How Much $$ For Grown Kids' Gifts?

[kmarla]

Christmas is my favourite time of year and I've always gone a bit overboard with our daughters. Now that they are adults we have cut back a lot. I still do stockings for everyone, including SIL. I love doing it and they love receiving their stocking. For gifts, I treat my married daughter and her husband equally. I usually give them one shared gift and then a couple of smaller individual gifts. For example last year we gave them tickets to a cooking school where they watch a 5 star chef prepare a 3 course meal and then they are served all the courses. They are foodies so I knew they would enjoy this. The smaller gifts were books and things like that. Total spent was around $150 per person including the stockings. This is way down from what we used to spend. I really try to make sure no one feels left out. Gift cards are a great idea as well. I think if you give cash you shouldn't tell them what to spend it on. That should be their choice. For birthday's we usually take them out for dinner, and the birthday person gets to choose the restaurant. If they're not local then a gift card to a restaurant they love would be nice. Hope this helps.

 

[AprilBaby]

We give each of the (4) kids $100 for Christmas and birthdays. When dating we spent $50 on the date for holidays, once they were engaged we treated them like our own. Grand baby will probably get more as she gets older because that's what grandparents do! Spoil them!

 

[zoebartlett]

My husband comes from a large family with 4 siblings, several nieces and nephews, and now great nieces and great nephews. Many years ago, his family decided to do a Yankee swap. My husband suggested it because the gift giving was getting out of control. Things range from gag gifts to nicer ones, but I'd say the cap is probably around $20-$30. He and his siblings (with suggestions from spouses) still chip in together to buy something nice for my MIL and FIL, though.

My immediate family is much smaller, so we've still given gifts to everyone (it's just my parents, my husband, my sister, BIL, and now their baby). I've told my mom that my husband and I don't need stuff. We prefer events, tickets to something, things like that, but I don't specify that unless my parents specifically ask. They're considered a couples gift, which is fine with us. My parents still get other things for us individually (including my BIL and my husband), but they've scaled way down over the years. Usually it's a sweater or two, travel books if a trip is coming up, earrings, gloves, etc. I'm glad, and I'd love to just focus on my niece now. By the way, when giving gifts, I don't think it's rude to buy a few more things or spend a bit more money on your DS and DD.

 

[partgypsy]

Seems like most people give their adult kids an average of around $150. You know, I thought there would be at least some people for whom it would be more. Perhaps those people are keeping quiet! But where there is some money - and let's face it many PSers aren't badly off - I've seen families gift their daughters jewelry worth 1-3k every single Christmas. Someone I know airily said once, "Yes, I usually get DD something nice from Tiffany's for Christmas" as an example. Don't we have any uber-gifters here? I'm surprised. Maybe they're embarrassed to come forward, but if anyone is in the habit of gifting their DDs/DILs extravagant jewels, I'd love to read about it. Might even have some suggestions!

My in-laws have been generous in the past on Christmas, but then we try to get them a nice gift too. And a couple times cash gifts (one time at Christmas, another time not at Christmas, which could be earmarked or not (one was were earmarked for kids' college). This past year was more modest and they ARE retired, so maybe they are scaling back too, which is perfectly fine. On my family's side, also scaling back. I am trying to scale back (sometimes unsuccessfully!).

I think the perfect combination for those who can do more, is to spend it on a destination where the family can be together/or cash gift. And then stocking stuffers or 1 or 2 items that can be opened. I also love Yankee/white elephant swaps. Neither me nor my kids need or want big gifts (well, except for my youngest lol- but her idea of big gifts is like a $30-40 doll set).

 

[tuffyluvr]

MIL (DH's mother) has always been very extravagant at Christmas. She loves shopping and giving her kids gifts, but the kids are far beyond needing all the stuff she buys them so they have been trying to get her to cut back on holiday spending. A couple years ago the entire family (including spouses and boyfriends/girlfriends) chipped in for a family vacation instead of exchanging gifts. We went to Grand Cayman for a week (MIL's choice) and we had a wonderful time and made lots of memories. That was great and we would love to continue that tradition, but MIL just can seem to help herself and has bought gifts the past 3 years.

I would say MIL spends over $500 per child (x3) and then spends about $200 per spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend. It is wayyyy too much, IMO.

My dad writes my sister and I a check for $500 for Xmas and $100 for our bdays each year to buy whatever we want. It's really nice of him, but I keep telling him that he doesn't need to give me that much for Xmas. He gives DH a box of cigars or a nice bottle of liquor.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Families are SO different as well as their finances. Personally, I think it is only a problem if it is a problem for the gift giver. I also think it is different to give than enable. Assuming my child becomes a healthy and mature adult and I can afford it, I have no problem being generous. If she acts entitled or irresponsible, than I will give accordingly.

 

[Arcadian]

My siblings and I don't exchange gifts. I might send cookies for christmas but thats really my limit. Oh and a card, may as well right? For my parents, they get 250 dollars a year. Its the everything gift...lol Besides, they have 4 other kids who also get them things too. They're on limited income so I don't expect a gift. I stopped getting gifts when I was around 18 or so. I get gifts from my other half, which is what matters to me most, and he also gets gifts from me.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I think the key is informing them in advance if you are changing what you normally do. We never overdid Christmas so we really don't have to change anything now. We try to give to our son-in-law equally. For birthdays, we spend about $100-150 per child (if giving cash or gift card, we do $100, but we always ask for a wishlist from Amazon). Christmas is about $150 or so each, although there have been years they got a new laptop or something else needed. I have told them all that their dad is planning to retire early and we may have to be a little more conservative on spending in general. But we do other things for them throughout the year, for example, they go to the beach with us and only pay when they eat out. We have two little granddaughters now and it would be nuts for all extended family to give $150 in gifts, because they would end up with way too much. So my intent is to give them one toy and one book each, and we will contribute to their college funds. If giving cash, I would not specify what it was to go toward.

 

[packrat]

My parents have been giving all of us checks the last few Christmases..me, JD, our two kids, and my brother. We get $250 and the kids get $100. They also take the kids to Kmart or Walmart and let them pick out a bunch of things. Body wash, toothpaste, mouthwash, toothbrush, shampoo, last year they each also picked out a coat and snowpants/boots/gloves/hat. They also got some new clothes from them last year. The kids wrap the things they pick out themselves, arrange and rearrange them under the tree daily, and get the biggest kick out of unwrapping their things, so it makes us happy. My parents at first felt sort of bad b/c as mom said "who wants toothpaste in their stocking???" buuuut-those things are useful, the kids get to pick them out on their own, and we've raised them to be appreciative.

This year my parents are taking us to Disney in March, so I think we might give the kids something Disney related and then mom and dad can say Surprise! Buuut we're not going to tell them *when* we're going, b/c I want to tell them we're packing to go to Omaha to go shopping and to the water park, so then they don't suspect anything, and then we'll really be going to the airport!

Last Christmas we told mom and dad we would take them out to eat anywhere nice that they wanted-not to like the grocery deli. My brother gets me either books or dvd's of shows we used to watch when we were little. It just sort of varies what we get him--my parents and brother are the only ones we buy for and they understand that our funds are about 1/4 of theirs.