Did your life turn out how you expected?

[jordyonbass]

I didn't have an expectation for how my life was going to turn out, I suppose I had the dream of traveling the world as a Heavy Metal Rocker and I did get to tour internationally but not on as large a platform as I imagined. I also got to work a season on a boat as a deckhand chasing Giant Black Marlin in Cairns which was something I wanted to do from a very young age. I also figured out that despite how much I love my fishing, it wasn't the life for me.

I suppose it was more what I didn't expect; I DEFINITELY didn't think I would be married at the age I am now. I mentioned in a previous thread that from about the age of nearly 18 (after finishing high school) I was living what would be called 'the crusty-punk lifestyle' but in the heavy metal scene; it involved playing and attending as many gigs as possible to get drunk and support local music, a hidden drug culture and multiple day gig/house/bar benders where my roadworn leather jacket would be a jacket/blanket/pillow during extended stays away from home.

If you told me when I was 18 that in 10 years I'd be married, still loving the music and being involved in the scene but more straight-edge, had a career running bars, own my own boat, a gem geek and thinking about starting a family - well I would have laughed and probably cracked a joke about joining 'The 27 club' before that. So I guess you can say the glass turned out half full

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

So far (I'm almost 30) yes. Except for student loans, I had no real idea of how much of a burden they would be and how much they would hold back both my husband and I in life. The only thing that hasn't happened by now (which we thought it would) is owning a home. We simply cannot afford a home until we pay off our student loans completely. We will most likely be 35 by then. It is what it is. In all other areas we planned well and have achieved what we set out to. Just not the dang house.

 

[missy]

One thing I never counted on when I was young and idealistic was really understanding that saying about health being everything. You know, that pesky saying you heard over and over again when you were younger when you were upset about something and your parents/grandparents would comfort you with the saying "When you have your health, you have everything". Everything else is not a big deal so don't sweat it. Well now, after a half century or so I really "get" it. LOL better late than never.

Now I go with the saying what doesn't kill you makes you stronger or more accurately stated:
“That which does not kill us, makes us stronger.” Friedrich Nietzsche

 

[Calliecake]

Kenny, Your post about your childhood made me very sad.

My life turned out very different than I imagined. I always thought my life would include having children of my own. I also never would have imagined my life being as financially secure as it is. I've learned to be thankful and appreciate all the blessing in my life. One thing I've learned along this journey is life can change in an instant for both the good and the bad.

 

[zoebartlett]

I think it's funny that some know exactly what they want out of life and go for it, while others have trouble with that. My sister's always known what she's wanted and she made everything happen as soon as she graduated college. I sort of floundered for a few years until finally deciding to begin grad school four year after college. Well, floundering only in that I tried one career path but it wasn't a good fit. Now I'm doing what I love and I can't imagine what else I'd do.

 

[zoebartlett]

Asscherlover, I hear you on the student loan and house issue. I regret certain decisions I/we made but nothing was ill intentioned and we tried to make the best out of an unfortunate situation (tanking housing market and bad economy). That's frustrating to feel like you're doing what you can but you're not quite where you want to be.

 

[lyra]

I stopped thinking about life expectations when I was 23. My dad died suddenly and in a traumatic way. It changed my life. But the effect it had on me has never worn off. I also lost my mother when I was 36 and my brother 5 years ago. I pretty much just live day to day, because these were not the only "bad" things that happened, there have been many life-changing moments for me.

There are things I want in life, but I'm just glad that I'm still around each day. I might have more worries than some other people, because my reality has been different. I'm generally an optimistic person still. I like to find humour in everything every day. I live for my kids and my dogs and my husband. I do fear that more unexpected things are going to happen. I'd like to get over that if I can.

 

[kenny]

Kenny, Your post about your childhood made me very sad.

Thanks but answering, "How did your life turn out?" with being happy blah blah blah ... says, I think, a lot.

Sometimes sh!t childhood (if we're lucky) means cheesecake adulthood.

 

[jordyonbass]

I'd agree with that Kenny, I had a rough time through my teen years and life didn't begin until I was 17 and finished high school. As I mentioned I entered the Heavy Metal scene where I got to start fresh with brand new people and despite the hard-living 'crusty-punk' lifestyle I had some of the best times.

I suppose when you're down there's nowhere to go from there but up, right?

 

[kenny]

Right.

 

[azstonie]

In no way is it anything I would have expected or planned for.

The surprises were mostly wonderful, beyond anything I could have imagined for myself.

The disappointments and painful events were directly related to my dysfunctional way of viewing myself and others. I started to 'wake up' to this in my early 30s and the best thing I ever did was soundly decried by my family friends: I left everything behind in California and moved to Alaska to marry my college sweetheart. The marriage tanked quickly (glad I put that relationship to rest, though) but everything else there was terrific---great friends, career, hobbies and interests, unbelievable nature there, and I met my DH who is wonderful. When I informed my family that I was getting divorced (2 years into living in Alaska) they assumed I would come home and start up all the old garbage with them. NOPE! Second best thing I did was staying in Alaska post divorce with the life I had made for myself rather than running home to be mommy and daddy's punching bag for the second half of my life (sorry if that is TMI).

Never too late to take over your own life!

Good for you! You sound like a mature, responsible woman. Tell your DH he's a lucky man.

This is off-topic, but I love Alaska! Thirteen years ago, took Mom for her 80th birthday; cruise from Vancouver to Ketchikan (went horseback riding), Juneau (Mom went whitewater rafting and loved it!), Haines (cruise ships later prohibited from going there, I think), and Skagway (took White Pass train over old wooden trestle bridges). Walking back to the cruise ship in Haines, the sun was starting to set, and the glow on the mountains was breathtaking. I loved seeing the glaciers (cruised Glacier Bay), and the vast expanse of landscape void of signs of civilization.

Congratulations on taking charge and creating a beautiful life in an amazing part of the world!

Hi December and thank you for your kind words!!! The Southeast trip you took is amazing, great gift for your mom Sunset is magical in Southeast (Haines), unless its pouring buckets (Ketchikan!). I'm glad you had a great time!

 

[december-fire]

Hi December and thank you for your kind words!!! The Southeast trip you took is amazing, great gift for your mom Sunset is magical in Southeast (Haines), unless its pouring buckets (Ketchikan!). I'm glad you had a great time!

Hi Azstonie! No rain the entire time! But it rained in Juneau for three days before we arrived, so water was higher and faster than expected. Mom had signed up for a 'leisurely river raft float' so she'd have time to spot wildlife along the shoreline. What she got was white water rafting, and she was laughing and loving every minute of it!

Two years later went to Ireland, did a bus tour around the entire coast, and no rain except at the Cliffs of Mohr for a while! Just a wee bit of moisture in the air from time to time. The secret to great holiday weather might be to take my Mom.

Ok, I promise my next post won't be off-topic.

 

[asscherisme]

NO

 

[chrono]

I didn't plan in detail but had some general idea of the direction I wanted to take in life. It turned out quite different than I expected but in a good way.

 

[Calliecake]

Kenny, Your post about your childhood made me very sad.

Thanks but answering, "How did your life turn out?" with being happy blah blah blah ... says, I think, a lot.

Sometimes sh!t childhood (if we're lucky) means cheesecake adulthood.

Kenny, Your last statement has a lot of true in it.

 

[iLander]

Kenny, Your post about your childhood made me very sad.

Thanks but answering, "How did your life turn out?" with being happy blah blah blah ... says, I think, a lot.

Sometimes sh!t childhood (if we're lucky) means cheesecake adulthood.

I agree with this. I'm pretty happy because there's no one around that's going to hit me today.

 

[iLander]

As a teen, I used to say that I'd get married no earlier than 30, and probably never have kids. Also, I had a fear of bridges.

But God (or fate, if you prefer) has a sense of humor.

I was married with 2 kids by the time I was 30.

And I have lived in towns with bridges ever since I became an adult.

So, yeah, "Man plans, and God laughs", appears to be a thing.

 

[KarenD]

Strange question.
My life is great, if that is what you mean. However every day turns out differently than I expected. Every morning is a chance to do it all over again. So how can a lifetime be expected?
We should lower our expectations and enjoy the smaller pleasures of life.
Also, don't push off the important stuff like getting married and having kids, as time rushes by...

 

[MarionC]

I didn't have set expectations-it's been more of an exploratory adventure with intentions setting at certain points along the way, like wanting an MFA, a horse farm, or starting an art organization.
I am in awe of the wonderful things that have happened in my life without my planning, and in awe of a universe that saw my intentions and conspired with me to make those things happen.

 

[LLJsmom]

Not at all. It's so much better than I ever hoped it would be.

When I was younger (preadolescent, teens and twenties) I was focused on school and career and never wanted to get married or have children. No desire at all. I was happy being single and free and had a pretty good life. My own home, lots of friends, always had romantic companionship, traveled to different countries every vacation and I was very content.

Then I met my dh and everything changed. He was and is the best thing that ever happened to me and my life is so much better than I ever dreamed it could be. I thought I was happy before but didn't realize how much happier I would be married to my dh. Thank goodness he finally was able to convince me.

Just asked my dh and without missing a beat he said much better than he ever thought.

Missy, I love this!

 

[LLJsmom]

Yes, I expected to lead a conventional life. Husband. I knew I would probably have kids, even though I didn't really want them (at the time). I expected to become a neurosurgeon, really for no particular reason. But that's what you are like as a kid. Instead my chosen profession is one that would make most people fall asleep from boredom just by hearing it. But that is ok, bc I actually like it.

I thought I would find the love of my life relatively early, which I did in high school. I married him, had two kids, and live a sedate life. I am fine with it. I look with admiration upon the adventurers of the world, but I could never be them. I'm too much of a planner and control freak. I am bad at uncertainty and change. And I come from a more impoverished background. Putting food on the table and keeping a roof over our heads were a challenge. So being able to do that is a blessing and a requirement, and does put in perspective one's priorities in life. I do try to foster the trait of being open to new things and being courageous and grabbing life by the horns in my children though. One embraces it. Recently, I saw a text where he (my 13 year old) tells his friend "Live in the now." Accordingly, he's in DC right now with his class. My other child says "no" to everything, and wants to live at home when she goes to college. What can I say?

I think if I can embrace life, change and learning that invaluable skill of "rolling with it", it would be a lot more rich and full experience for me. I'm working on it.

 

[LLJsmom]

In no way is it anything I would have expected or planned for.

The surprises were mostly wonderful, beyond anything I could have imagined for myself.

The disappointments and painful events were directly related to my dysfunctional way of viewing myself and others. I started to 'wake up' to this in my early 30s and the best thing I ever did was soundly decried by my family friends: I left everything behind in California and moved to Alaska to marry my college sweetheart. The marriage tanked quickly (glad I put that relationship to rest, though) but everything else there was terrific---great friends, career, hobbies and interests, unbelievable nature there, and I met my DH who is wonderful. When I informed my family that I was getting divorced (2 years into living in Alaska) they assumed I would come home and start up all the old garbage with them. NOPE! Second best thing I did was staying in Alaska post divorce with the life I had made for myself rather than running home to be mommy and daddy's punching bag for the second half of my life (sorry if that is TMI).

Never too late to take over your own life!

LOVE THIS AZ!

 

[ringbling17]

Nope, not at all. I imagined two kids, I've had five ! I thought I would be an architect, I'm a NICU nurse. I always thought I'd stay in NY and be around family, I moved to NJ but I'm still close enough to see them if needed.
In some ways my life turned out worse than I expected, but overall, life has turned out better than I expected it would be.

 

[OreoRosies86]

My life had no plan. I wasn't taught to aspire to anything. Work, I was told. Work, work, work. I never got the whole "Follow your passions" talk, I just worked endlessly crappy jobs. That was it and now I resent it. Luckily I am no longer settling for less, but god it's been a messy process to work through.

 

[Phoenix]

Yes and no.

I didn't want to get married and yet I did. I thought I'd be in academia (loved loved school) or be a scientist. Instead, I ended up a UK Chartered Accountant which is quite an amazing achievement in itself, but I didn't enjoy the corporate life. Now, I'm doing something (or some things) totally different and I love it!!

I knew I wanted to be comfortable. My family has been through hell and back and I knew I didn't want to ever be poor again. So I studied hard and became successful. I'm not filthy rich, am comfortable, and am thankful. I've travelled to many different countries, got to enjoy things that many other people haven't, or haven't had a chance to.

As for my love life, I'm utterly and hopelessly in love - more than ever thought I'd ever be. Every time I think of him, I get tingles in my fingers and sometimes I feel literally a low voltage currency travelling through my body. I never thought I could be this lucky!!

So, yeah, I wake up each and every morning happy, happy, happy!!

 

[Laila619]

Pretty much. I was an only child, so it was important to me to one day get married and have a large family of my own since I hated being an only. I achieved that, so I am happy and blessed.

 

[Rhea]

Yes and no. I was just the normal teenager with unrealistic expectations about a high profile job, changing the world and dedicating myself to making discoveries and changes with wide reaching effects. Once in the real world I realised that I just want enough money for living and travelling, a good relationship, and to work as little as possible so I can take up hobbies and other interests. Adults are not as boring as I once thought. I think I realised this when I was in my early to mid 20s and adjusted my expectations accordingly. I am not and will never be a Jane Goodall or similar. And I'm truly happy about that.

 

[december-fire]

Not in the slightest. I'm a talented artist - says everyone who sees my work - but I was never able to make the right connections or go to art school as I had to work, and it went absolutely nowhere. Even now, if I give it my all, I produce a beautiful painting that sells very quickly through a gallery, for quite a lot of money, and yet no gallery wants to stage my work or have me as a regular artist, even though my top-notch stuff flies off the shelves. For some reason, despite talent, I just cannot seem to make it in the art world. No one wants to know. I should have gone far with my art and I haven't, and it hurts, probably quite a lot more so than not having met the right person in time to have kids. Oh well, there's still time I guess.

I also never thought I'd live where I do, I thought I would be married, I thought I'd stay my 19-year-old weight of 115 pounds forever. Now I'm just an overweight stay-at-home middle-aged caregiver, and somehow I thought I'd have more in my life. I realize it sounds as if I'm unhappy, but I'm really not. I believe in being caring and I believe that it's more important than being a famous artist, and I know I can paint as much art and probably sell it as much as I like. Even if I'm not hip and trendy or posh or well-connected enough for the art world, creating art is free and no one can stop me doing it. I'm not a full-time artist, but so what? I love my family and friends, and I believe in the service of others.

It's just not how I thought my life would be.

Jambalaya, since reading your post a week ago, your comments about your art have been on my mind.

Its understandable to want more recognition and work full-time at what you love. However, if you had more shows or exposure, the demand for your work would likely increase as would the price. The higher price would make your work unaffordable to some people.

The true value of art isn't related to the price tag. Art ignites thoughts and emotions in the viewer. A painting you've sold years ago might bring daily peace or joy to the owner. Today, that same painting might come with a higher price tag and be out of range for that person.

What you're contributing to a person's life through your art isn't measured by the quantity of your work or the income it produces for you. You may never know how you've affected someone through your art.

I know I haven't told you anything new, but perhaps you needed the reminder.

 

[Sky56]

Just keep doing your art and bask in the pleasure it gives you and others. I am in a similar situation. I am an artist that had a dream of selling and "making it big," I've been told and I believe that I am very talented, and top notch. I feel gratified because I do have admirers of my art. But, I make my living from a different career, and I keep producing art and don't think about the sales and recognition which are not mine. Many of the world's best artists were unrecognized in their lifetimes, museums are full of their work. I find value in simply being productive as an artist.

 

[Jennifer W]

It's uncanny just how much my life now resembles the life I thought I'd have. I started off on a very different path, but later in life have ended up where I used to imagine I'd be. Plus a few extras...I never imagined I'd have a child, far less the cool, awesome little person I share my life with. Working at Diamonds by Lauren is also a little bit beyond what I imagined, and I've met some fantastic friends there. My house is, bizarrely, exactly what I always pictured. So is my dog...these last two are self fulfilling prophecies, I suppose. I bought the dog and the house