Going to propose soon! Need some Advice =]

[KrWz]

Hi all. I''ve been with my gf for a good while now and we''ve gotten to the point where we both openly discuss our future plans as being married and having a family together etc etc. My parents get along well with my gfs Mom (father passed away before I had come into my gfs life) and we''ve had them over for Christmas and have gone on some outings (dinner / shows) which went very well.

The past few months her mother had hinted and asked me when I was going to marry her daughter and i''d let her know that I was just trying to get things organized and settled in my life so that when we took the next together I could feel like we would be ok. My parents have been asking me too when i was going to take the next step and I gave them the same answer.

Well the E-ring has finally arrived and i''m ready to propose soon. I asked me Dad for any points and if there were any certain things I needed to know before I went ahead and proposed. One particular item I was wondering about was asking her Mother for her blessing and permission to marry her daughter. My Dad said based on our tradition, I should ask my gf first and when she says ''yes'' then shortly thereafter we can all have dinner together (mother, gf-fiance, my mom and dad, and myself) to discuss our future together. He also said that based on tradition back in his day, that the way it worked was that after you propose, you then discuss the situation with her parents and discuss what you can offer the parents in exchange for their daughter. Times have changed but he says we still keep that tradition of having the parents meet but dont neccesarily need to discuss what to ''exchange''.

Sorry for going on and on but I guess my question to you all is, should I propose first and then have our familes get together for dinner to discuss our plans or.... ask her Mother for her blessing first, propose, then have dinner to discuss our plans?

From my friends who I believe practice same the same traditions as me, they say that you ask the parents permission first so I don''t know if I should go w/ their advice or my Dad''s. Also my gfs sister told me jokiingly a while back in the past that when I do ask for her Mom''s permission that I should do it as close to the proposal day as possible because her Mom can''t keep a secret. With that i''m thinking that they would expect I ask her Mom first.

Help? Advice? Thanks =]

 

[bopitaddict]

it sounds like there''s some confusion with what the tradition actually is... ask your mom... she should know. hehe...

my choice would be to ask her mother for permission, and then ask her... i asked my fiancee''s parents first... and told them when i was planning on proposing and they did a good job keeping it a secret (her sister told me that they couldn''t keep a secret either).

best of luck with your engagement and congratulations!!

 

[KrWz]

yea I''ll go ahead and ask my Mom tonight for her take on things. I value my Dad''s advice but at the same time I recall now my Mom saying that she wished my Dad would have done some things differently in the past. So to be safe, i''ll ask my Mom. Thanks =]

 

[FireGoddess]

I posted on your other thread, as did others here.

I think you should ask her mom first, you can read why in the other linked thread.

 

[KrWz]

Ah I just talked to my Mom and she agreed with my Dad and said I should ask my gf first and then the next day we''ll all have dinner together to discuss the future. I''m a little torn but it was suggested that since I am the one asking for the hand in marriage that I should go with the type of traditions her family goes with. Hmm..i''ll try and call up her sister and try to figure if asking her Mom is the way they would want it.

 

[aljdewey]

I would ask for her Mom''s blessing, then propose........and once she says yes, that''s the appropriate time for families to have dinner.

 

[NoonersMom]

Second what Alj said. What is the point of asking for a blessing once you''ve already proposed? One other thought....you''re future is just that....yours. I don''t know what your cultural background is, but personally I would prefer the "future" discussion between my partner & I before we spoke with the parents. After all, it is the two of you deciding what *your* future will be.

Parents are a fun bunch! My partner & I are from different cultural backgrounds. His parents regularily ask what is going on to which they receive the standard "we''ll let you know once there is something to tell" response. He''d prefer that they aren''t too involved....as would I.

Food for thought.