How much compromise with e-ring?

[daydream believer]

ame I'm so sorry about the theft of your ring! How awful to put that much time, effort and love into selecting it, only to have it taken from you.

My BF and I are very much a team, so I don't doubt that we can come to a positive resolution on this. I think I need to really hammer out the short list of non-negotiables (thanks blackprophet for encouraging that line of thinking) and then also develop a list of areas where he could have some input as well. For example, I think BF would have a lot of fun designing a unique gallery and profile - for some reason that seems to be what he looks at first in a ring and I'm definitely way more flexible on those elements.

I don't think this issue is really about BF disliking what I want, but more that he was hoping to create something that I would love. I think giving him a very clear framework of what I do and don't like, and also where he could have some creative leeway will help. As cheesy as it sounds, I know BF is a huge romantic and has been very excited to go through the process of getting something I will love. He just honestly thought I would want something more in line with what our contemporaries are choosing.

VRBeauty and Laila619, thanks for validating my concerns. We were able to settle on the budget together (and I actually had to talk him down on the amount he would spend), so I think we are off to a pretty good start.

 

[Gypsy]

Yes, and I can appreciate that. Use the car analogy. It breaks through hard heads on RT. Also, I find it's a good policy to place a CONDITION, shall we say, on gifts over a certain dollar amount. For my husband and I that amount is 5k. If one of us is spending 5k or more on something for the other, we have agreed ABSOLUTELY that the surprise part shall be "surprise, I'm getting you X, now let's pick it out together so you are getting exactly what you want since this is a large investment."

For some reason, many people give people the gift THEY would like to receive. And not the gift that the recipient would like. They don't stretch their emphatic muscles and put themselves in the shoes of what the recipient would like and instead think: "well, I'd like it so I'm sure they will too."

And they don't think twice about the act of gift giving and what it means. To them OR to the person who they are giving a gift to.

This is not the way to a happy marriage. That is the way to a vacuum for Christmas. Which you will promptly hit him over the head with it. And he will reply, "but we need a vacuum and I bought the nicest one they had."

My husband, fortunately has 3 older sisters, so they broke him of this habit way before it could take hold. I have seen (and heard) so much bad gift giving from my friends about their husbands. They are late with their gifts. They don't think about the gift. They give GIFT CERTIFICATES (I kid you not). And it causes a lot of stress in the marriage.

So here's my advice to you. Think about gift giving and what it means to you. And think about how YOUR give gifts. Then show your husband what you appreciate and teach him to demonstrate that to you.

For me, gift giving is about showing appreciation for my spouse. I look at gift giving as a way to treat him to things he wouldn't get for himself. And I don't care, one way or another, if the item is something I personally like. The focus is on him. And he does the same for me.

An engagement ring is different. It's a promise. It's a promise to put that person first from that day forward. So, to me, you start that process by thinking of what that person would like FIRST. Practicing the "put your spouse before yourself" bit from the get go. That doesn't mean you are unreasonable about that. You don't put them first in EVERY case. Just reasonably so. And with a ring not being life or death... reasonably should be easy to figure out. You put the recipient first.

 

[daydream believer]

You need to start a pinterest board with rings/settings that you like. You can point him to it after you have found enough pins.
Plenty of David Klass rings on pinteret to pin. I think you need to find a way to convince him that you like the more simpler designs.
How do you feel about engraving? That can "dress" a setting up without adding too much $. I looked on James Allen and I think
if you are willing to go down to an I (you dont seem too afraid of color) then you can hit .7ish.

For reference
https://www.jamesallen.com/loose-diamonds/oval-cut/0.71-carat-i-color-vs1-clarity-sku-1121978
https://www.jamesallen.com/loose-diamonds/oval-cut/0.71-carat-i-color-vs1-clarity-sku-1030756
https://www.jamesallen.com/loose-diamonds/oval-cut/0.70-carat-i-color-si1-clarity-sku-1078993 this one's got shoulders

Yep, I'm definitely not afraid of color. Especially since I want a solitaire in a YG setting, it doesn't scare me much. Those ovals are all so gorgeous (and you gotta love that oval spread).

Good idea on the engraving too. I literally just posted something about how my BF seems really interested in galleries and profiles. I think engraving is something I'm definitely open to and could be a fun way to get his creative input as well.

 

[daydream believer]

Yes, and I can appreciate that. Use the car analogy. It breaks through hard heads on RT. Also, I find it's a good policy to place a CONDITION, shall we say, on gifts over a certain dollar amount. For my husband and I that amount is 5k. If one of us is spending 5k or more on something for the other, we have agreed ABSOLUTELY that the surprise part shall be "surprise, I'm getting you X, now let's pick it out together so you are getting exactly what you want since this is a large investment."

For some reason, many people give people the gift THEY would like to receive. And not the gift that the recipient would like. They don't stretch their emphatic muscles and put themselves in the shoes of what the recipient would like and instead think: "well, I'd like it so I'm sure they will too."

And they don't think twice about the act of gift giving and what it means. To them OR to the person who they are giving a gift to.

This is not the way to a happy marriage. That is the way to a vacuum for Christmas. Which you will promptly hit him over the head with it. And he will reply, "but we need a vacuum and I bought the nicest one they had."

My husband, fortunately has 3 older sisters, so they broke him of this habit way before it could take hold. I have seen (and heard) so much bad gift giving from my friends about their husbands. They are late with their gifts. They don't think about the gift. They give GIFT CERTIFICATES (I kid you not). And it causes a lot of stress in the marriage.

So here's my advice to you. Think about gift giving and what it means to you. And think about how YOUR give gifts. Then show your husband what you appreciate and teach him to demonstrate that to you.

For me, gift giving is about showing appreciation for my spouse. I look at gift giving as a way to treat him to things he wouldn't get for himself. And I don't care, one way or another, if the item is something I personally like. The focus is on him. And he does the same for me.

An engagement ring is different. It's a promise. It's a promise to put that person first from that day forward. So, to me, you start that process by thinking of what that person would like FIRST. Practicing the "put your spouse before yourself" bit from the get go. That doesn't mean you are unreasonable about that. You don't put them first in EVERY case. Just reasonably so. And with a ring not being life or death... reasonably should be easy to figure out. You put the recipient first.

That's a really smart rule to put into place. It's one I know BF would appreciate - he is a photographer and I anticipate many camera-related purchases in our future together.

Fortunately, BF and I seem to be on the same page with gift giving. He hasn't failed yet in getting me something I love. Side story time: My ex-boyfriend from several years ago bought me a Brita filter pitcher for my birthday...because he didn't like the taste of my water. I pretty much knew then and there that this was a guy I shouldn't waste any time on.

But there have been no such missteps with my current relationship. This will admittedly be the first larger gift purchase (in the thousands of $$) since we've been together. I think he needs a flick to the ear and a reminder that even though it is a symbol of the start of our life together, the ring is a gift first and foremost and should be approached with that attitude.

 

[ame]

ame I'm so sorry about the theft of your ring! How awful to put that much time, effort and love into selecting it, only to have it taken from you.

My BF and I are very much a team, so I don't doubt that we can come to a positive resolution on this. I think I need to really hammer out the short list of non-negotiables (thanks blackprophet for encouraging that line of thinking) and then also develop a list of areas where he could have some input as well. For example, I think BF would have a lot of fun designing a unique gallery and profile - for some reason that seems to be what he looks at first in a ring and I'm definitely way more flexible on those elements.

I don't think this issue is really about BF disliking what I want, but more that he was hoping to create something that I would love. I think giving him a very clear framework of what I do and don't like, and also where he could have some creative leeway will help. As cheesy as it sounds, I know BF is a huge romantic and has been very excited to go through the process of getting something I will love. He just honestly thought I would want something more in line with what our contemporaries are choosing.

VRBeauty and Laila619, thanks for validating my concerns. We were able to settle on the budget together (and I actually had to talk him down on the amount he would spend), so I think we are off to a pretty good start.

Oh girl lol, I did that, and when we replaced my ring later, we ended up with a stone the same size as what he originally was going to buy LOL. It just cost more at that point.

I really had a hard time with the robbery, not even as much about the rings, but about the fact that someone stole MY stuff, and how they did it. My spare key was in there, as were those of my sister and mom, and any identifying info was in there, and I was just so worried about any of our homes being broken into, and I still to this day do not feel safe in my home. Like, at all. And really, I don't think I ever will. It RUINED my sense of security.

Replacing it did make all the bad karma that came with that awful setting experience and the awful original wedding band drama go away. But it didn't eliminate ring drama bec we just had plenty more. I finally feel like that's all gone now that the car accident damaged my last setting. This one is good and I have two bands I like, and my necklace and earring projects went well, and I can't think of anything I really want (I'd like a single DBTY but I'd wear it as much as I wear everything else so what's the point!) I am really happy with this stone, and it's a needle in a haystack and I have no idea how I'd ever upgrade it.

Yes, and I can appreciate that. Use the car analogy. It breaks through hard heads on RT. Also, I find it's a good policy to place a CONDITION, shall we say, on gifts over a certain dollar amount. For my husband and I that amount is 5k. If one of us is spending 5k or more on something for the other, we have agreed ABSOLUTELY that the surprise part shall be "surprise, I'm getting you X, now let's pick it out together so you are getting exactly what you want since this is a large investment."

That's a really smart rule to put into place. It's one I know BF would appreciate - he is a photographer and I anticipate many camera-related purchases in our future together.

Fortunately, BF and I seem to be on the same page with gift giving. He hasn't failed yet in getting me something I love. Side story time: My ex-boyfriend from several years ago bought me a Brita filter pitcher for my birthday...because he didn't like the taste of my water. I pretty much knew then and there that this was a guy I shouldn't waste any time on.

But there have been no such missteps with my current relationship. This will admittedly be the first larger gift purchase (in the thousands of $$) since we've been together. I think he needs a flick to the ear and a reminder that even though it is a symbol of the start of our life together, the ring is a gift first and foremost and should be approached with that attitude.

Oh god. That brita pitcher.

That's a good rule, though DH usually says "didn't you say you wanted X item? You should get that." The rubies being set came up a lot over the years til I finally did it. Guess how often I wear my necklace. Yknow, as much as I wear my rings. and studs. and anything else. But I wear my watch. ( )

 

[lovedogs]

Hey there,
Saw some rings on JewelsByGrace that made me think of you (unique/oval/bezel). And all around 3K or less


Just in case you're open to something like this:


http://www.jewelsbygrace.com/rings/96ctw-vintage-oval-cut-diamond-solitaire#.V1d9X1cZ79E
http://www.jewelsbygrace.com/rings/1-01ct-oval-cut-diamond-halo-ring-gia-l-light-brown-vs1#.V1d9z1cZ79E
http://www.jewelsbygrace.com/rings/tiffany-co-circlet-ring#.V1d90lcZ79E
http://www.jewelsbygrace.com/rings/1-02ctw-rose-cut-diamond-bezel-ring-by-liseanne-frank#.V1d971cZ79E

 

[Gypsy]

Good lord, the Britta Pitcher. You'll find out he's been divorced three times when you meet him later in life.

I had an Ex that did something similar. He as an audiophile and bought be a USED stereo from the swamp meet for my birthday. I was just fine with my stock radio and barely used it. There is a reason they are Ex's.

 

[msop04]

Hey there,
Saw some rings on JewelsByGrace that made me think of you (unique/oval/bezel). And all around 3K or less


Just in case you're open to something like
http://www.jewelsbygrace.com/rings/1-01ct-oval-cut-diamond-halo-ring-gia-l-light-brown-vs1#.V1d9z1cZ79E

I'm loving this ring! Great find, lovedogs!! That gold bezel is yummy!! [emoji7][emoji7]

 

[Laila619]

I may just be a guy, because I actually would not mind a Brita for a gift. Super useful and not something I would spend money on for myself.

 

[Gypsy]

I may just be a guy, because I actually would not mind a Brita for a gift. Super useful and not something I would spend money on for myself.

I don't think it's the Brita as much as the fact that he was the one with the problem with the water, not her. He was buying himself a present.

I have a Brita because it saves me a ton on bottled water and saves the environment. I find it's a nice thing to have. And I got mine at a great sale.

 

[rainydaze]

Yeah, in this case it's the principle of the thing. Had he gifted her a Brita because she hated her water and complained about it a lot, that would have been sweet and thoughtful. But he got it for her because he wanted it, and it even sounds like he could have been making a point with it, too. Yeesh!

 

[daydream believer]

Yeah, in this case it's the principle of the thing. Had he gifted her a Brita because she hated her water and complained about it a lot, that would have been sweet and thoughtful. But he got it for her because he wanted it, and it even sounds like he could have been making a point with it, too. Yeesh!

Exactly. He did it purely because he disliked the taste of my tap water. The worst part was he tried to convince me that I had asked for one a couple months before my birthday, which was patently NOT true. I've definitely upgraded in the guy department

Back to rings, thanks everyone for the suggestions! I think we're going to try to go to a family-owned jewelry store this weekend in the hopes that they will have a better variety of styles and stone sizes to try on.

Also, I really appreciate the suggestions on Jewels by Grace, DBL, LT, etc. I've perused those sites before but haven't looked at their inventory in a while - I've got my eyes peeled in case the perfect ring pops up.

 

[daydream believer]

After spending a lot of time doing research to get a better feel for my taste and putting together a concise Pinterest page, this ring is jumping out at me big time (because, honestly, this thread really deserved more pics)

I think the design would still look lovely when scaled down for a diamond in the .5-.6 range. I really wish I could find stock settings that are this pretty but I suppose custom will be the only way to get something along these lines?





Found here via Pinterest: http://erstwhilejewelry.com/products/1-17-carat-edwardian-engagement-ring

 

[msop04]

After spending a lot of time doing research to get a better feel for my taste and putting together a concise Pinterest page, this ring is jumping out at me big time (because, honestly, this thread really deserved more pics)

I think the design would still look lovely when scaled down for a diamond in the .5-.6 range. I really wish I could find stock settings that are this pretty but I suppose custom will be the only way to get something along these lines?





Found here via Pinterest: http://erstwhilejewelry.com/products/1-17-carat-edwardian-engagement-ring

This is one of my favorite styles. DK can execute this style at a fair price. He's already done one similar (the sides).

 

[msop04]

I thought I wanted a similar style for my zircon setting, so I'll show you the CAD that DK did for it...

Here is the inspiration ring:


And his CAD for my zircon:


Of course, anything can be tweaked... I wish I could find the ring he did with it... UGH!! I'll be looking...

 

[msop04]

BOOM! Found it! [emoji95][emoji1363][emoji95]

 

[msop04]

...and another in RG... Small changes in the basket can really give this design the "oomph" your BF wants, while keeping the classic bezel and simplicity that you desire. Best of both worlds! [emoji7]

 

[daydream believer]

BOOM! Found it!

You're amazing! Now my wheels are really turning...And you're so right about the "oomph" that small design changes can add. I can't wait to show this to my FF.

 

[msop04]

BOOM! Found it!

You're amazing! Now my wheels are really turning...And you're so right about the "oomph" that small design changes can add. I can't wait to show this to my FF.

Great!! DK can make the shank much more delicate to better accentuate your stone and overall taste.

 

[PintoBean]

Here is a stock setting that is similar
https://www.gabrielny.com/engagement-ring/ER11747R4W44JJ

 

[msop04]

Here is a stock setting that is similar
https://www.gabrielny.com/engagement-ring/ER11747R4W44JJ

The sides are similar, but the basket view leaves a lot to be desired, IMO... Maybe do a version of that with a better basket? [emoji848]

 

[PintoBean]

Here is a stock setting that is similar
https://www.gabrielny.com/engagement-ring/ER11747R4W44JJ

The sides are similar, but the basket view leaves a lot to be desired, IMO... Maybe do a version of that with a better basket? [emoji848]

kee kee kee - all I keep thinking is, "OFF with her HEAD!"

 

[msop04]

Here is a stock setting that is similar
https://www.gabrielny.com/engagement-ring/ER11747R4W44JJ

The sides are similar, but the basket view leaves a lot to be desired, IMO... Maybe do a version of that with a better basket? [emoji848]

kee kee kee - all I keep thinking is, "OFF with her HEAD!"

[emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

 

[Tuckins1]

None. My husband said "What do you like?.. Ok."

 

[lovedogs]

BOOM! Found it! [emoji95][emoji1363][emoji95]

yes! This is one of my all time DK favorites! I was starting to look for it as soon as I saw OPs inspiration photo, but then I realized you already found it I'd really recommend asking DK about this--I'm sure he could do it at a very reasonable price and would be lovely!

 

[Calliecake]

I thought I wanted a similar style for my zircon setting, so I'll show you the CAD that DK did for it...

Here is the inspiration ring:


And his CAD for my zircon:
https://www.pricescope.com/forum/files/icp/imageuploadedbytapatalk1434917293.jpg[/

Of course, anything can be tweaked... I wish I could find the ring he did with it... UGH!! I'll be looking...[/quote]


If I'm remembering correctly someone else had this setting made with a very large marquise diamond. It was a beautiful ring. It would also be gorgeous with an oval diamond as the center stone.

MSOP, The setting you chose for your zircon is stunning.

Daydream Believer, My husband has always felt it's my ring and I am the only one that has to love it. I've also changed my mind and purchased a few diamond other rings over the years. On that his attitude has always been I can keep upgrading rings as long as I keep the same husband.

 

[msop04]

I thought I wanted a similar style for my zircon setting, so I'll show you the CAD that DK did for it...

Here is the inspiration ring:


And his CAD for my zircon:
https://www.pricescope.com/forum/files/icp/imageuploadedbytapatalk1434917293.jpg[/

Of course, anything can be tweaked... I wish I could find the ring he did with it... UGH!! I'll be looking...[/quote]


If I'm remembering correctly someone else had this setting made with a very large marquise diamond. It was a beautiful ring. It would also be gorgeous with an oval diamond as the center stone.

MSOP, The setting you chose for your zircon is stunning.

Daydream Believer, My husband has always felt it's my ring and I am the only one that has to love it. I've also changed my mind and purchased a few diamond other rings over the years. On that his attitude has always been I can keep upgrading rings as long as I keep the same husband.[/quote]

Yes! The MQ ring was the one I was looking for… For some reason I couldn't find it, but I ran into these. [emoji4]

 

[msop04]

Here's the link!!

[URL='https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/david-klass-ring-in-the-works-join-my-journey.214432/']https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/david-klass-ring-in-the-works-join-my-journey.214432/[/URL]

 

[Calliecake]

That's it MSOP!!! Daydream Believer this would be gorgeous with an oval center stone.

 

[msop04]

That's it MSOP!!! Daydream Believer this would be gorgeous with an oval center stone.