paid by my fiance and I rather than doing showers or a party. My fiance could care less about a bachelor party also. He and his groomsmen are going to have a cook out guys night...no strippers, no strip clubs. To him it is not worth it if it is not me doing the stripping...LOL! Although a bit corny, if that''s not love I don''t know what is.

So that is my take on the whole thing. It sounds to me like you and your fiance are very similar to me and mine...and I think that''s a great thing! Best of luck to you...

 

[selflove]

Me and my 30-40 something bridesmaids went to Glen Ivy Hot Springs in Corona for the day. It was just the three of us. They asked me way back when I asked them to be BMs what I wanted to do...they had lots of ideas like going to Vegas or NYC. I just couldn''t see such an extravagent weekend just for a "bachelorette party". I reallly just wanted something quiet and fun with the girls. If we hadn''t done that, my second choice would have been a great dinner at some restaurant in Hollywood or Beverly Hills where we could have an extraordinary dinner and maybe see some celebrities!

I never had much of a vision of a wedding so even having a wedding with 65 guests is kind of a big deal to me. I always envisioned something much more intimate. But now I''m really excited and glad that we''re having a wedding with a lot of the typical elements.

 

[labbielove]

Found this thread in another post and just wanted to "bump" it up for any new 30 something brides to be.
This is a great post, and I was so happy to learn that I am not alone with my feelings, wants, wishes and life choices!

We are getting married Sept 2007 and i turn 40 (wow!) two months later.... first marriage for both of us (hubby will be 42)

We are having max 80 guests and although I am having my 3 sisters stand up with me.
In my 20''s I was in about 8 weddings, 4 of which are friends I am still close with so it will be difficult to tell them I''m not having them as bridesmaids, but each has offered to pitch in and help in other ways, and I am hoping to invite them to the rehearsal dinner, etc. as well. It will be especially hard to tell them because I was engaged once in my late 20''s and had asked each of them to be a bridesmaid then (back when I felt pressure to "return the favor" i was on the verge of having 9 bm''s ...so not me)

My sisters are in theirs late 40''s early 50''s so I am planning to let them choose their own dresses- in shade of blue probably.

Although we debate eloping we decided that we wanted close family and friends to celebrate with us. It is much nicer now that we''re older and able to lay down the law about what we want/don''t want.

I''m just glad i''m not alone ladies!! yay 30 somethings (well, i''ll technically be an almost 40 something)

 

[KimberlyH]

I''m 29 and recently married and felt the exact same way as you. A co-worker who is 36 got married last week, had a DW, but also wanted all the hoopla, bachelorette party etc...I think it''s less age and more a state of mind. I just wanted to marry my hubby, she wanted to have a day (actually several) that was all about her. I had been engaged before and was allowed myself to fall into planning a huge wedding (250 people) because he wanted it. I called it off with two months to spare. This time around I wanted it to be about us, not just him or me...so we had 28 people witness our ceremony and enjoy a wonderful dinner afterwards. We ate dinner with my family the night before (pizza) no reherseal, no big deal...it was exactly how we wanted it, a very special day that signified the beginning of something amazing as opposed to the end of planning or the single life or whatever....Neither way is right or wrong, it''s just about doing what works for you and keeping in mind it''s about the marriage not the wedding.

 

[decodelighted]

Congrats to the new 30-something brides!! I can''t believe this thread began back in APRIL .. seems like yesterday!

Hey fellow 30-something, gettin hitched Columbus Day Weekend pal Travelinggal -- got the DJ & Officiant & the Cupcakes/Cupcake Tower stand booked this weekend! And met with a hairstylist. And found a place online to get a mini-veil for a great price! Whew! How you doin''?

 

[TravelingGal]

WHOO HOO Deco...you are just rockin'' right along.

Since I can''t be slackin'' behind ya,

I did my hair and makeup trial this weekend, got dress altered (posted pics on the dress thread on the prealtered dress), took a song in existence and rewrote it for my walk down the aisle song. This week I''m meeting with the venue person to figure out the seating, meeting with our officiant to discuss ceremony, and will meet with the DJ to discuss songs not to be played due to riot risks. Also ordered bamboo mats for guests to sit on the beach and flip flop bubble blowers. Oh, and seashell place card holders.

The only thing that is eluding me at this moment is centerpieces. I do not yet have any bouquet ideas or centerpiece ideas. I am just SUCH procrastinator....thank goodness I only plan on getting married once!!