frankly, i don''t know why either...

[twinkletoes]

I just got back from a trip to Vegas with my brother and his wife to visit our relatives. I kid you not, I think just about every single person I saw (minus the kiddies) asked me why my boyfriend hasn''t proposed to me yet after 4 years of dating and it really made me feel like crap. Crap I say!

And the worst part is that I had no good answer to give because frankly, I don''t even know why he hasn''t proposed yet either. And I think in answering each time, the doubt in me showed and I hate it. I don''t want them all thinking that it''ll never happen! And I don''t want to doubt it either!

The answers I gave varied...

- He wants to buy a house where we could live once we get married
- He''s waiting to take me on a romantic trip & propose there
- If we have the wedding in CA his parents won''t contribute to the wedding costs so he has to save enough for our wedding
- He''s saving for my ring
- He just finished a 2-3 year long project and had been too busy
- He just started a new project & is really busy
- He wants to make sure I''M ready
- He''s older and has more expectations for marriage than guys my age and wants everything "figured out" before getting engaged
- We''ve talked about it and have gone ring shopping, but I don''t know why it hasn''t happened.
- I''m not really sure. It''s kinda not really up to me (I would never propose to him)
- I don''t know
- I don''t know
- I don''t know
- I don''t know

blah blah blah blah blah!

My one aunt even said, "You better hurry up and get married before you''re 30! After that no will want you." This isn''t the first time I heard this from her, but it hits a little closer to home now at 27 years of age (and having been in a 4+ year long relationship) than when I was 24. It''s also different when you''re boyfriend is 10 years your senior.

I know my relatives all mean well, but geez... I came back home feeling like such a loser. Does my boyfriend see my worth? Why hasn''t he proposed yet? How much longer do I wait? It just opens up all this doubt into my relationship. And having had to put up with all this crap from my relatives makes me resent my boyfriend. And I also dislike myself for being in such a situation. Like, why am I with someone who isn''t dying to marry me? I know my boyfriend puts more emphasis (and rightly so) on the marriage part rather than the wedding/engagement part, but the latter is still important to me you know? And it''s not like I don''t take marriage seriously! He wants everything figured out beforehand, but that''s not how life works. He doesn''t want any doubts or surprises when we go into this, but there always will be those things - no? I just believe that once I make a commitment, no matter what happens we will work together to do what''s best for us and our family. We can''t plan the next 5-10 years and expect things to go accrding to plan. People and situations change, but the commitment stays the same.

*sigh* I''m just blabbering now.

Anyways, I''ve been testy and teary the past 4-5 days and just needed to get this off my chest. I''ve been going ballistic on my boyfriend and he doesn''t know where it''s coming from and I''m pretty sure guys don''t like to hear about the questioning/pressure coming from relatives they''ve never met so I haven''t really told him about it.

Thanks for listening to yet another "are we there yet" story. Well, more like, "why the hell aren''t we there yet" story. haha... so not funny.

 

[Rockchick]

aaaaw, poor thing. Don''t let them get to you.. ( i know, easier said than done). tell your BF about it..

you can say: "well, i''ve been in a bad mood because everyone asked why you haben''t proposed to me yet" or something like that..

just kidding ofcourse. You should say something, or better yet, bring him with you next time you visit the family

really, don''t let them make you feel bad about yourself. Just wait, when you are married, it will be "any kids in the near future?" Trust me, its always something... we just bought a house, and getting married in two months, and every time we visit family or friends, we get asked that question..

 

[elephant]

Twinkletoes,

I get that ALL THE TIME. And the worst part is -- from complete strangers. I mean, I''m talking on the phone (for my job) to some veteran and explaining that my bf spent time overseas and the guy asks me: so when are you getting married? I don''t know. I used to get upset and feel like you did (WHY DOESNT HE SEE HOW FABULOUS I REALLY AM?!?) and then I just started turning the tables on him. As soon as someone asks me that I tell them to ask HIM since it''s really up to HIM. Plus, it''s not fair that WE bear all the pressure from their lack of action.

Well, I did that at my co christmas party and this drunk woman ACTUALLY did it and in front of a whole group of people. She yells across the cocktail table -- when are you going to propose? And he stammers and gets all embarassed, etc. And then, she says: Well, you know that she''s the best thing that ever happened to you, right? And he says, "yes...." While I pretended to be horrified, I was mentally giving this woman a high five.

And don''t think that he''s off the hook so easy either. I always thought that nobody bothered him about this until we went back to see his family. His cousin told me a story where this woman came up to him and said: Well, I hear you''re getting married. And he said, WHAT, where did you hear that? She said, Well, I heard you would be stupid not to marry the girl you''re dating and I KNOW you aren''t stupid. HAHAHAHAHA. I loved it. Nobody has ever been that blunt with me before!!!
So, don''t beat yourself up over this. Guys seem to have some sort of teflon exterior about these things and are able to seemingly forget about it all. Yes, it''s annoying. Yes, it has the potential to make us feel awful. But, at least you seem to be moving in the right direction? If he wants to get things worked out before the marriage -- have you ever thought of going to some sort of premarital counseling? That might be beneficial?

But, if you have these concerns, I would share them with your bf in a calm and rational manner. HTH! Cheer up -- most of us here have gone through it. You''re not alone!

 

[goldengirl]

(((((((((hugs)))))))))))

I wouldn''t bother trying to give a real answer, because it looks like you''re making excuses. Which is stupid, because we ALL have valid reasons for why we haven''t gotten engaged yet, right? Yours has had other priorities, mine has too. But just because WE understand that doesn''t mean outsiders will. I have complete and total strangers harrassing me about when I''m getting married. For them, it is "normal" to date someone two months, propose, and get married two months later. It is alien to them that I think 2 years (and even 4!) is a reasonable amount of time to date before a proposal. It is even more alien that once there IS a proposal, the wedding will still be a year away. So I don''t try to explain it to them. I just say, "Why don''t you ask him?"

I have been horrified at the things some people say about a complete stranger''s relationship. You don''t know me, you don''t know him, you don''t know us, what gives you the right to presume you know what''s best for us?

I know how frustrating it is and I know how their doubts can give you doubts of your own. I mean, it''s a reasonable question, isn''t it? Don''t let it get to you. A few days back with your sane soon-to-be-fiance and you''ll feel better.

 

[twinkletoes]

Thanks girls... I am feeling a little better today, but the questions still linger. And my relatives in Vegas do want him to come next time. They all want to have a "little talk" with him.

We had a lengthy conversation last night regarding this - and still have more talking to do. I think maybe he''s a bit aprehensive about it since his older brother had a failed marriage early on (3 kids later) and his new wife (1 kid) seems to think she''s on permanent vacation with a never ending wish list of must haves.

We talked about his parents (they''re getting along in their years & will probably need to live close to us) soon and have family near by to help them out. We talked about my parents and how they are thinking about retiring near me so that when I have kids they can help out when need be. We talked about expectations - stay at home wife, work, work part time, work for his company, stay at home mom, who takes care of what, what i want, what he wants...etc.

I know these are all valid concerns, but I feel like he''s wanting all the answers when in fact we won''t have them all. Even if we both agree now that I''ll be a stay at home wife, who''s to say things won''t go downhill for his company and I''ll have to work again to help us out? Or if we''re wanting to buy a new house I might work so we could save more money. I could always work PT or start my own design company from home as well. It''s all totally doable and I''d be happy doing what''s best for us.

And on the flip side, my ego has been bruised with his lack of action and so I almost feel like I don''t want to marry him either. Talk about a vicious cycle!

 

[TheDiamondangel]

Well, did you come straight out and ask him directly, "Why haven''t you proposed yet?" Men are not mind readers, and some of them will skirt the issue and give the most politically correct answers (CYA) until they absolutely HAVE to address the issue with brass tacks.

Personally, I would be worried about not your age, but HIS age. He''s almost 37...has he ever been married or engaged before? How come? Has he ever come close? Did he get burned bad by an ex? The answers to those questions can give you some insite into how come he hasn''t proposed yet, but you really should get a direct answer from him. It wouldn''t be very fair of him to continue the relationship if he has no plans on marrying you. I should think after four years he very well should know by now if he wants to get married to you.

Its a crude saying, but so true...use the pot or get off of it.

 

[Blue824]

Seems like they really hit you with all the questions, sometimes I feel the same way though, I get one or two questions I can brush it off...but when everywhere I turn people are nosey and want to know I just want to scream! When my family gets like that, I''ve convinced myself that it is much more of their excitement for me and a wedding than them really trying to be critical of me. I mean, for the love of god, i have relatives in Poland that ask my grandma when the next wedding is going to be ALL the time, you better believe when she mentions that everyone turns and stares at me.

I''m not sure which things your bf is trying to figure out before there''s a proposal, but I think its good to keep the communication open and for him to realize that you don''t necissarily want to wait too long. I''m glad you two talked, thats good to get things out. Now...as for him needing to work towards things...are there clear objectives and goals? If not, won''t those ideas continue to be put off? I think you really need to figure out what the objectives are before the commitment is made, and why you two cannot work on them together. There is always going to be a sense of uncertainty in life, but you said it right when you said, "people and situations change, but the commitment stays the same." But he needs to know how much that gets to you, I always try to relay the stories to my bf just so he knows how much I hear it.

Please don''t question your worth, you are priceless. Remember that, and make sure he does

 

[appletini]

You should have pulled out your cellphone and said "Would you like to call and ask him?".

I get this a lot too, especially from random people. Yesterday he said he was so lucky to have me, and with a straight face I said "Yes, you are!"

 

[MINE!!]

****** HUGS********HUGS**********HUGS*********HUGS*******HUGS********

 

[twinkletoes]

I have asked him why and he seems to think that I am not really ready for marriage. I think it''s has to do with the 10 year gap between us and not so much my being ready. I think he''ll always see me as much younger and not as "grown up" as himself, but I don''t feel like I''m immature or naive and not ready. I think his mom may have planted some seeds of doubt in him. I know she''s told him that I''m too young (even though she herself is 10 years younger than her husband) and that I may get tired of him and leave him. I have no idea where all this comes from. She''s also told him that I don''t have a good career and that I''m not a good home keeper so he''ll have to take care of me (like a child) for the rest of his life (basically saying I''m good for nothing).

I have a feeling that she''s afraid of "letting go" of her only child to start his own family because if her husband passes away before she does no one will be there to take care of her. I feel for her and I even told my boyfriend that I would be open to having her live with us if need be later on (hopefully we''ll have a BIG house by then), but maybe that''s not good enough? I don''t really know. I asked him last night if his mom even wants him to marry and start his own family and he said of course she does...she''s just having a hard time letting go of him. I know both my boyfriend and his father have spoken to his mom about being nicer to me (as well as past gf''s he''s had) but I think it''s very hard for her.

He was engaged once before to the woman he was with before he met me. She had the ring, they were living together and from what he tells me they both decided to end it before any real wedding plans were made. But I think she may have left him (cold feet? change of mind?) while he was fully committed to marrying her. I''ve never really been the type to ask about past relationships so I don''t know the specifics. From what I hear from him, she came from a very broken family and had a habit of "running away" and not wanting to deal with issues. And so I think one day she decided she didn''t want a life with him (she had moved to the west coast for him) and ended up moving back to the east coast and getting her old job back. She was also more career oriented and didn''t really like kids or taking care of the house.

When I ask him when it is he will propose he says "soon" which we all know isn''t girl soon. When I press him for more info he gets frustrated and says to me, "don''t you want it to be a surprise? don''t you want it to be romantic?" and he''s right... i do want it to be a romantic surprise, but not if it''s going to be 3 years from now!

I''ve told him that upfront that if he has no intentions of marrying me he should let me know so that I can move on with my life and find someone who''ll reciprocate my feelings & wants. But he insists he does want to marry me. Round and Round we go. I refuse to give him an ulitmatum. He''ll do it of his own accord and because he wants to.

I think this is when I decide to swing the other way and become a lesbian.

 

[appletini]

Sounds like his mommy is very controlling...this could be trouble (maybe she scared the ex away). I haven''t seen "Monster-In-Law", but I have a feeling there could be some similarities. I don''t think you should give him an ultamatim, but in order to keep your sanity, perhaps you should give yourself one, and don''t tell him. And make it something like if he doesn''t propose within a year, then you will move on with your life or something.

Best of luck...boys (and sometimes their families) can be so frustrating.

 

[icekid]

definitely agree w/ appletini. crazy mother sounds really scary. i definitely feel for you for having to deal with her! having that kind of person in the middle cannot be good for any relationship. i don''t think i could handle it as well as you do. it sounds like that could be a real problem for him. or it could be something from his past, or.. who knows. boys are nuts!! i hope you get some real answers soon.

 

[nytemist]

Twinkletoes-

I''m definately hearing you on your frustration. My BF and I have been together almost 4.5 years. One of sisters got married in October of last year and the pther got married this past April. At the reception, nearly everyone came up to me asking in one way or another ''when would it be our turn?'' Every time there is a gathering with his family, (or the familes of the guys his sister''s have married) I always get that question. To make it more annoying, I''ve been to (or in) the weddings of four hig school friends so far this year. Same question hits me. It''s to the point now that friends are telling me he''s wasting my time. A part of me believes it. He said on New Year''s that we would get engaged this year, so technically it can still happen this year, but there has been no progress towards it. We went to a Memorial Day barbecue at his sister''s and her husbands house- parents, cousins, siblings, everyone was there. His sis pulled me aside and asked ''so, have you guys gotten any closer to having anything happen?'' I try to hide how upset I get when I get asked that, so I told her no, nothing has been mentioned since he made his promise New Year''s. I said I''m not going to badger him either, it''s up to him to stay true to his word. But now I''m beginning to think, yeah what is wrong that he isn''t anxious to build a future together???? She then asked me directly why don''t you think my brother has proposed yet? (she''s very direct and I like her)
Before I could stop it from popping out of my mouth, I said ''I guess I''m not the one.'' She says ''oh, I''ll get to the bottom of this.'' Later on at the table while we''re all eating, the sisters were talking about how their weddings went and other people started talking about thier respective days and on and on. Basically, everyone there except the younger/college age relatives were married. So, his sister then calls across the table to BF and asks, ''so when you are finally going to stop stalling and make a committment?'' Everyone at the table stops for his answer. I was glad someone else put him on the sport for an answere besides me. He stammers ''it''s happening soon... she knows that.'' I just shrugged my shoulders. Later on driving home he ranted about how he hates when his sister asks him that. I said, well everyone is curious, but the only opinion that matters is mine. It seems that you can''t answer when I ask either, makes me wonder why I continue this.'' He gets all upset, saying he still wants a wedding by Oct of 2006. I said well, you saw how long it took your other sister to plan her wedding, we should be doing some talking soon, if that''s where this relationship is going...''

So, I know where you are coming from. I have other things in my life to concentrate on, but makes me wonder if this is as serious to him as it is to me. He''s tried the list of excuses but they don''t work really. Has a secure job. Buying a condo. Has money saved. Definately can afford a ring. The proverbial ducks are lined up. Nothing really stopping him and yet has done nothing. Maybe he just really isn''t that in love and doens''t want to. The idea of that hurts.

 

[LaurenThePartier]

Jeez, Twinkletoes. Were you at my family get together in Vegas at Desert Shores 2 weekends ago? My goodness . . . the same thing happened to me, as well. Being from Vegas, my whol family was in town for my Mother''s Retirement party. W couldn''t come with me, and my uncle is getting married in August, so he''ll be meeting the extended family at that event. Everytime i mentioned "at the wedding" people automatically assumed I meant "our wedding". *sigh*

I don''t have anything more of value to add, just to shift the question to your BF''s general direction. Whenever asked when he''s going to propose, W always says "You don''t expect me to tell you right in front of her and ruin the surprise, do you?"

He''s been saying this for at least a year now.

Anyway, just enjoy your relationship as it is now. If you are happy, enjoy it, because your 20s will be gone before you know it! I''m turning 30 in October, with a 3 year relationship under my belt, so I know how you feel. With men, they always have other priorities and want to feel completely enabled to take care of you. Understanding the need to be the provider is one way I have dealt with my honey''s non-proposal, however, there comes a time when you have to just sit him down, explain to him that there will never be the perfect time, the perfect financial situation. That life happens and you would rather it happen as husband and wife rather than with girlfriend status.

Good luck!

 

[blueroses]

Twinkletoes, you are not alone my dear. It's probably best to try to defer it to him, whether he's there or not... "That's a good question, why don't you ask him?" "Hmm, Honey, why is that?" "He hasn't asked me yet, why, do you know something I don't?"

People are total dumbas$es when they harass the girl in this situation, and--at over 8.5 years together and turning 31 this week--I personally have absolutely NO TOLERANCE for that kind of nosy insensitivity. It's just narrow-minded, sexist, and LAME

SO hang in there, kidoo. ((HUGS))


(I think his mother and your age difference might add a different slant to your situation, but in terms of the comments of third parties, he definitely needs to be aware of the kind of pressure you're under....and that you won't wait forever, regardless of what he perceives as grown-up enough, or whatever. It will happen!!)

 

[ammayernyc]

Seriously, why do strangers think that this is an appropriate question to ask?
I was at a wedding this weekend when someone I haven''t seen in over five years asked me and my bf when we were getting married. I said to ask him and he got all flustered. She realized her ''error'' and then said to him, sometime in the near future? And he said, yes, sometime in the near future. But my goodness, what nerve?!

This is the third time in less than 10 days someone has asked us. It''s getting crazy.

Although... I would certainly like to know the answer myself! I just need to get up the nerve to ask him myself!

 

[twinkletoes]

there was one time when my bf and i were out at a comedy club with his coworker and his wife S. S is such a sweet woman and very frank without being overwhelming. she asked when my bf was going to propose to me since he isn''t getting any younger! oh, it was a lovely moment.

i think there should be a rule - if they ask, they should expect to get slapped upside the head. LOL

overall i am happy in my relationship, but the lack of action is making me unhappy and doubtful. sucks to be a lady in waiting sometimes.

and i do agree with lauren in that i know he wants to be financially stable to be the provider for us. he''s been working very hard and saving money (he says for "us") so that we won''t need to worry about that. but still... i''m tired of excuses (even somewhat valid ones!)...

 

[fire&ice]

Sometimes you have to force your hand. If you are having fun in the relationship & things are progressing as you would like then leave it be. But, I hear such pain in some of your (collective "your") posts. Some even start to question *their* worthiness. I will just say this - you are ALL worthy of someone who puts your needs above most other things.

I''m all for ultimatums. But, you also have to be willing to enforce them. When I met my husband, I was happy being single enjoying the dating scene. We started to become serious & talked about a future together. Then, the dope goes - "but I''m not getting married until I''m 30." My response "well then, you won''t be marrying me because I''m not waiting around for seven years JUST FOR YOU and your crazy arbitrary time line." I said it sort of matter of fact with a smile on my face. A few months later, we were engaged. He knew I was not going to get involved with another serious relationship unless marriage was a thoughtful end result for both parties. My situation isn''t everyones; but, it sure worked for me. We''ve been married two decades +.

I do feel for all of you. I just think you deserve to be happy. Maybe some of you aren''t ready YET. But, I also think that if you are you should force the issue. It''s just that in my mid 40''s I have friend that after 15+ years of dating STILL aren''t married (they are a tad older than I - it''s not like they met in high school). The years have just passed by. I know she isn''t happy with the situation; but, just accepts it. I suppose that''s o.k. It wouldn''t be with me.

...probably not telling you what you want to hear...for that, I am sorry. Twinkletoes, I''m not addressing you in particular because I hear the same from many LIW.

 

[regalada]

After 3 truly happy years, two of those living together, I didn''t know the answer to that question either, so I asked him.

We had long discussions in which I came to understand his reasoning and expressed mine. His was along the lines of why fix something that''s not broken, mine boiled down to because I won''t continue in the relationship if it''s not leading to marriage, been there with ex, done that and vowed I''d never do it again (I''m 32 and not getting any younger!). I told him I was packing up and moving out within three months if I felt that no progress was made towards getting married. I told him it was not a threat or an ultimatum, it was just a heads-up about my plans for my life, which would continue on without him if that is what he decided. I was sadly bracing myself for a move and re-starting my life without him but the prospect of ending the wait kept me sane.

He mulled it over for a month or so, during which I helped him through a stressful job search. Then one day we were sitting on the couch and he said let''s do it, just like that, let''s get married. We found a ring and are ordering it this week. I could not be happier that we are finally getting married, but I''m also happy with myself that I stood my ground and faced the problem head on instead of waiting for him to make a decision one way or the other (as I said been there, done that and hated myself for it). If he had decided not to get married, I would have been broken hearted but eventually would have been glad to be finally out of limbo. I figured my heart would heal but I would never be able to get those years back if I waited longer.

 

[allycat0303]

Twinkletoes: Sorry to hear about your weekend. That doesn''t sound fun at all. Has your boyfriend given you a timeframe? Or a concrete definition of "financially stable?" Maybe if you had some sort of time frame, it would be better. And 27 is still young! You have plenty of time to get married....don''t let those comments get to you. You have careers and goals, it''s just a matter of successfully merging thet two.

 

[Erin]

When I first met Mark we exchanged the ''exes'' stories. He had previously dated someone for 4 years and then immediately afterwards someone for 4 years - neither were engagements. I specifically remember leaning over his deck railing and looking over my shoulder at him coyly stating, I don''t do four year leases.

Our four year anniversary is this September. I don''t need to remind him that I once upon a time made that four year comment. I know he remembers. It won''t be an ultimatum either. If it comes to that, I will have a U-Haul reserved for that following weekend.

Besides, what I meant by that is marriage. But if he decides to propose before then, well, I have been known to bend the rules.

 

[jellybean]

Well, I certainly don''t know all the details of your relationship, but it sounds like his mommy has her thumb on him.

This sounds all too familiar. One of my girlfriends went through a similar situation where her boyfriend was almost 10 years older than her (she was 28, he almost 3 and had a very overbearing mom. He was very much under her control and did whatever mommy asked him too. She was afraid of losing "her baby boy" and thus he was still single at 38. My friend gave him several ultimatums and finally after about 5 years broke it off. She said it was the hardest thing she ever had to do but she did meet someone else and they are getting married next year. I know I''m leaving out most of the details but the bottom line was his mom was never going to let him go (nor was he in any hurry to let go himself) and my friend realized she had to be true to herself.

Now, I am not telling you to break up, but just be aware that some men have a very hard time letting go from their mothers. I''m not a phychologist but it sounds like this will always be an issue in your relationship.

Plus, if everyone waited until they were "financially stable" until they got married, I don''t think anyone would ever get married.

Sorry to be blunt, but please be true to yourself.

 

[fire&ice]

By ultimatum - I don''t mean a demand for a ring over and over again. It''s more of matter of fact. If you timeline isn''t mine, than I have no reason to stay. I deserve better; and, move on with our lives together or not. Being by yourself is better than a state of perpetual limbo.

Honestly, you girls deserve to be cherished.

 

[nytemist]

I totally agree with Fire & Ice. I need to really clamp down and take your advice! Twinkle, don''t start to doubt how worthy you are, the mistake I have started to make. I certainly don''t want things to end, but if that''s not where it''s going every I need to know that. Every LIW should never feel bad about themselves because their SI can''t give a straight answer. At 33, that''s a scary concept. But it''s better to know than to keep drifting.

 

[caligal]

Oh we have sooo many things in common! I too have a guy who was burned by his ex-fiance who just decided one day" I don''t want to marry you." And he also has older brothers who ALL, yes all 4 of them, have been married and divorced (one has done it 3 times!). So I do think it has shaped his views of marriage. Have you ever thought about changing something up in the relationship? This isn''t any game playing, but I''ve read you don''t always need to give an ultimatum, but if you suddenly take a Friday to hang with the girls unexpectedly, then sign up for a cooking class- maybe take a kickboxing course- go away for the weekend (you get the point), the guy wonders if you are moving on. Then it might speed him up! Plus- you''ll have tons of fun exploring something new and it will get your mind off everyone''s queries into your personal life. I wish you the best!!

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 6/20/2005 5:08:09 PM
Author: regalada

I told him I was packing up and moving out within three months if I felt that no progress was made towards getting married. I told him it was not a threat or an ultimatum, it was just a heads-up about my plans for my life, which would continue on without him if that is what he decided.

I''m also happy with myself that I stood my ground and faced the problem head on instead of waiting for him to make a decision one way or the other (as I said been there, done that and hated myself for it). If he had decided not to get married, I would have been broken hearted but eventually would have been glad to be finally out of limbo. I figured my heart would heal but I would never be able to get those years back if I waited longer.

I think this is really the key. It''s not an ultimatum to say "this is what I need and this is what my plans are", but for those doing this, F&I is right on about enforcement. It cannot be empty rhetoric. You have to have enough respect for yourself to say "this is acceptable to me, and eternal waiting is not."

For those whose s/o''s won''t even suggest a time frame, I think it''s completely fair for the ladies to say "It may happen that I never meet the right person and that I grow old by myself.....but that''s not my hope for myself. I don''t want that to happen because I didn''t try to find someone who wants what I want. I want to be married and share my life with a companion, and I''m committed to putting my energies into that effort. I love you, but if you don''t want the same thing too, then I need to spend my time finding someone who does want that too. If we aren''t at the stage of making a commitment to each other within the next three/six/twelve months (whatever), then I''ll assume you don''t want what I want, and I''ll begin moving my life forward alone."

For those who have been given a time frame (I''ll ask sometime this year, this summer, before your birthday, etc.)......you''ve been given a commitment to action. You have to decide if you''re OK with that commitment or if it''s not good enough. If it''s not good enough, then you need to speak up now. If it is good enough, then you have to sit back and let things go until that date arrives. It honestly doesn''t matter if it seems like progress is happening or not. A man can buy a ring and propose in a day.

One of my best friends is in the same place. Her S/O has said "it (proposal) will happen this year". She has a great attitude.....there''s no point in getting frustrated between now and December 31 because he has until the end of the year. If there is no ring on Dec. 31, THEN it''s time to get riled...but not until then.

 

[sasa]

Twinkletoes...if it makes you feel better, it''s going to be 10 years for Me and my BF this July. And I''m still waiting for his proposal. I know exactly what you are talking about . I think the longer a couple is together...the longer it takes for the guy to propose. He think of marrige as a piece of paper, nothing more. And since we''ve been living together the past 1 1/2 year, he feel like we''re a married couple already.

 

[heartsonfire]

***HUGS***

My heart goes out to you. If it makes you feel better my sister said the same to me: "You are getting older (well I just turned 27 yesterday, June 21) and you will not find anyone better than him. And no one will want you when you are 30!" Yikes I have 3 years time. I literally panicked and broke out in tears when I got home. I was so terrified.

I broke up with my bf we dated almost two years two months ago... long story - here is the thread ''I don''t know how to start'' https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/i-dont-know-how-to-start.29036/ to make it short it just didn''t work out, there were too many things we both didn''t agree on and I know it''s better this way.

But back to you. I remember seeing a picture of you both at a friends wedding and you both look great together. I guess he just needs his time. Nevertheless I know from the way you talk about him he loves you. I''m certain the time will come and you will be amazed and in tears the way he will propose to you. Keep your chin up.