Snapchat at Thirteen?

[Jambalaya]

Molly: We got along just fine before apps, and the military stuff you mentioned was handled by satellite phone and telegrams. Today, we have even better phones plus web cams, websites, etc. I don't think apps are really needed. For ovulation, we have kits.

Re. being a dinosaur. I was trying to lighten the mood a little and laugh at myself.

Who needs electricity when fire was just dandy?

Electric lighting doesn't expose children to worldwide predators, not give away your location to ones nearby.

 

[Jambalaya]

I think the original purpose of the thread has gotten off-track. My personal preferences about apps don't matter here, and I wasn't really meaning to debate their merits.

What I wanted was a sense of how many 13-year-olds use things like Snapchat and other apps. Is it pretty usual? Fifty-fifty? Over 90 percent? Also, are there are families out there who ban it altogether?

I'm interested in what's the usual set-up for the majority of families with young teens, because I just have no idea what's the norm. For no particular reason other than that I'm interested.

This is from a year ago. I would assume it's increased a good bit since then. http://www.pewinternet.org/2015/04/09/teens-social-media-technology-2015/

Thanks for the links SJ. Amazing! That's a lot of internet use by young teens. Judging by the numbers, I guess I shouldn't be surprised that GD has all these apps going on. I can definitely see that a kid might feel left out if they're not in on it, since it's really widespread. That would be the downside of telling a child they can't have the apps (not that her family is going to do that).

Since the majority let their child use apps/go online, I wonder if this creates pressure for parents who would rather their young-to-mid teens weren't on the internet, but the social pressure to do so is so intense that you can't really be the one parent who says no? I know some parents of 13-years-olds don't, but what about 15? I think I would have found this stuff really addictive as a teen, but perhaps today's teens are learning to regulate themselves through handling technology.

 

[Jambalaya]

Those things are true, SJ.

But still, I don't think that the activities of any previous generation had the same element of danger and potential addiction that the internet offers. I hate that my GD is on all that social media at 13. She has always been a good student and I do worry that this will derail her with all the distraction. Apparently a concerning percentage of young teens wake up in the night, every night, to check their phones.

I've read all this stuff about how parents have to learn every app and manage and negotiate and teach, etc. Seems it would be simpler and healthier for everyone if apps had never existed. Apparently there are hundreds of them and new ones coming along all the time - and many are much worse than Snapchat. I guess I'm in the minority but I just don't see what these apps add to humanity. Time was, we met up and had a lot of laughs. I think we actually drew on each other's faces instead of doing it via app! It was much funnier and provided better memories than doing it virtually, I'm sure.

What noise does a dinosaur make?

Healthier if apps had never existed? Apps can help military families talk to each other when half way around the world. There are apps that secretly alert authorities if someone is in a domestic violence situation. I have an emergency coast guard app for when I kayak. There are apps that allow me to deposit checks from the comfort and safety of my home without ever having to go to a bank. I have apps that help me identify birds that I see while out on a hike. There are apps that allow me to know where the closest gas station is if I'm running low, where the closest hospital may be, apps that give me emergency weather alerts for my area, apps that let me listen to my favorite radio shows, etc. There are even apps that help keep track of fitness information, exercise, blood sugar for diabetics, fertility for women trying to conceive, and so on.

It's one thing to be fearful of new technology, and if fully educated and you still hate them, that's fine, but from what you've written it's clear you have too much to learn before you can say that it would be "simpler and healthier for everyone if apps had never existed." You seem very proud of your "dinosaur status", but perhaps you would have a less bleak outlook on the future if you took time to learn about some of these things.

Just because you think apps are great and I don't is no reason to be snarky to me, SonnyJane.

 

[Snowdrop13]

Jambalaya, you can't "say no" to the Internet any more- very young kids have access to tablets and computers and they are often very adept at using them! I'd say most kids have a smartphone by the time they get to High School (age 11-12). There are multiple websites geared to them and even basic "social media"- take a look at Club Penguin, for example. Primary schools use internet based resources for learning from nursery age. It can't be avoided, I'm afraid.

 

[Trekkie]

^Words shared between friends at the park or on the phone is not the same as a screen shot that is potentially shared with an entire school with the click of a button....
I'm not saying that the apps are useless, but I think they should be closely monitored. I think that my kids are just not as "mature" as others because they don't have a lot of interest in social media (and I'm thankful for that). Things are always changing, however, so maybe the interest will come later.

At least snapchat deletes within a few seconds. The author of this thread has posted very private, sexual things that will live on in perpetuity on THIS social medium and shows up through a simple Google search. I'm not saying that against the OP but rather to illustrate a point that age is not necessarily an indicator of social media awareness or responsibility. Sure we have the false sense of security here of anonymity, but a determined individual can almost always put pieces together. The lesson for social media users of ALL ages needs to be don't put anything out there that you wouldn't want the entire world to know.

But Sonnyjane, I'm completely anonymous. That's the difference between me posting here and my GD on Snapchat. No one here knows my location, my birthday, my photo, and even the mods don't have an email address with my real name. I would never, ever post my photo and most of my jewelry isn't posted here. I don't agree that someone could post the pieces together in my case - I've been very careful about that. I don't think anyone could begin to guess where I live. I'm careful not to refer to the time of day when I post, or the weather. All this caution is the reason I felt comfortable posting what I did. Had I been even a little more identifiable, I wouldn't have started that thread. And anyway, even if someone did somehow identify me, I actually wouldn't have a huge problem with anyone seeing that thread. OK, it's a little cheek-reddening but not the end of the world. It's only saying that I'm not getting any, which I don't feel embarrassed about. I'm too old to embarrass easily - you have a different perspective on the world when you don't feel that you have huge amounts of time left. Things like embarrassment matter less. Let's just say that things living on in perpetuity really doesn't matter to me! I guess I'm saying that I didn't post that thread without thinking it through. And it's not as if I was admitting to some bad behavior, like cheating on a spouse, or posting sexy selfies!

I don't think that all 13-year-olds have the reasoning powers I just employed above.

Correct me if I'm wrong and Snapchat is anonymous, too. Oh, no - it can't be, it's a photo app, right? I'm also a mature person while my GD is 13. I think there's a big difference between a much older person posting in total anonymity and a thirteen-year-old posting multiple photographs of herself. I've read that the Snapchat photos can indeed be saved - in a few different ways. There's even an app for it, SnapSave.

Forgetting about me for a minute, 13 just seemed a little young for so much social media. However, I'm totally willing to accept that I'm a dinosaur! I have no children and much of what today's teenagers do is a mystery to me. That's why I asked here.

I figured out who you are a long time ago, without even trying. It just clicked. It doesn't bother me, I don't feel any which way about it, it just became apparent, I shrugged, I moved on. I don't even know you IRL, so I think it would be pretty obvious for someone who does to figure it out. Not that it matters, just thought I'd put that out there.

 

[Jambalaya]

^Words shared between friends at the park or on the phone is not the same as a screen shot that is potentially shared with an entire school with the click of a button....
I'm not saying that the apps are useless, but I think they should be closely monitored. I think that my kids are just not as "mature" as others because they don't have a lot of interest in social media (and I'm thankful for that). Things are always changing, however, so maybe the interest will come later.

At least snapchat deletes within a few seconds. The author of this thread has posted very private, sexual things that will live on in perpetuity on THIS social medium and shows up through a simple Google search. I'm not saying that against the OP but rather to illustrate a point that age is not necessarily an indicator of social media awareness or responsibility. Sure we have the false sense of security here of anonymity, but a determined individual can almost always put pieces together. The lesson for social media users of ALL ages needs to be don't put anything out there that you wouldn't want the entire world to know.

But Sonnyjane, I'm completely anonymous. That's the difference between me posting here and my GD on Snapchat. No one here knows my location, my birthday, my photo, and even the mods don't have an email address with my real name. I would never, ever post my photo and most of my jewelry isn't posted here. I don't agree that someone could post the pieces together in my case - I've been very careful about that. I don't think anyone could begin to guess where I live. I'm careful not to refer to the time of day when I post, or the weather. All this caution is the reason I felt comfortable posting what I did. Had I been even a little more identifiable, I wouldn't have started that thread. And anyway, even if someone did somehow identify me, I actually wouldn't have a huge problem with anyone seeing that thread. OK, it's a little cheek-reddening but not the end of the world. It's only saying that I'm not getting any, which I don't feel embarrassed about. I'm too old to embarrass easily - you have a different perspective on the world when you don't feel that you have huge amounts of time left. Things like embarrassment matter less. Let's just say that things living on in perpetuity really doesn't matter to me! I guess I'm saying that I didn't post that thread without thinking it through. And it's not as if I was admitting to some bad behavior, like cheating on a spouse, or posting sexy selfies!

I don't think that all 13-year-olds have the reasoning powers I just employed above.

Correct me if I'm wrong and Snapchat is anonymous, too. Oh, no - it can't be, it's a photo app, right? I'm also a mature person while my GD is 13. I think there's a big difference between a much older person posting in total anonymity and a thirteen-year-old posting multiple photographs of herself. I've read that the Snapchat photos can indeed be saved - in a few different ways. There's even an app for it, SnapSave.

Forgetting about me for a minute, 13 just seemed a little young for so much social media. However, I'm totally willing to accept that I'm a dinosaur! I have no children and much of what today's teenagers do is a mystery to me. That's why I asked here.

I figured out who you are a long time ago, without even trying. It just clicked. It doesn't bother me, I don't feel any which way about it, it just became apparent, I shrugged, I moved on. I don't even know you IRL, so I think it would be pretty obvious for someone who does to figure it out. Not that it matters, just thought I'd put that out there.

???

 

[Jambalaya]

Jambalaya, you can't "say no" to the Internet any more- very young kids have access to tablets and computers and they are often very adept at using them! I'd say most kids have a smartphone by the time they get to High School (age 11-12). There are multiple websites geared to them and even basic "social media"- take a look at Club Penguin, for example. Primary schools use internet based resources for learning from nursery age. It can't be avoided, I'm afraid.

Oh yes, I knew that computers are used a lot at schools for teaching purposes. I just wasn't sure about apps.

Man, it's a far cry from when I was at school. How things change.

 

[Jambalaya]

^Words shared between friends at the park or on the phone is not the same as a screen shot that is potentially shared with an entire school with the click of a button....
I'm not saying that the apps are useless, but I think they should be closely monitored. I think that my kids are just not as "mature" as others because they don't have a lot of interest in social media (and I'm thankful for that). Things are always changing, however, so maybe the interest will come later.

At least snapchat deletes within a few seconds. The author of this thread has posted very private, sexual things that will live on in perpetuity on THIS social medium and shows up through a simple Google search. I'm not saying that against the OP but rather to illustrate a point that age is not necessarily an indicator of social media awareness or responsibility. Sure we have the false sense of security here of anonymity, but a determined individual can almost always put pieces together. The lesson for social media users of ALL ages needs to be don't put anything out there that you wouldn't want the entire world to know.

But Sonnyjane, I'm completely anonymous. That's the difference between me posting here and my GD on Snapchat. No one here knows my location, my birthday, my photo, and even the mods don't have an email address with my real name. I would never, ever post my photo and most of my jewelry isn't posted here. I don't agree that someone could post the pieces together in my case - I've been very careful about that. I don't think anyone could begin to guess where I live. I'm careful not to refer to the time of day when I post, or the weather. All this caution is the reason I felt comfortable posting what I did. Had I been even a little more identifiable, I wouldn't have started that thread. And anyway, even if someone did somehow identify me, I actually wouldn't have a huge problem with anyone seeing that thread. OK, it's a little cheek-reddening but not the end of the world. It's only saying that I'm not getting any, which I don't feel embarrassed about. I'm too old to embarrass easily - you have a different perspective on the world when you don't feel that you have huge amounts of time left. Things like embarrassment matter less. Let's just say that things living on in perpetuity really doesn't matter to me! I guess I'm saying that I didn't post that thread without thinking it through. And it's not as if I was admitting to some bad behavior, like cheating on a spouse, or posting sexy selfies!

I don't think that all 13-year-olds have the reasoning powers I just employed above.

Correct me if I'm wrong and Snapchat is anonymous, too. Oh, no - it can't be, it's a photo app, right? I'm also a mature person while my GD is 13. I think there's a big difference between a much older person posting in total anonymity and a thirteen-year-old posting multiple photographs of herself. I've read that the Snapchat photos can indeed be saved - in a few different ways. There's even an app for it, SnapSave.

Forgetting about me for a minute, 13 just seemed a little young for so much social media. However, I'm totally willing to accept that I'm a dinosaur! I have no children and much of what today's teenagers do is a mystery to me. That's why I asked here.

I figured out who you are a long time ago, without even trying. It just clicked. It doesn't bother me, I don't feel any which way about it, it just became apparent, I shrugged, I moved on. I don't even know you IRL, so I think it would be pretty obvious for someone who does to figure it out. Not that it matters, just thought I'd put that out there.

Do you know me in real life from my jewelry, Trekkie? Do we know each other? No, that can't be - you live in South Africa and I've never been there. But maybe you don't really live in South Africa. OK, now I'm a little scared. You say two things - that you don't know me in real life but then you say that you do - you figured out who I am. Freaky. I'm going to shut my computer down now in case my location is transmitting.

 

[MollyMalone]

As far as I can tell it is now completely "normal" for kids of 13 to have Snapchat and FB accounts. Many of my kid's pals chat via Instagram too (he's 14). Our local schools have been very pro-active in educating both students and parents, which has really helped those of us who are of a different generation. Bullying still goes on at the schools but as far as I can see most of it is of the old-fashioned, non electronic media type. My kids are boys which may be the difference, of course.

I'll be interested in seeing if the next Pew survey demonstrates Facebook has retained the popularity shown in the survey from last year that sonnyjane linked; Facebook is no longer a biggie with the teens within my ken (they still have accounts, but are very passive, initiate few posts themselves). Of course, that's not a meaningful sample.

Cyber-bullying is, by its very nature, more surreptitious than the "old school" kind. And more pervasive, yet woefully under-reported to adults. And not just because, as with old school bullying, the teens feel embarrassed, ashamed, humiliated. Teens fear that making cyber-bullying known means they will be cut off from their phones, the Internet -- a vital part, as you've observed, of their social lifeblood. So part of the outreach education includes (or should include) reassurance to teens, their parents, and other concerned adults that there are work-arounds that don't require a technologically monastic existence.

But yes, teen boys are much less involved with cyber-bullying (as victim or antagonistic participant) than teen girls. In no small measure, because (as seen in that Pew survey report) teen boys spend more of their virtual time as gamers, where there is organizational & interactive structure, even teamwork, focused on an established, extranneous goal.

 

[purplesparklies]

My oldest is nearly 15 and does not have access to social media nor does he have a cell phone. He is popular at school and while he would like to be able to participate in the typical phone/social media activities, he has also seen the potential for problems and drama that result in kids having access too early. He attends a parochial school and there have been issues this year with students sending inappropriate texts and snaps to each other. Photos included. There has been a ton of drama and angst over what kids are texting, snapping and posting on social media outside of school hours. Unfortunately, that drama doesn't stop at the classroom door. Loss of academic time is the result as teachers are forced to deal with the crying girls. It's ridiculous.

When we do choose to have a phone which he is allowed to use, he won't "have a phone" until he can buy his own, there will be plenty of restrictions and it will be carefully monitored. Part of my reluctance has also resulted from seeing so many kids completely immersed in their phones and not participating in the world around them. We don't have that issue. We enjoyed a beautiful day out yesterday as a family and he was completely present. We had such a fun day. I do not want to lose that.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[packrat]

Nope, she didn't get in trouble. She's a good girl. She got the mom face and disappointed mom voice. I looked thru to see to whom she had sent snaps, and there was like 5 or 6. No names I didn't recognize, and just like on FB, she can't add anyone we don't approve of. So, nothing she sends can go "to the whole school" unless she has the whole school on her snapchat list, and she doesn't. I trust London, and sometimes, you don't know what you know until you know it. We had an incident a couple months ago where I was getting weird notifications from FB-I set up her account so I get a notification when she gets messages etc. So I checked her computer and holy moly did I about come unglued. I asked why she hadn't told me and she said she didn't know what to do. We talked about it and now she knows-if she's unsure about something, ask us, tell us, show us. I don't teach her right from wrong by just saying "this is wrong. That's wrong. This too is wrong. Don't do that." I have to show her and allow her to experience things so she can learn from them. To do that, I have to allow her some sort of freedom. Sometimes that freedom comes w/hard choices and decisions but the more I walk her thru it, without having a come apart directed at *her*, the more she learns and grows and gains the independence and confidence to make those decisions and choices on her own.

 

[asscherisme]

Way too young. But its very very common. In fact, my daughter at 12 is the odd one out and the only girl she knows in 6th grade that is not on social media. Thankfully its not an issue because she dosn't want to be. But even if she did, I would not let her.

 

[House Cat]

There is an incredibly positive side to communicating on the internet that a lot of people don't see....

One of my sons is a gamer. He has formed long lasting relationships with people over the past ten years that span all over the world. These aren't light hearted friendships. These relationships are REAL. These kids have grown up together. Some of the kids have met, some have formed romantic relationships. Some have even gotten married.

Times have really changed.

My son told me that the people who really benefit from this online culture are the people who don't fit in socially in other settings. These are people who, in the past, would have been outcasts for one reason or another. But, thanks to the initial anonymity of the gaming community/internet, these people have been able to allow their true personalities to shine through and others have been able to get to know them. My son has met people who were suicidal due to sheer loneliness before they began to meet people in the gaming community. Now they have an active social life.

This also gives them the confidence to branch out and meet others in person, but, they also can eventually meet the people that they talk to day after day.


Socializing on the internet isn't always negative. (I actually find it ironic that we are discussing this here )

And before anyone says that these people should be branching out in real life and trying to form "real" in person relationships, understand that these people probably have and have been shot down. I am not talking about people who can easily form in person relationships. I am talking about people who have been outcast for one reason or another. Someone like this rarely rises above this kind of....stigma.


I haven't explored snapchat. My 11 year old has a cell phone, but he's only allowed to listen to music, play a couple of apps, and text a very select few friends. I have accepted the fact that he will probably have a facebook account when he starts middle school, but we will be all over that thing, just like we were all over our older kids' myspace accounts!

When it comes right down to it, we do what we can to keep our kids informed and safe. Each family has a different threshold for risk based on their individual children and the trust they have built with their kids. Having an open and honest relationship with your kids is one of the biggest gifts you can give to them. Usually when you treat them with respect and dignity, they rise to the occasion. Let's face it, any kid can download snapchat, use it, and then delete it off their phone whenever they want to. There are apps to hide apps that exist on their phones. Kids will find a way to do whatever the hell they want on their phones. I feel it is best to keep an open flow of communication and trust with my kids from a very early age. This is what has always worked for me. The moment I have brought down the hammer, was always the moment the kids began to lie and act in a way that was very undesirable to me.

 

[momhappy]

^I agree with House Cat. Online relationships can have advantages too, especially for people who struggle socially.
When I posted earlier that I would not allow my 13 year-old on Snapchat, I said so out of my own personal experiences. I have a child that is immature (and naive) for her age, so while those types of apps might be appropriate for some 13 year-olds, they may not be right for others. It is a parent's job to decided what is appropriate and what's not.

 

[packrat]

Yep, and it's the parents job to explain the rules and consequences-and there should be rules and consequences. My uncle apparently came unglued that we allowed London to have snapchat. "kids DIE from it! they DIE! They drive around and take selfies and they DIE!" on and on and on. Not to me or JD of course, to my parents. First, London's 12. She's not driving anywhere. Second--it's up to the parents to explain shit, and at the end of the day, it's up to the kids to learn how to handle shit right. You teach your kids to the best of your ability and they have to take the reins at some point. I was taught not to smoke when I was younger--and I did it anyway. That was my choice. I made my own choices, not my parents. They taught me and I knew it was wrong, and I knew right from wrong on a lot of things-and I did them anyway b/c it was my choice. It was not a failure on my parents part. When London's old enough to drive, the first time I find out she's texting (or snapchatting or whatever else) while driving, the phone goes and the car goes. Gone. That's how I play. If I don't allow her some sort of independence, and yes, the freedom to make bad choices and biff it and get shit taken away, that's a failure on my part, not hers, when she becomes an adult and has no clue how to *be* an adult. And if I allow her to make those decisions and she makes wrong ones and I do nothing to explain or curtail the behavior, that is a failure on my part.

 

[yennyfire]

This whole thread has made me cringe...I've been trying to ignore social media for tweens/teens because we are getting closer and closer to this age with our son (he's 11) and I'm terrified of the potential long term ramifications that things they post (or friends post about them) can have. I agree with some of the posters who have commented that young teens don't often have the maturity and judgment that adults do (and I have plenty of "friends" on FB who post things that are TOTALLY inappropriate, so even adults use poor judgment sometimes)....

Our son is heading to middle school next year and "everyone" around him already had a phone. I've been resisting, but I know that the time is rapidly approaching when he will need one. We've been having lots of conversations about social media and that there's no such thing as "disappearing" photos or videos and that we don't want things that he does at 13 to impact his ability to get into the college of his choice or be offered the internship he's applying for. I'm just not ready for this phase....aarrgghhh!

 

[kenny]

^Words shared between friends at the park or on the phone is not the same as a screen shot that is potentially shared with an entire school with the click of a button....
I'm not saying that the apps are useless, but I think they should be closely monitored. I think that my kids are just not as "mature" as others because they don't have a lot of interest in social media (and I'm thankful for that). Things are always changing, however, so maybe the interest will come later.

At least snapchat deletes within a few seconds. The author of this thread has posted very private, sexual things that will live on in perpetuity on THIS social medium and shows up through a simple Google search. I'm not saying that against the OP but rather to illustrate a point that age is not necessarily an indicator of social media awareness or responsibility. Sure we have the false sense of security here of anonymity, but a determined individual can almost always put pieces together. The lesson for social media users of ALL ages needs to be don't put anything out there that you wouldn't want the entire world to know.

But Sonnyjane, I'm completely anonymous. That's the difference between me posting here and my GD on Snapchat. No one here knows my location, my birthday, my photo, and even the mods don't have an email address with my real name. I would never, ever post my photo and most of my jewelry isn't posted here. I don't agree that someone could post the pieces together in my case - I've been very careful about that. I don't think anyone could begin to guess where I live. I'm careful not to refer to the time of day when I post, or the weather. All this caution is the reason I felt comfortable posting what I did. Had I been even a little more identifiable, I wouldn't have started that thread. And anyway, even if someone did somehow identify me, I actually wouldn't have a huge problem with anyone seeing that thread. OK, it's a little cheek-reddening but not the end of the world. It's only saying that I'm not getting any, which I don't feel embarrassed about. I'm too old to embarrass easily - you have a different perspective on the world when you don't feel that you have huge amounts of time left. Things like embarrassment matter less. Let's just say that things living on in perpetuity really doesn't matter to me! I guess I'm saying that I didn't post that thread without thinking it through. And it's not as if I was admitting to some bad behavior, like cheating on a spouse, or posting sexy selfies!

I don't think that all 13-year-olds have the reasoning powers I just employed above.

Correct me if I'm wrong and Snapchat is anonymous, too. Oh, no - it can't be, it's a photo app, right? I'm also a mature person while my GD is 13. I think there's a big difference between a much older person posting in total anonymity and a thirteen-year-old posting multiple photographs of herself. I've read that the Snapchat photos can indeed be saved - in a few different ways. There's even an app for it, SnapSave.

Forgetting about me for a minute, 13 just seemed a little young for so much social media. However, I'm totally willing to accept that I'm a dinosaur! I have no children and much of what today's teenagers do is a mystery to me. That's why I asked here.

I figured out who you are a long time ago, without even trying. It just clicked. It doesn't bother me, I don't feel any which way about it, it just became apparent, I shrugged, I moved on. I don't even know you IRL, so I think it would be pretty obvious for someone who does to figure it out. Not that it matters, just thought I'd put that out there.

Do you know me in real life from my jewelry, Trekkie? Do we know each other? No, that can't be - you live in South Africa and I've never been there. But maybe you don't really live in South Africa. OK, now I'm a little scared. You say two things - that you don't know me in real life but then you say that you do - you figured out who I am. Freaky. I'm going to shut my computer down now in case my location is transmitting.

Trekkie writing, "I figured out who you are a long time ago, without even trying." is very creepy.
VERY creepy.

What exactly did you mean?
Do you know Jambalaya's real full name, address, workplace, what she looks like?

Or do you just recognize a similarity to posted info or posting style that you saw on PS or somewhere else?
Or did you connect the dots and realize this is the same person who used to post as X on PS?

Regardless I think it is very bad you stated this.
IMO, whatever you think you know, or actually DO know, you should not mention it here.

This is a diamond forum.
Most of us are concerned for our privacy and safety.

 

[Jambalaya]

It's OK, Kenny. I've asked the mods to deal with this, and yes it's very intimidating. I wish I hadn't said many times that I have a lot of jewelry that's not on pricescope. I'm sure that no one could know my home address though, so there's that. But maybe they could contact people who know me pretending to be a friend...Oh, man, I'm not going to think that way.

Let's move on. I'm not going to focus on the dangers of the internet. All will be well. I think I'm going to give myself a nice big smile by posting some jewelry on SMTB, which I havn't done for a long time. I have two pretty Maison Birks pieces, (a diamond maple leaf and a diamond swallow,) and an interetsing yellow gold piece.

I'm tired today from working long hours, so I've only been able to read the discussion very briefly, but I do find it interesting. It's such a different world today from when I was young. So great to hear everyone's experiences with the internet and the challenges it poses for young people. I guess it's great IF used VERY wisely, and the trouble with wisdom is that it comes with age!

I might try an app or two myself if I had a smartphone, but I only have a dumbphone. I don't want to use bling money on data!

How is this for a sweet story? Uncle (the infamous bra-shopping uncle!) is in his nineties and has signed up to Snapchat so he can Snap (?) with my GD!! He's going to try to keep an eye on her. They do know each other, BTW. Cute! Can't really imgine him with a face covered in glitter.

 

[kenny]

I might try an app or two myself if I had a smartphone, but I only have a dumbphone. I don't want to use bling money on data!

Uh ...
HELLO! You and I could be sisters!
I have no problems spending big bucks when I think something is worth it but never in my life have I ever encountered a product/service as overpriced as smartphone data contracts ... well ... maybe the Vente double decaf Frenchiepoo Fru Fru Organic Lactose-Free Frap with Stevia Carmel Drizzels from ..... :

 

[Jambalaya]

Housecat, your story is lovely. I'm so happy for your son that he formed such great relationships via gaming. And people have gotten married, huh? Well. I wonder if any Pricerscopers have gotten married, or will do.

 

[Jambalaya]

Kenny, we are the Lo-Techno Twins. We might have no data, but we sure do spah-kle with extra bling!

Vente double decaf Frenchiepoo Fru Fru Organic Lactose-Free Frap with Stevia Carmel Drizzels Is that a drink or a spell?

 

[Jambalaya]

This whole thread has made me cringe...I've been trying to ignore social media for tweens/teens because we are getting closer and closer to this age with our son (he's 11) and I'm terrified of the potential long term ramifications that things they post (or friends post about them) can have. I agree with some of the posters who have commented that young teens don't often have the maturity and judgment that adults do (and I have plenty of "friends" on FB who post things that are TOTALLY inappropriate, so even adults use poor judgment sometimes)....

Our son is heading to middle school next year and "everyone" around him already had a phone. I've been resisting, but I know that the time is rapidly approaching when he will need one. We've been having lots of conversations about social media and that there's no such thing as "disappearing" photos or videos and that we don't want things that he does at 13 to impact his ability to get into the college of his choice or be offered the internship he's applying for. I'm just not ready for this phase....aarrgghhh!

Perhaps it's better that you look away from the thread, yennyfire!

It's great that you're having conversations with your son about things staying around and talking about internet actions having an impact on his future life in years to come. That's really good.

 

[Jambalaya]

As far as I can tell it is now completely "normal" for kids of 13 to have Snapchat and FB accounts. Many of my kid's pals chat via Instagram too (he's 14). Our local schools have been very pro-active in educating both students and parents, which has really helped those of us who are of a different generation. Bullying still goes on at the schools but as far as I can see most of it is of the old-fashioned, non electronic media type. My kids are boys which may be the difference, of course.

I'll be interested in seeing if the next Pew survey demonstrates Facebook has retained the popularity shown in the survey from last year that sonnyjane linked; Facebook is no longer a biggie with the teens within my ken (they still have accounts, but are very passive, initiate few posts themselves). Of course, that's not a meaningful sample.

Cyber-bullying is, by its very nature, more surreptitious than the "old school" kind. And more pervasive, yet woefully under-reported to adults. And not just because, as with old school bullying, the teens feel embarrassed, ashamed, humiliated. Teens fear that making cyber-bullying known means they will be cut off from their phones, the Internet -- a vital part, as you've observed, of their social lifeblood. So part of the outreach education includes (or should include) reassurance to teens, their parents, and other concerned adults that there are work-arounds that don't require a technologically monastic existence.

But yes, teen boys are much less involved with cyber-bullying (as victim or antagonistic participant) than teen girls. In no small measure, because (as seen in that Pew survey report) teen boys spend more of their virtual time as gamers, where there is organizational & interactive structure, even teamwork, focused on an established, extranneous goal.

I read some of the Pew stuff, Molly. They seem to have done quite a lot of work on the topic. My GD also doesn't do Facebook much at all. I guess there are too many interesting apps out there to limit themselves to FB.

 

[Jambalaya]

My oldest is nearly 15 and does not have access to social media nor does he have a cell phone. He is popular at school and while he would like to be able to participate in the typical phone/social media activities, he has also seen the potential for problems and drama that result in kids having access too early. He attends a parochial school and there have been issues this year with students sending inappropriate texts and snaps to each other. Photos included. There has been a ton of drama and angst over what kids are texting, snapping and posting on social media outside of school hours. Unfortunately, that drama doesn't stop at the classroom door. Loss of academic time is the result as teachers are forced to deal with the crying girls. It's ridiculous.

When we do choose to have a phone which he is allowed to use, he won't "have a phone" until he can buy his own, there will be plenty of restrictions and it will be carefully monitored. Part of my reluctance has also resulted from seeing so many kids completely immersed in their phones and not participating in the world around them. We don't have that issue. We enjoyed a beautiful day out yesterday as a family and he was completely present. We had such a fun day. I do not want to lose that.

That sounds lovely, Purple. My friend also has days out with her daughter (my GD) and I think she has very similar concerns. For all the good side of apps that has been discussed here, it's all too easy for kids to bury themselves in their phone. Jeepers, I'm an older adult and I know I do that sometime with my computer, looking at jewelry etc. It's hard enough to regulate usage as an adult let alone a young teen. As we all know, the internet is just very a very tempting place.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Jambalaya]

Nope, she didn't get in trouble. She's a good girl. She got the mom face and disappointed mom voice. I looked thru to see to whom she had sent snaps, and there was like 5 or 6. No names I didn't recognize, and just like on FB, she can't add anyone we don't approve of. So, nothing she sends can go "to the whole school" unless she has the whole school on her snapchat list, and she doesn't. I trust London, and sometimes, you don't know what you know until you know it. We had an incident a couple months ago where I was getting weird notifications from FB-I set up her account so I get a notification when she gets messages etc. So I checked her computer and holy moly did I about come unglued. I asked why she hadn't told me and she said she didn't know what to do. We talked about it and now she knows-if she's unsure about something, ask us, tell us, show us. I don't teach her right from wrong by just saying "this is wrong. That's wrong. This too is wrong. Don't do that." I have to show her and allow her to experience things so she can learn from them. To do that, I have to allow her some sort of freedom. Sometimes that freedom comes w/hard choices and decisions but the more I walk her thru it, without having a come apart directed at *her*, the more she learns and grows and gains the independence and confidence to make those decisions and choices on her own.

But that's definitely my definition of being in trouble! The mom face and disappointment was worse, much worse!!

Seriously though, you sound like a very involved parent who's got it figured out. (Figured out that you have to communicate with your child, I mean.)

 

[Jambalaya]

Way too young. But its very very common. In fact, my daughter at 12 is the odd one out and the only girl she knows in 6th grade that is not on social media. Thankfully its not an issue because she dosn't want to be. But even if she did, I would not let her.

I'm happy that you and your daughter are on similar ground with this! Like in adulthood, I guess there are some kids who are just not interested in a whole lot of technology. This is JMO, but I do feel that kids have the rest of their lives to be on devices all day every day, like many of them will be during their whole working lives. If you could put an old head on young shoulders, they'd be more likely to put off the day when screens are part of their most waking hours. Also,I do feel that you miss the world around you when you're involved in your phone. It's real interesting how many young people are on social media apps. I do know some young people, many of who are family. I don't know how I missed this trend. Still, if they're all doing it, I don't feel so bad about my GD having it at 13. They can't all be getting into trouble with it. I hope.

 

[yennyfire]

This whole thread has made me cringe...I've been trying to ignore social media for tweens/teens because we are getting closer and closer to this age with our son (he's 11) and I'm terrified of the potential long term ramifications that things they post (or friends post about them) can have. I agree with some of the posters who have commented that young teens don't often have the maturity and judgment that adults do (and I have plenty of "friends" on FB who post things that are TOTALLY inappropriate, so even adults use poor judgment sometimes)....

Our son is heading to middle school next year and "everyone" around him already had a phone. I've been resisting, but I know that the time is rapidly approaching when he will need one. We've been having lots of conversations about social media and that there's no such thing as "disappearing" photos or videos and that we don't want things that he does at 13 to impact his ability to get into the college of his choice or be offered the internship he's applying for. I'm just not ready for this phase....aarrgghhh!

Perhaps it's better that you look away from the thread, yennyfire!

It's great that you're having conversations with your son about things staying around and talking about internet actions having an impact on his future life in years to come. That's really good.

If only I could jambalaya, if only I could! I'd be one happy ostrich mama, but that's not reality....so, ongoing conversations will continue (did I mention that the kids in my son's 5th grade class found a used condom on the playground and, not knowing what it was, started playing with it!! ). The principal had to call all of us and tell us what had happened. THAT was a conversation I wasn't ready for either! Puberty and sex between two loving people, we had already covered, but the prevention of pregnancy, not so much...was hoping to wait til at least 7th grade for that!! Hmm...compared to that, maybe Snapchat isn't so bad??

 

[Jambalaya]

[quote="yennyfire

Perhaps it's better that you look away from the thread, yennyfire!

It's great that you're having conversations with your son about things staying around and talking about internet actions having an impact on his future life in years to come. That's really good.[/quote]

If only I could jambalaya, if only I could! I'd be one happy ostrich mama, but that's not reality....so, ongoing conversations will continue (did I mention that the kids in my son's 5th grade class found a used condom on the playground and, not knowing what it was, started playing with it!! :o ). The principal had to call all of us and tell us what had happened. THAT was a conversation I wasn't ready for either! Puberty and sex between two loving people, we had already covered, but the prevention of pregnancy, not so much...was hoping to wait til at least 7th grade for that!! Hmm...compared to that, maybe Snapchat isn't so bad?? [/quote]

You cannot be serious!! Oh, my. Yes, that does put Snapchat into perspective!

 

[yennyfire]

[quote="yennyfire

Perhaps it's better that you look away from the thread, yennyfire!

It's great that you're having conversations with your son about things staying around and talking about internet actions having an impact on his future life in years to come. That's really good.

If only I could jambalaya, if only I could! I'd be one happy ostrich mama, but that's not reality....so, ongoing conversations will continue (did I mention that the kids in my son's 5th grade class found a used condom on the playground and, not knowing what it was, started playing with it!! :o ). The principal had to call all of us and tell us what had happened. THAT was a conversation I wasn't ready for either! Puberty and sex between two loving people, we had already covered, but the prevention of pregnancy, not so much...was hoping to wait til at least 7th grade for that!! Hmm...compared to that, maybe Snapchat isn't so bad?? [/quote]

You cannot be serious!! Oh, my. Yes, that does put Snapchat into perspective!
[/quote]

Sadly, I am! Can you say head-to-toe Lysol bath??

 

[Jambalaya]

I want to wrap all children up in cotton wool until they're thirty!