What to say to someone who is dying?
- Thread starter random_thought
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RT, I'm so sorry you lost your mom. Hugs and dust during this difficult time.
Amber St. Clare
Brilliant_Rock
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So sorry to hear of your loss. Hugs and healing to you and yours.
Sky56
Brilliant_Rock
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I am sorry for your loss!
I've experienced deathbed situations twice - One with my mother and one with a close friend. It is obviously a very hard thing, but both instances provided intensely "satisfying" experiences for the loved ones and me -- As they are dying and still able to communicate - telling them you love them and how much a great mother or friend they are --a great act of true love - a person passing away while hearing the greatest true things and impact on their loved ones and the world - a true gift.
I've experienced deathbed situations twice - One with my mother and one with a close friend. It is obviously a very hard thing, but both instances provided intensely "satisfying" experiences for the loved ones and me -- As they are dying and still able to communicate - telling them you love them and how much a great mother or friend they are --a great act of true love - a person passing away while hearing the greatest true things and impact on their loved ones and the world - a true gift.
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You and yours have my deepest sympathies, random_thought. May the fact that you two were able to share meaningful, loving time together in those last days provide a measure of solace to you.
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When Random Thought posted this thread my response was based on my mother's death, and what I said and - in retrospect - wish I had said then.
My brother, who is 1 1/2 years younger than me, was in hospice at the time. He passed away almost three weeks ago. He had been dealing with illness for a long time. He was ready to move on, and wishing for him to stay with us longer would have been selfish. My remaining brothers and their wives and kids spent a lot of time with him in his hospice setting (my father's home) and many long-time friends dropped by to spend an afternoon or evening with him and share recollections. Even as his waking time decreased, we hung around, went through family photos and pictures of our more recent overseas trips together, or just explored new movies and TV shows. (He had been in the TV biz, and had gotten to be a bit of a TV junkie during his long hospitalization.)
What I wish I had done more of was to just spend quiet time with him, and to just share the little memories that mean so much to me now. Memories of when we were young, thrust into a new country and new hometowns together, things we did when we were each other's best friends. I'm a reserved person and somewhat self-conscious. Some of these things were floating around my mind and on the tip of my tongue, but I just couldn't let them go.
So my additional advice, now, for anyone in this situation is: push yourself beyond your own inhibitions to say the things you won't have another chance to say.
My brother, who is 1 1/2 years younger than me, was in hospice at the time. He passed away almost three weeks ago. He had been dealing with illness for a long time. He was ready to move on, and wishing for him to stay with us longer would have been selfish. My remaining brothers and their wives and kids spent a lot of time with him in his hospice setting (my father's home) and many long-time friends dropped by to spend an afternoon or evening with him and share recollections. Even as his waking time decreased, we hung around, went through family photos and pictures of our more recent overseas trips together, or just explored new movies and TV shows. (He had been in the TV biz, and had gotten to be a bit of a TV junkie during his long hospitalization.)
What I wish I had done more of was to just spend quiet time with him, and to just share the little memories that mean so much to me now. Memories of when we were young, thrust into a new country and new hometowns together, things we did when we were each other's best friends. I'm a reserved person and somewhat self-conscious. Some of these things were floating around my mind and on the tip of my tongue, but I just couldn't let them go.
So my additional advice, now, for anyone in this situation is: push yourself beyond your own inhibitions to say the things you won't have another chance to say.
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Random thought, thinking of you - I am so very, very sorry for your loss, I hope you are able to find some comfort and peace through family and friends as you make your way through this difficult period of your life. (((hugs)))
VRBeauty, I am so sorry to hear about your brother - thank you for sharing your thoughts, I think your comments could be very helpful to others facing the impending loss of a loved one.
VRBeauty, I am so sorry to hear about your brother - thank you for sharing your thoughts, I think your comments could be very helpful to others facing the impending loss of a loved one.
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