Absolute Newb: Where to start?

[BeekeeperBetty]

You should just talk to her. It's possible that she wants something really expensive, and is happy to chip in, too. Or, she might really want something simple and delicate, and cheaper than you want. Maybe her job is such that she wants a certain type of ring, like if she has to wear gloves or whatnot. Or she wants you to decide all on your own. You just don't know until you ask. My husband was going to just get me a round solitaire, because everyone he knew had one and he just assumed that's what you bought. We were talking one day and I mentioned that I hate round diamonds, and he immediately told me that we needed to pick something out together. And we did, and I got an amazing ring that I still love to this day, 18 years later. You sound like you want to get her a ring she will love, so just ask her. That's the best way to find out. It's not any less romantic, and is, instead very considerate of her feelings.

 

[PS34one]

What was the proposal if you don't mind me asking?

Well I guess I cant put that out there and not tell....That's just mean.
We went out to eat like normal by a lake where we live. Afterward we walked around like nothing unusual. There were some boats on the shore and he suggested we offer a guy some cash to take us on a boat ride. The boat guy looked like that might be his gig anyway but I still thought my (now) hubby was nuts and said no way. We were walking back to the car and he seemed disappointed to I said "Ok, fine."
He was so calm and cool about it as we were walking away I had no idea he set the whole boat ride up in advance with a company that does rides around the lake. The guy with the boat totally played it off too and I had no clue until about 30 min in when he got on one knee and popped the question. I was shocked, I cant believe I didn't see it coming.There was also some bubbly and chocolate covered strawberries involved.....

 

[PS34one]

You should just talk to her. It's possible that she wants something really expensive, and is happy to chip in, too. Or, she might really want something simple and delicate, and cheaper than you want. Maybe her job is such that she wants a certain type of ring, like if she has to wear gloves or whatnot. Or she wants you to decide all on your own. You just don't know until you ask. My husband was going to just get me a round solitaire, because everyone he knew had one and he just assumed that's what you bought. We were talking one day and I mentioned that I hate round diamonds, and he immediately told me that we needed to pick something out together. And we did, and I got an amazing ring that I still love to this day, 18 years later. You sound like you want to get her a ring she will love, so just ask her. That's the best way to find out. It's not any less romantic, and is, instead very considerate of her feelings.

100% this. Great post, so true.

 

[Jmlleiva]

Have you discussed budget with your girlfriend at all?

No, wouldn't that be odd?

It really just depends on the type of relationship you have with your girlfriend… When my husband and I were dating and talking about getting married, it was very important to him to talk about finances, even though it never occurred to me… It's really just a personal thing, I guess. [emoji848]

Do you and your girlfriend already live together and share expenses? I ask because communication and finances are two big issues in marriage, whether you agree perfectly on things or not, you will need to be open to discussing all kinds of boring/awkward/weird things with your spouse. DH and I sat down and did a 'married budget' before we got engaged to answer the question "Can we afford to get married?" since we were both living cheaply with parents. Then he figured out how much he could spend on a ring (about $1k), and then after we finished school and started earning more, we mutually agreed we could afford other jewelry pieces for me.

I like the idea of asking about expectations for a future engagement ring. It need not get down to the specifics of budget, but I will say that sometimes there are cultural expectations--we've seen posts on here about higher colors being strongly preferred by Asians, for example. But there are Asian women on PS who own lower colored stones--so it's good to talk about expectations, because you don't know until you ask. You can also admit that you feel weird about the income differential--when she says she doesn't like being the breadwinner, what does that mean? It could mean she wants to quit working after getting married, or it could mean she hopes you will make more, which may or may not be possible--wouldn't it be better to know that now rather than later?

Good points.

We live together. It is her house and I pay her rent. We split groceries.

 

[Gypsy]

Yeah. A) 8-10k is NOT cheapo. B) Your brother is dating the wrong sort of women. And C) this is something you HAVE to talk to her about. As for how to do it: Nike's has it right! Just do it. It's really the only way.

 

[lovedogs]

You should just talk to her. It's possible that she wants something really expensive, and is happy to chip in, too. Or, she might really want something simple and delicate, and cheaper than you want. Maybe her job is such that she wants a certain type of ring, like if she has to wear gloves or whatnot. Or she wants you to decide all on your own. You just don't know until you ask. My husband was going to just get me a round solitaire, because everyone he knew had one and he just assumed that's what you bought. We were talking one day and I mentioned that I hate round diamonds, and he immediately told me that we needed to pick something out together. And we did, and I got an amazing ring that I still love to this day, 18 years later. You sound like you want to get her a ring she will love, so just ask her. That's the best way to find out. It's not any less romantic, and is, instead very considerate of her feelings.

+1 to this--and if possible, it would be great for her to actually try on rings in order to KNOW what she wants. I say that from experience: my (now) husband asked what type of ring I wanted, and after looking online I was SURE that I wanted either 1) a pear shaped stone, or 2) a three stone ring. When we went ring shopping together (by far the best choice for us in the end), I realized that I wanted neither a pear shape or a three stone! We both ended up falling in love with a unique looking halo with a round in the middle, so that is what we bought.
We got a smaller diamond in the middle with the hope of a future upgrade, and since we had no idea about diamond prices or how $$ they are I ended up paying half of the cost.

That worked for us, and I couldn't be happier with the setting I got (I have since upgraded the center stone). Not saying that will necessarily be what you do, but that you should 100% talk about it with her and see what she expects. It will not make you look less manly, it will make you look more manly, and make it clear to her that you care about getting her something she loves. Also, 8K is a great budget--do not feel "cheap"! People on here have gotten incredible gorgeous engagement rings for 1K or less

 

[Jmlleiva]

You should just talk to her. It's possible that she wants something really expensive, and is happy to chip in, too. Or, she might really want something simple and delicate, and cheaper than you want. Maybe her job is such that she wants a certain type of ring, like if she has to wear gloves or whatnot. Or she wants you to decide all on your own. You just don't know until you ask. My husband was going to just get me a round solitaire, because everyone he knew had one and he just assumed that's what you bought. We were talking one day and I mentioned that I hate round diamonds, and he immediately told me that we needed to pick something out together. And we did, and I got an amazing ring that I still love to this day, 18 years later. You sound like you want to get her a ring she will love, so just ask her. That's the best way to find out. It's not any less romantic, and is, instead very considerate of her feelings.

+1 to this--and if possible, it would be great for her to actually try on rings in order to KNOW what she wants. I say that from experience: my (now) husband asked what type of ring I wanted, and after looking online I was SURE that I wanted either 1) a pear shaped stone, or 2) a three stone ring. When we went ring shopping together (by far the best choice for us in the end), I realized that I wanted neither a pear shape or a three stone! We both ended up falling in love with a unique looking halo with a round in the middle, so that is what we bought.
We got a smaller diamond in the middle with the hope of a future upgrade, and since we had no idea about diamond prices or how $$ they are I ended up paying half of the cost.

That worked for us, and I couldn't be happier with the setting I got (I have since upgraded the center stone). Not saying that will necessarily be what you do, but that you should 100% talk about it with her and see what she expects. It will not make you look less manly, it will make you look more manly, and make it clear to her that you care about getting her something she loves. Also, 8K is a great budget--do not feel "cheap"! People on here have gotten incredible gorgeous engagement rings for 1K or less

Thanks for this post. It made me feel better. I think I will be honest with myself and lower my budget. Can't live up to other peoples standards. Going to lower my budget to 8K with Ring and setting.

 

[Jmlleiva]

Truly it is hard to use this place. There's people who spend $1800 and people who spend six figures. I would have a chat with your SO and then decide- I think a joint decision is wise and a great way to decide.

How do you go about asking her how much to spend? Doesn't that defeat the purpose and make you look unmanly?

I don't think it makes you look unmanly at all… Quite the opposite! I think it makes you look very responsible and shows that you care about your financial future.

That said, if you're not comfortable with having that talk, that is perfectly OK! $10,000 is a very healthy budget… $8000 is a healthy budget!

... And regardless of what you say or think or what she says, there will be upgrades in the future. Trust me. [emoji56][emoji6][emoji57]

I feel sorry for continuing to ask you for help and then I will come back and lower my budget. I'm sure this is the last time I will do it. Doing all of my calculations, I think it would be smartest if I didn't spend more than 8K. If I spend more than that I will put myself in a financial bind.

Forgive me for asking for help again finding something.

 

[farrahlyn]

Truly it is hard to use this place. There's people who spend $1800 and people who spend six figures. I would have a chat with your SO and then decide- I think a joint decision is wise and a great way to decide.

How do you go about asking her how much to spend? Doesn't that defeat the purpose and make you look unmanly?

I don't think it makes you look unmanly at all… Quite the opposite! I think it makes you look very responsible and shows that you care about your financial future.

That said, if you're not comfortable with having that talk, that is perfectly OK! $10,000 is a very healthy budget… $8000 is a healthy budget!

... And regardless of what you say or think or what she says, there will be upgrades in the future. Trust me. [emoji56][emoji6][emoji57]

I feel sorry for continuing to ask you for help and then I will come back and lower my budget. I'm sure this is the last time I will do it. Doing all of my calculations, I think it would be smartest if I didn't spend more than 8K. If I spend more than that I will put myself in a financial bind.

Forgive me for asking for help again finding something.

don't feel bad! Better to start off a marriage feeling good about your finances instead of stressing about money you weren't comfortable spending on a ring. You're going to end up with a killer ring! Find out what she would like either by discussing with her or doing some detective work or enlisting the help of friends. this site really will help you make the most out of your (very nice) budget.

 

[Jmlleiva]

[deleted]

 

[Jmlleiva]

I like the stone you picked but a stone with a 35 crown angle needs and ASET or an IS image so get one.

I don't really care for JA's finishing on their settings or their prong work. You have a great budget, and I don't think you are getting the best value here. A solitiare showcases the diamond. But it also means that the setting needs to be perfect. None of those are.

BGD really does have the nicest stock settings, period. Three stone or solitaire. WF also has nice ones. If you want the JA stone, get an idealscope image of it or an ASET. You shouldn't buy without one. The HCA is not enough.

And then I would send the diamond to WF or BGD for setting. I would not advise you to buy one of the JA settings.

 

[msop04]

Truly it is hard to use this place. There's people who spend $1800 and people who spend six figures. I would have a chat with your SO and then decide- I think a joint decision is wise and a great way to decide.

How do you go about asking her how much to spend? Doesn't that defeat the purpose and make you look unmanly?

I don't think it makes you look unmanly at all… Quite the opposite! I think it makes you look very responsible and shows that you care about your financial future.

That said, if you're not comfortable with having that talk, that is perfectly OK! $10,000 is a very healthy budget… $8000 is a healthy budget!

... And regardless of what you say or think or what she says, there will be upgrades in the future. Trust me. [emoji56][emoji6][emoji57]

I feel sorry for continuing to ask you for help and then I will come back and lower my budget. I'm sure this is the last time I will do it. Doing all of my calculations, I think it would be smartest if I didn't spend more than 8K. If I spend more than that I will put myself in a financial bind.

Forgive me for asking for help again finding something.

don't feel bad! Better to start off a marriage feeling good about your finances instead of stressing about money you weren't comfortable spending on a ring. You're going to end up with a killer ring! Find out what she would like either by discussing with her or doing some detective work or enlisting the help of friends. this site really will help you make the most out of your (very nice) budget.

+1!!

No biggie!! [emoji6]

You'll be able to get her a ring that'll knock her socks off!! No worries!! [emoji1362][emoji8]

 

[msop04]

Do you think you still wanna go the solitaire route, or do you wanna discuss it with her first??

 

[Jmlleiva]

Do you think you still wanna go the solitaire route, or do you wanna discuss it with her first??

Yeh,

Im looking at the BGD solitaire setting.

Another user posted that HCA isn't enough to make a decision on the original diamond that I liked. He said that I would also need an IdealScope to make a decision on the diamond. I'm kinda confused.

 

[msop04]

Do you think you still wanna go the solitaire route, or do you wanna discuss it with her first??

Yeh,

Im looking at the BGD solitaire setting.

Another user posted that HCA isn't enough to make a decision on the original diamond that I liked. He said that I would also need an IdealScope to make a decision on the diamond. I'm kinda confused.

Ask JA for an Idealscope. I feel confident that it's a winner. Either of those settings would be lovely. [emoji1360]

 

[msop04]

FWIW, I don't think you'll be able to find a similar diamond at BG for that price. Do they have great diamonds? Absolutely! Will you be able to tell the difference in real life? Nope.

 

[Jmlleiva]

Do you think you still wanna go the solitaire route, or do you wanna discuss it with her first??

Yeh,

Im looking at the BGD solitaire setting.

Another user posted that HCA isn't enough to make a decision on the original diamond that I liked. He said that I would also need an IdealScope to make a decision on the diamond. I'm kinda confused.

Ask JA for an Idealscope. I feel confident that it's a winner. Either of those settings would be lovely. [emoji1360]

I did ask for an idealscope.

 

[msop04]

Do you think you still wanna go the solitaire route, or do you wanna discuss it with her first??

Yeh,

Im looking at the BGD solitaire setting.

Another user posted that HCA isn't enough to make a decision on the original diamond that I liked. He said that I would also need an IdealScope to make a decision on the diamond. I'm kinda confused.

Ask JA for an Idealscope. I feel confident that it's a winner. Either of those settings would be lovely. [emoji1360]

I did ask for an idealscope.

I think it's a great stone…. Is there a Brian Gavin diamond that you like better?

 

[Jmlleiva]

Do you think you still wanna go the solitaire route, or do you wanna discuss it with her first??

Yeh,

Im looking at the BGD solitaire setting.

Another user posted that HCA isn't enough to make a decision on the original diamond that I liked. He said that I would also need an IdealScope to make a decision on the diamond. I'm kinda confused.

Ask JA for an Idealscope. I feel confident that it's a winner. Either of those settings would be lovely. [emoji1360]

I did ask for an idealscope.

I think it's a great stone…. Is there a Brian Gavin diamond that you like better?

Looking at them now. If I find a diamond and send it to BGD, how much will they charge me mount it if I use one of there settings.

 

[msop04]

Do you think you still wanna go the solitaire route, or do you wanna discuss it with her first??

Yeh,

Im looking at the BGD solitaire setting.

Another user posted that HCA isn't enough to make a decision on the original diamond that I liked. He said that I would also need an IdealScope to make a decision on the diamond. I'm kinda confused.

Ask JA for an Idealscope. I feel confident that it's a winner. Either of those settings would be lovely. [emoji1360]

I did ask for an idealscope.

I think it's a great stone…. Is there a Brian Gavin diamond that you like better?

Looking at them now. If I find a diamond and send it to BGD, how much will they charge me mount it if I use one of there settings.

I'm not sure, but I'd try to get both with the same vendor. No shipping/insurance/fees/hassle. I still recommend the JA solitaire. It's beautiful.

 

[msop04]

OP, another option is to have a setting made by Caysie of CVB/LAD. I'm having a solitaire made right now, and her bench is impeccable. Also, she can make anything you want. You can tweak any of her designs or have her do a completely new one for you. She's got a fabulous eye, and she is truly an artist. I'm having her do a modified version of her Jovyn.

 

[msop04]

Here is the original Jovyn.

 

[aftereffects15]

I would try emailing JA about the ASET, they told me no like 5 times on chat (over a few months) but were eventually persuaded to take some (engagement rings are important business

[email protected]

Have you looked at enchanted diamonds? Their customer support makes great recommendations

 

[artdecolover71]

You could get a different opinion from every poster on here...I personally love working with caysie at cvb and have seen many people get settings they live from james Allen. I have worked with several vendors talked about on ps and some of the highly recommended ones I had many issues with - so I would start contacting these companies and see who you feel the best about!

 

[msop04]

I would try emailing JA about the ASET, they told me no like 5 times on chat (over a few months) but were eventually persuaded to take some (engagement rings are important business

I agree. I've never heard of them not doing it. I've been searching Enchanted Diamonds, but haven't been able to find anything close to the JA stone. That said, new inventory comes in all the time... for any vendor.

 

[Jmlleiva]

I think I'm going to go with a Brian Gavin. I love their settings.

 

[msop04]

I think I'm going to go with a Brian Gavin. I love their settings.

Great! Which setting are you going to go with? I'll look at some of their diamonds...

 

[msop04]

Assuming you wanted the classic Tiffany half round (tapered/knife edge or not) in platinum, that leaves about $6750 left for the diamond.

http://www.briangavindiamonds.com/engagement-rings/solitaire/classic-style-half-round-platinum-5478p


This is the ONLY diamond in there inventory with specs G-J, VS2-SI that was less than $7000. It is a J with a touch of fluoro... don't know if I'd go below I, but that's all they had...

http://www.briangavindiamonds.com/diamonds/diamond-details/1.155-j-vs2-round-diamond-ags-104085573012

 

[rubybeth]

Assuming you wanted the classic Tiffany half round (tapered/knife edge or not) in platinum, that leaves about $6750 left for the diamond.

http://www.briangavindiamonds.com/engagement-rings/solitaire/classic-style-half-round-platinum-5478p


This is the ONLY diamond in there inventory with specs G-J, VS2-SI that was less than $7000. It is a J with a touch of fluoro... don't know if I'd go below I, but that's all they had...

http://www.briangavindiamonds.com/diamonds/diamond-details/1.155-j-vs2-round-diamond-ags-104085573012

If you go with an 18k white gold setting that's under $1k (many of their very pretty solitaire settings are $850 in white gold), that would leave a bit over $7k for the diamond, and there are a few I color stones at the 1 carat mark in the BGD inventory that may also work.

Also, if you expand to include VS1 stones, a few others pop, like this BGD Blue stone: http://www.briangavindiamonds.com/diamonds/diamond-details/1.057-i-vs1-round-diamond-ags-bl-104084591007

 

[msop04]

Assuming you wanted the classic Tiffany half round (tapered/knife edge or not) in platinum, that leaves about $6750 left for the diamond.

http://www.briangavindiamonds.com/engagement-rings/solitaire/classic-style-half-round-platinum-5478p


This is the ONLY diamond in there inventory with specs G-J, VS2-SI that was less than $7000. It is a J with a touch of fluoro... don't know if I'd go below I, but that's all they had...

http://www.briangavindiamonds.com/diamonds/diamond-details/1.155-j-vs2-round-diamond-ags-104085573012

If you go with an 18k white gold setting that's under $1k (many of their very pretty solitaire settings are $850 in white gold), that would leave a bit over $7k for the diamond, and there are a few I color stones at the 1 carat mark in the BGD inventory that may also work.

Also, if you expand to include VS1 stones, a few others pop, like this BGD Blue stone: http://www.briangavindiamonds.com/diamonds/diamond-details/1.057-i-vs1-round-diamond-ags-bl-104084591007

I would not recommend 18K white gold. It will require rhodium plating more often because the alloy is more "yellowy" than 14K (due to higher gold content). As it rubs off, it will look dingy. Also, when it is polished (which will be done each time it has to be rhodium plated), it will lose metal. That won't be conducive to a thin shank.