Weddings and Drama

[telephone89]

I'm not trying to be argumentative, but I believe you are actually thinking of another service. Honeyfund never handles money--it goes directly to the couple's PayPal account, and unless the couple chooses to accept credit card payments (most don't), there is no transaction fee. The credit card transaction fee is 2.8%+.30 per transaction, which is on par with what all merchants pay to accept CCs (it's usually built into the cost of the product, but in this case there is no product, so the consumer has to pay it).

Here's the info from their website, in case you're interested:

Honeyfund is totally free! There are no transaction fees for couples or gift givers and no setup fees. This is possible because gift givers are directed to send the money to YOU, by cash or check. We don't handle any gift money here at Honeyfund.

In addition to the free service:

1. We offer upgrade packages including your choice of design templates, photo slideshows, photos next to your registry items, and more. Sign Up Now to see the latest features and pricing.

2. You may accept online payments from your gift givers via our integrated credit card solution powered by WePay (US only), or via your own PayPal account.

WePay fees: 2.8% + $0.30
PayPal fees: 2.8% + $0.30/transaction*. Learn more and sign up.
You can accept credit card payments with both free and upgraded Honeyfund accounts. Honeyfund couples who accept both offline and online payments pay average fees of just 1.8%! Guests never pay a fee.

It's true that not all recipients use the money as its intended, but the majority do use it towards their honeymoon (honestly I don't expect that they do), but I like the sentiment behind it. I mean, really, it's 6 of 1, half a dozen of the other--you're giving cash in either case. Many people my age would choose to PayPal the money anyways, as there is no waiting to cash a check, worry of losing a check, etc. I like the convenience of it.

I did edit my previous post, there are many sites like honeyfund - one of them uses a flat 7% rate for all transactions.

For Honeyfund, they take 2.8% + $0.30 - straight from their website yes. And to use paypal, you need a special account - http://www.honeyfund.com/PayPalSetup a business or premier account. No idea how much those fees are.

There are fees with most things in life, but I don't like the way these websites go about them - its very sneaky. Saying it's free to use? Sure, its free to use. But if you get any money, they will have a piece of it. I don't think its the same. More conenienvt - sure, maybe. But I'd rather still give cash/cheque. You can also write on the memo line 'for your honeymoon' or something similar, lol.

 

[soocool]

I am in my late 50s and all the weddings I attended in the 70's, 80's and 90's were drama free and quite enjoyable. Guests were treated very well. Not so anymore.

A couple of months ago, we received an invitation to an upscale reception for a couple who married a year ago with only a few people in attendance. The mother of the groom is now throwing this "surprise" reception for them apparently. How surprised were we when the invitation also posted a link to a site where the couple has "surprisingly" made a list of all their "would be much appreciated" gifts, including an online "make a monetary gift to the happy couple so that they could fulfill their dream of owning a house". Apparently they are trying to get together a down payment for a 3000+ sq ft house. We politely declined the invitation and then received a text from the mother of the "groom" that we will be missed, but how great it would still remember the happy couple with a gift with a link to the website.

This was an invitation a woman who lived on our street, but moved away about 5 years ago and we had never kept in touch. Not many people on my street, but we each received the same invite. I was the only one to respond with a "no", the others all threw their invitations in the trash. We all had a great laugh about it.

4 out of the past 5 wedding we have attended in the past 6 years have ended in divorce. One ended a couple of months after the ceremony and we never received a thank you for any of the gifts from any of these weddings. The excuse, " The couples are just so busy with their lives!"

 

[kenny]

I guess I should say that I am also extroverted to the extreme. I love people and I love parties. I get invited to a lot of social gatherings because I'm the "fun friend". I am one of those annoying "there are no strangers, only friends you haven't met" people. I rarely feel awkward in social settings, and I have an extreme case of FOMO (fear of missing out), so I go to almost everything I'm invited to.

You raise a very important point for a discussion about whether people like or dislike weddings.
Extroversion vs. introversion.

I'm an extreme introvert, so for me socializing is pretty draining.
I like people, but one at a time.
I love a good conversation but making small talk is painful.
To be where several conversations are going on at the same time drives me nuts.
It has me reaching for a glass of wine to cope and chill.

I once heard that being around lots of people charges an extrovert's batteries but drains those of an introvert.

In America extroversion is celebrated and introversion is often seen as an almost shameful thing ... as if there's something wrong with you.

To change the topic... I was raised in the 50s in a small midwest town, very religious.
Being gay was bad, actually it was never even mentioned short of playground insults ... sissy ... faggot!
Everyone was supposed to get married (to the opposite sex) and have kids.
That's the only life that's acceptable, but I knew that wasn't for me.

Back then nothing would make a young gay guy feel more defective than a straight wedding.
Perhaps that's some of the source of my discomfort with them, even today.

 

[telephone89]

I am in my late 50s and all the weddings I attended in the 70's, 80's and 90's were drama free and quite enjoyable. Guests were treated very well. Not so anymore.

A couple of months ago, we received an invitation to an upscale reception for a couple who married a year ago with only a few people in attendance. The mother of the groom is now throwing this "surprise" reception for them apparently. How surprised were we when the invitation also posted a link to a site where the couple has "surprisingly" made a list of all their "would be much appreciated" gifts, including an online "make a monetary gift to the happy couple so that they could fulfill their dream of owning a house". Apparently they are trying to get together a down payment for a 3000+ sq ft house. We politely declined the invitation and then received a text from the mother of the "groom" that we will be missed, but how great it would still remember the happy couple with a gift with a link to the website.

This was an invitation a woman who lived on our street, but moved away about 5 years ago and we had never kept in touch. Not many people on my street, but we each received the same invite. I was the only one to respond with a "no", the others all threw their invitations in the trash. We all had a great laugh about it.

4 out of the past 5 wedding we have attended in the past 6 years have ended in divorce. One ended a couple of months after the ceremony and we never received a thank you for any of the gifts from any of these weddings. The excuse, " The couples are just so busy with their lives!"

Bolded #1 - Thats gross on so many levels. Greedy greedy greedy!

Bolded #2 - So annoying. They aren't too busy to cash a cheque or use their new mixer I bet!

 

[momhappy]

Interesting thread. I guess Ive never really thought about the fact that some people might dread weddings? I mean, I've heard of people dreading funerals (for obvious reasons), but I didn't think that same was true for weddings. I enjoy them. I don't know what's not to like? But I guess if it's not your cup of tea, then it's not your cup of tea. You can always choose to go or not go.

 

[iLander]

Just to be clear, I'm not an introvert at all. I'm the loud lady in the corner who's enjoying sangria (wine + fruit +ice + sugar! yum!) and talking too loud and probably teasing you.

So that's not my problem.

My problem is when I don't have a place to sit. (Thank you telephone89 for clearing up my confusion ) And it's no fun to projectile vomit. So the last few have been bummers.

But the dread is that weddings are so emotionally charged, with so many moving parts that can go wrong, and so many people ready to freak at the least little thing. So, yeah, I worry in advance.

If I had gotten sick at an ordinary lunch and had to leave early no one would care. But since it was a WEDDING meal, offense was taken, accusations of faking it were made, drama ensued. So, yeah.

No thank you.

 

[momhappy]

^Food poisoning at a wedding sounds awful - Im sorry that you went through that I can certainly understand how that might leave a bad taste in your mouth when it comes to weddings.

 

[iluvshinythings]

That does sound fun, and it's so sweet that your wedding seemed to inspire two more!!

I like "Vegas" weddings now - I didn't always. But now I've lived in Vegas for 14+ years and I completely get why people do it here.

I will never get married anywhere else.

And it's fun to share our anniversary with other members of the family.

 

[wildcat03]

I generally don't love weddings. If I'm close to the couple, I'd rather actually spend time with them than stand around waiting for them to come by for 2 minutes during the reception. If I'm not close to them, I'm just not that interested in even attending the wedding.

My sister had only two people in her wedding party - I was the MOH and her high school friend was a bridesmaid. Her bridesmaid was heinous to me leading up to the wedding and her whole family (except her older brother) was horrible to me the whole wedding weekend. I remember it being particularly bad at the post-wedding brunch. I put up with it in silence until the weekend was over, because I didn't want any drama for my sister on her wedding weekend. I have since shared it with her, though, and discussed it with my parents as well. This particular friend of my sister's is used to come visit my parents a lot and occasionally stayed overnight so she could run a local road race. She is no longer welcome in the house, and I'm grateful that my parents have stood up for me in that way.

My boyfriend and I are talking about getting married in the near future and there are some hard feelings between him and his dad (which gets his mom all worked up). Between that, my general feelings about weddings, and the cost of a wedding I am wrestling with whether to have a wedding at all. I want a wedding, but I worry that even a small one could prove quite stressful.

 

[iluvshinythings]

Your problem with weddings is that you've been to terribly HOSTED events. People who do not follow basic etiquette because their VISION is more important than their guests.

You did nothing wrong - there is no etiquette that says where you're supposed to sit when your tables are removed - because they shouldn't have been removed! Every person in attendance needs to have a seat. This was poor planning on the hosts, as they crammed too many people into too small a space.

Food poisoning is not the kids' fault, but how they behaved after was really terrible. I'm sorry you had to go through that!

Personally, I LOVE weddings. I love love, and everything about it.
I hate the mentality that anyone DESERVES a big expensive wedding. I hate the mentality that a vision or look is more important than the guests who choose to celebrate with you. As I said before, a wedding is when you are legally married - different groups have been fighting for that ability for so long. To have someone say that the legal ceremony doesn't count, and to be married they need a big white dress, and a cake, dj, dancing, etc is heartbreaking to me. That is playing dress up. So I had a problem with Tuffy's SIL who was going to get married in the states, and then play dress up on vacation.
I also hate that people (brides) think their bridesmaids are their personal slaves. They are not - they are your treasured friends who you want to stand with you. Not your bitch to slap around, make them work their a$$ off and then get mad when it doesn't go exactly as you planned.
I hate Go fund mes or honeyfunds as well. They just come off so greedy, people begging for money. And the best part - the company takes a large cut of the $$! So if you had've not requested money this way, you'd actually end up with more. People will always give money, you don't need to beg for it!

I should also add that I used to be an events planner for a large hotel, so we dealt with a ton of weddings. So, I said I loved weddings, but all my hates sound like I dont haha But I do. I love a well hosted wedding.

I 100% agree. I joke that I will start a gofundme for my upgrade because I DESERVE IT, but I won't.

 

[tuffyluvr]

Just to be clear, I'm not an introvert at all. I'm the loud lady in the corner who's enjoying sangria (wine + fruit +ice + sugar! yum!) and talking too loud and probably teasing you.

So that's not my problem.

My problem is when I don't have a place to sit. (Thank you telephone89 for clearing up my confusion ) And it's no fun to projectile vomit. So the last few have been bummers.

But the dread is that weddings are so emotionally charged, with so many moving parts that can go wrong, and so many people ready to freak at the least little thing. So, yeah, I worry in advance.

If I had gotten sick at an ordinary lunch and had to leave early no one would care. But since it was a WEDDING meal, offense was taken, accusations of faking it were made, drama ensued. So, yeah.

No thank you.

First of all, I love sangria too! We served it at our wedding because I love it so much. I make mine with lemonade concentrate and sparkling water. In the summer I do it with white wine and nectarines and it is probably my favorite drink ever!

Secondly, your experience with losing your table and chair sounds awful! But the situation with your son and DIL sounds atrocious! You've really been burned with some terrible weddings. I don't blame you for not liking them! I hope you (or anyone else) didn't think that because I said I am super extroverted I would innately like weddings, and only introverts would dislike them--that's totally not what I meant. I just meant that I love big parties and a rarely turn down an invite. I don't think being an introvert/extrovert has any bearing on whether you would enjoy going to weddings or not--I just think that as an extrovert I'm probably more likely to accept the invitation. If I had bad experiences like yours I probably wouldn't love weddings so much!!!

 

[tuffyluvr]

***and probably wouldn't accept the invite

 

[TooPatient]

I generally don't love weddings. If I'm close to the couple, I'd rather actually spend time with them than stand around waiting for them to come by for 2 minutes during the reception. If I'm not close to them, I'm just not that interested in even attending the wedding.

My sister had only two people in her wedding party - I was the MOH and her high school friend was a bridesmaid. Her bridesmaid was heinous to me leading up to the wedding and her whole family (except her older brother) was horrible to me the whole wedding weekend. I remember it being particularly bad at the post-wedding brunch. I put up with it in silence until the weekend was over, because I didn't want any drama for my sister on her wedding weekend. I have since shared it with her, though, and discussed it with my parents as well. This particular friend of my sister's is used to come visit my parents a lot and occasionally stayed overnight so she could run a local road race. She is no longer welcome in the house, and I'm grateful that my parents have stood up for me in that way.

My boyfriend and I are talking about getting married in the near future and there are some hard feelings between him and his dad (which gets his mom all worked up). Between that, my general feelings about weddings, and the cost of a wedding I am wrestling with whether to have a wedding at all. I want a wedding, but I worry that even a small one could prove quite stressful.

Wildcat -- Look up my wedding thread in BWW. Should sound familiar. Issues with one family member, anger from another.

Anyway, if I had it to do again I would not. I would have signed the ketubah with the Rabbi and cantor as witnesses (so rabbi could also sign legal) then taken all of the monet saved and spent a full week just DH and me at the winery. Dress and photographer. Mini cake. Other than that, just him and me enjoying.

We are almost at our 2nd anniversary and it still hurts so much I only just now put out a couple of little pictures.


Worked hard to avoid drama and upset. Wanted everyone to just enjoy. Instead I have painful memories.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

iLander...I can't even imagine how terrible your situation was! How dare they accuse you of faking being sick!!! Oh my GOSH!!!

I will have to say that we don't go to a lot of weddings, mostly just closest friends and family. In all these years, I can only think of one divorce. I do enjoy them because we primarily only go to ones of people who we love. I am happy to say I can't think of any drama!

I will say that weddings were simpler back in the day. People didn't necessarily spend exorbitant amounts on ONE DAY. I think that is pretty crazy especially when people go into debt for a wedding.

 

[Gypsy]

I love watching wedding TV-Dress shows, Bridezillas, Four Weddings, etc. But I do not like going to weddings. I always fret about the gift$$. How much do you spend on a gift of your dear friend's daughter who you rarely see and not piss off your friend and lose the friendhip? The NY/NJ pay for the dinner plate range is the same where I live but frankly that is expensive-$175-350 depending on venue. My husband hates to attend them and is uber picky about the food. He hates to dance and always wants to go home mid dinner (buffet) or after dinner service is complete. We never know anyone there except for the parents (one side) and get stuck at a crappy table. Of course relatives make the events worse due to personalities and alcohol.

I can't believe this "cover your plate" thing! This seems so foreign to me... So if a bride and groom throw a really extravagant wedding the guests are expected to help them recoup what they've spent?!? That is absurd! It's the couple's choice and they are HOSTING the party. That doesn't seem like hosting to me at all!

YUP! This is my problem with it.

So say my best friend is getting married. At a barn and does a BBQ buffet an no alcohol. Inexpensive and lovely.

And then say my other friend, who I'm not nearly as close to, is getting married and chooses to do a fancy wedding at some venue in New York with a view of the river.

I'm really supposed to gift MORE to the second couple than the first?

Nope. Nope. Nope.

I HATE cover your plate. It means we have to dish out $300-400 for each wedding we go to as a couple just for the gift! That doesn't count the shower, transportation, the bachelor party (DH is constantly being asked to be in the weddings)!!!

I love weddings but unless it is for DH's immediate family I refuse to do cover your plate.

 

[Jambalaya]

I haven't been to many weddings since most of my friends stayed single, and I've only been a bridesmaid once in my life, for a relative. So I don't have painful memories, but sometimes I've thought the guy was horrid, and their subsequent marriages have proved me right.

I do like seeing the bride in her gorgeous dress, and I like the wedding service - when you can hear it over the screaming kids and/or too-quiet voices of the couple.

The thing that has always depressed me just a little about weddings is that they all look the same and they cost so much. You're basically paying a ton for this play which is the same as all the other plays. Cake, white dress, flowers, bridesmaids, blah blah blah. But I'm not sure what an alternative would look like. I just find weddings a bit samey.

Toopatient, I am so sorry that your wedding was painful. At least you and your DH love each other and that's all that matters. Hugs xxx

 

[tuffyluvr]

I love watching wedding TV-Dress shows, Bridezillas, Four Weddings, etc. But I do not like going to weddings. I always fret about the gift$$. How much do you spend on a gift of your dear friend's daughter who you rarely see and not piss off your friend and lose the friendhip? The NY/NJ pay for the dinner plate range is the same where I live but frankly that is expensive-$175-350 depending on venue. My husband hates to attend them and is uber picky about the food. He hates to dance and always wants to go home mid dinner (buffet) or after dinner service is complete. We never know anyone there except for the parents (one side) and get stuck at a crappy table. Of course relatives make the events worse due to personalities and alcohol.

I can't believe this "cover your plate" thing! This seems so foreign to me... So if a bride and groom throw a really extravagant wedding the guests are expected to help them recoup what they've spent?!? That is absurd! It's the couple's choice and they are HOSTING the party. That doesn't seem like hosting to me at all!

YUP! This is my problem with it.

So say my best friend is getting married. At a barn and does a BBQ buffet an no alcohol. Inexpensive and lovely.

And then say my other friend, who I'm not nearly as close to, is getting married and chooses to do a fancy wedding at some venue in New York with a view of the river.

I'm really supposed to gift MORE to the second couple than the first?

Nope. Nope. Nope.

I HATE cover your plate. It means we have to dish out $300-400 for each wedding we go to as a couple just for the gift! That doesn't count the shower, transportation, the bachelor party (DH is constantly being asked to be in the weddings)!!!

I love weddings but unless it is for DH's immediate family I refuse to do cover your plate.

100%. I base my gifts off of how close I am to the couple, not how much they spent on their wedding. Luckily 'cover your plate" doesn't seem to have a foothold on the west coast. I find it offensive and totally tacky to ask guests to pay for the wedding. It makes me think that the couple must be having a far more expensive wedding than they can really afford if they're asking the guests to repay the hosts for the party.

 

[Gypsy]

I'm from CA and we live here now. I'd never heard of it. I was shocked (DH is from NJ).

It comes from a good place. The friends and family of a young couple wanted to celebrate their union with them, but (especially in lower middle class immigrant families) were sensitive to the fact that food and drinks cost money. So they would (in more modest times when people got married at their parents homes and at the rotary club and the firehouse and reasonably catered) seek to 'cover their plate' so that the couple wouldn't be stuck with the bill for the food and drinks. But you are talking a time when that meant 20-40 a head for catering. And I understand and appreciate that. But in the age of mega weddings it's just outdated and I refuse to buy into it. Especially for some of the people whose weddings we get invited to (3rd cousin that DH hasn't seen in 10 years). Now, most of the time we just don't go. But there have been times we've gone (mostly as escorts for his aging mother who wanted to attend and couldn't do it alone) and I've been like-- "you want me to give them HOW MUCH???". Um. No. Blame the California bride. They are getting a nice picture frame and 100 bucks.

 

[Gypsy]

Your problem with weddings is that you've been to terribly HOSTED events. People who do not follow basic etiquette because their VISION is more important than their guests.

I agree. Problem is not with weddings. It's the hosts.

We went to one wedding where they had a head table but the dates of the bridal party had to sit on the other side of the room. Really? Cause the only people there most of us knew were our dates. But, please, put us across the room from them. That's not inconsiderate or anything. Why even put "plus one" on the invite? Or. I know! How about a sweetheart table. You just got married. Spend some time with your spouse.

 

[missy]

Your problem with weddings is that you've been to terribly HOSTED events. People who do not follow basic etiquette because their VISION is more important than their guests.

I agree. Problem is not with weddings. It's the hosts.

We went to one wedding where they had a head table but the dates of the bridal party had to sit on the other side of the room. Really? Cause the only people there most of us knew were our dates. But, please, put us across the room from them. That's not inconsiderate or anything. Why even put "plus one" on the invite? Or. I know! How about a sweetheart table. You just got married. Spend some time with your spouse.

I agree. That is incredibly rude and I wouldn't attend a wedding where I could not sit with my dh. Ridiculous in every way IMO.

I LOVE weddings. I love the happy celebration of love and joy and if I love the couple I am there if I can possibly be there. Having said that we only go to weddings where we are close to the couple getting married and love sharing in their happiness and joy.

I am fortunate in that I know very few bridezillas and have never experienced it up close and personally so YAY for that because some of these stories shared on PS are real nightmares.

I am so used to the "cover you plate" concept in NYC that it is OK with me and we just do it. We give cash (as is the custom here) and we are generous. Having said that it's because we can afford to and want to and because it is ingrained in the way things are here it just is and doesn't bother me... for the right couple that is.

 

[Rhea]

I enjoy weddings, and other events, when they are well thought out and well hosted. We've been to 3 weddings recently.

1st - the couple planned and had a bog standard wedding. The gap between the ceremony and reception left our group of friends complaining but we had time to stop by McDonald's. Good thing too, the vegetarian menu was terrible. Other than the gap & dinner everything was fine. It did nothing to enhance or harm my opinion of weddings.

2nd - excellent, the couple is very used to hosting events and both come from large families who are natural (and bred probably) hosts. The couple spent a lot of money, but more importantly, time, in considering their guests. There was one funny incident where we were ushered much more quickly than expected somewhere by the photographers. Apparently the couple was walking in to the room to a shower of flowers and we were picked as front row guests for photography reasons. The couple thought they'd want that photo framed and knew that the 3rd and 4th cousins may end up in the photos so pointed their best friends out to the photographers so that we could be lassoed up for that photo. Clever planning!

3rd - okay, but I wanted to leave. Neither has the ability to host well. I secretly fear of being more like them than I'd like to be. Toilets were in short supply, no bar staff so it was a mad house of self service, no ice and ran out of water early in the evening. The benches we were sat on for dinner were crowded, elbows everywhere! The dancing was a particular folk style in a room which was too small for it leading to a couple of injuries early in the evening. I'd go again because it was one of DH's best friends but it wasn't enjoyable. That's fine, the couple enjoyed their wedding, and quite frankly I can cope with having a tedious evening for a friend.

I think that's the idea really for weddings. The couple plans, to the best of their ability and budget, what they'd like to do to celebrate their marriage. As friends and guests we're aware that planning on a large scale isn't easy and it's not always fun. Weddings are rife with compromises, demands from family, and budget constraints. So we smile and put our best face forward to support the friend. If we have an amazing time, great! If it was okay we just smile pretty and deal with it. I'll never have to attend weddings 1 or 3 again, the couples are hopefully happy with their wedding and I'm happy for my friends.

 

[Laila619]

Agree with others--your problem isn't weddings, it's people who plan poorly. Tables should not be removed, what in the world?! A wedding should accommodate guests. There should NOT be a cash bar. There should be plenty of comfortable seating, good food, and drink. There shouldn't be a huge gap of time between the ceremony and the reception, ideally. Even though it's the bride and groom's day, the comfort and happiness of the guests should be considered.

I absolutely love weddings myself!!

 

[kenny]

I may have a little problem.
My SO's brother is planning to marry the mom of their two little sweethearts ...



They said they want me to photograph their wedding.

I guess I'll have to go.
I am a cold-hearted, selfish b@stard, but I do have a soft spot for my nieces.

Actually I am much more at ease at a gathering if I'm busy shooting pics.
Having something to do distracts me and is an excuse to not sit there quietly and awkwardly or (worse) make polite small talk with strangers.

I just hope it's a small affair.
On one hand it should be since there's no money for anything, but then again my SO's still-living grandma has 170 (and counting) descendants in that city.
There is TONS AND TONS of heavy drama in that family.

They may be getting a very sloshed photographer so I'll bring my lenses with that vibration-reduction feature.
They haven't set a date yet, so maybe I'll get lucky and they'll just forget.

 

[partgypsy]

I'm someone who enjoys weddings. I only go to weddings where me or my husband are close with the people getting married, and it is really nice to be part of the celebration. I think I've only been to one awkward wedding, where the bride was very stressed about the whole thing, where she didn't seem to be enjoying herself. We weren't able to go to the dinner beforehand, but I heard that was actually a lot more relaxed and fun for everyone involved, than actual wedding. As far as I can recall, every person's wedding I've been to, are still married (from the Midwest, live in the south). Cover your plate I think is an East coast thing. People pay what they can afford and how close you are. 3 of the weddings I've been in have been in people's back or front yard, another couple in parks, and a few posh ones as well. I would have no idea how to estimate how much someone paid for their wedding.

 

[telephone89]

Agree with others--your problem isn't weddings, it's people who plan poorly. Tables should not be removed, what in the world?! A wedding should accommodate guests. There should NOT be a cash bar. There should be plenty of comfortable seating, good food, and drink. There shouldn't be a huge gap of time between the ceremony and the reception, ideally. Even though it's the bride and groom's day, the comfort and happiness of the guests should be considered.

I absolutely love weddings myself!!

Thank you! Seriously, proper hosting has gone down the toilet! I also stick to the mentality that the Ceremony is the 'wedding' and the reception is the thank you to the guests for attending the ceremony. You wouldn't 'thank' your guests by making them wait 3 hours for dinner, or 'thank' them by making them buy their own drinks at a dinner party - a wedding reception should be thought of as the same.

ETA - @Kenny - make sure to draw up a contract, to protect both you & BIL. I've seen relationships ruined by hiring family and one party doesnt follow through, or expects more than what was agreed.

 

[kenny]

Thanks telephone, but I wouldn't expect payment.
But it is a great idea to communicate to get expectations in sync.

I'll also make it clear I'm not an experience wedding photographer so I'll just do my best and they get whatever they get.
They also need to speak their requests and expectations and not just assume that "I just should KNOW".
I'll do my best, and if they are not on board with that then it's best they hire a pro.

I think many priests don't allow photographers anywhere near the heart of the ceremony.

 

[telephone89]

Even if its free, its good to set out terms ahead of time. Especially with how long to get pictures back. I know in my past life, we had couples that expected the pictures back within days, because 'they didn't have other wedding pictures to edit' and that sort of thing. They usually ended up taking longer, because the family photographers had regular FT jobs, and the couples were not happy, took it out on the photog, who was upset because it was free, etcetcetc.

 

[kenny]

Thanks.
Good points.

I intend to just give them the files at full resolution.
They can go print and frame or make a album from whatever shots they want.

Also, I will not guarantee to be sure to get shots of every single person, etc.

 

[TooPatient]

Thanks telephone, but I wouldn't expect payment.
But it is a great idea to communicate to get expectations in sync.

I'll also make it clear I'm not an experience wedding photographer so I'll just do my best and they get whatever they get.
They also need to speak their requests and expectations and not just assume that "I just should KNOW".
I'll do my best, and if they are not on board with that then it's best they hire a pro.

I think many priests don't allow photographers anywhere near the heart of the ceremony.

Kenny,

Have them look at wedding pictures online. Email you the shots they really want so you have some to try to remember. Maybe even have a list with you.
(stuff like shoes, rings together, dress, flowers, etc)

 

[packrat]

I'd never heard of the cover your plate thing until coming here. When I first heard it here I thought it was some sort of etiquette thing, like you were supposed to spread your napkin over your plate when you were done eating. This is I guess what happens when you live in the boonies with no knowledge of the bigger world. The whole STD thing about sent me over the edge. No clue, this girl.

Attending things has become easier in some ways since I've had kids. I use them as my shield in many ways, and they're my reason for not focusing on other people. If there's other kids there, all the better. I'm more comfortable around them by far. Too bad people don't bring cats to a wedding...that would be wonderful for me.