Charlie Sheen

[Tacori E-ring]

Some of the responses on this thread... Wow. Just, wow.

As an addict with nine years clean who still struggles with mental illness, thank you for your empathy, Tacori. <3

This made my day. Thank you. Congrats on your recovery. You got this.

 

[Gypsy]

Gypsy, I agree with the attempted manslaughter charge if you are HIV positive and you don't disclose before sex. But it's well-known that you can't get it from kissing, and I would not expect, for example, someone I was on a date with and had a goodnight kiss with to be required to disclose such incredibly private, sensitive information.

It's not a matter of transmission risk for me. First of all one or both of you could have open sores on the mouth or some other fluke. Second is intent. If someone means to be honest about their STD I firmly believe in disclosing as soon as possible. No matter how private the information. The intent should be transparency.

 

[Jambalaya]

Gypsy, I agree with the attempted manslaughter charge if you are HIV positive and you don't disclose before sex. But it's well-known that you can't get it from kissing, and I would not expect, for example, someone I was on a date with and had a goodnight kiss with to be required to disclose such incredibly private, sensitive information.

It's not a matter of transmission risk for me. First of all one or both of you could have open sores on the mouth or some other fluke. Second is intent. If someone means to be honest about their STD I firmly believe in disclosing as soon as possible. No matter how private the information. The intent should be transparency.

But the thing is, you have to get to know someone before you know if you want to spend further, more intimate time with them, and to know if they're trustworthy. It must be difficult to judge when the time is right. I don't think anyone has ever gotten it from kissing, although I could be wrong about that. I think if I were HIV+ and had a mouth sore, I just wouldn't kiss anybody till it had healed.

If I were dating, and not doing anything sexual, just potentially goodnight kissing, the idea of having to tell every date that I didn't know very well is terrifying! I hear you about transparency, but people can really run with that information and do you harm, and it's just incredibly private stuff. There's a lot of stigma out there still. For me, personally, I don't think that everyone I date needs that level of transparency. But if clothes are coming off, then absolutely. I would disclose that before oral sex as well as intercourse, and I would disclose it ahead of time when nothing sexual is happening or had yet happened. I don't think it's fair to blurt it out when clothes are half-off, for example!

I don't have cold sores, but I wonder if people disclose the oral herpes virus before kissing? Because it can be totally active on the skin without having a sore. I don't have them, so I'm not sure what people do.

I'm so glad I don't have to make these kinds of decisions re. the HIV. Just one of the many facets that make life difficult for people living with the virus.

 

[azstonie]

Some of the responses on this thread... Wow. Just, wow.

As an addict with nine years clean who still struggles with mental illness, thank you for your empathy, Tacori. <3

This made my day. Thank you. Congrats on your recovery. You got this.

Addiction has nothing to with lack of character and integrity.

I went to a few AA meetings with my first husband to get more familiar with recovery, and I met many alcoholics and addicts who were respectable and responsible people. I'm tired of addicts who attempt to cloak their predatory natures or low character/morals by playing the "But I'm an addict" card.

ETA: Example---Mel Gibson. Alcoholism, anti-semite, misogynist. He can get sober, be in recovery, and still be an anti-semite and a misogynist.

 

[azstonie]

I respect people who work their recovery and their sober lifestyle. Change is damn hard even when you want to and have few life stressors going on to handle at the same time as your recovery. My first husband was an alcoholic. During our marriage he went in and out of recovery although he never drank while we were married. What that means is that there were times he worked his 12-step program and attended meetings and times he didn't go to meetings, didn't work the steps, and was in a 'dry drunk.' I attended Al-Anon for a year and what I saw was that some of the addicted loved ones were mostly self-harming and some brought a hurricane of pain and chaos to everyone around them but were themselves remarkably unscathed, considering. What I saw in the Al-Anon attendees was that once reality set it, it became an exercise in risk management. Some of us were risk averse, others were more willing to tolerate risk.

 

[Jambalaya]

I agree that any addict can of course be a bad person independently of their addiction. We can only speculate about Sheen, though. There are many women who say how big-hearted and caring he is, and while one of his girlfriends from 2011, Bree, is mad that he didn't tell her, the other girlfriend at that time says he always did right by the women in his life and she can't see him putting people at risk. Denise Richards also says he was very different during his clean and sober years, and I gather he broke up with Bree in the early part of 2011, while he didn't know about his HIV until later that year, and he also thinks he caught it after he was with her. The nurse he dated for eight months was also told.

I agree that working through addiction is hard, and Sheen's addiction problems appear to be severe.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

What I saw in the Al-Anon attendees was that once reality set it, it became an exercise in risk management. Some of us were risk averse, others were more willing to tolerate risk.

Funny, that's not how I see Al-Anon. Sure, everyone attends at first because of someone else's destructive behavior. I find most people stay because they realize how important it is to work on THEMSELVES. I have been a faithful member for 6.5 years and it stopped being about "risk management" a long time ago. For me it is about working the steps, building personal insight, and taking responsibility for the part I play in situations. I continue to attend because it helps *me.* My recovery has nothing to do with anyone else.

ETA: very few of my patients play the "addict card." They would give anything to rewrite their histories. Sometimes we don't get the life or genes we deserve. There have been many times I can understand why someone would need to self-medicate. Most of my patients are much stronger than I will ever be.

 

[azstonie]

I agree with you re the benefits of attending Al Anon for ourselves, Tacori. The first year was for married me, attendance after that was about just me/my stuff.

 

[VapidLapid]

Charlie Sheen is the last thing HIV needed.

 

[Dee*Jay]

Charlie Sheen is the last thing HIV needed.

It is wrong that I laughed at that?

 

[MollyMalone]

It's so nice to "see" you again, VL we have missed, and have been thinking of, you.